Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say

[DinosaurNothlit]

Thanks for the welcome, guys 

Shark, that just made me picture all the Animorphs trying to form a rock band. I totally see Ax on vocals, with Marco's gorilla on drums. Tobias could play keyboard, Rachel's grizzly would be bass, Cassie's wolf would be awesome trying to play a saxophone, and I think Jake's tiger could totally shred lead guitar (pun intended).

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for; make some noise for Aximili and the Battlemorphettes! Please ignore the fact that Ax's mic is useless...

Funny you should mention this!  See, Guitar Hero 5 has a 'make your own band' thingie, and I recently made my own Animorphs band.  Ax is even on vocals in my band, and Marco is on drums!  But I switched Jake and Rachel around from your vision; Rachel plays guitar in my band, Jake is on bass.  I didn't include Cassie (because she sux) or Tobias (because they don't let you make a hawk), because bands on that game have to be only four members.

[Darth Revan]

Did you give Ax blue skin, or did you use his human morph and called him "Ax"?

[Dameg]

*In the barn, Marco and Rachel are still there, Jake is coming*
Marco *to a sound recorder*: "Jake, the boss of the team, inter the barn and look at Marco, and he says..."
Jake: "What are you doing?!"
Marco: " 'Where is Cassie?' and then turn to Rachel who says..."
Rachel: "He heard that a movie about our adventures would be made, and he think that if he can make the scenario, he'll gain a lot of money."
Marco: "She's been captured by the Yeerks, we have to save her!"
Jake: "What? They gonna make a movie? Hey! but Cassie was captured? When?!"
Marco: "So Jake, close to faint, sit on the floor. Marco the Brave go to him and says..."
Cassie *coming from outside with a hurt fox*: "Who was captured?"
Marco: " 'Don't worry, Jake, we gonna save her. I have a plan.' Jake, still chocked, says..."
Jake *taking Cassie in his arms*: "I almost had a heart attack! Marco..."
Marco: "I love her so much..."
Jake *becoming full red, hit Marco who fall unconscious*: "Shut the f*** up!!"

[Shark Akhrrana]

Marco: Ax no stalk eyes allowed
Aximili: < What am i supposed to do chop them off GAWD!!>
Marco: just don't look over  when we are playing battleships its CHEATING
Aximili:  <But how on Earth am i supposed to be able to know where your ships are>
Marco: GUESS
Aximili: <If we were on MY PLANET this game would be a lot more interesting>

[Aluminator (Kit)]

Jake: Hey, Tom, I know all about you and your slimy Yeerk buddies. I want you to know that we're gonna take you down

Tom: Wh... what!? *runs to kitchen, grabs dracon beam off the top of the fridge, and aims it at Jake*

Jake: *laughing* I'm just messing. My name's... uh... Alderaan 1234. I'm new on the planet, and I thought this looked like a good host

Tom: *breathing hard* Don't do that to me! You scared me half to death! These humans bodies get all shot through with adrenaline when they're scared.

Jake: I know *darkly, under his breath* better than you realize, Yeerk

Tom: What?

Jake: Nothing. I'm here on direct business from the Council of Thirteen. I'm... uh... their inspector. Keep my presence here a secret from Visser Three and there might be a nice promotion in it for you.

Tom: *thinks for a second* Deal!

Jake: Why don't you tell me everything you know about the Yeerk plans here on Earth

Tom: Well, it's like this...



*Later that day, after Jake's told the other Animorphs all he learned*

Marco: Why didn't I think of that? We sit here relying on birds and androids for our information. We could have just asked.

Cassie: This feels almost like cheating.

Ax: That was very dangerous, Prince Jake.

Jake: Have you guys never heard of being spontaneous? I mean, there's a time to plan, and there's a time to act.

Tobias: So... your definition of "a time to act" is the commercial break from your Saturday morning cartoons?

*Jake shrugs*



*Later that night, Tom taps lightly on Jakes bedroom door as Jake is sleeping. Jake grunts and Tom opens the door*

Tom: Hey, you up, Alderaan?

Jake: Who? Oh, right. Um... I am now.

Tom: Hey, we're friends, right?

Jake: *sleepily* No. Go away.

*Tom sadly leaves Jake's room*

[DinosaurNothlit]

Did you give Ax blue skin, or did you use his human morph and called him "Ax"?

Blue skin, of course.  The 'change skin color' feature was the whole reason I made Ax in the first place.

Lol, Aluminator, that was a good one!  +1

[Mira]

Jake: Hey Cassie, do you want to go hug some trees with me?
Cassie: (slaps Jakes face) PERVERT! (leaves)
Jake: (sitting on the floor rubbing him cheek) O...K that was the last time I asked Marco to help me with girls!!

Jake: Cassie, you know I am the leader and my orders for you is that you go out with me...

(((Later)))

Tom: Jake...
Jake: hmm where am I?
Tom: Your in hospital, you were attacked by a wolf!
Jake: ... Ok asking Ax wasn't really a very clever idea either
Tom: Who's Ax?
Jake: No one, it's just a nickname
Tom: For who?
Jake: For Marco... Confused yet?

[Dameg]

lol nice everybody ^^

[Shark Akhrrana]

Ax in human Morph: I need a cell phone
Marco: Why?
Ax: you will see * evil look*
Marco: * buys Ax a disposable phone*
Ax: =D * dials number*
Chapman: hello
Ax: good afternoon this is Shelly Whitman from the YFABL. I heard you had several yeerks in need of assistance in your area.
Chapman: uh.. who is this?
Ax: Shelly Whitman with teh YFABL. Yeeks for a better Life. i have heard several complaints about yeerk mistreatment in your area. I don't know if you happen to be one of teh ones in need but if you need my assistance feel free to return teh call thank you bye bye.
Marco: WHAT WAS THAT
Ax: hehehe evil plan of doom my friend evil plan of doom

[Nero's Fury]

Jake: Hey Cassie, do you want to go hug some trees with me?
Cassie: (slaps Jakes face) PERVERT! (leaves)
Jake: (sitting on the floor rubbing him cheek) O...K that was the last time I asked Marco to help me with girls!!

Jake: Cassie, you know I am the leader and my orders for you is that you go out with me...

(((Later)))

Tom: Jake...
Jake: hmm where am I?
Tom: Your in hospital, you were attacked by a wolf!
Jake: ... Ok asking Ax wasn't really a very clever idea either
Tom: Who's Ax?
Jake: No one, it's just a nickname
Tom: For who?
Jake: For Marco... Confused yet?

(EPIC!)

Tom: Yes i am, then again nothing about Marco is normal so
Jake nods then smiles: K tom you can go i am ok now
*Tom leaves, suddenly a thought speech voice is heard whisperin from outside going to the window Jake looks outside n sees ax shaking*: whats the matter ax?
Ax: Prince jake marco said the boogeyman will eat me...
*jake shakes his head*: My god...why didnt i think of that?

[Aluminator (Kit)]

Crayak: Hey, Ellimist, you ever get sick of being a big catch-all plot device?

Ellemist: Nope

Crayak: Me neither


Or this one, which I like because it makes so little sense on every level:

*The Ellimist is sitting in his room playing Age of Empires*

KAA: *yelling up the stairs* Ellimist! Get down here! I want to send the Animorphs to the time of the dinosaurs in this book!

Ellimist: Five more minutes, ma!

KAA: You said that an hour ago! Get down here now or you're grounded, mister!

Ellimist: Nyah!

KAA: Fine! If you won't cooperate I'll just send them to the time of the dinosaurs without you!

Ellimist: *sarcastically* Right, cause your plots about time travel are always sooo believable when they don't involve me!

KAA: Hey, I've got some good ideas for this one!

Ellimist: Uh-huh *goes back to playing the game*

[DinosaurNothlit]

(This one's a little early, but I think I would forget if I waited till after Christmas to post it)

Marco: You guys!  This is an emergency!  I didn't get the Nerf deluxe assault rifle that I asked for this Christmas!
Rachel: Uh-huh.  Let me find my tiny violin.
Marco: But, but, I was a very good boy this year!
Jake: Um, so?
Marco: So, this can only mean one thing!
Tobias: <And that is?>
Marco: . . . Santa is a controller.
*silence*
Jake: Okay, folks, here's the plan.  We all morph reindeer and-
Cassie: Um, Jake, you're forgetting something, aren't you?
Jake: What's that?
Tobias: <You're Jewish.>

[Mira]

Five years old Cassie on the pet shop: Ok I have picked one, I'll wait outside!
Cassie's dad: *looks at the bill* eeeeeeeeeeeh ok... *pays - and walks outside* AAAAAAAAAa
Cassie: Isn't he sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet?
Cassie's dad: CASSIE DO YOU HAVE THE SLIGHTEST IDEA ABOUT WHAT A RHINOCEROS EAT?!
Cassie: No, but I'll find out *hugs the rhinoceros*

[Darth Revan]

Haha, nice!

[Nero's Fury]

Rofl both are awesome. and i could so see cassie doing that