Author Topic: Salem's Story  (Read 6360 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Aluminator (Kit)

  • Most Ladylike-Robot-superhero-weak ankled Chippendale-loose cannon teleporter-1/64 ninja-not British comedian-also not Steph-Kit in spirit-Sharing member for life-cuddlestorm-bricklayer-necromancer-Hot Dog Day enthusiast!
  • Social Staff
  • ****
  • Posts: 6780
  • Insanity Meter:
    4.6%
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: 412
  • Gender: Male
Salem's Story
« on: June 07, 2013, 10:15:47 AM »
Alright, I figure if I don't post this now, I never will. This is the story of Salem, my character in the Galaxy's Edge Space Bar. The finished story will likely be quite long.

Hopefully someone enjoys this. Constructive feedback is always appreciated :)

This is the prologue. Just to be clear here, this is most definitely not the Animorphs universe. That's for later ;)

Spoiler: Prologue (click to show/hide)

« Last Edit: February 21, 2014, 02:51:45 PM by Aluminator (Kit) »

Marie and Abby are my wonderful RAFsisters ^_^
Salem's Story

Offline theyoungphoenix

  • still abby
  • Xtreme Member
  • *******
  • Posts: 2542
  • Insanity Meter:
    0%
  • Country: us
  • Karma: 33
  • Gender: Female
  • "I'm honestly a huge dork."
    • My Book
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2013, 04:07:20 AM »
Awww... You were making me tear up at the end Lumy. Great writing. Cant wait for chapter one.
My Tumblr
Saffa is my shorm and RAFtwin. :D Lumy is my awesomeful RAFbrother. ;D
:raftrophy:
Best Newcomer 2013
Best RAFian Supervillan/Minion Duo 2013 (Saffa/Abby :D Morph Twins)
RAFian Artist of the Year 2016

Offline Aluminator (Kit)

  • Most Ladylike-Robot-superhero-weak ankled Chippendale-loose cannon teleporter-1/64 ninja-not British comedian-also not Steph-Kit in spirit-Sharing member for life-cuddlestorm-bricklayer-necromancer-Hot Dog Day enthusiast!
  • Social Staff
  • ****
  • Posts: 6780
  • Insanity Meter:
    4.6%
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: 412
  • Gender: Male
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #2 on: June 14, 2013, 04:00:27 PM »
Hehe. Thanks, Abby ^_^ A little bit of tearing up is what I was going for.

I'm going to possibly continue to edit these chapters in the future, and if I get far enough, will eventually put out a coherent final version of the entire story, but for now, here's Chapter 1. I'm also going to go ahead and stick a table of contents with links in the first post.

Spoiler: Chapter 1 (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: August 02, 2013, 10:34:04 AM by Arch Aluminator »

Marie and Abby are my wonderful RAFsisters ^_^
Salem's Story

Offline Aluminator (Kit)

  • Most Ladylike-Robot-superhero-weak ankled Chippendale-loose cannon teleporter-1/64 ninja-not British comedian-also not Steph-Kit in spirit-Sharing member for life-cuddlestorm-bricklayer-necromancer-Hot Dog Day enthusiast!
  • Social Staff
  • ****
  • Posts: 6780
  • Insanity Meter:
    4.6%
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: 412
  • Gender: Male
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2013, 09:46:38 AM »
Here's chapter 2. I'm still introducing story threads here, but we'll go back and start getting to know them better before too long, I promise ^_^

Spoiler: Chapter 2 (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: July 16, 2013, 02:00:59 PM by Kitluminator »

Marie and Abby are my wonderful RAFsisters ^_^
Salem's Story

Offline theyoungphoenix

  • still abby
  • Xtreme Member
  • *******
  • Posts: 2542
  • Insanity Meter:
    0%
  • Country: us
  • Karma: 33
  • Gender: Female
  • "I'm honestly a huge dork."
    • My Book
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2013, 12:19:57 PM »
Great chapter. I like how long they are. :D And now I see how this relates to the Animorphs. ^_^
My Tumblr
Saffa is my shorm and RAFtwin. :D Lumy is my awesomeful RAFbrother. ;D
:raftrophy:
Best Newcomer 2013
Best RAFian Supervillan/Minion Duo 2013 (Saffa/Abby :D Morph Twins)
RAFian Artist of the Year 2016

Offline Aluminator (Kit)

  • Most Ladylike-Robot-superhero-weak ankled Chippendale-loose cannon teleporter-1/64 ninja-not British comedian-also not Steph-Kit in spirit-Sharing member for life-cuddlestorm-bricklayer-necromancer-Hot Dog Day enthusiast!
  • Social Staff
  • ****
  • Posts: 6780
  • Insanity Meter:
    4.6%
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: 412
  • Gender: Male
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2013, 10:54:30 AM »
Thanks, Abby ^_^

Here's Chapter 3.

Spoiler: Chapter 3 (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: July 26, 2013, 12:44:43 PM by Arch Kit »

Marie and Abby are my wonderful RAFsisters ^_^
Salem's Story

Offline Aluminator (Kit)

  • Most Ladylike-Robot-superhero-weak ankled Chippendale-loose cannon teleporter-1/64 ninja-not British comedian-also not Steph-Kit in spirit-Sharing member for life-cuddlestorm-bricklayer-necromancer-Hot Dog Day enthusiast!
  • Social Staff
  • ****
  • Posts: 6780
  • Insanity Meter:
    4.6%
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: 412
  • Gender: Male
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2013, 01:23:13 PM »
Language warning for this one. Enjoy ^_^

Spoiler: Chapter 4 (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: July 16, 2013, 02:41:33 PM by Kitluminator »

Marie and Abby are my wonderful RAFsisters ^_^
Salem's Story

Offline AmberKatira

  • Disciple of Protein Purification and Pillar of Condescension
  • Jr. Xtreme Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1050
  • Insanity Meter:
    0%
  • Karma: 68
  • Gender: Female
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #7 on: June 29, 2013, 01:33:19 AM »
I feel like I should post on here because you are sadly lacking comments.... and I've pretty much told you everything I think needs telling, so.... go fix that ridiculously awkward beginning of the prologue.  Eventually.  I still want new chapters.


To people who are not reading and commenting: you should!  Trust me, it gets much better than the awkward domestic bliss scene at the beginning of the prologue.  More banter with Al!  ;)
Work is for the weak

Offline Aluminator (Kit)

  • Most Ladylike-Robot-superhero-weak ankled Chippendale-loose cannon teleporter-1/64 ninja-not British comedian-also not Steph-Kit in spirit-Sharing member for life-cuddlestorm-bricklayer-necromancer-Hot Dog Day enthusiast!
  • Social Staff
  • ****
  • Posts: 6780
  • Insanity Meter:
    4.6%
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: 412
  • Gender: Male
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #8 on: July 01, 2013, 02:49:28 PM »
Hey, the domestic bliss was great fun to rip apart at the end of the prologue! Haha. And yes, I'll fix it. Eventually :P

In the meantime:

Spoiler: Chapter 5 (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: July 16, 2013, 02:42:17 PM by Kitluminator »

Marie and Abby are my wonderful RAFsisters ^_^
Salem's Story

Offline Aluminator (Kit)

  • Most Ladylike-Robot-superhero-weak ankled Chippendale-loose cannon teleporter-1/64 ninja-not British comedian-also not Steph-Kit in spirit-Sharing member for life-cuddlestorm-bricklayer-necromancer-Hot Dog Day enthusiast!
  • Social Staff
  • ****
  • Posts: 6780
  • Insanity Meter:
    4.6%
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: 412
  • Gender: Male
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2013, 11:59:15 AM »
Alright, this is the first chapter to take place in the GESB proper. I'm telling the story almost exactly as it happened in the GESB, and very nearly all of the actions and dialogue are directly from the RP. I'm taking some liberties for the sake of the narrative (flow in a story is quite different from the flow in an RP), and inserting a lot of narration and Salem's internal commentary that I didn't when I wrote my posts originally.

If any GESB folks happen to find their way here, and have any pointers as to the portrayal of their own characters or the Bar itself, I welcome them ^_^

Spoiler: Chapter 6 (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: August 02, 2013, 10:34:26 AM by Arch Aluminator »

Marie and Abby are my wonderful RAFsisters ^_^
Salem's Story

Offline Aluminator (Kit)

  • Most Ladylike-Robot-superhero-weak ankled Chippendale-loose cannon teleporter-1/64 ninja-not British comedian-also not Steph-Kit in spirit-Sharing member for life-cuddlestorm-bricklayer-necromancer-Hot Dog Day enthusiast!
  • Social Staff
  • ****
  • Posts: 6780
  • Insanity Meter:
    4.6%
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: 412
  • Gender: Male
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #10 on: July 05, 2013, 03:36:03 PM »
Spoiler: Chapter 7 (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: July 16, 2013, 02:13:38 PM by Kitluminator »

Marie and Abby are my wonderful RAFsisters ^_^
Salem's Story

Offline Luke Skywalker (Ossanlin)

  • RAF Silverblade
  • Gold Donor
  • *********
  • Posts: 3319
  • Insanity Meter:
    2.6%
  • Karma: 109
  • Gender: Male
  • May The Force be with you.
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #11 on: July 07, 2013, 11:45:10 PM »
I must say, Scott...this made for an enjoyable evening of reading.  I might have to start actually penning some Andalite history and such as this inspires me.  ^^  Can't wait to see Salem's monologues for interactions with Ossanlin and Rathien.  :)
:raftrophy:
  
  Best Role Play Writer ~ 2012
RAF Silverblade

Genuine Kimmeree's Anichat Player

Offline Aluminator (Kit)

  • Most Ladylike-Robot-superhero-weak ankled Chippendale-loose cannon teleporter-1/64 ninja-not British comedian-also not Steph-Kit in spirit-Sharing member for life-cuddlestorm-bricklayer-necromancer-Hot Dog Day enthusiast!
  • Social Staff
  • ****
  • Posts: 6780
  • Insanity Meter:
    4.6%
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: 412
  • Gender: Male
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #12 on: July 08, 2013, 08:16:14 PM »
Glad I can be an inspiration ^_^ And yeah, I'm particularly looking forward to the Rathien chapters. It's going to be a pretty wild ride >:D

Marie and Abby are my wonderful RAFsisters ^_^
Salem's Story

Offline Aluminator (Kit)

  • Most Ladylike-Robot-superhero-weak ankled Chippendale-loose cannon teleporter-1/64 ninja-not British comedian-also not Steph-Kit in spirit-Sharing member for life-cuddlestorm-bricklayer-necromancer-Hot Dog Day enthusiast!
  • Social Staff
  • ****
  • Posts: 6780
  • Insanity Meter:
    4.6%
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: 412
  • Gender: Male
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #13 on: July 16, 2013, 02:32:58 PM »
Okay, this is my third attempt at writing this chapter. For those of you who read the version I briefly posted already, this one doesn't really provide any new information, but I feel so much better about this one. And hey, it actually takes place on a Dome Ship, so there's that.

Also, I've added a small... partial-scene end-doodle at the end of every chapter thus far, if those of you who've already read the chapters wanted to go back and find them. They're not necessary to the understanding of the story, strictly speaking, but they do add a lot to the feel of the entire piece, and do a lot to help tie together what I have so far.

Spoiler: Chapter 8 (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: July 25, 2013, 04:13:53 PM by Arch Kit »

Marie and Abby are my wonderful RAFsisters ^_^
Salem's Story

Offline Aluminator (Kit)

  • Most Ladylike-Robot-superhero-weak ankled Chippendale-loose cannon teleporter-1/64 ninja-not British comedian-also not Steph-Kit in spirit-Sharing member for life-cuddlestorm-bricklayer-necromancer-Hot Dog Day enthusiast!
  • Social Staff
  • ****
  • Posts: 6780
  • Insanity Meter:
    4.6%
  • Country: 00
  • Karma: 412
  • Gender: Male
Re: Salem's Story
« Reply #14 on: July 19, 2013, 01:25:41 PM »
This is one chapter I have really been looking forward to writing. Enjoy ^_^

Spoiler: Chapter 9 (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: August 02, 2013, 10:34:41 AM by Arch Aluminator »

Marie and Abby are my wonderful RAFsisters ^_^
Salem's Story