Author Topic: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say  (Read 158440 times)

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Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1965 on: May 10, 2012, 03:18:16 AM »

     (The scene takes place in the Yeerk Pool. Visser Three runs into his office, crying. Chapman and Tom enter)

     Visser Three: (Face burried into a pillow) Leave me alone.

     Chapman: Oh, Espy. Please calm down. I hate seeing you cry.

     Tom: (Pulls out a corn-cob pipe) Come on, sport. Tell us what happened.

     Visser Three: (Between sobs) Jake...and...the... the other Animorphs foiled my plans for Earth conquest again! I don't know why! All I'm trying to do is take over their planet, their bodies, their lives. They just ruin everything! (sobs)

     Chapman: Aw. Cheer up, Espy.

     Visser Three: No! Leave me alone!

     Tom: C'mon, champ. Turn that frown...er...turn the Andalite equivalent of a frown upside down.

     Visser Three: I hate it here. I wanna go home. Nobody likes me!

     Chapman: Oh. That's not true. Everyone likes you.

     Visser Three: Edriss doesn't. And Jake and his Animorphs don't.

     Chapman: Well...we like you.

    (Visser Three thinks on this. Bursts out into fresh tears.)

     Tom: Why don't you give the lad and I some privacy, eh, Hederick?

     (Chapman exits)

     Alright, Scout. No more tears. You don't want your subordinates to think you're a crybaby, do you?

     Visser Three: I don't care. They're all stupid. Everyone's stupid.

     Tom: You know who's not stupid? Esplin 9466. In fact, I think Esplin 9466 is a pretty fantastic fella. And you know what else? I'd be darned if there were an individual on this green-blue marble of ours who is better suited to take over the world than you.

     Visser Three: (Sniffles) Really? No foolin?

     Tom: Darn tootin'. Now, how about you get cleaned up. You, me and your mom will go out for some ice cream. What do you say?

     Visser Three: Yay! Ice cream! And I can get any kind of flavour?

     Tom: Sure, Champ. Whatever you want.

     Chapman: (listening in while drying a dish. Laughs) What am I gonna do with those two?
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Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1966 on: May 10, 2012, 09:05:47 AM »
 :o genius...
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Offline The Spectre

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1967 on: May 30, 2012, 08:07:37 AM »
*Ax's scoop*

(Ax is flipping through channels in the TV when he accidentally gets to a porn channel)

Ax: (Stares at the screen without understanding a thing)

Marco: (walks in) Ax what are you...Oh damm

Ax: Marco what are they doing?

Marco: Mhhhh, mating?

Ax: So that is how human mate, I didn't knew mouth wereinvolved, mouths are very versatile.

Marco: Actually these arent mating the regular way (takes the controler from Ax and flips channels,stops in a blurry one, clouded by static) Here, they are mating the regular way.At least I think so, kind of hard to tell (the image clears) Oh sh**

Ax: I wasn't aware that two males could mate

Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1968 on: May 30, 2012, 09:22:06 AM »
I'm afraid that's been done. A very creepy fanfic called 'Ax the prostitute."
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Offline Cookie

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1969 on: May 30, 2012, 01:16:09 PM »
I read that once out of morbid curiosity and wanted to bleach my brain afterwards. It was like "CANNOT...UNREAD" DX

Offline The Spectre

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1970 on: May 30, 2012, 01:53:13 PM »
Just finished it, I was like laughing and wanting to puke at the same time.

Offline Cookie

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1971 on: May 30, 2012, 04:14:30 PM »
its so cringey its like sucking a lemon.

Offline Pyrrhian

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1972 on: May 30, 2012, 05:10:01 PM »
Jake, Cassie and Marco are standing at the top of a cliff looking at the Resistance camp contemplating the likelihood that anyone of them could die at any moment.
Jake: Marco. What do you see?
Marco: I see the last hope of mankind, Prince Jake. The whole of The Resistance.
Jake: And?
Marco: My Resistance? Whe- If you die?
Jake: Maybe... Look up.
Marco looks up at the sky. Jake nods at Cassie. Cassie smiles and pushes Marco off the cliff whilst Jake laughs full-heartedly.
Marco morphs hawk and flies back to the top of the cliff where Jake stops laughing.
Jake: Right Right *rubbing his temples* you can morph.
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Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1973 on: May 30, 2012, 05:40:06 PM »
Jake: "And we agree, even if the situation should come up again, we are to never morph trees."
Marco: "It was worse than the ant. It didn't even follow instruactions, all it had was few basic goals...glucose...p hotosynthesis...I'll never forget the mircale grow...
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Offline Underseen

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1974 on: June 08, 2012, 10:10:51 PM »
Cassie:Who wants a double baconwich!
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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1975 on: July 09, 2012, 12:35:44 PM »
Cassie: There's only one thing we can do. We have to use the Time Matrix to save Jake and set things right with the current timeline.

Ax: It's a simple interface. You simply touch it and think about the time and space you wish to go to.

Marco: It's that easy?

Ax: Well, according to legend. You can also rewrite the very nature of the universe but it's never been tested.

Cassie: *Sigh* Then it looks like it's up to me. *Turns to John Berryman* Mr. Berryman, when were you born?

John Berryman sighs and tells her. Cassie takes a deep breath and makes a move to touch the Time Matrix.

Marco: *Pushes Cassie out of the way and grabs it* Aha!

*Time changes and soon we see Marco, bare chested and ripped with muscles sitting on a throne. Rachel is draped over his arms while Cassie feeds him grapes. Jake and Tobias are fanning him with palm leaves and thousands of women are sitting at his feet giggling*

Rachel: Marco, I'm so glad you were here when the Yeerks invaded.

Marco: It was no sweat babe. Someone should have told those slugs that the Ninja Troll always shows up after Neither Fjord.

*The girls snicker and laugh at his "joke" when Ax walks in with a basin and a coral sponge.*

Ax: Marco, it's time for your spongebath.

Marco: *Confused* Um, Ax, I didn't dream you into this version of reality.

*Back in the alternate D-Day as Marco touches the Time Matrix. Ax discreetly reaches around Marco and touches the device with the tip of his tail*

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1976 on: August 02, 2012, 05:08:42 PM »
General: Sir, please let go of my driver.
*Tobias in Hork-Bajir morph slits alternate Hitler's throat*

Cassie: Tobias, no!

Tobias: I'm sorry Cassie. I just can't tolerate the existence of a man who decides that an entire race of people doesn't belong on this planet and takes it upon himself to end their lives.

Offline MoppingBear

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1977 on: August 04, 2012, 08:52:53 AM »
Cassie: The mission to the slaughterhouse was a dismal failure but... I think we should eat him out of respect...  it's what Ax would have wanted.

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1978 on: September 21, 2012, 04:06:01 PM »
Darker, less humorous one here. This thread may not be the right place for this, but I feel this topic needs a shot in the arm, yeah?


[spoiler=Spoilers]*Cassie becomes aware of her surroundings. She stands in the wasteland that used to be her hometown, the landscape dominated by a massive Yeerk Pool. She also seems to be unable to control her own movements*

Cassie: What? Where am I?

Terlin: <<Oh, you're... cognizant. I was wondering if this would ever happen. Welcome to Earth, I suppose. The new seat of the great and powerful Yeerk Empire.>>

Cassie: Who... are you...?

Terlin: <<Of course. How rude of me. I am known as Terlin 415 of the Sulp Niar pool, but you can call me Sub-Visser 9. I've been making great use of your body these past five years. Your morphing powers are... interesting.>>

Cassie: What? No! No no no! Get out of my head!

Terlin: <<If you were going to fight me, little girl, you should have done it five years ago. My hold over you is much too strong now.>>

Cassie: Get out get out GET OUT!!

Terlin: *laughs*

*after a few moments*

Cassie: ... five years? I... I can't remember... what happened?

Terlin: <<I love this part. This happened to my last host too>> *laughs*

Cassie: Please... just tell me...

Terlin: <<You remember that first time you were at the Yeerk Pool? How you were captured and herded along like the livestock that you are? How you were brought to the infestation pier? You were infested that day, Cassie. Given to me.>>

Cassie: Liar. My friends rescued me and you know it.

Terlin: *laughs* <<This is the good part. The shock of being infested was too much to bear. Losing control of your own body wasn't something you were able to process. It happens to some hosts. Your mind created a sort of... fantasy world for you to live in. You've been delirious for five years, Cassikins. Living inside a world of your creation. A world that only you and I could see.>>

Cassie: *furious* You're lying!This is one of the Ellimist's tricks!

Terlin: <<The Ellimist... now that was a creative one. Where'd you come up with him, I wonder? In any case, no, he's nothing more than a figment of your imagination.>>

Cassie: Jake will come for me! You'll see, and when he does...

Terlin: <<Jake was cut down by the Visser the same day you were infested. Poor boy's five years in the ground now. He certainly made a good attempt at a rescue. For a human.>>

Cassie: ... What about Marco? Tobias? Rachel?

Terlin: *feigning sadness* <<All dead, I'm afraid.>>

Cassie: ... Ax too?

Terlin: *laughs* <<Oh, right, your little Andalite friend. He's not real, Cassie. Did you really think you could hear a voice calling out to you from beneath the ocean? I'm afraid you made Aximili up entirely. Elfangor was the last Andalite on Earth, excepting the Visser's host.>>

Cassie: But all my morphs... I remember them all... every sensation...

Terlin: <<The perfect escape for a mind like yours, really. That Andalite fool had given you the morphing power. You knew how it felt to see your body change, to become a horse. You've always been fond of animals. Making up sensations for animals you knew was a great way to occupy your time.>>

Cassie: No. No no no! This isn't right! The Andalites came! We won! We won the war! Your Visser is awaiting trial! It's over!

Terlin: <<The conquest couldn't have been smoother.>>

Cassie: No! No! No! This is a trick!

Terlin: <<Cassie, think. People do not travel to the time of dinosaurs. Microscopic aliens do not shrink people to the size of a pinhead. And a handful of children do not topple an empire. You know this, deep down inside.>>

Cassie: *sobbing* No! No! No!

Terlin: *looking around the landscape* <<Cassie, look around you. Your world is finished. This is a Yeerk place now. No room for your human sentimentality. You can't control your arms. You can't control your legs.>>
"You can't even control your own voice."

Cassie: No! Get out! Get out!

Terlin: *bored* <<I think I liked you better before. You were much less whiny.>>

Cassie: I want to go back! I want to see Jake again!

Terlin: <<By all means. Please do.>>

*Cassie seems to feel herself falling... falling... falling... until finally she sits up in bed, late at night. After a few moments, she gets up, walks over the the phone, and dials*

Jake: *groggily* "Hello?"

Cassie: "It's me."

Jake: "Cassie? What do you want?"

Cassie: "Just wanted to hear your voice. I had the most awful dream."

*Terlin, or possibly someone else, can be heard laughing*[/spoiler]

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Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1979 on: September 22, 2012, 01:05:48 AM »
Holy crap man.
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