Author Topic: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say  (Read 158838 times)

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Offline Dameg

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1350 on: December 13, 2010, 10:45:53 AM »
lol Made me think of something...

(Beginning of the story, in Tobias's uncle's house)
"Get the mail, Tobias."
Tobias went to get the mail. Two things lay on the doormat: a brown envelope that looked like a bill, and -- a letter for Tobias.
Tobias picked it up and stared at it, his heart twanging like a giant elastic band. No one, ever, in his whole life, had written to him. Who would? He had no friends, no relatives except his uncle and his aunt -- he didn't belong to the library, so he'd never even got rude notes asking for books back. Yet here it was, a letter, addressed so plainly there could be no mistake:
Mr. Tobias
House of his uncle
******, California
The envelope was small and white, and the address was written by a collegian. There was no stamp.
Turning the envelope over, his hand trembling, Tobias saw a blue picture made with a stamp, showing four animals; a tiger, an elephant, a gorilla, and a horse surrounding a large letter A.
"Hurry up, boy!" shouted his uncle from the kitchen. "What are you doing, checking for letter bombs?" He chuckled at his own joke.
Tobias went back to the kitchen, still staring at his letter. He handed his uncle the bill, sat down, and slowly began to open the white envelope.
Tobias was on the point of unfolding his letter, when it was jerked sharply out of his hand by his uncle.
"That's mine!" said Tobias, trying to snatch it back.
"Who'd be writing to you?" sneered his uncle, shaking the letter open with one hand and glancing at it. His face went from red to green faster than a set of traffic lights. And it didn't stop there. Within seconds it was the grayish white of old porridge.
"Get out," croaked his uncle, stuffing the letter back inside its envelope.
Tobias didn't move.
"I WANT MY LETTER!" he shouted.
"OUT!" roared his uncle, and he took Tobias by the scruffs of their necks and threw him into the hall, slamming the kitchen door behind him. Tobias promptly go to listen at the keyhole.
"What should I do? Should I write back? Tell them I don't want -- No," he said finally. "No, I'll ignore it. If they don't get an answer ... Yes, that's best ... I won't do anything ... I'm not having one in the house! Didn't I swear when I took him in I'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?"
Next morning at breakfast, when the mail arrived, his uncle went to get the mail. There was another letter for Tobias. With a strangled cry, his uncle cut the letter in pieces.
"Go to your bedroom," he wheezed at Tobias.
During a week, Tobias received a letter per day and could not read it because of his uncle. But on Sunday morning...
BOOM.
The door shivered. Someone was outside, knocking to come in.
BOOM. They knocked again.
"Where's the cannon?" his uncle said stupidly.
He came, holding a rifle in his hands.
"Who's there?" he shouted. "I warn you -- I'm armed!"
There was a pause. Then --
SMASH!
The door was hit with such force that it swung clean off its hinges and with a deafening crash landed flat on the floor.
An elephant was standing in the doorway. In its trunk, a letter like the other ones. His uncle was too shocked to approach the animal, but Tobias made a step and took the letter. He opened the envelope and read.
ANIMORPHS, HUMAN GROUP OF REBELS FIGHTING THE YEERK INVASION
Leader: Jake
(fearless leader, Prince Jake, brother of a Controller)
Dear Mr. Tobias,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted in the Animorphs. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary equipment.
The war has already begun. We await you by no later than this evening.
Yours sincerely,
Cassie,
the peacemaker.
Questions exploded inside Tobias's head like fireworks and he couldn't decide which to ask first. After a few minutes he stammered, "Where will you await me?"
< In front of our school,> said a voice in his head.
..."in a perpetual state of Celtic gloom"
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Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1351 on: December 13, 2010, 12:41:48 PM »
     Crayak: Ellie, I'm hoooooooome!
     (Crayak enters. Audience cheers--really just the Drode wearing different clothes)
     Ellimist: Oh hi darling!
     Crayak: How was your day?
     Ellimist: it was fine. Watching the Animorphs make obvious mistakes. Watching the Yeerks. Same old same old.
     Crayak: and how is little Crayak?
     (A little version of the Drode walks in)
     Drode: Daddddddy!
     Crayak: Babalooo!
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Offline LisaCharly

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1352 on: December 13, 2010, 01:38:36 PM »
I just shot hot cocoa through my nose, TMP.

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1353 on: December 13, 2010, 03:53:35 PM »
     Thanks. But I thought that one was the least funny of the ones I've written. My favourite line is when Tobias says "Stop badgering me, old man! I don't waaaaant your love!"

     Jake: Now we have you where we want you! Goodbye, Visser Three!
     Visser Three: But we are a peace keeping people!
     Tobias: Lies! You killed Elfangor!
     Visser Three: Elfangor was a monster! He and the Andalites were dictators of the galaxy! We Yeerks came to Earth to escape his tyranny!
     Rachel: Ax, is that true?
     Ax: It isn't false, if that's what you're asking, Rachel.
     Jake: that Yeerk, Temrash, was pretty twisted.
     Visser Three: An Andalite trapped as a Yeerk!
     Tobias: And the Sharing...
     Visser Three: Is really a book club. We also meet on Tuesdays to watch Glee!
     Jake: Oh... Well...I guess we screwed up (looks around the destroyed Yeerk Pool)
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Offline Dameg

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1354 on: December 14, 2010, 08:45:28 AM »
    Thanks. But I thought that one was the least funny of the ones I've written. My favourite line is when Tobias says "Stop badgering me, old man! I don't waaaaant your love!"

     Jake: Now we have you where we want you! Goodbye, Visser Three!
     Visser Three: But we are a peace keeping people!
     Tobias: Lies! You killed Elfangor!
     Visser Three: Elfangor was a monster! He and the Andalites were dictators of the galaxy! We Yeerks came to Earth to escape his tyranny!
     Rachel: Ax, is that true?
     Ax: It isn't false, if that's what you're asking, Rachel.
     Jake: that Yeerk, Temrash, was pretty twisted.
     Visser Three: An Andalite trapped as a Yeerk!
     Tobias: And the Sharing...
     Visser Three: Is really a book club. We also meet on Tuesdays to watch Glee!
     Jake: Oh... Well...I guess we screwed up (looks around the destroyed Yeerk Pool)

That's what I always said  :angel:

PS: For the Tobias Potter story, I could continue a little, for example with this:
"I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT YOUNG FOOL TO TEACH HIM HOW TO TURN INTO ANIMALS!" yelled his uncle. ;)
I had many ideas, but I was afraid to make it too long...  :angel:
« Last Edit: December 14, 2010, 08:53:42 AM by Dameg »
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Offline Josh (J)

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1355 on: December 14, 2010, 10:36:00 AM »
I love reading this. They always make me laugh. :P

Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1356 on: December 16, 2010, 04:19:37 PM »
     Visser Three: Alright, is everyone here an accounted for?
     Visser Four: Here!
     Visser One: Here!
     Temrash: Here!
     David: Here!
     Visser Three: No one cares. Well, if everyone is here, we may begin. Visser Four, have you brought the necessities?
     Visser Four: I have, Visser. But I couldn't decide between the Ketchup or Salt 'n' Vinegar chips.
     Visser Three: Fool! You know I like Barbeque!
     Visser One: You would, Esplin.
     Temrash: I wanted dill pickle.
     Visser Three: Nobody likes dill pickle, Temrash. I should kill you right now for even suggesting it!
     Aftran: I didn't know whether to by Pepsi or Coke! So I bought Sprite.
     Visser Three: SPRITE!
     David: It better not be diet.
     Visser Three: SPRITE!??!?!?!
     Visser Four: Esplin calm down.
     Visser Three: What were you thinking, Aftran! There isn't a soul on the planet that likes Sprite. You choose either PEPSI! or COKE! Not Dr. Pepper! Not MUG! PEPSI OR COKE!!!!
     David: Why haven't I ad a line yet?
     Visser One: You did. Remember, you said 'it better not be diet sprite.'
     David: Random CAMEO
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Offline Dameg

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1357 on: December 17, 2010, 05:02:57 AM »
lol Aftran seems to be a bug in the conversation... or a spy (to know what the Controllers like to eat lol).

Post Merged: December 18, 2010, 05:34:11 AM
(Volume #22)
*David kills Tobias*
Cassie: Oh my God! They killed Tobias!
Rachel: You bastards!
« Last Edit: December 18, 2010, 05:34:11 AM by Dameg »
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Offline cams

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1358 on: December 20, 2010, 12:15:58 PM »
Based on the hitler downfall parody series.

Controller: The Vegemorphs are attacking.
Visser3: Oh no, this is a disaster.
            We Yeerks are allergic to vegetables.
            If they even touch the pool, we're doomed!
            Andalites we could fight, but we're powerless against vegetables. It sucks!
            Prepare the blade ship we're leaving earth.
            Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
           

Offline Dameg

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1359 on: December 20, 2010, 07:56:15 PM »
lol  :XD: What about the Oatmorphs? :P
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Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1360 on: December 20, 2010, 09:11:36 PM »
     (Elfangor is talking to Tobias while the Animorphs are hiding behind the concrete wall--you know the scene I'm talking about)

     Elfangor: Remember this, Tobias. There is only one rule when it comes to morphing. NEVER stay in morph for less than two hours. Alright? You HAVE to stay in morph for two hours, at the very least!

     Tobias: Why, what happens before two hours?

     Elfangor: You will be trapped. Now go, your friends are your new family now.

     (Tobias runs off to join the other Animorphs)

     Elfangor: That solves that pesky child support issue. Now, to deal with the Yeerks.
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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1361 on: December 21, 2010, 03:12:32 AM »
Geez man, that's HORRIBLE!!!! Yet really kinda funny.....

Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1362 on: December 21, 2010, 11:02:47 AM »
     I know, I feel bad about that...but once I thought of the joke I couldn't stop laughing.
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Offline Josh (J)

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1363 on: December 21, 2010, 12:23:34 PM »
Poor Tobias. :( But that's just so funny. xD

Offline cams

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1364 on: December 21, 2010, 01:03:06 PM »
Tobias:<That's a good idea, making a controller attack the Visser. But there is a problem with that.>
Jake: What?
Cassie: Inception isn't possible.
Ax: <But if we could extract information...>
Marco: Look Ax, I plant this in your mind "Don't think about the cinnamon buns" what would you think?
Ax: <THE BUNS!!!!>
Jake: No, inception is possible. I've done it before.
Rachel: On who?
Jake: On... on Ax.
Ax: <You did?>
Jake: *sighs* That's why he's calling me Prince all the time. I didn't know how powerful a simple idea could be.