Did you morph to Tyrannopede and scare any of them off? . . . You ate them, didn't you?
New chapter.
CHAPTER FIVE:
Truth Hurts
Melissa scooped up the remains if her two liter bottle than held her potion. She may have naive, and a little ambitious, not to mention a little blindly enterprising, but she was no idiot. She knew enough to put two and two together.
She had to go back and tell the others. Go back . . . and tell them . . . tell them what? This was her fault, her mistake . . . it would be her duty to clean it up. She . . . she couldn't . . . she had to fix this herself. She had to . . . to . . . to . . .
She had no idea how or where to start.
***
As the Veritaserum mist expanded to encompass the city, a couple were sitting on a park bench. The man clearly did not look at all comfortable, but this was lost on his cuddly mate. He clearly was repressing a lot for the sake of this particular woman, Carly Ignara. He was clearly trying to be a nice guy, this Al Podavlénije.* He heavily resisted her cuddling, and she remained oblivious.
"What do you think of our relationship?" Carly said, coyly, out of the blue.
Something within Al snapped. Maybe it was the Veritaserum mist, or maybe it was because he had had enough of this, or maybe it was a combination of the two. In any case, he broke out into song:
"You tell a joke and forget the punchline.
Why you always wastin' my time?
Hey, just trust me, you just disgust me!
You hair's a mess and your make-up's crusty!
I don't know too many females,
Who make a habit of biting their toenails.
Whoa-oh, every time you call, you drive me up the wall!
Dear, just the sight of you makes my flesh crawl.
I'm sure we'd be happy together,
If only one little thing weren't true.
Oh, I-yi-yi-yi-yi,
I'm so sick of you!
You drink the milk right from the carton.
What are you, in pre-kindergarten?
You're burpin' everywhere, foulin' up the air!
Then you use my razor to shave your back hair!
You don't have an ounce of class!
You're just one big pain in the . . . neck!
How much more can I take now? Give me a break now!
You even snore when you're wide awake now!
You tell all your friends we're the perfect couple.
Well, maybe you should get a clue!
'Cause I-yi-yi-yi-yi,
I'm so sick of you!
You're so nauseatin'!
I-yi-yi-yi-yi,
I'm so sick of you!
And, when you softly call my name,
It's like listenin' to that squeaky chalk sound!
And when you look at me that special way,
It's hard for me to keep my lunch down!
And when you askin' me what I'm thinkin', dear, usually I'm thinkin'
How I'd really like to tie your head completely up in duck tape,
So I wouldn't have to listen to you asking me those stupid questions
Over and over again!
Well, that disgusting noise you make when you laugh
Gives me a throbbing migraine!
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you!)
Until you came along I never dated anyone
This low on the food chain!
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you!)
You've got ungodly body odor!
You've got the hair of a boxing promoter!
Yeah, your teeth are all yellow, your butt's made of Jell-O,
You woke up in a puddle, droolin' on your pillow!
I hate the way you crack your knuckles!
I hate your whiny, hen girlfriends, too!
But mostly I-yi-yi-yi-yi,
I'm so sick of you!
Really now, you're aggravatin'!
I-yi-yi-yi-yi,
I'm so sick of you!
Not to mention irritatin'!
I-yi-yi-yi-yi,
I'm so sick of you!
Well, now won't you give my best regards to Satan!
I-yi-yi-yi-yi,
I'm so sick of you!
I'm so sick of you!
I'm so sick of you!
I'm so sick of you!
You make me sick!
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you!) I'm so sick of you, now!
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you!) I'm so sick of you, now!
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you!) I'm so sick of you, now!
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you!) I'm so sick of you!
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you!) I'm so sick of you, now!
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you!) I'm so sick of you, now!
(Can't stand you, I just can't stand you!) I'm so sick of you, now!"
Carly broke into tears and ran off, leaving Al to have mixed feelings about this action, though he wasn't too sure what made him do it. He felt bad for hurting Carly, but, conversely, glad that he got what he needed to off his chest.
They, naturally, broke up.
***
While that had happened, a couple, who had a falling out, were calling quits. They were Hillary Sheal and Basil Hässlich*. Basil resorted to a bitter song about it:
"Aahh . . .
Well I heard that you're leavin' (leavin'),
Gonna leave me far behind (so far behind).
'Coz you found a brand new lover,
You decided that I'm not your kind (aahh..).
So I pulled (I pulled) your name out (name out) of my Rolodex (oohh..)
And I tore all your pictures in two.
And I burned down the soda shop where we used to go,
Just because it reminds me of you (dippity dippity doo)!
That's right (that's right)! You ain't gonna see me cryin'!
I'm glad (I'm glad) that you found somebody new!
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass,
Than spend one more minute with you!!
I guess I might seem kinda bitter.
You got me feeling down in the dumps.
'Coz you stranded all alone in the gas station,
And I have to use the self-service pumps!
Oh, so let me help you with that suitcase.
You ain't (you ain't) gonna break my heart in two!
'Coz I'd rather get a hundred billion paper cuts on my face
Than spend one more minute with you!
I'd rather rip out my entrails with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men!
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door (yeah)
Again and again and again and again and again!
Oh, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, dearest...
I'd rather have my blood sucked out by the leeches (leeches)!
Shove an crowbar under a toenail or two!
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in a long-term care facility with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you!
Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of push tacks,
Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue!
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you!
I'd rather rip my lungs out of my ribcage with my bare hands
And then throw them on the floor and stomp on it 'till I die!
Than spend one more minute with you!!"
They parted on less-than-ideal terms, though Basil spoke the truth about how he felt.
***
Meanwhile, an insecure woman, Kim Odio, was asking her womanizing boyfriend, Cal Romano, if he really loved her. He answered in song, truthfully, though with some double talk.
"Oh, I couldn't live a single day without you!
Actually, on second thought, I suppose I could.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, honeycakes, you're the greatest!
Well, I guess you're pretty good.
Now, it seems to me I'm relatively lucky.
I know I probably couldn't ask for too much more.
I honestly can say you're an above average lady!
You're almost just what I've been looking for
You're sorta everything I ever wanted.
You're not perfect, but I love you somehow.
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of!
Well, not really, but you're good enough for now.
You're pretty close to what I've always hoped for,
That's why my love for you is barely strong.
And I swear I'm never gonna leave you, sweetness,
At least 'til something better comes along.
'Cause you're sort of everything I ever wanted.
You're not perfect, but I love you somehow.
You're the woman that I've always dreamed of!
Well, not really, but you're good enough for now.
No, not really, but you're good enough for now."
She either wasn't particularly smart or did not want to face single life, as she seemed to settle for this as an adequate and honest answer. Though one could make the argument that this was just a facade to hide the true hurt she felt, but, if it was, she hid it really well.
Source songs:
Here,
here, and
here.
*Yes, I'm heavily abusing Wiktionary's translation feature.