Ha ha, these are brilliant you guys!
"I only trust people when they haven't left my sight for 3 days."
"Don't give me oatmeal; you won't like me when I've had oatmeal..."
"My other car is a Bug Fighter." (Works better as a bumper sticker)
"Am I a shape-shifting alien? Follow me for 2 hours and you'll find out!"
"Give brain-stealing slugs a chance!"
"You think your boss is bad? Mine uses his tail to decapitate people!"
"Sea World: Protected by badly made human plastic since 1996!"