Author Topic: Playing War: The Traitor  (Read 4869 times)

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Offline Terenia

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Playing War: The Traitor
« on: February 22, 2010, 07:16:21 PM »
A/N: Posted at Marie's request. The GESB inspired me to go back and revise the story of my namesake, Terenia. The full version is posted on ff.net; however, large segments are going to be changed and revised. Sidenote: the prologue is in third person, but the remainder of the story is in first. Not sure why, it just felt right.

Synopsis: Teresa Rerin is an ordinary human girl. That is, she is ordinary until the night she decides to run away from her broken home. As Teresa is thrown into the middle of the Andalite-Yeerk war she must abandon everything, even her own humanity, to fight for much more than mere freedom.

Prologue

A shudder of fear ran through the body of Teresa Rerin. She squeezed her sister’s hand tightly, taking comfort in her presence. Outside of the house thunder was rumbling threateningly and the wind roared like a furious demon. Every few minutes lightning would flash, throwing the occupants of the dimly lit kitchen into sharp relief. Hovering over Teresa and her sister was a large, middle-aged man, his face purple with rage. He was tall, and sported a large stomach from years of drinking. His straw colored hair was curly, flecked with gray, and thinning at the top. Beady owl-like eyes glared at the girls, bloodshot red in their sockets.

 “What do you think you two are doing!” He roared, bits of spittle flying from his mouth. His words came out in a jumbled slur. “I told you to clean up the kitchen!”

“Frank, they’re tired. Please, let them go to bed,” a timid voice said from behind the man. With surprising speed he whipped around to face a tall slender woman. She looked to be in her thirties, with white-blonde hair and tired blue eyes. She bit her lip nervously and seemed to shrink backwards when speaking to the man.

“Bed? How the hell will they learn anything asleep?” Frank roared, “Do you want them to grow up to be slobs? They’ll be worthless helpless little ****s, just like you!”

“Frank, please-”

“Don’t please me Nadia, all I do is give to this damned family and it’s never enough! You two babies want to go to bed? Fine! Get the hell out of here!”

The two girls moved instantly, scurrying on their hands and knees over broken beer bottles and decaying food. As they left the room they could hear Frank turn on Nadia. It wasn’t until they were safely down the hallway and in the room they shared that they would utter a word. Teresa slammed the door and collapsed on her bed in exhaustion.

“Are you okay Tammy?” Teresa asked, looking over at her twin sister, whose identical blue eyes were bloodshot with the beginnings of tears. Tamara Rerin nodded fiercely, blonde hair bobbing.

“Do you think Mom will be alright?” Tammy questioned in a meek voice.

“He didn’t drink that much tonight, she’ll be okay,” Teresa said, trying to sound more convincing than she felt.  Stabs of white hot anger towards her father coursed through her, and it took all of her will-power to keep from crying. They had been doing so well. It had been almost a month since Frank had let the poison touch his lips. Now it was all ruined.

Instead of collapsing into tears, Teresa got up and moved to a white wicker dresser that stood against the opposite wall. She pulled open the drawer and began throwing the clothes out of it haphazardly.

“What are you doing?” Tammy asked, watching with wide, wet eyes.

“Leaving.” Teresa answered tersely. The decision had come in a moment of angry inspiration. She could not live like this. Not anymore. She wouldn’t.

“What? But you can’t…what if dad catches you?”

“I’m sick of getting hurt, Tammy. I’m sick of being scared. I can’t stand it anymore. I’m going away.” Teresa reached under her bed and pulled out a backpack. Stuffing her clothes in it, she looked up at Tammy. “Aren’t you coming too?”

“No. I don’t want him to hurt me for trying to leave.” Tammy said, looking at the door warily, as if expecting Frank to burst through it at any moment.

“He’ll just hurt you for something else next time.”

“Maybe this will be the last time. He’s trying to quit…”

“No he isn’t. Don’t be an idiot. He’s lying. He always lies.” From her closet Teresa pulled out an unopened box of Oreos and shoved them into her bag. She zipped the bag and stood up, moving back to the bed.

“Please come Tammy…I want some company.” Teresa pleaded, grabbing a tattered brown teddy bear from her bed.

“No…why don’t you ask Lizzy or Danny to go?” Tammy asked. Teresa considered that for a moment. It would be nice to have one of her older siblings around, to tell her what to do and guide her. But they had long ago accepted their father’s reign over the household, and dealt with it their own way.

“Neither of them is home, and I want to leave now,” Teresa said, “if your not coming fine…but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Teresa, come on…where will you go? Plus it’s raining outside, you’ll get all wet. And how will you get past them?”

“This isn’t a secret. I’ll just run out. I want them to know I’m gone, and I’m glad. I don’t know where I’ll go…maybe I’ll stay in that cave we play hide and seek at until Sara gets home from her vacation. Then I can stay there. See? I’ll only be alone for a day, two at the most.” Teresa hoisted up her book bag and headed for the door, eager to leave before she lost her nerve.

“Won’t you stay a little bit? When will I see you again?” Tammy looked terrified at the thought of being alone, and her eyes had begun to overfill with tears.

“You’ll see me at school Monday, I promise. Stay away from dad if you can, okay?”

Tammy nodded mutely, tears falling freely down her cheeks. Teresa gave her sister one last forced smile before opening the door and walking out, head held high. As she passed the kitchen she paused for a moment. Her mother was weeping on the cold linoleum floor while her father stood over her menacingly, his hand raised as though to slap her. He paused when he saw Teresa enter the room, backpack slung over one shoulder and teddy bear clutched tightly to her chest.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he sneered, taking a staggering step towards her.

“I’m going away. I hate you. I hate you and I don’t want to live here anymore.” Teresa said, forcing herself to look her father straight in his beedy little eyes. He stared at her a moment, as if he were having difficulties comprehending what she had just said. For a moment Teresa feared that he would hit her, but instead he threw back his head and let out a roar of laughter.

“Going? Where the hell will you go? There’s nowhere for a ten-year-old!” He cried. “Go on, get out of here! See how long it takes until you come crawling back like the little slime you are! You’ll see how worthless you are out there!”

“I am not worthless!” Teresa cried, but her father just laughed again, shooing her away as though she were no more than a minor annoyance. Teresa felt the anger building in her once more, and her eyes teared up. She turned on her heel, ignoring her father’s laughter and her mother’s look of horror as she ran out the kitchen door and into the night.

The rain poured down, pounding against Teresa’s back as she walked down the street, clutching her soggy teddy bear close. Cars sped by on the road, temporarily blinding her with their lights and spraying her with water as they passed. Freezing and soaked, Teresa turned away from the road, and headed for the woods. She walked for a great deal of time, an hour, maybe two. She made about half the distance in twice the time as she normally would have, for the trail was always at a slight incline, and slick with mud and wet leaves. The rain began to let up just as the trail began to get even rougher. Rocks jutted out of the ground like jagged teeth, and the slope of the land increased further.

Tall rock walls of limestone loomed threateningly, a few harboring narrow alcoves and caves that stared blankly at her, dark and unseeing. Teresa went to one of these caves, slipping and sliding over rock and mud as she went. As soon as she entered the cave the noise around her dulled, a mere echo of its former might. In exhausted relief she threw her book bag down near the wall and lay down, using it as a pillow. She fell asleep in moments, clutching her teddy bear tightly and breathing in the dank smell of water and rock and mud. Outside the thunder rumbled in discontent as the storm began to pass.

It was still early when Teresa awoke. The sun was just beginning to cast a golden haze over the forest, and dewdrops mixed with water from the previous night’s rain, making the world sparkle as if it were faceted with diamonds. Groggy, dirty, and feeling utterly alone, Teresa crawled from her cave and set out to find a stream to wash the grime from her. As she walked she munched on the Oreos she had brought, allowing them to fill her grumbling stomach. Her thoughts went back to home, and she wondered what ill-faced promises her father was making to Tammy and Nadia at this very moment as he sat in a sea of his own tears and vomit. Teresa sighed and shook her head. Despite everything she missed her sisters and brother. She hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye to Lizzy or Danny. Don’t think about it, Teresa thought fiercely, just find some water.

A short time later a quiet murmuring sound caught her attention, and she began to follow it. She happened upon a small brook that chuckled at her as it ran over an assortment of pebbles. The brook was relatively shallow, so Teresa took off her shoes and waded in. Immediately, Teresa’s feet went numb in the icy water. Ignoring the cold, she walked to the center of the brook, taking care not to slip, and began to walk upstream.

The trees began to grow progressively thinner, and Teresa saw an increasing amount of meadows filled with deer and rabbits and other wildlife. Teresa stared at the creatures in fascination – she had always loved life, and to see these animals so close was an amazing experience that almost made her forget the increasing hunger pangs she felt. Almost.

As midday approached Teresa grew tired. She sat down on the waters edge in the middle of what seemed to be another large field. The field itself, however, was not visible to Teresa. A steep embankment rose on both sides of the stream, at least six feet high, blocking her view. For a while she simply sat there, eating the last of her Oreos and skipping rocks. Boredom, however, got the best of her, and she decided to explore. Leaving her backpack on the riverbank she began to climb the dirt wall.

The embankment was muddy, and it was hard for Teresa to pull herself up. As soon as she managed to hoist herself over the lip of the hill she rolled over onto her back and stared up at the clear blue sky. Teresa simply lay there for a moment, allowing the sun to warm her skin while she gathered her energy. Finally, she sat up and looked around.

The field looked almost like every other she had come upon, although it was eerily silent. The long unkempt grass waved in response to a gentle zephyr, and wildflowers were everywhere. However, there was not a squirrel or a rabbit in sight. It was as if something had scared off all of the life in this field. The “something” in question was quite apparent.

About a hundred feet to Teresa's left was a huge object, as large as a school bus. It was shaped a lot like a legless insect, with windows for eyes. Serrated spears adorned either side. There was an open doorway with no apparent door on one side. Curious at this strange contraption Teresa stood up and inched closer. There was no one around, and the inside of the vehicle appeared empty, so slowly, cautiously, she climbed into it.

The inside was small, with barely enough room for more than two people comfortably. The back half of the ship was loaded with boxes that were covered in strange writing. At the front of the ship there was a panel covered in buttons and switches, with two joysticks. Teresa examined the buttons closely, but was careful not to touch anything.

“It’s an airplane,” Teresa realized, recalling images she had seen of a ****pit in school. Teresa turned from the control panel and looked back at the boxes. The strange contraption was certainly unlike any airplane she had ever seen. She was just about to peek into one of the boxes to see if it held any answers when a loud grunt startled her. Quickly Teresa jumped behind the nearest stack of boxes, hiding herself as well as she could.

Heavy footsteps thudded on the metal floor as someone entered through the door. A slithering noise followed, bringing with it a stench that almost made Teresa gag. She heard a sliding noise as a door shot out from the wall and closed securely. Uh oh Teresa thought, I should probably let them know I’m here before they leave…Teresa inched her head up over the box slowly so that she could see the backs of the other occupants. What she saw made her clamp a hand over her mouth to keep from crying out.

Two real live monsters stood with their backs to her. They looked like something out of Teresa’s worst nightmares. One was reptilian, with dark green skin and a long tail. Blades stuck out of its knees and elbows and wrists and ankles, and two were on its head. Its tail had several spike-like protrusions at the end. The other creature looked like a centipede. It was yellowish in coloring and about ten feet long. It held about a third of itself off of the ground, and the rest of it was supported by hundreds of tiny cone shaped legs. On top of the worm monsters head was a wide gaping mouth with serrated teeth along it. Every once and awhile a long tongue protruded and seemed to taste the air like a snake. A sickening stench came off of the centipede-like creature in waves. Both creatures wore nothing but a belt that held various objects that looked suspiciously like guns.

Teresa took an involuntary step back from the hideous creatures. As she did so her foot caught on the corner of a box. She stood, pin wheeling her arms for a moment, before she lost her balance and toppled into the boxes. They spilled open around her and metal bits cascaded to the ground, causing an incredible racket. Teresa’s heart screeched to a stop as the two monsters froze and slowly turned to face her. The reptile-like creatures yellow slitted eyes looked Teresa with surprise that quickly turned to aggression. The centipedes’ four red eyes were emotionless, but it began to screech in a high-pitched sound.

“Gerfash glutnat haff human ghafrash.” The reptile said in something that was clearly not English. The centipede turned back to the controls, and a slight rumble filled the cabin.

“I’m sorry!” Teresa cried, finding her voice, “I didn’t mean to…I didn’t know…” she wasn’t entirely sure what it was she was trying to say, all she knew was that she wanted off of the monster airplane now.

“Silence, human,” the green monster growled. Teresa fell silent, fighting the urge to break down into tears. The green monster growled something in his strange language, looking annoyed, before he pulled his gun from his belt.
 
Seeing the raised gun, Teresa abandoned her silence and let out a yelp of fear. She ran for the door and began to bang helplessly on it, trying to figure out how it opened. Out of the corner of her eye Teresa saw the green monster take careful aim.
“No, please, don’t kill me!” Teresa cried. Time seemed to slow around Teresa as the beast’s clawed finger tightened on the trigger.  There was a screeching sound as a red light lanced from the gun. Teresa had no time to react, and the beam hit her square in the chest with enough force to knock her into the wall. She hung onto consciousness for a desperate moment before the world went black.

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Offline KitsuneMarie

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2010, 07:55:57 PM »
Thank you so much for posting it, Jessi! I can't wait to read the revised version in full! I'll try not to pester you for updates, but no promises :D

Here are my notes as I read:

I love the first paragraph. At first, I thought they were afraid of the lightning storm, but then you revealed that things were way more serious right off the bat. This kind of jarring revelation eloquently sets the stage for your entire story.

The tense in this paragraph is weird. Are you doing something stylistic? To show this happens a lot?
Quote
The two girls moved instantly, scurrying on their hands and knees over broken beer bottles and decaying food. As they left the room they could hear Frank turn on Nadia. It wasn’t until they were safely down the hallway and in the room they shared that they would utter a word. Teresa slammed the door and collapsed on her bed in exhaustion.

In the words of Poparena, "Excuse me, I feel a song coming on. Foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing..." Nicely done :)
Quote
"See how long it takes until you come crawling back like the little slime you are!"

Beautifully written and constructed! I can't wait to see what happens next! Ahhhh, cliffhanger!

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Offline Terenia

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2010, 07:58:01 PM »
Nope, that's a completely unintentional tense shift. However, we can pretend it was stylistic, because it was a common occurrence. Plus it makes me feel smarter. :) Crap, now I have to go edit chapter one, don't I?

EDIT: Chapter One is up!

Chapter One

For a long while I was lost to the darkness, unaware of the world around me. Fragments of dream passed through my subconscious; images of my father raging and my sister crying intermingled with eerie monsters that hissed and growled.

Time has no meaning to the unconscious, but I had some sense that it had been quite awhile when I finally started coming around. It was the noise that woke me up: a horrific sound that rattled my brain. At first, I wondered if my father had friends over, and I was bearing witness to some strange new drinking game. Then, abruptly, I remembered.

The past two days - running away, the woods, the strange airplane and the terrifying monsters – all rushed back into my head. The memories seemed so surreal that I couldn’t help but wonder if they were part of some twisted nightmare. Trying to make sense of everything, I squeezed my eyes shut tighter.

Where am I? That seemed to be the most pressing question. I wanted to open my eyes and look around, but the noises I heard scared me. It reminded me of a haunted house I had once been to with my older brother, Danny. Screams intermingled with crying and animalistic grunts. Clearly, wherever I was it was far from the forest.

I’ve been kidnapped. It was the only logical explanation. Those monsters, they had kidnapped me and taken me…where? To their cave? To some evil lair where I would be fattened up and served for supper?

Sudden pressure on my arm made me jump, eyes popping open wide. A squeal of terror escaped my lips, but was quickly muffled when I saw who my attacker was.

There was a boy kneeling over me. The first thing I noticed was how pale his skin was. He seemed almost sickly, until I focused on his eyes, which glittered with strength and eagerness.

“Shh…stop that.” The boy said in a hoarse whisper as I pulled my arm away from him.

“What are you doing?” I hissed back, “Who are you? Where - where am…” my voice trailed off as I looked beyond the boy and to the rest of the room. Wherever I was, it was definitely no cave. I wasn’t ready to abandon my dinner theory just yet, though. With a thrill of terror I realized that I, the boy who had grabbed me and about a dozen other humans were all in a cage.

“We’re locked up!” I cried, panic seizing me. I moved to rush towards the bars, but the boy stopped me, grabbing me by the shoulder roughly.

“No!” I tried to pull away, but his grip was strong. My mind was frantically trying to register what was happening. Why were there so many people in cages? What was happening?

“Calm down,” the boy hissed, pulling me towards a smooth back wall that was made from some dark metal. I fought him for a moment, but he held me tightly and eventually I realized that it was futile.

“My name is Christopher,” the boy said evenly, careful not to release his grip on me, “and if you would kindly shut up, I’m going to help save your life.”

“What are you talking about? Why am I-” I twisted and writhed until finally Christopher let me go with a sigh of exasperation.

Frantically, I rushed to the bars, peering out. What I saw beyond made no sense. The room was filled with monsters, much like those I had seen on the airplane, but there were people out there as well. People! Walking by as if nothing was happening, as if men and women weren’t being shoved into cages like dogs.

“You’re going to get infested, unless you listen to me,” Christopher’s urgent whispering pulled my attention away again, “Now, listen up. As soon as one of the Hork-Bajir –“

“One of the what?” I asked, looking back at Christopher as though he were crazy, which clearly was not far off from the truth.

“Those green things that look like lizards,” he clarified, “as soon as one comes and opens the cage door we bolt. Okay?”

“You mean, run away?” I glanced at the Hork-Bajir warily. Their blades were as long as my forearm.

 “They won’t expect it,” Christopher insisted, “Listen. My Yeerk, he’s part of a peace organization. They happen to know that there will be an Andalite force attacking today. In fact, they should be here any minute now. We need to be out of these cages so that we can help them. Besides, the Yeerks wouldn’t expect a couple of kids to just run out of a Blade Ship cage. It’s not like there’s anywhere to go.” Christopher spoke rapidly, most of his words washing over me as pure nonsense.

“What?” I asked, utterly confused. “What are you talking about? What’s a Yeerk? What’s an Andalite? Why don’t you take one of these other people?” I waved my hand at the other occupants of the cage, all of whom were in varying states of despair, “they look pretty desperate to get out, and all I want is some answers!”

“I’m taking you because you haven’t been infested yet. They won’t be looking for you. You snuck onto one of their Bug Fighters and they took you here to be infested since they were already in orbit,” Christopher fixed me with a wry smile, “would you rather stay here?”

“No,” I admitted, looking down at my hands. I winced as one of the monsters – the Hork-Bajir – let loose a distressed roar.

“You picked a damned good day to get caught, I’ll tell you that.” Christopher said, his voice softening somewhat, “any other time and you’d be headed straight for the infestation pier.”

“The what?”

“You’re also small, so you can hide if you need to.” Christopher said, ignoring my questions. It seemed to me that he was speaking more to himself than to me. I stared at him, waiting for clarification, but none came. He merely brushed a lock of onyx from his eyes and looked out at the large room. One of the Hork-Bajir was walking towards the cage Christopher and I were in.

“Get ready…” Christopher said tensely as the Hork-Bajir moved closer. I looked from the strange creature to the boy, still completely confused and terrified. Closer. Should I do it? Should I actually try to run from the huge bladed creature before me? The idea seemed ludicrous. He could kill me! He could eat me!

I felt Christopher place a hand on the small of my back, like Danny used to do when he pushed me on the swings. This new boy was not going to give me an option. I felt my own muscles tense as the Hork-Bajir reached the door to the cage and tore open the lock.

 “NOW!” Christopher yelled as soon as the Hork-Bajir reached in and grasped a sobbing middle-aged woman.

“But-” I felt myself being shoved forward by him despite my protests. Acting on blind fear I scurried under the creatures’ arms. The Hork-Bajir let out a grunt of surprise and moved to stop Christopher from following, instead of going for me.

“Find the Andalites! Go to them!” Christopher cried, as I heard him struggling to get free. I hesitated for a moment before sprinting full out for the open door.

I emerged into a brightly lit hallway and stopped dead for a moment. Hork-Bajir, sickly-smelling centipedes, and other, even stranger looking creatures passed along with humans. These humans, unlike those in the cage room, were not screaming and crying; in fact, they were completely calm. There was no despair in these halls. None of them even spared a glance at the room with the imprisoned humans. This abrupt change scared me even more than the monsters and I quickly began to make my way down the hallway.

The hall was busy and I found myself being jostled by creatures I would have preferred to leave in my worst nightmares. There were a few exclamations of surprise as I sped past, but no one seemed to give me too much of a second thought. This would have worked to my advantage, except I had no clue where I was going. Everything looked the same; steel walls and monsters. I was just beginning to consider asking one of the humans for help when the entire hall gave a violent shudder.

A shock ran up my knees as I hit the floor hard. My head swam for a moment as I tried to register what had just happened. Don’t think…find the Andalites. I scolded myself mentally. But who were the Andalites? What were the Andalites?

Another quake shook the corridor, and a squeal filled the air as an alarm went off. The lights flickered twice, then died. Shouts of alarm echoed throughout the cooridor as everyone was plunged into darkness. Trying desperately not to panic I felt my way to the wall and followed it, taking care to make my already tiny body as small as possible.

I hadn’t gone more than three feet when my stomach hit a lever of sorts. Clutching my hand to my stomach where it had poked me, I grabbed the lever with my free hand. Pulling down I could hear a clank followed by a low grumble, and suddenly the wall I was pressing up against simply opened up. Gathering my courage I let myself fall away from the wall and stepped into the inky black room.

Even though it was dark I could sense that the room was rather small. As my eyes adjusted I realized that the darkness here was not as total as it was in the hallway. From the center of the room a barely visible blue light was radiating. Inching inwards slowly, for fear of tripping over something, I made my way towards the glow. It was coming from a box, a blue box that glowed ever so faintly. It was placed upon a pedestal and seemed to be the sole object in the room, save a single notepad. I squinted to read the letters on the pad, but most of them were foreign. I only recognized one line which listed a ‘discovery’ date, whatever that meant. The date listed was today’s date.

It has to be important, I thought, taking the blue box from its stand. And anything important shouldn’t belong to a bunch of bullies who put humans in cages. I still didn’t know who these montsers were that caused so much despair, but that didn’t matter. I had seen my mother and my siblings and even myself shout out in pain and horror enough to know what it felt like to be helpless. Anyone who caused that sort of vulnerability didn’t deserve anything.

I turned to leave, my steps more sure now. Finding the wall with relative ease, I managed to leave the room and walk down the corridor unnoticed, hiding the blue box under my jacket. My backpack was long gone, left forgotten in that distant field.

Eventually I reached another space in the wall, which I assumed to be a door. There was no noise coming from this room, but I could feel the presence of others. There was a sudden click from nearby and a bright light temporarilly blinded me.

“Ahh! Turn down the brights!” I cried out, throwing my free hand over my eyes to shade them.

As the spots in front of my eyes began to clear I could see that the source of the light was a flashlight of sorts. The light itself was being held by a creature that was quite possibly the strangest I had seen yet. My immediate reaction was ‘monster’, but something about these particular monster’s did not seem frightening to me. It was tall, but not as tall as the Hork-Bajir, with blue fur on its half horse-half humanoid body. The face was mouthless, with an odd shaped nose that consisted of three narrow slits. From the creatures torso was a tail, with a sharp blade at the end. The small flashlight was tied to its wrist, which was attached to a hand that had far too many fingers.

<Yeerk,> quite suddenly I found myself with the long scynth-like blade of the creature against my throat. I stiffened, a whimper escaping from my lips as I looked pleadingly at the creature that had spoken without saying a word. The monster had spoken in my head! I wondered briefly if I had gone completely crazy.

“Who…what are you?” I asked. My voice was a shaky mixture of fear and exhaustion, and I was painfully aware of the cold blade against my neck.

<I am War-Prince Cordat-Semirl-Audit. Does that name mean anything to you, Yeerk?> The “voice” was rigid, and as cold as ice. Vibrations of hatred seemed to come off of the War-Prince like a stench. Suddenly these new monsters seemed a whole lot scarier.

“Cor . . Cordat-Semi . . Semi . . what was it?” I asked, the words lost on my tongue.

<She’s free, War-Prince Cordat,> came a “voice” from behind me. Had I not had a blade to my throat I would have jumped in surprise. As it was, that was not an option, so I had to wait for the owner of the mind-voice moved around to the first creature’s side. He had a small device in his hand that looked like a remote control. He showed the remote to the first creature, who inspected it closely before nodding slightly.

<Take her to a holding chamber. She may have useful information,> the monster that had called itself a War-Prince removed his tail blade reluctantly, <everyone else, fan out. Locate and acquire target.>

<Yes, sir. Come along, human,> The second creature grabbed my arm and tugged it gently. I pulled away instinctively, cowering back.

“No!” all of the confusion of the day’s events was welling up inside of me. I felt my eyes welling up with tears that I held back out of habit. Instead of allowing myself to cry, I transferred my fear into anger. “Who are you?” I demanded, “What do you want?”

 <My name is Garet, and I am taking you somewhere safe,> he said, speaking as if he were talking to a baby. He tugged my arm again, a little firmer, and I allowed myself to be pulled a foot or two.

“Where?”

<Onto our ship.> Garet replied, looking slightly annoyed.

“Your what? Are we on the ocean?” I asked, wide-eyed. How had we gotten onto the ocean?

<What? No, of course not. Come along, we will answer your questions later.> This time I allowed myself to be tugged along behind Garet. The room we were crossing was immense, and from beyond the range of Garet’s flashlight giant shapes loomed menacingly. The strange creature headed for one of these shapes, which turned out to be a contraption similar to the one I had seen in the field. The one Garet led me to was slightly longer, with a sharp spike coming from the end that looked a lot like the monster’s tail. Hastily, Garet shoved me into the vehicle and let himself in after me. There were no chairs, so I found myself cowering on the ground.

<Hold on child,> Garet said warningly, as he played with some controls. The vehicles interior was similar to the one I had found in the field. It was small, with a control panel that looked like it belonged on an airplane. There were no boxes in this contraption, though, and the ground was covered in what seemed to be grass. I played with a strand as a low humming noise filled the vehicle. It felt as if we were moving, so I stood up to look out of the front of the ship, which was dominated by a window. I wanted to see where we were, so that I could figure out how to get home. What I saw made my heart leap into my throat and my stomach drop almost simultaneously.

I found myself staring at Earth. Not land from a ship on sea. Not the ground from an airplane. Instead, I was looking at all of Earth, complete and whole and…very, very far away. I’m in outer-space, I realized, my blood turning to ice.

I was a long, long way from home.
« Last Edit: March 02, 2010, 09:29:59 PM by Terenia [Teach] »

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Offline KitsuneMarie

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2010, 09:42:34 PM »
Awesome, Jessi! Aw, little Terenia... the adventure begins! I love the fast pace and gorgeous descriptive passages in this chapter.

I wonder how poor Christopher and his Yeerk are faring.... :(
« Last Edit: March 02, 2010, 09:44:26 PM by KitsuneMarie »
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Offline Terenia

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2010, 05:22:24 PM »
(Here's chapter two, aka the really-really-long-chapter-that-really-should-be-about-three-separate-chapters. Enjoy!)

Chapter Two

<Let me see if I have this correct. You snuck onto a Bug Fighter, were taken to the Blade Ship of Visser Three to be infested, escaped and conveniently managed to find an Andalite to take you to safety. All without being caught, or even shot at, and without knowing whom or what you were looking for. Is that accurate?> The alien that spoke in my mind was looking at me with an expression that I could only read as bewilderment, which led me to believe that my situation was a rare one.

After a brief temper tantrum revolving around my discovery that I was in outer space Garet had flown me over to another UFO. This one was huge, but I was not given the opportunity to sight see. As soon as Garet had parked his ship I was taken to a small, empty room. Like Garet’s smaller UFO, there was nothing much of interest in the room, except for a floor full of grass. I was left there alone, with the promise that someone would fetch me later.

As I waited, I began to feel my fear fade into anger. How dare these strange creatures…these aliens take me away from my home? How dare they lock me up in this tiny room? All of my questions thus far had been met with blank stares or contemptuous sneers. Even Chris, the only nice person I had met, had overlooked most of my questions in favor of escape. I shivered now, wondering what had happened to my caged friend.

Wrapping my arms around myself tighter, I remembered the blue box that had been zipped into my shirt. It was small enough that it didn’t make my windbreaker bulge too oddly. Then again, even if it did I doubted the aliens would notice. I hugged the box close, making sure that the elastic on the bottom of my jacket was secure enough to keep the object from falling out.

Initially, after Garet had been relatively kind to me, I had considered showing him the strange alien device. But as the minutes ticked by into hours and my anger grew I decided that the box would remain my secret. If I ever got out of this little adventure alive, I would have an alien prize to show Tammy.

Finally, the aliens came for me. I was taken by two of these aliens, who by now I had figured out were the ones Chris had called Andalites, into a new room. This room was slightly larger, with something resembling a hospital bed that I was able to sit on. It was in this room where I was bombarded with questions, faced with terms that I couldn’t begin to imagine the meaning to, and been forced to go through the last day over and over again. And still I had no answers for myself.

“Uh . . yeah . . pretty much.” I responded to the bewildered Andalite, who had introduced himself as Inadraf.

<While much of this…situation…seems rather improbable, I suppose we have little choice but to believe you,> Inadraf was saying, shaking his head at the sheer absurdity of it all, <it is, however, unfortunate that you carry with you no useful information. Andrin, load her onto a transport. You can take the aristh girl with you back to Earth.>

<Yes, sir,> The Andalite beside Inadraf said formally. He turned and walked away, obviously expecting me to follow. Inadraf also turned, signaling the end of the conversation.

I stayed right where I was, arms folded across my chest as I waited for Andrin to realize that I was not behind him. The entire situation was infuriating, and I was fuming. It had been over a day, and I was exhausted, bruised and all I wanted to do was get answers, but instead I was being treated as if I were as unimportant as…well, as a child. It simply was not fair. I stuck out my lower lip at Inadraf. I wanted answers, and I wanted them now.

“I’m not going,” I said, my voice edging on yet another full-on temper tantrum. The mouthless Andalite seemed unfazed by my voice inflection.

<Go, human. Go back to your family on Earth,> Inadraf replied impatiently.

“I said no!” I slid off of the ledge I was sitting on and stood firm, “you guys bring me here, ask me a whole bunch of dumb questions and don’t even tell me what it is that is going on, where I am, or anything else. You need to give me some answers!” My eyes began to well up with furious tears. I was off on a tirade now, and no one could stop me, “besides that, no one even asked me if I wanted to go home! I ran away for a reason, you stupid aliens, and I don’t want to go back!”

I came to a halt, gasping for breath as I recollected myself. For a long moment silence permeated the room, then Inadraf spoke coldly.

<Andrin, kindly dispose of the child. I have no further use of her, and she is giving me a headache,> at Inadraf’s words Andrin walked over to me and tried to urge me along, but I pulled away with ease.

<Child, please come with me. I will take you home to your mother and father,> Andrin said, speaking in the same slow voice that Garet had, as though I were an infant.

“I don’t want to go home,” I cried. Why couldn’t they see that? “If I go home, my dad will hurt me! He’ll never believe that I w-was abducted by aliens and he’ll-” I stopped talking abruptly as I was overwhelmed with tears. I was about to dissolve entirely into sobs when I felt something cold against my temple.

<I really would rather not threaten someone as young as you, but you won’t remember it anyways. Now please follow me, or I will knock you unconscious,> my eyes widened in startled fear as I realized that Andrin’s tail, which just a moment ago had been at least four feet away from me, was now pressed firmly against my neck. I stood as still as I possibly could, choking back my sobs.

<Now, will you come with me?> Andrin asked again. I squeaked in submission, not wanting to nod for fear it would send my head rolling. Andrin removed his tail blade and ushered me forward.

Andrin pushed me along, not taking care to be gentle about it. I went, sullenly looking at the floor. I was led to the docking bay, the same place Garet had parked the ship I had arrived in. This time I was led to the other end of the room, to a slightly larger ship.
At the entrance to the ship there was another Andalite. This one was smaller, younger. I assumed that she was the “aristh girl” that Inadraf had spoken of, whatever an aristh was.

<Aristh Sireah-Yvirnial-Apaltian.> Andrin greeted the youth curtly.

<Yes, Prince Andrin-Daroen-Kagebr, how can I assist you?> The answer was practiced, precise. She seemed nervous, or excited. It was hard to tell which.

<Keep the child amused, Aristh Sireah. It is a two day trip back to Earth, at least,> Andrin replied, leading me onto the ship, where he finally stopped holding me at gunpoint. Sireah followed Andrin and myself aboard, and showed me where I would be sleeping. The ship was large enough for four rather cramped quarters, a main room where the computers and controls were, and a separate room that had a few items stored in it and little else. Andrin went straight to the controls, and told Sireah to keep me out of his fur, a comment that I resented horribly. Sireah seemed unruffled by the older Andalite’s rudeness, though, and led me into the extra room.

<What is your name?> Sireah asked me after I had taken a seat. I looked up from my spot on the floor in surprise. I had been interrogated to death for hours, and yet no one had asked me any personal information like my name. It seemed like an unnaturally humane question to ask, especially after I had given up all hope of befriending these Andalites.

“Teresa...” I replied hesitantly. It was still hard to get used to the fact that I was talking to something that very well could have come from one of my worst nightmares. It was insane, and yet, for some reason, I wasn’t afraid of this Andalite. She didn’t seem interested in scaring me half to death, or bombarding me with terms I didn’t know. The other Andalites had terrified me, and that was nothing compared to what Inadraf had called Yeerks, my original captors.

<Teresa. It’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry about Andrin, he’s an old stiff,> Sireah said, smiling pleasantly with her eyes.

“Yeah...he is kind of…mean.” I said lamely. We lapsed into silence briefly. I felt that Sireah wanted to ask more of me, but didn’t know how to go abour it. Contenting myself with picking the grass that covered the floor, I waited.

<What is it like?> Sireah finally asked, breaking the silence uneasily, as if her question was absurd and unheard of.

“What is what like?” I asked, turning my attention back on her brilliant green eyes.

<Earth. What’s Earth like?> Sireah clarified.

“Oh…uh…well…” I stuttered, unsure of how to answer exactly. “It’s nice, I guess. I mean, sometimes it’s nice. I don’t like it very much, though.”

<Why not?> Sireah’s obvious interest was unnerving after the cold dispassion of the other Andalites I had met.

“Because of my dad,” I said slowly, “he drinks a lot, and he yells at me and my sisters and brother and mom…he thinks that I -” my voice caught in my throat, and I cleared it before continuing. “-that I’ll never be worth anything.”

<He does not sound like a very nice person. Are all human fathers like this?> Sireah asked, clearly intrigued. As I began to tell my story, Sireah kept interrupting with more questions. She was clearly interested in humans, and so I launched into an explanation of human culture and the little that I knew of government. My fifth grade class had recently finished a unit on ancient Egypt, and I spent a lot of time talking about the hieroglyphics and Egyption deities. The more I said, the more intently Sireah seemed to listen. By the time I had finished, I was winded, throat dry from talking. Sireah, on the other hand, seemed nowhere near satisfied.

<Your race is fascinating. Oh what I would give to study it properly! The technology is so primitive, so backwards, but the potential is amazing!> Sireah went on in this fashion for awhile, allowing me to catch my breath.

“I’m glad someone likes Earth.” I finally said when I had recovered. “it’s too bad you can’t go in my place.”

<Yes, too bad indeed. It is also too bad that Andrin will have to erase your memory. A pity, really. You’re smart for a human your age, and I ->

“What?” I cut off Sireah, shocked, “Erase my memory? Why?”

<It is routine. We cannot have you telling other humans that you have seen us.>

“But I won’t tell!” I cried, a wave of terror rolling through me. Erase my memory!?

<I wish we could take your word from it, but it is policy,> Sireah said sadly. I was shell-shocked at this news. I didn’t want my memory taken from me. I had seen and survived horrible things, but that didn’t mean I wanted them not to have happened. I sighed and shifted, feeling the slight bulge under my jacket poke me in the ribs. If I wasn’t going to even remember anything there was no use for me to keep the blue box with me. What use would it be to keep something from someone when their very existence would be erased from my mind? Besides, if anyone deserved the souvenir it was Sireah. Since beginning this adventure she and Chris were the only two I had met who cared about me at all. Slowly, I drew it out of my jacket.

“Here…Sireah. I found this on the Yeerk ship. I won’t be needing it…I don’t even know what it’s for,” I said, handing her the box. She took it, staring at it with a look of shock.

<Teresa…do you know what this is?> Sireah asked, after a long pause.

“I just said that I didn’t.”

<Well, it’s called an Escafil Device. It gives you the power to take the DNA from any organic creature you touch. Essentially, you can become any living organism,> Sireah spoke slowly, as if contemplating an idea in her head, <where did you get this?>

“On the Yeerk ship,” I said, wondering why she kept asking me to repeat myself, “wait, it turns you into living things? Like animals? How does it work?”

Sireah did not answer immediately. Instead, she fixed me with a gaze so intense that I felt a shiver run through me.

<Teresa, you said that you do not wish to return home, correct?> Sireah asked.

“Yes…” I said, wondering what that had to do with anything.

<What if…what if I could make it so that you will not have to return home? So that your memory is not erased? Would you like that?>

“Yes,” I said eagerly, “please.”

<Okay, then you need to do exactly as I tell you. Put your hand on the side of the box,> Sireah instructed, a small, distant smile on her mouthless face. Cautiously, I obeyed. A moment later I felt a tingle run up and down my spine, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. An involuntary giggle escaped my lips.

“It tickles,” I said softly, looking up at the alien girl, “what did you do?”

<I gave you the power to morph. Now I need you to hold my hand,> Sireah offered her free hand, which I took obediently.

<Concentrate on what I look like. Form the picture in your head. There you go…good…good job…> her voice trailed off, as though she had suddenly become very sleepy. Perplexed at this new game, I removed my hand and watched her until she snapped out of her reverie.

“Are you okay?” I asked in concern.

<Yes, of course. That usually happens when you acquire something.>

“When you what?”

<Acquire something. Take its DNA. Here, I’ll show you,> Sireah reached out and grabbed my shoulder gently. For a moment nothing happened, but then I felt my eyelids grow heavy. A relaxing sensation trickled through my body and I suddenly desperately wanted to curl up and sleep.

<There,> Sireah said, removing her hand and snapping me out of it, <I have acquired you. See, now I can become you, which is what I am going to do. And you are going to become me.>

“Why?” I asked, still terribly confused. What did any of this have to do with my memory?

<I have no desire to fight in this war, Teresa,> Sireah said sullenly, <I have learned that I will be of no practical use as a warrior, and so I will instead follow my passion. I have always been fascinated by alien life, and there has been virtually no research on humanity. I will integrate myself in human life and learn about them.>

“But…I don’t want to be in a war,” I said timidly. I had no idea what war Sireah and the Andalites were involved in, but it had come up repeatedly during my interrogation and nothing about it sounded particularly fun.

<Don’t worry about it,> Sireah said, <you will be fine. Now do as I say and concentrate on me. On what I look like, down to the last detail. Then, picture yourself becoming me. Don’t be afraid.>

“I’m not afraid,” I lied. Now that I was faced with the opportunity to stay here and leave Earth I was uncertain. Still, Sireah had promised that it would be alright, and the thought of my fathers face when I returned home was more than enough to persuade me. I closed my eyes and concentrate on Sireah’s body.

I opened my eyes a few seconds later to tell Sireah how silly this game of pretend was. When I tried to talk, however, nothing happened. I tried again, but it was as though my lips had been paralyzed. I reached my hands up to my face and immediately fought back a wave of revulsion. My mouth had disappeared from my face! This was ultimately a good thing, because as soon as I realized I could not talk I tried to scream. When that did not work I stopped the morph. Ahh! Human! Human! I thought, in a panic.

(No! Teresa, concentrate. Don’t scream. It’s okay. Just concentrate on me.) Sireah’s voice cut through the panic in my head, and I tried to calm myself down. I opened my eyes and looked down at myself. My skin had begun to sprout purpley-blue fur, and I was still minus a mouth, but other than that, I was still me. Squeezing my eyes shut again and breathing deeply through my nose to calm myself down, I continued to morph.

The fur continued to grow. My torso narrowed and my shoulder blades growing more angular. I almost lost it again when extra pair of legs exploded from my stomach. Simply exploded! Only sheer willpower kept me moving forward, as I did everything in my power to keep the fear from taking me over.

About halfway through the morph I realized that the shorts I was wearing might not make it through the whole morph, and shed them and my t-shirt and jacket before continuing. I felt two protrusions grow from my head, which became eyes, heard the sickening crack of my bones readjusting. I was scared, but I couldn’t show Sireah that. The final change was the tail, which schlooped from my spine and formed a small, but fierce, tail blade at the end of it. With a final grinding everything stopped. I opened my eyes.

I was looking at myself. A ten-year-old girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, short for her age, with a smattering of freckles across her nose. I was shocked for a moment, but more because of the fact that the ‘me’ Sireah had become was stark naked than for any other reason. After all, I saw an identical version of myself every day, through Tammy.

<Um…Sireah? Can you hear me?> I thought at her cautiously.

“Yes, I can,” Sireah replied. I saw her brows draw together in surprise, “can. Cay-un.”

<Right…well, put some clothes on, Sireah. I tossed them in the corner,> I said. Sireah went over to where I had shed my clothes. From there on it was an interesting show as Sireah tried to figure out what went where. It took awhile, but eventually everything was in place and the morphing cube was hidden once more.

<Wait a second,> I said, shifting awkwardly on my four hooves, <if you’re going to pretend to be me, he’s going to erase your memory.>

“No he won’t. I can replace…ree-playce…the dosage with liquid grass. It’s the same color. The memory modifier is given as something to drink, or as an injection. It will be easy enough to switch them, and Andrin is too preoccupied to notice.”

<So…we’re really doing this?>

“Yes,” Sireah said happily.

<Sireah,> I asked slowly, <I will be able to change back, right? When I'm through exploring and want to go home. I'll be able to be myself again, right? I'll be able to go home and be with my sister and brother again and tell them about all the adventures I have, right?>

The Andalite named Sireah remained silent for a long moment before fixing me with a smile.

"Of course you will, Teresa. Of course you will."

Even after all I had been through, I never even suspected that she might lie. We set to work learning how to operate in our new bodies, and as the internal clock I had inherited clicked past the first two hours I thought nothing of it.
« Last Edit: March 16, 2010, 05:25:55 PM by Terenia [Teach] »

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Offline KitsuneMarie

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2010, 11:27:22 PM »
The ending of this chapter is especially strong, Jessi. I seriously got the shivers. It is one of those scenes that could have ended up being problematic by confusing those who aren't familiar with Animorphs while being on-the-nose for those who understand morphing rules all too well. As you wrote it, however, I thought it flowed beautifully and was incredibly chilling.

You have the remarkable ability to suck in the reader more and more, even when they thought they were already fully engaged. Kudos, my dear!

If I have more thoughts later, I'll edit my post, but for now, I need to sleep. :)
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Offline itw2009

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2010, 09:50:34 AM »
@__@

holy cow.

D:

well. i've got a good idea of what sort of person-andalite Sireah is.

MAN. you know, i'm now paralleling the blue box to The One Ring from lotr. >___> which is pretty nice, getting a new perspective on an 'old' concept. ^^


you might, some day in the faaar future, want to come back and elaborate on some of these scenes. i understand that the beginning involves a lot of necessary movement, but i feel like i might have lost maybe a couple of important details while things were developing... even as a long-time fan of the animorphs series and its context. that was a lot happening very quickly. ^^;

anyway, the big-picture plot is downright scary-cool. i can't wait to read how this goes, and i don't say that to just anyone, you know. ;) i definitely got into this story. (do i get to see chris later? because he sounds kinda hot. xD hahaha~)

are you looking for any specific spelling/grammatic edits? =D cause i saw a couple.... not many, but here are two for you: you gave us "scythe" as "scynth" (referencing a tail blade) in #1 and then you pulled a "your"/"you're" in the middle of the prologue... somewhere. >_____>; i can find it later, i promise. but does it help if i point them out at all? O___o it's only fanfic, but it IS your fanfic.

anyway. >=D you need to post the next chapter, now. go, go; shoo, shoo!
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Offline Terenia

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2010, 10:07:39 AM »
Thanks for the reviews guys!

And yes, please point out grammatical errors. I originally wrote this when I was about 13, and there are bound to be a few that I miss as I go through and revise it.

Itw, any particular scenes/moments you would have liked me to expand on? I know there is a lot happening in these first few chapters, but I don't mind slowing down and adding a chapter if something seems particularly relevant to dwell on.

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Offline itw2009

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #8 on: March 17, 2010, 10:27:11 AM »
sweet. then i won't hesitate to mark up a couple of those mistakes. but i'll do that later... in a not-work environment. xD

emotionally, i feel like theresa should have more time to suffer some shock and/or sadness.... maybe? i'm going to guess that she's strong underneath that inexperienced and traumatized exterior, but she's still pretty young, and i'd actually start worrying for her mental health... somewhere... around the middle of the first chapter. xD; i'm sure she's experienced some bad things if daddy was a violent, emotionally abusive drunk... but she's left mom (who seemed a very understated character in the prologue- i wanted to see a little more of theresa's relationship with her) and her twin (and i'm guessing that they were very, very close, but i didn't see much of that...)

and THEN. then she really ends up leaving them behind. granted, she's only seen just a little bit of how bad it is and we the audience can guess at how bad it's going to get, but... MAN. if i were her, i'd be going kinda crazy. really crazy. D: ;;

i really hope she finds some sort of stabilizing friendship soon. ^^;


...and actually, to think on it (because i know someone who grew up in a household a bit like that... only economically a LOT better), i'd think that theresa, being strong, might have stood up for mom instead of running with tammy. .....again, maaaybe. but a sudden confrontation would have seemed to me to be better impetus for suddenly leaving. xD

well. i've got a lot to do elsewhere, but i'll probably add on later. ^^
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Offline Terenia

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #9 on: March 17, 2010, 10:34:30 AM »
Thanks for the criticism. :) It's probably a good idea for you to question Teresa's mental health. Her age does have a lot to do with how she is handling things at the moment. I don't think I made it clear enough in the most recent chapter, but at this point Teresa is of the opinion that the whole morphing thing is just a giant game of pretend, so she is approaching it with the 'it's just a game' mindset....which of course will not last.

I do disagree with you as far as her 'freaking out' reaction. I find that children are much more open to impossible things occurring, and I think that a child is much more willing to accept such a dynamic shift of realities than, say a 20 year old or 30 year old would be. Sort of an Alice-in-Wonderland syndrome, if you will.

You will definitely hear more of Teresa's siblings in the future, but you're right, a confrontation would have been a better catalyst rather than just 'getting fed up'. Hm...perhaps I will go back and re-write that intro scene to reflect that. Although then I run the risk of the prologue being ten miles long :P

Thanks again for the criticism!
« Last Edit: March 17, 2010, 10:37:42 AM by Terenia [Teach] »

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Offline itw2009

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2010, 09:29:35 PM »
^^'' well, thanks for listening! i try, anyway...

it's true that i've lost a lot of the perspective that i had when i was in middle school (which is probably for the better, as my personality is a piece of work, lol).... so i don't understand a child's POV as well as, say, someone who works with kids every day. ;)

but when it came to the yeerk pool... i thought that perhaps theresa'd have a more "mature" (in one sense, not really in many others) view of the things she was hearing/seeing. given her background, i'd think she'd be unpleasantly aware of the pain of creatures around her... especially creatures who are trapped, overwhelmed by outside forces. but do you have time to even bring that up- outside the thoughts she has while running through this awful maze while she's bent on surviving? i personally don't see any easy way to make that one work. also, with the way things are now, i guess it makes sense for her to have the "pretend really bad things will go away if i ignore them" personality- if she left mom to her own devices in the beginning, she'd probably have no problem leaving the suffering monsters to theirs. later regret might develop and change her as a character.

and then, it's not really so important to plot development, if it's relevant at all. sooo... anyway. i, of course, have only seen so much of the story, and you would be the expert... i a mere aristh. ^^ so this is just me running with conjecture~

and of course, my advice will probably always push you into a longer beginning... and i think my intros are too long and arduous, so. xD it's all stylistic, imho. do what you do, because you do it well.

and i have to reiterate what marie said: the last lines really did give me shivers. =O so you have to post again soon! :D
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Offline Terenia

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #11 on: May 30, 2010, 07:42:04 PM »
A/N: Two things. 1) I'm sorry for the long delay, and 2) This chapter feels....awkward. I tried to take some of court's advice and slow things down a bit. Originally this chapter covered a huge array of events which I have now split into two or three separate chapters, but I still feel as though the pacing is somewhat...off. Let me know what you think and if you have any suggestions to fix it. I don't want to sacrifice detail for action, but I don't want to sacrifice action for detail either.

Also, in the future, you have permission to nag me utterly in between posting chapters. Otherwise I will forget. :P

Happy reading.


Chapter Three

             It took about half a day more to reach Earth. During that time Sireah and I coached each other on the ways of our respective species lives. Sireah had studied humans extensively, so it was fairly easy getting her into the character of a young human girl. I, on the other hand, was having a good deal more difficulty learning how to pass as an Andalite.

             The rituals were simple enough; a series of movements and words that required only memorization. However, when Sireah decided to move on from cultural norms to more academic areas all progress came to a standstill. On Earth I had been considered a fairly smart kid, as far as fifth graders went. Unfortunately, my expertise at multiplication tables did not impress Sireah. A young Andalite child could easily complete math problems that many humans would gape at blankly. For hours Sireah struggled to teach me the math and science that an Andalite her age would be expected to know, but in the end she gave up. We decided that as long as I knew the most basic facts it would be easy enough for me to pass as an Andalite until we were too far away to go get Sireah.

            While Sireah showed me how to act the part I found my mind drifting to what would happen when the Andalites finally discovered the truth. When I would demorph grandly in front of them all. At first everyone would be shocked, and then impressed at my show of courage. I would be accepted to travel with the ship on the spot, and go all around the galaxy in my glory. Then, when I tired of my intergalactic adventures, I would return to Earth and show my father all that I had accomplished. He would never call me worthless again.

             It was so easy to imagine his grudging acceptance of my successes. My mother’s pride, my sister’s awe at the wonderful stories I would tell. Even my older brother would be impressed, jealous that I was able to travel the galaxy while he was busy finishing high school.

             <Sireah,> Andrin’s voice interrupted me as I tried to recite the morning ritual. I waited for Sireah to respond, but she looked at me meaningfully. Oh, right, I remembered, I’m Sireah now.

          <What?> I responded. I saw the real Sireah flinch slightly, but if I had said something wrong Andrin did not seem to notice.

          <Fetch the memory inhibitor from my stores. We will be landing shortly.>

         <Um..yes,sir…> I said, looking around the room blankly.

          “I will get it,” Sireah said, rising to her feet with some difficulty. It had taken the better part of an hour to teach her to stop playing with sounds. Now it seemed as though balancing would be the next task. She steadied herself and walked to the rear of the room we were in. There was a door there that opened onto a sort of storage compartment, laden with boxes that were labeled in alien writing. She sorted through the materials for a few moments, finally coming out with a few packets of what looked vaguely like split pea soup.

   “This is liquid grass,” Sireah said in a low voice, “it is similar in appearance to the memory inhibitor. Andrin likely will not notice a difference, unless he looks closely. Here, take one. You’ll give the packet to me when we land.”

   <You’re sure this will work?> I asked, taking the packet from her outstretched hand.

   “Of course it will work,” Sireah said quickly, “we do not have a choice. It must work.”

   <But…> I hesitated. So far playing Andalite had been great fun, but now that we were almost back on Earth I remembered the promise I had made to my sister. Tammy had not seen me for several days now, and probably thought that I had abandoned her. If I left now, dropping Sireah off in my place, I would be abandoning her. Sireah had no intents on returning to my family and playing that game of charades. She intended to go her own way, learning about humans without the restrictions a human household would bring.

   <Sireah, I want to go home,> I blurted suddenly, <I…I can’t do this. I have to go back. My sisters need me. And my brother…he’ll be wondering where I am. I…I’m sorry, but I just can’t.>

   “Teresa,” Sireah snapped, and the ice in her voice shocked me into silence. Her face had grown deadly serious, and the eyes that bore into me now carried no sympathy. I found myself faltering, shocked that my own face could even look so cold.

   “Teresa,” Sireah repeated, slowly, “you see that Shredder over there? On the floor? That Shredder is mine, and I have not shown you how to use it yet. It is a very deadly weapon.”

   <What…why are you telling me this?> I asked, glancing at the weapon.

   “Because you have a choice,” Sireah said, “you can either stop complaining and go along with the plan, or I can blow you to pieces.”

   I felt an icy fist clench around my stomach as I realized that she was threatening my life. The alien who I had grown to consider almost a friend was threatening to kill me. I tried to answer her, tried to tell her that no, I would not allow her to use the gun on me. I was going home. Home to my brother. Home to my older sister and my twin. Home to my cowardly mother and my overbearing father. I wanted to tell her that it did not matter how broken or dysfunctional my family was, they were still mine and I wanted to go home. I wanted to say a lot of things…but no words came. My brain had frozen, and no matter how I tried I could not stop it from looping back to that gun, back to her threat, and back to the fact that I knew deep within me that she was serious.

   “Good,” Sireah nodded, taking my silence as assent. Her expression softened somewhat, “Don’t look at me that way. I know you think I’m the bad guy, but I’m not. Trust me, you’ll be happier this way. After all, I’m taking you away from your evil father.”

   <I’m scared,> I managed to squeeze the words out. I felt like crying, but found that Andalites do not cry.

   “Of course you are,” Sireah said soothingly, “change is scary. But remember the plan, alright? You go with the Andalites and they will keep you safe. You’ll be able to have great adventures and become famous. Then you can come back to Earth. Alright?” I found myself nodding, despite the fear that I felt. Sireah knew what she was talking about. I needed to listen to her, and not scare myself into going home.

   “Besides,” Sireah said, driving the point home, “if you go home now your father will know that you really are worthless.”

   <I am not,> I said, my voice trembling. Sireah smiled softly, knowing she had won.

   The next ten minutes were spent in relative silence. There was still much that Sireah had to teach me, but she seemed to have lost the desire to do so. That was fine with me; I had lost my desire to learn. All I was concerned with was getting this over with. I no longer wanted to be near Sireah.

   The ship jerked and bumped uneasily as we entered the Earth’s atmosphere. Sireah had ordered the wall to go transparent, and I had watched longingly as the blue and green ball that was my home got larger and larger and eventually filled the entire view. We targeted an area of North America close to my hometown and began to descend rapidly, the window glowing red we sped through the atmosphere.

   “Ready?” Sireah asked as the ship circled lazily down towards an abandoned meadow that bordered a shopping district. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

   <Sireah, bring the human,> Andrin’s voice rang out a moment later; <it is time.>

   Sireah stood up, brushing loose grass from her legs. She bent back over, fingers closing around the Shredder that she had threatened me with. For a moment my heart leaped and I wondered if she was going to kill me then and there, but she turned the weapon around and offered it to me.

   “This is yours now,” she said with a small smile. Uncertainly I took the weapon and placed it in the empty holster that I had been given earlier. Sireah then led the way back to the bridge of the small fighter. I followed, trying to look like I was the one in charge. Once we were on the bridge, Andrin favored us with a bored look before he engaged the landing gear. A moment later we had landed.

   <Computer, open hatch,> Andrin commanded. There was a hiss as the hatch swung open and a fresh breeze blew in, replacing the stale air of the spacecraft. The ramp lowered, and two Andalites and a human made their way out of the ship. I thought, for a moment, that Sireah might give herself away. Her expression was one of pure awe, and she kept looking every which way, as though trying to absorb as much information in as little time as possible If Andrin noticed, though, he said nothing.

   <Sireah, the serum,> Andrin ordered in a bored voice. There was a lengthy pause before I remembered that he was talking to me. Fumbling, I handed him the packet of liquid grass. Andrin produced a syringe and drew some of the liquid out with practiced ease. He took the arm of Sireah, who did not fight him, and stabbed the needle into her. She flinched slightly at the sting, but otherwise made no sound as Andrin emptied the grass into her and removed the needle.   

   <You may be a bit disoriented,> Andrin warned, <everything will become hazy and, in ten Earth minutes or so you will forget why you are here altogether. I advise that you head over to one of the human dwellings before that happens so that you may find your way home. Good luck to you, Teresa. Come, Sireah.>

For a desperate moment I considered running for it, but a sharp look from Sireah forced me back onto the fighter. I stood at the top of the ramp, sucking in deep breaths of Earth air, fixing its image in my mind, for as long as I could. Far too soon an impatient Andrin ordered me away from the door and sealed the hatch.

<How do you know she’ll be able to find her way back?> I asked Andrin, staring at the hatch door, as though I could will it to open once more.

<I don’t,> Andrin said simply, returning to the controls. I considered pressing the issue, but Andrin seemed even more irritable than usual and I decided instead to return to the back room that Sireah and I had spent the trip inhabiting. It seemed significantly larger and emptier than it had before, and I quickly turned the wall opaque, as Sireah had showed me to do. I did not want to see Earth falling away from me. I did not want to think about the home I was leaving behind.

<Sireah is right,> I said to myself, <I don’t belong there. Not until I prove myself.>
« Last Edit: July 19, 2010, 03:50:23 PM by Terenia [Teach] »

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Offline KitsuneMarie

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #12 on: July 19, 2010, 09:13:30 AM »
Honestly, the only awkward part of this chapter, to me, was the last three paragraphs. I think they would better serve as a beginning to the next chapter, as they herald a new adventure and they take away from the pathos of the previous lines. This line -- "<Sireah is right,> I said to myself, <I don’t belong there. Not until I prove myself.>" -- reminds me of the final line of Absalom, Absalom in some ways ("I don’t hate [the South]...; I don’t hate it... I don’t hate it...; I don’t. I don’t! I don’t hate it! I don’t hate it!"), so maybe that's why I feel like it'd be a good chapter-ender.

I love the dramatic irony, the pathos, and the miserable childhood innocence of this chapter. It's gorgeously vulnerable while remaining easy to read. Nice job, Jessi.
« Last Edit: July 19, 2010, 04:16:11 PM by KitsuneMarie »
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Offline Terenia

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #13 on: July 19, 2010, 03:52:18 PM »
Hm. You're absolutely right, that is exactly what was bothering me. The end felt off and I couldn't pinpoint why. Well, I went back and edited it as you suggested and will likely include the last three paragraphs in a slightly edited form in the beginning of the next chapter. Or maybe nix them altogether.

I have time, right? It took you a month and a half to review....so I have a month and a half to put out Chapter Four, right? Right?  >:D

Thanks for the review, dear. I love it when people actually bother to take the time and critique instead of just saying "I love it" or "I hate it". :)

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Offline KitsuneMarie

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Re: Playing War: The Traitor
« Reply #14 on: July 19, 2010, 04:18:00 PM »
Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!! Sooner!!!!!!!

...

[spoiler=Pwease?][/spoiler]
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