Color me intrigued. Not sold, but hooked. There are a few minor comma-usage things that jumped out
>But with the way my life has been, the place is so far off my radar, it feels like it's in another universe.
That last comma, it's wrong under every style I know.
but you're mechanically sound. My only real substantial criticism is the dialog at the end, which sounds very awkward, like they're high-school sweethearts and he's a nerd - I guess that's not a bad thing, no?
Bump this thread when you update, please.
