Memoirs of a RAFian

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

BOOK CLXXIII:
THE YEAR WITHOUT RAF
CHAPTER ONE:
Dynamic Dynamo

Helen was dispatched to the power plant. She was still a bit disturbed by the Naza Beast hearts nearly forming Garrotik. She swore that her heart stopped when she saw that. Garrotik . . . alive again. He was one of the most dangerous adversaries that the RAFians had ever faced, barring perhaps the Warworld and Galacticron. Malice was less . . . upfront than Garrotik was, and she wouldn't completely annihilate the RAFians, Helen was sure. Otherwise, she would get bored again, and Malice knew this.

Anyway, Helen arrived at the power plant and went inside. She had to bust through a non-load-bearing wall to proceed deeper into the power plant. Despite their denials to the contrary, Helen suspected that this power plant hid military connections, but she hadn't any evidence, so . . .

She went through the twisting maze of hallways, dropshafts, snaking paths, climbing ladders. She wondered how the employees who worked here could navigate this place so easily. Then she came to a place that had conveyor belt walkways. WHY did a power plant need conveyor belt walkways? What was even the point? Then she came to a room where she could either climb up on a ladder to her immediate left, or continue forward over a pit of spikes. Why does a power plant need a pit of spikes for? What sense was this supposed to make?

So she used her ring, silently muttering the Star Sapphire oath as she floated across to a hanging ladder over a pit of spikes. Helen was really starting to suspect that this power plant was hiding something, and it wasn't just Demos's fiend. When she reached the landing that the ladder led to, she floated up to a small ledge and through a door shutter, and through another.

She apparently came to a room that had two security drones in it. She tried to proceed forward, but they stopped her. This ticked her off somewhat, leading to her decrying, "Oh! I don't have time for this bullsh--"

They shot at her.

"How rude!" she said, huffily, before destroying them rather easy. They weren't worth even "miniboss" status. Anyway, she continued onward, deeper into this facility. Then she came to a room that led to a single, large dropshaft. She glanced to her left and saw an insignia. A stand of DNA enclosed in a beaker, enclosed in an eye, enclosed in a red triangle. It was the insignia for Cadmus, but Helen hadn't the time to contemplate that as she dropped down the dropshaft.

This room was dark, but fortunately, she had her ring to light her way. She navigated her way rather quickly through the labyrinthine passageways and sheer drops. She didn't want to imagine what would happen to her if she didn't have her ring with her. Anyway, it wasn't long before she came back to an area that was lit properly. And there was a hole in the floor that clearly led to the next room.

She went through it, naturally. And found herself in ANOTHER room with a conveyor belt. What was it with the architects of this place? Did they just have an overabundance of conveyor belts and gears and whatnot? Who owned this power plant anyway? No matter, she proceeded forward. She finally made it to the fiend's nest. At the central consol of the power plant. Because of course it was.

The fiend was a short, stout creature with humanlike eyes, with dark purple sclera and pale brown irises. Its round head, other than its flesh-colored mouth, was red with purple "tear streaks" with a lightning motif, and purple eyelids. Its entire head was encased in a transparent dome. with metallic silver around its shoulders and neck. The part of its shoulders that was not enclosed in the dome were made of electrodes with purple lighting rods pointed backward, pass the head. It's upper arms were metallic coils, while its lower arms were red with red studs. It only possessed a left hand (which was metallic and robotic), and the other was purple dynamo with a black base. It's stout torso was red, with a purple lightning marking on its chest between two ruby red spherical gem "nipples", with a purple ring around its waist. Its thighs and upper legs were metallic coils while its lower legs and shines were thick and red, and it's pod-like feet were black with silver studs at the ankles.

Helen found that, frequently throughout the course of the match, this fiend would run back and forth across the room. It also shot out slow-moving electric tendrils at different heights at her, which she blocked with a construct from her ring. It also created a ring of three electric balls around itself, which orbited it for some time before either being thrown at Helen or sent into the ceiling. It then did its introductory move while attacking her with its lightning bolt of electricity.  This attack was very difficult to dodge as it covered her entire field of vision, so she had to make a construct of herself to have the fiend target the it with the spheres before they are sent into the ceiling. The fiend was also seemingly invulnerable while summoning these lightning bolts, so the incentive to use this strategy was even greater for Helen.  The number of lightning bolts it summoned was equal to the number of electric orbs that it sent into the ceiling beforehand, so she tried to keep count of them.

The fiend's last combat move was to jump to the other side of the room, leaving a "rainbow" of six electric spheres in its wake.  These spheres launched themselves at her, one at a time, in no particular order.  Again, her construct of herself absorbed the spheres and prevented Helen from taking damage while at the same time pelting the fiend with shots. Clearly, it was not invincible during this time like it was in the previously mentioned instance and will not try to regenerate itself until all the spheres have attacked.Occasional ly, the fiend jumped up on a platform with electrodes on the sides that dropped down in the middle of the room. It can charge itself with these, and it will restore his health, strength, and stamina. To stop this, she had to destroy each side of them, but beware of standing under it, since it will drop directly down and possibly land on her.

With all this in mind, she managed to defeat and destroy this fiend. It was done, and so was she. For this mission, anyway.

***

Demos called it a "dainamosapien". Demos claimed that he intended the fiend to be a guide for schoolchildren on field trips through a power plant. When holes were poked into this, Demos waved them away.

***

Malice was still reviewing the Nazca Beast footage, as if she was going to post it to YouTube.

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER TWO:
Bedtime Museum and Bedtime Stories

Cloak stood in a void and was walking with strangely echoing footsteps. It was as if he was walking in a dark museum made of obsidian. He was surprised when he saw a suddenly flash of light with a hulking figure posed, frozen in midattack. It had the hair of an Osmosian, the body shape, arm count, two left eyes, legs, and torso of a Tetramand, the left arm of a Pyronite as its upper left arm, the wings of a Lepidopterran, the upper back of a Galvanic Mechamorph, the right arm of a Petrosapien as its upper right arm, the eye track of an Ectonurite, the right eye of a Galvan, the sensory gills and arms of a Vulpimancer as its lower arms, the tail of a Kineceleran, and the lure, teeth, and gills of a.Piscciss Volann. Judging by the mishmashed parts, Cloak assumed, if this chimera was real, its powers would be enhanced strength, enhanced jumping, enhanced durability, pyrokinesis, flight (though limited due to its size), slime spit, levitation, superhuman stretching, minor technological manipulation, energy blasts, shapeshifting Petrosapien arm, crystallokinesis, sharp claws, enhanced senses, enhanced agility, sharp Teeth, steel-rending jaw strength, marine respiration, glowing lure, enhanced speed, enhanced reflexes, and a prehensile tail. But the Realm Walker also assumed that the sum was lesser than the whole of its constituent parts, perhaps by a factor of ten. But this specimen was just like a mock-up, a museum exhibit.

Cloak moved on and saw a second specimen, one that looked far less monstrous that the previous one. This one had the body frame and briefs of a male Osmosian, the left half of his face was Taydenite, the right half of his face, left half of his chest and back was concrete, the lower right half of his chest, upper right half of his back, lower back, stomach, and right arm was metal, and his legs were wood. Just based on this, Cloak assumed, if real, his powers would be enhanced strength, enhanced durability, regeneration, body alteration, weapon manifestation, and possession immunity. Granted, he took a lot for granted in this assumption.

Cloak proceeded forward, hands behind his back, with these specimens clearly just false and frozen, incapable of harming him. This one, too, had Osmosian hair as well as ripped jeans. It also had wings and hood of Necrofriggian, two Cerebrocrustracean legs in place of a lower left arm and a Cerebrocrustacen right claw, Crystalsapien on its right shoulder, the right arm structure of a Petrosapien, the body structure of a Polymorph, the torso, body shape, chest plates and tail of a Vaxasaurian, the face and right eye of a hyper-evolved Vaxasaurian, the face, skin, and right foot of an Aerophibian, the oral lining of a Sonorosian, a Biosovortian spike on its left shoulder, the left arm of an Appolexian of an upper left arm and an Appoplexian left foot, and an Appoplexian left wrist claw, the right arm of an Arachnichimp, the lower jaw of a hyper-evolved Arachnichimp, the left arm structure of a Methanosian, and the water ports of an Orishan. If real, Cloak surmised that its power set could consist of power absorption, pyrokinesis, fire breath, enhanced speed, electric absorption, earth eruption, tremor generation, ice breath, intangibility, electric force fields, ultraviolet beams, energy absorption, shapeshifting Petrosapien arm, crystal projectiles, sonic screams, enhanced jumping; liquefaction, elasticity, enhanced strength, enhanced durability, neuroshock blasts, magnetokinesis, ferrokinesis, radioactive blasts, nuclear-based optic blasts, web spitting, enhanced agility, flame projection, florakinesis, jackhammer arms, enhanced durability, hydrokinesis, energy blasts, electrokinesis, flight, space survivability, aerokinesis, and magic manipulation. Again, this was just a guess on the Elements Master's part.

Cloak moved forward, and saw a new specimen. It had the hair of an Osmosian,the right wing and right arm of a pterodactyine species from Terradino, the crest of a small, insectoid species, the right arm and upper right torso of a Segmentasapien, the legs of grasshopper-like species, the antennae of a Conductoid, the rocks on its torso and left arm of a Galilean as a upper left arm, the left wing of a Nemuina, the torso, crest, and face of a Gimlinopithecus, the left arm of a Atrocian as its lower left arm, the mouth of a Vladat, and the claws of a Vulpimancer on its Atrocian arm. Cloak surmised that, if real, its powers would consist of enhanced jumping, gravikinesis, plasma ball creation, energy whips, electrokinesis, energy absorption, energy redirection, elastic antennae, and enhanced strength.

This was like wandering through a museum and examining the exhibits, only the exhibits were singular specimens. The next one had the hair and facial structure of an Osmosian, the back and fins of a Polar Manzardill, the right eye of a Loboan, the lower arms and body shape of an Arburian Pelarota, the lower chest and legs of a Splixson, the eyes on the lower arms and the left eye of a Opticoid, the upper arms and shoulders of a Transyl, the bandages and crown of a Thep Khufan, the mouth and tail of a Gourmand, the head fin and chin eyes of a To'kustar, and the fingers, facial skin, tail length, arm spikes, and eggplant bombs of a Florauna. Cloak surmised that its power set was likely to include florakinesis, enhanced strength, energy beams, omniphagy, and enhanced durability.

It was at this point that Cloak awoke, wondering audibly what the point of that dream was.

***

"But I'm not tired!" Leatherhead protested.

"Leatherhead," GH said firmly, hoping that Leatherhead would notice his tone and not try those puppy dog eyes on him. Again. It wasn't really fair that he was so adorable. "You need your sleep, and it's bedtime."

"But I'm not tired!" Leatherhead repeated.

"It's time for bed, Leatherhead," GH said, poking him in the belly. The boy was ticklish and every time GH did this, Leatherhead couldn't help but giggle. GH only stopped when he spoke again, "But, tell you what."

Leatherhead was in his pajamas already -- in his natural crocodilian form, his human suit was hung up ready to be worn at the next day. There were some alterations made to it, as it was slightly bigger to match with Leatherhead's growing body. He kneeled on his bed, like any rambunctious child, ready to play, but GH wasn't having any of it. This wasn't the time for roughhousing. It was time to settle down and get ready for bed, the pair of them.

"I'll tell you a bedtime story," GH said, "but you need to go to bed after I'm done, okay."

Leatherhead was already underneath his covers, and looking at his adoptive father with expectant excitement.

"I'll take that as a 'yes', then," GH said, as Leatherhead nodded with enthusiasm. GH brought up his guitar and strummed a little until he found a little tune he liked. Then he sang:

"Did you ever hear,
Of that awful year
Way back before you were born?
When RAF took a holiday
On the night before RAFmas morn?"

GH strummed a little as Leatherhead grinned happily.

"It was a year without RAF.
A RAFmas eve so sad.
It was a year without RAF,
The worse we've ever had."

GH paused a bit before continuing, smiling at Leatherhead.

"Richard woke up one day,
Feeling tuckered and gray,
And this is what he said.
'I could sure use some rest,
I'm not feeling my best.'
And he yawned as he took to his bed.
There'll be a year without RAF.
'I'm sure that they won't miss me!'
There'll be a year without RAF,
To set us all free!"

GH glanced at Leatherhead briefly. He had his undivided attention. Good.

"And he slept through the day,
As the hours ticked away.
And the time was drawing near.
And the people cried,
They thought RAF had died.
Every eye shed a blue RAF tear.
It was a year without RAF,
A RAFmas eve so sad.
It was a year without RAF,
The worse we've ever had.
It was a year without RAF,
A RAFmas eve so sad.
It was a year with RAF,
The worse we've ever had!"

SOURCE SONG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCk8ULH9N2c

[guitarhero01234]

"You need your sleep (. . .)"

The boy was ticklish and every time GH did this, Leatherhead couldn't help but giggle.

. . . Okay, no joke, this is literally every interaction between me and my boyfriend. Except I'm the ticklish insomniac and neither of us are a crocodile child. But other than that, exactly the same

[Cloak]

. . . Okay, no joke, this is literally every interaction between me and my boyfriend. Except I'm the ticklish insomniac and neither of us are a crocodile child. But other than that, exactly the same

And I was just drawing on when I used to read Shadow "Harry Potter" when she was little. (I still can't believe that she's now seventeen . . . where does the time go?)

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER THREE:
Rotiart, You Rotter

It was long ago, before you remember. Not yet RAFmas, but after Thanksgiving, though I can't give you the precise date. Richard got up that day late, later than usual. He put on one of his shoe, then its twin. Then he got up, looked at himself in the mirror on the wall, and felt like a very, very old man. Then he sat back down on the side of his bed.

"God, I'm tired," he said, before listing the amount of tiresome responsibilities he and the RAFians had finished and the workload that still laid before them. "It has worn me weary. Crick in my back, Cold in my nose. Aches in my fingers and all my toes. And sort of kink inside, whenever I think of the next mission night."

"Now, Richard," Ash chided. "You just rest up a bit more. I've already sent for the doctor. You'll be back on your feet in no time!"

Just then the door open to reveal, who else but Rotiart. But he wasn't the bratty, tragic villain that the RAFians knew him to be in life, but a cantankerous, old elf in stereotypical doctor garb and a navy blue derby for some reason. (Why GH didn't elect to have Kelly and chose Rotiart in this role wasn't revealled.) He walked over to Richard's bed, like one of those stop-motion characters in some Ruby-Bass Christmas movie.*.

"No wonder you've got the shivers and shakes!" he declared, revealing his voice to be coarse and gravelly. "Probably never got over the case of near-pneumonia you got last year, gallivanting about, saving the world. AND FOR WHAT?! Just to save a bunch of ungrateful sots who don't give a hoot in the first place!"

"Now, now, Doctor Rotiart," Ash scolded mildly, "it's not just saving the world, and you know it. What about all that compassion and good will?"

"If you had any sense, you'd give it up as a bad job and stay home in bed!" Rotiart snapped.

"Oh, come now," Ash chided. "If Richard stays in bed, then who would lead RAF?"

"Who cares?" Rotirart said, with a mirthless chortle. "Nobody cares about RAF anymore!"

"They don't?" Richard asked, removing the thermometer from his mouth. But Rotiart shoved it back in, as he replied, "OF COURSE NOT! Wouldn't surprise me none if no one even BELIEVED in RAF anymore!"

"Now, Richard, don't you pay him any mind." Ash said, quickly.

"No one gives a hoot or holler about you OR RAF," Rotiart said, as he went to leave. Then he turned around, and, in a very offhanded way, said, "Oh, and merry RAFmas to you."

He slammed the door behind him, being the angry old elf that he was cast as.

"Now, Richard, I hope you're not gonna take any of that to heart." Ash said, concerned. She didn't like how much Rotiart's words seemed to affect Richard.

"No, Ash, the man's right." Richard dissented. He exhaled as if he was blowing away all the world's problems that RAF was almost mandated to fix. Blowing away the responsibility to it. "I had that same feeling myself, but I just wouldn't admit it to myself. Nobody really cares about what we do for them anymore. And, besides, the doctor says that I'm really not up to snuff. Besides . . . we're due for a holiday. I'd better call the RAFians to tell them to cancel the missions."

And so he did, he called down to the main forum plaza. Saffa picked up the phone and answered it while in Abby's company. Richard said, "Warn the RAFians. Tell the bloggers. I'm much too tired mission capers."

"B-But Richard! You must be kidding!" Saffa responded. And the other RAFians had similar reactions, although three RAFians seemed to not be present. Almost as if by design.

But it was true. RAF was taking a holiday. And the world would soon know that it would be the Year Without An RAF."


*

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER FOUR:
Abby and Saffa's Bogus Adventure

It wasn't long before that new reached the Internet, which absolute blew up. Headlines screamed, websites buzzed -- "RAF Says Too Tired, Not Coming". It wasn't nearly as long before each RAFian knew that all missions were cancelled. Some felt as if this was good thing, perceiving the disrespect from the likes of Bern Bridges and Cadmus and the Knights and whatnot. While, on the other hand, some felt as if the world would fall apart if they didn't protect it and save it the number of times that they have already. Needless to say, this was a highly divisive decision that Richard had made unilaterally.

Abby and Saffa were in the latter opinion, and believing that RAF needs to do its duty to the world at large. They couldn't just stay in their forum on their lone, snowy, little island. It was as if they were living at the North Pole, though they were at a lower latitude, though still frozen and snowy. It just made the buildings all the more cozy. The forum house-elves made sure of that, and the RAFians were immensely thankful for it.

"This is crazy," Saffa said, unable to keep the aghast tone from her voice. "Crazy. If we're not out there to deal with Cadmus or the -- the Knights? Who knows what would happen without us there!"

"I agree, you know that I do," Abby said. "But I'm wondering why Richard would make such a decision. Unilaterally, at that. That's not like him."

"It's because Rotiart's rhetoric got to him," a voice said, approaching them. "And the fact that he is exhausted and has a cold in his nose that likely swayed him."

"This is still odd, Ash," Saffa said. "It's almost like . . ."

"Plot convenience?" Abby supplied, halfheartedly.

"Why, I don't know whatever you mean," Ash said.

(It was at this point that Leatherhead giggled, only to giggle harder when GH boops him on the nose with his right index finger.)

"What can we do to change his mind?" Abby said, as if the previous conversation was just glossed over.

"Go to downtown," Ash said, giving the country that RAF used to be a part of before "The Move" and the nearby city that they neighbored. "Try to drum up some RAFian spirit and good will there."

"What good will it do?" Saffa asked.

"Hilarious," Ash said, dryly.

Saffa hadn't intended it as a pun on "good will", and she said so. Saffa had a habit of speaking her mind, within reason. "What I mean was how will doing that make anything better? If Richard is this disillusioned . . ."

"It's something, Saffa," Abby persuaded. "It's something to do, something that might work, a possible lead to making everything better."

"Ever the optimist," Saffa sighed. "But fine. I'm in."

"Go on," Ash said, "Take the Yarin."

(GH had decided to merge Yarin with his ship for the narrative of the story, apparently unaware how this might backfire on him if Leatherhead told any of the RAFians this story GH was telling him.)

And so they did. They flew between the territories of the miser of cold and the miser of heat, and were summarily shot down by attacks by both of them. . . .

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER FIVE:
Downtown Town

The two survived the crash, of course. Over the angry tirades of the Yarin's AI system, the two RAFians disembarked from the moped-esque Yarin transport.

"Those two misers," Saffa said, shaking her head. "Always feuding, always fighting. Seems like a waste of energy, if you ask me."

"They need to forgive each other for whatever slight that sparked that feud," Abby said.

"Sometimes, a feud goes on for so long whatever sparked it is long forgotten," Saffa said, sagely.

"What's our next move?" Abby asked, getting back on track.

"We need to find some acts of compassion and good will to overpower Richard's newfound apathy," Saffa said thoughtfully. Then she looked around and wondered aloud, "Where is everyone? The streets are deserted."

"Agreed," Abby said. "How are we supposed to find people being compassionate and find good will without anyone here?"

Then they heard a sharp whistle, and found that Officer Forfaiture had wheeled up behind them on a bicycle. In full police regalia. The two RAFians gave each other a sidelong glance at this peculiarity.

"What's the problem, officer?" Saffa said, guarded. Life as a RAFian can lead to you being a bit paranoid.

"What's the problem?! I'll tell you what the problem is!" Officer Forfaiture said, haughtily pretentious. "Driving an, uh -- riding an, uh -- whaddya call that thing anyway?"

"A moped," Saffa said, sarcasm secretly seeping into her voice.

"Riding a moped the wrong way on a one-way street," he said, flipping open a citation notebook. It was as if he was a cop from fifty, sixty years ago. "Crossing the white line. And wearing funny-looking clothes on a Sunday."

"You made up that last one," Saffa accused.

"Tell it to the judge," he said, ripping the citation out of the notebook and handing it to them. Then he got on his bicycle and rapidly pedaled away.

"He can't get away with making up bullsh--" Saffa fumed.

"Forget about that, we have other priorities."

It was at that point that the two noticed that their Yarin transport was getting impounded. Man, these people worked fast -- almost as if they were waiting for it and stalking them like a predator upon unwary prey.

***

"Wh-what's all that racket out there, Ash?" Richard demanded, groggily.

"Oh?" Ash said, acting as if she didn't send Abby and Saffa on a potentially dangerous, and potentially futile, mission. "Just one of the RAFians getting exercise. What with all the rest and relaxation, everyone's anxious and jumpy. I just isn't natural for RAFians to not have missions anymore."

"They'll get used to it," Richard said, waving this concern away. "I have already. I tell you, this is the life."

"If you say so, Richard," Ash said.

"Do you think I'm misguided by recalling the RAFians?" Richard said, revealing his second thoughts.

"Of course not, Richard, but if you should change your mind . . ."

"Okay, Ash," Richard said, already picking up on some duplicity of some sort. "What are you up to?"

"Up to, Richard? Why whatever do you mean?" Ash said, feigning ignorance. "Do I look like I'm up to something?"

"No, you don't look like you're up to something," Richard said, "But that's usually when you are up to something. What are you up to, Ash?"

"It's nothing that need concern you, Richard," Ash said, waving Richard's insistence away. She opened a window and muttered, "Poor Abby, poor Saffa."

"Saffa? Abby? For the love of god, Ash, what's going on?"

"They're only trying to help, Richard," Ash said, chivying Richard back to bed.

"Where are they?!" Richard demanded.

"Well, they thought that they'd just browse around the world," Ash said, choosing her wording carefully. "And see if the folks really didn't care about RAF anymore."

"You mean that they went out into that cruel world by themselves?!"

"It's not like they haven't before," Ash pointed out.

"No tellin' what might happen," Richard said, getting out of his bed. "I'll have to go after them."

"Do you think that you ought to, Richard? With your cold and all?" Ash asked.

"I have to go," Richard said, "or they won't get by those accursed miser brothers."

Ash's eyes widened. She had forgotten all about those two.

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER SIX:
Dialogue Trees

"Yeah, I've seem 'em," Officer Forfaiture told Richard. He still had his pompous, holier-than-thou attitude. Two young ladies standing in the middle of the street."

"They didn't get into any trouble, did they?" Richard asked, still feeling his cold.

"I'll say! Wait until the judge gets done with those lawbreakers!" Officer Forfaiture declared, as he hopped back on his bicycle and rode away, unaware of how awkward it looked to have a police officer on a bicycle in this day and age. "He'll give 'em what for!"

"Not much compassion there," Richard sighed. "Just as I feared."

***

"Perhaps kids are the best candidates for this are kids," Abby suggested.

Saffa resisted.

"Saffa, you know what I'm talking about."

"Of course, they are," Saffa said, not happy about it. She wasn't really a "kid-person" -- Leatherhead was a special exception. "But how do you propose we go about this, Abby? This isn't like sixty years ago. Strangers can't just walk up to a group of children and posit a question. Do you want to get more police to write us citations, or worse? Not to mention that the Yarin is still impounded, and we don't have a way to get that out."

"But it's an idea, Saffa. Otherwise, this entire trip was moot and pointless," Abby said.

(GH realized that this was a bit of a plot hole, but he hoped that Leatherhead was young enough to not notice. Although he was afraid he might be giving Leatherhead a message to talk to strangers, despite basing this entire story on some stop-motion cartoon made in the seventies. So, he decided to gloss over this, knowing that Leatherhead was hanging on his every word.)

The two ladies went through the necessary legal hoops and spoke to a crowd of children on a playground under the careful supervision of an assorted amount of adults. "I beg your pardon, young man, may I have a word?"

The boy, Vinny Alexander, said, "Sure. Hey! You look like a couple of RAFians."

"Stop glowering, Saffa," Abby scolded in a whisper.

"Haven't you heard the news?" Vinny said, without interruption. "RAF's taken a holiday."

"Yeah, it was all over YouTube," a girl to his left said.

"Well, you don't seem to be very upset about it," Saffa said.

"Upset? Why should I be upset?" Vinny asked.

"Yeah, what's the big deal?" said the girl to his left.

"You mean you don't care if the RAFians save you from the likes of the Heinlins, killer produce, and such?" Saffa demanded.

"Saffa. Calm down." Abby intoned.

"Nah," the collective group said. Saffa realized the problem with asking kids about this. They didn't understand the gravity of the situation. What she basically asked was akin to asking if a branch of government just stopped doing its job. RAF was pretty much instrumental in defending the world from extraterrestrial and supernatural threats. These kids were too young to understand such heady concepts.

"Of course not. It's none of our business." Vinny said. "Besides, believing in RAF is for little kids."

"Yeah," the others agreed.

Saffa looked at kids as if they were stupid, until Abby insisted that she stop.

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER SEVEN:
I Believe in RAF

As Vinny made his way home, he ran into Richard. "Um, hello, young man," the RAFfather said, "Can you spare a moment?"

"Sure," the boy said, with a nod, transitioning into introducing himself. "I'm Vincent Alexander, but everyone calls me Vinny. What's yours?"

"Uh, 'Claus'," Richard said, noting silently that this was a rather random, and possibly uncreative, pseudonym.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Claus?" Vinny said, not noticing anything wrong with the name.

"I'm looking for two friends of mine, ladies." Richard said, giving him a description of what he saw them wearing last.

"Oh, you must mean the two ladies I met at the playground," he said. "They were asking us about RAF and stuff."

It was at this point that Richard sneezed uncontrollably. A window went up in front of the Alexander residence, and his mother poked her head out, asking, "Vincent, was that you I heard sneeze?"

"Not me, mom," he replied. "It was my friend, Mr. Claus."

"Oh, why don't you bring him inside and talk," she said, far more comfortable with this than a normal mother would be in this day and age. "And I'll give him something for that cold."

With that, she withdrew back into the house, as Vinny did precisely what she asked of him. And Richard sneezed as he was formally introduced to Vinny's mother, Katherine. To which she replied, "Oh, you poor man. Drink this. It'll make you feel much better."

Richard took the proffered drink, and downed it after giving his thanks. Then he addressed Vinny, "You say my friends were asking you about RAF?"

"Yeah, they wanted to know if we kids cared about RAF and all," the boy replied.

"And, um, what'd you tell them?" his mother asked.

"Heck," he said. "I don't believe in RAF anymore. That's kid stuff. Right?"

Just as I thought, Richard thought.

"You don't believe in RAF, do you, Mom?" he asked.

""Smatter of fact, I do," she said.

"How 'bout you?" Vinny asked.

"Me? Why, of course I do." Richard said, before launching into a song.

"I believe in RAF,
Like I believe in love.
I believe in RAF,
Everything it is and was,
And everything it does.
There’s no question in my mind
That it does exist.
Just like love,
I know it’s there.
Waiting to be missed."

Katherine:chimed in, with a beautiful singing voice:

"I believe in RAF."

Then Richard chimed in with her, and both sang:

"Just believe in RAF.
Like you believe in love.
Just believe in RAF.
And everything that it is and was
And everything that it does."

Richard sang solo:

"Wipe that question from your mind!
Yes, it does exist."

His mother joined in with Richard once more:

"Just like love,
It’s there.
Just waiting to be missed.
Just like love,
We know it’s there.
Waiting to be missed. . . ."

The boy's eyes actually teared up at this, and he said, "I guess if you're not too old to believe, well . . . I guess, maybe . . ."

This earned him a chortle from Richard and his mother, as the boy shook Richard's hand.


SOURCE SONG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azlSvtX2s1I

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER EIGHT:
Talking to Mayor Michaels

"Oh, by the way, when my friends left the playground, did they say where they were going?" Richard asked Vinny.

"Oh my gosh," Vinny said, eyes widening as if he was just remembering, "I almost forgot. They were on their way to talk to the mayor about getting their moped out of the impound."

"Their . . . moped, you say?" Richard asked.

"Yep," Vinny said.

Richard said his goodbyes as he was escorted out, and he rushed to the impound lot, revealing his nature as a RAFian to the family of two in his hurry.

"Did you see that, Mom?" Vinny asked.

"I sure did," Katherine said. "I thought there was something different about that man."

"He must be a --" Vinny said, stopping short from saying it aloud.

"Wouldn't surprise me one bit," Katherine replied. "At the moment, nothing will!"

"Then his friends must be real RAFians," Vinny said, continuing with this line of thought. And their moped . . . I'd bet that was some sort of flying machine. Gee, I wish there was something I could do to help."

"Well, you have a big problem, son, and it often pays to go to the top man. Why don't you go to the mayor's office? Give him the whole story. He should be able to help."

"Hey! Good idea, Mom!" Vinny said, and he was on his way at once, with this bit of questionable parenting in hand.

***

Well, it just so happened that Abby and Saffa had the same idea of questionable effectiveness, considering most politicians nowadays were complete and utter cowards. When the man at the impound lot refused to return their Yarin to them, he suggested that they go to the mayor, Mayor Odium Michaels. Of course, he used more colorful and vulgar language that didn't bear repeating.

And he started it off by laughing aloud right in their faces. Mayor Michaels was a fat man with a walrus-type mustache in a three-piece suit that strained at the seams. In between fits of laughter, he managed to get choke out, "So -- so let me get this straight. You two are RAFians whose transport is at the impound lot? Ha ha ha ha! And you want to take it back to RAF. Ha ha ha ha!"

"Yes, you rotund --"

"Saffa, please." Abby asked, appealing to her to have some restraint. "You see, your honor, we're here on a special mission. A secret mission."

He still was laughing much too profusely. "A secret mission? I should have guessed."

"Because Richard has cancelled all RAFian missions -- except this one. He wants to take a holiday." Abby said, trying to be diplomatic, while Saffa stared at the morbidly obese man with disgust as he continued to laugh at them.

"No -- no more please, I can't take it!" he laughed. "RAFians? Space Age transports? RAF?"

"We are RAFians!" Saffa said, indignantly. "We're serious!"

"How can we convince you?" Abby said, trying still to be diplomatic. Though it was becoming hard for her, too. This mayor was really an irritating fellow.

"Oh, come on," he said, annoyed now. At least he stopped laughing. "What kind of fool do you think I am?"

"You don't want us to answer that," Saffa said, apparently unable to help herself.

"You don't have a chance of a snowball in this city of convincing me that one-tenth of your story is on the level," he said, as if he didn't hear Saffa.

"A snowball in this city? What kind of chance is that?" Abby asked Vinny, who was standing there quietly this whole time.

"Not very likely," he replied. "It never snows here."

"Well, not in the last hundred years!" Mayor Michaels scoffed, checking his window. It was then that he stumbled upon an idea that greatly amused him. "Hey! I'll tell you what. You RAFians are known for miraculous feats."

"Here it comes," Saffa muttered.

"You conjure up a good ol' snowstorm and I'll buy every word you say," he said.

"And there it is," Saffa muttered.

"You will?" Vinny asked.

"I'll spring your . . . 'Yarin' from the hoosegow. I'll call all the mayors in this great country -- we'll give RIchard an official national holiday this year!" he said, clearly thinking that this would never happen. Evidenced by the laughter that followed, showcasing the absurdity he thought of this story.

"It's a deal," Abby said, as Saffa looked at her with a dark glower.

[Cloak]

This might be a short book. Since this is such a direct parody of "The Year Without a Santa Claus" (as it is obviously, I don't think that there's any spoilers there), and those kinds of movies are never very long.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER NINE:
It's Gonna Snow

"Good-bye, your honor," Abby said, as Saffa was currently facepalming. It wasn't going to be easy at all to accomplish this, and Saffa knew it. "We've got lots to do."

"Yeah!" Vinny said, essentially inviting himself along. Without even bothering to notify his mother, but then again, she sent him on this adventure in all essences. "See you all around the ski slopes, Mr. Mayor!"

This sent the mayor swiveling around in his swivel chair, laughing a obnoxiously boisterous cackle. Then a trumpet flared, signalling the start to a new song, that Mayor Michaels sang as he left city hall:

"It's gonna snow,
Like dust from a pixie.
Ha ha!
All will be white,
Overnight.
It will be cold!
On RAFmas day, hey hey!
As if from a pixie!
We'll do-si-do
In the snow,
So I've been told!"

A nameless woman looked over at her husband, as if to say, "Uh-oh! Mayor Michaels has lost his mind again. Why did we ever vote for him?"

Meanwhile, a chorus of children sang:

"We'll build a snowman, our very first.
Take down that strawman,
And bundle up for nature's worst."

The children were excited about the prospect, but some adults weren't. They had moved here to get away from snow. And, of course, they thought that the mayor had lost his mind, as well.

"It's gonna snow,
ho ho.
As if from a pixie!
All will be white,
Overnight.
It will be cold!"

Then some of the populace joined in:

"On RAFmas day, hey hey!
As if from a pixie!"

Then Mayor Michaels took over again.

"We'll do-si-do
In the snow."

Then the townspeople joined in once more.

"So we've been told!"

***

Turns out that they needn't worry about the Yarin (though the onboard AI was livid), as Richard managed to get it out of impound easily enough. And, over the litany of profanities and a few choice words about the man at the impound lot, Richard spoke to the man.

"Shush, Yarin, you're fine," Richard said.

"FINE?! My finish is ruined!" Yarin roared, as Richard turned its voice volume down. That way it could rage all it wanted and no one had to speak over it. Granted, Yarin found this to be "not cool".

"Now, if anyone should come by, asking about it," Richard said, addressing the man, one Mr. Cain Cane.

"Oh, two little ladies were here, about an hour ago. But they couldn't pay the fine. I told them to go see the mayor." he said.

Walking out and carrying the slightly-silenced, Richard thought, What am I going to do about those two? But first thing's first, I'll get the Yarin back home.

And so he returned back to the forum.


SOURCE SONG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGOUT1mGNSY

[Cloak]

New chapter. A brief one, sorry. Shortage of time.
 

CHAPTER TEN:
Ash Has A Plan

Things looked pretty bad from where Saffa and Abby were sitting. Saffa was keen to remind Abby that she shouldn't have made such a reckless move in agreeing to take the mayor's deal. Vinny was still with them, sitting on a park bench, which was much to hard and full of splinters. As far as they knew, the Yarin was still in impound, and they were still faced with the problem of making it snow in this city.

"Alright, Saffa, I get it," Abby said, frustrated. "Can't you just lay off?"

Saffa was inclined to keep picking at it, but that would cost her Abby's friendship, so she stopped. Though she was still angry about the situation, as one would be. But it never takes too long for apoplectic anger to turn into apathetic depression.

Anyway, all seemed lost, when Saffa suggested something with a shrug, "Ash. She'd know what to do."

"Give her a call, then," Abby said.

"Good idea," Saffa said.

And that's what they did. And it did not take Ash too long to come. Being a shapeshifter has its advantages.

"She should be along any minute now," Saffa said, scanning the sky for her. Vinny was expecting her to show up on a flying reindeer or something.

"I hope she doesn't wake my mom up," Vinny said, as they waited on his roof. It was funny how Katherine just seemed okay with this. Perhaps parenting was far more lax in the seventies.

"Here she comes now!" Abby said pointing to the sky where a large owl was gliding towards them.

"She's a giant owl?" Vinny asked, confused.

"Actually . . ." Saffa said, as Ash landed daintily and noiselessly upon the roof, reverting to her normal form.

"Wow . . ." Vinny said, awestruck.

"Hello, Vinny," Ash said. Then she addressed the other two. "I'm gonna change back to the owl form, when I do, all three of you hop on, and hold on tight!"

They did, with Vinny letting out an impressed "Golly!", and Saffa asked, "Where're we going, Ash?"

As the owl, Ash replied, "We're going to see Snow Azguard. Hold on tight!"

***

Meanwhile, Richard had returned home to the forum, and found that he had a PM awaiting him. It was a note from Ash, telling him that she was going to help Abby and Saffa with their mission.

"Good, good," he muttered as he read through the note. "Ash will set them right. Now I can take care of my cold . . ."

And, with that, and having put the Yarin transport were it belonged, he took to his bed to rest. . . .

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER ELEVEN:
Snow Azguard

The quartet arrived at Snow Azguard's palace. Its design looked as if he decided to rip off Elsa's ice castle, except, instead of a stairway leading to the entrance it was the more archaic drawbridge. As the four approached, a strange creature blew into a bugle to announce their presence. It was a creature that looked like a sapphire blue Pearl and a house-elf -- she had the slender and slim physique and beaky nose of a Pearl (and lacked any sort of gemstone on her person) and the large, batlike ears, protuberant eyes, and diminutive size of a house-elf. She wore a floor-length gown with white, rounded, puffy sleeves, a navy top, and a blue skirt. Her dress had a blue pinafore over the top. The skirt had several frilly layers in several shades of blue which resemble an open geode. She also wore white elbow-length evening gloves. This miser servant had feet that were constantly hidden by her dress, on which she wore blue shoes.

Anyway, the ice-covered drawbridge fell as the four entered. Abby, Saffa, and Vinny were shivering, while Ash didn't seem to be too bothered.

"Here he comes now, the big ham," Ash said, with almost affectionate derision. Trumpets blared to announce a song about to be sung as Snow Azguard appeared on scene. He had pale skin with a snow white or light blue tint to it. His hair was either covered in congealed ice or made of it. He wore a frost-laden blue shirt and silver leggings, a blue striped scarf, blue gloves and long, blue pointed shoes. He had icicles dangling from his ears, like earrings. He was unusually tall, and towers over flatscan humans. He sang:

"I'm Mr. White RAFmas.
I'm Mr. Snow.
I'm Mr. Icicle.
I'm Mr. Ten Below.
Friends call me Snow Azguard,
Whatever I touch,
Turns to snow in my clutch.
Ha ha!
I'm too much!"

Then his Pearl/house-elf minions -- there were a lot more than the bugler -- sang:

"He's Mr. White RAFmas.
He's Mr. Snow."

"That's right!" Snow Azguard declared. His minions continued:

"He's Mr. Icicle.
He's Mr. Ten Below."

Then Snow Azguard sang:

"Friends call me "Snow" Demos,
Whatever I touch,
Turns to snow in my clutch."

His minions sang:

"He's too much!"

Then Snow Azguard sang:

"I never want to know a day
That's over forty degreees!
I rather have it at thirty,
Twenty, and let it freeze!"

His minions continued:

"He's Mr. White RAFmas.
He's Mr. Snow.
He's Mr. Icicle.
He's Mr. Ten Below."

Then Snow Azguard sang:

"Friends call me "Snow" Demos,
Whatever I touch,
Turns to snow in my clutch.
Too much!"

Then all of them concluded:

"Too much!"

Then the snow miser said upon his icy throne beaming down at the quartet, three of which were still shivering, two of which weren't out of fear.


SOURCE SONG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SGlPnA_iCk

[Cloak]

New chapter. Sorry about the brevity.
 

CHAPTER TWELVE:
Another Hurdle to Clear

"Well, Miss Ash, how's Richie?" Snow Azguard said, sounding like a television producer.

"Well, I'm afraid he has a pretty bad cold, Azzy," Ash said, being friendly enough.

"Aww, that's a shame, the poor fellow," Az said, not losing that television producer intonation, "he should have come and seen me. I'd have given him a good one! Ha ha! A little chilly humor, there."

"Don't you dare make fun of Richard like that," Vinny said, pointing an accusatory finger at Snow Azguard. Frankly, this was pretty ballsy for the kid.

"Oh, don't mistake my humor for snark, young man!" Snow Azguard said, dropping the television producer-like rhetoric. "I love him a lot."

"You do?" Saffa asked.

"Of course, I do, silly!" Snow Azguard said. "Why, he's the best advertisement that snow business ever had!"

Then he laughed raucously, before returning to his television producer-esque persona, "Now. What can I do for you, madam?"

"We need a snowstorm," Ash said,

"Well, no sooner said than done, my little icicle!" the snow miser proclaimed at once. "Where do you want it?"

Ash gave him the name of the town.

"What -- hold it! HOLD it!" he told his minion at the console of some machine. "No can do, Miss Ash. That city is under control of my stepbrother Heat Demos. And every time I try to send some refreshing snow down there, what does he do? Turn it into rain. Or fog. And who needs that?"

"Well, if I get his okay, will you make it snow?" Ash asked.

"Sure thing!" Snow Azguard said, enthusiastically. "But don't get your hopes up. You'll never get anywhere with that one."

"We'll have to try," Ash said. Then she turned to leave, with the other three following her. "Thanks, Azzy."

"Eh, don't mention it," Snow Azguard said, waving away the gratitude. "And don't be such a stranger! Stop by with Richie some time, and we'll have a blizzard!"

The quartet left as Snow Azguard was laughing deeply. As the four disembarked the drawbridge, which was drawn back up after they vacated it, Saffa asked, "Where to now, Ash?"

Ash had shapeshifted the form of a gigantic eagle this time, and said, "You heard the man. We have to see Heat Demos."

"I was afraid you'd say that," Saffa sighed.

"Let's be on our way, then," Ash said, as the other three climbed up.

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER THIRTEEN:
Heat Demos

It was like at Snow Azguard's palace, and the quartet saw one of Heat Demos's minions bulging their arrival. Much like Snow Azguard's minions, Heat Demos's minions looked liked a fusion of a red Pearl with a house-elf. Only they have rounded, bulbous noses instead of the beaky noses of his half-brother's minions, and fiery red hair, unlike the icy hair of his step-brother's minions. They wore a maroon and brown tank top and a matching maroon headband tied around their red hair. Their ensemble also includes mid-thigh burgundy shorts, and short, pointed maroon boots.

The whole room that the four entered looked horribly like the movie depictions of hell -- red stone walls, flames everywhere. And, naturally, it was very warm in here, yet enough for Saffa, Abby, and Vinny to be comfortable and not sweating profusely. He appeared in a flash of light. Heat Demos wore a red shirt and yellow leggings, and long, red pointed shoes. He was taller than humans, but shorter than his half-brother.

Near immediately after his entrance, trumpets blared, announcing a song. One similar to his step-brother's. Just don't tell him that.

"I'm Mr. Green RAFmas.
I'm Mr. Sun.
I'm Mr. Heat Blister.
I'm Mr. Hundred and One.
They call me Heat Demos.
Whatever I touch,
Starts to melt in my clutch.
Ha ha!
I'm too much!"

His minions sang:

"He's Mr. Green RAFmas.
He's Mr. Sun.
He's Mr. Heat Blister.
He's Mr. Hundred and One."

Heat Demos sang:

"They call me Heat Demos.
Whatever I touch,
Starts to melt in my clutch."

His minions sang;

"He's too much!"

"Thank you," he said, before launching back into the song:

"I never want to go a day
That's under sixty degrees.
I rather have it eighty,
Ninety, one hundred degrees!"

Then he landed next to the quartet, and said, with a warm chortle, "Oh, some like it hot, but I like it really hot."

His minions sang:

"He's Mr. Green Christmas.
He's Mr. Sun."

"Sing it!!" Heat Demos shouted, as his minions continued:

"He's Mr. Heat Blister.
He's Mr. Hundred and One."

Heat Demos sang:

"They call me Heat Demos.
Whatever I touch,
Starts to melt in my clutch.
I'm too much!"

Heat Demos and his minion concluded:

"Too much!"

Then he landed on his throne, and glowered at the four before him, and said, "Well, well, well."


SONG SOURCE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SGlPnA_iCk

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER FOURTEEN:
Hostile Heat

"Well, well, well. If it isn't, Miss Ash." he said, with faux friendliness. "Where's Richard? Out doing another commercial for my lousy half-brother?"

"Oh, come now," Ash chided, "You know perfectly well that Richard and the RAFians aren't on your brother's payroll, Demos."

"Then he's grossly unfair, that's what!" Demos protested, and began to mutter a string of untrue things, that Ash promptly ignored. Let the miser brother have his little rant.

"I assure you, we don't have any control over what people think," Ash said, trying to be diplomatic. Demos's fiery personality sometimes made diplomacy difficult.

"Then why doesn't he wear a bathing suit and drive sand buggy?" Demos asked.

"We don't drive with sleighs or sand buggies," Ash said. She was finding that trying to be diplomatic was being particularly draining. "We use technological mean to --"

"Then he can sing the praises of heat and rain!" Demos declared. Ash was pretty sure that he didn't even hear a word she had said.

"I'll see what I can do," she said, with a dry, insincere tone that Demos didn't seem to pick up on. Ash wasn't really interested in such trivial matters, but the mission they had at hand. Both miser brothers could be bit of brats, and she knew it to be so very well. She pushed on with the matter at hand. "In the meantime, will you do us a favor?"

"Favor? I don't see why I should," he said, apparently abandoning his litany of things that Richard and the RAFians could praise, "Nobody's ever done anything for me. What is it?"

"Could you let it snow, just for one day, in --" she said, giving the location of the town.

"WHAT?!" he roared. "SNOW THERE?!"

"Just for one day," Ash petitioned.

"NEVER!!" Heat Demos cried, petulantly. Then he stopped to consider, and said, "Hmmm . . . unless .. . . unless there were, uh, something in it for me?"

"Like what?" Ash said. She thought she saw where this was headed.

"Ooh, like, for instance . . . it a little bit of my brother's territory turned over to me," he said, "like, shall we say . . . RAF."

"Well, heavens, I don't know," Ash said. "That would be up to your brother, not me."

"Well, why don't you give tutti-frutti snowcone a ring on the ol' hotline?" Heat Demos said, indicating a ruby red phone, held by his minions and what appeared to be a plasma screen at roughly eight o'clock to him and about five or six feet away. "See what he says."

***

GH paused only a moment, and he saw that Leatherhead was still awake, hanging on to his every word. GH really hoped that the young crocodilian mutant wouldn't expect this to be a nightly ritual -- he didn't think that he could create a new story every night. Heck, this one was just taking a story from that stop-motion animated holiday special some thirty or forty years ago, and adapted it so he could include some RAFians.

"Why'd you stop, Daddy?" LH asked.

"Oh, no reason," GH said, "Let's continue . . ."