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BOOK CXXXIV:
MIND'S EYE
CHAPTER ONE:
Cloak Has His Say
Cloak said nothing, still surprised at his feelings of complete apathy towards his mother, despite all the dysfunction and turmoil she put him through. Despite all of that, he felt nothing --
nothing -- towards her, his biological mother.
Nothing. Nothing, but pity.
Because for really the first time in his twenty-seven years, he saw her for what she truly was. And he saw her as more than a mere monster. She was a woman so desperate to control everything and everyone she pushed away anyone or anything she could no longer control, anything that was no longer within her sphere of control.
And he, Cloak, her only son, was no longer
in that sphere of control. He would no longer be her scapegoat, would no longer allow her to dangle over him like Damocles' blade, like a deadly pendulum.
"Well?" this mental construct, so brutally condescending as the real one, said. Yet, this time Cloak felt no fear, no abject capitulation, towards her. The only thing that he could feel towards her was pity, and sorrow for what she was. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
Cloak said nothing, but met her gaze.
You answer me when I talk you!" she snarled.
"You're pathetic," Cloak said. But it was spoken matter-of-fact, instead of with disgust.
"What?"
"You heard me," Cloak said, never raising his voice above his calm, but resolute, intonation. "You're pathetic. You try to force your will and viewpoints on people, without considering their feelings, without taking consideration their opinions on matters. Yous is the only one you think should and does matter."
Cloak said nothing for a moment, before continuing, in a toneless, matter-of-fact way not unlike the Inspector used, "You care nothing for me or the other people you hurt. You only care about yourself, so fully engulfed in yourself that you only exclusively consider your own wants and needs to, at times, the expense of others."
Cloak paused briefly, as a gentle wind blew around their cloaks dramatically. Cloak continued:
"You never accept responsibility for your actions, preferring your pompous posturing of perfection -- something that is impossible to achieve, due to its highly subjective nature. And you demanded that standard of me, which I could not live up to -- and, indeed, no one could realistically live up to -- and demanded that I follow all your big plans for me that you always gave up on when they did not reach immediate results."
Cloak paused again, to collect his thoughts for a moment.
"I see now that you saw me as nothing but an appendage, something that was a part of you that you have every right to control. I know you used me against my father, just like you tried to use Shadow to manipulate me -- only she's far smarter than I was at her age. But it is futile to try to get you to feel regret or remorse for what you've done, as you clearly never felt such things before. You've never appreciated anyone besides yourself -- and because of that, you'll wind up alone and friendless, a lonely spinster incapable of empathy."
"You're just like your father!" she snarled.
"Yes, I am," Cloak said, showing some emotion. "I much rather be like him than the alternative. He knows how to take responsibility for his actions, his decisions. He doesn't just displace his negative qualities and the consequences of said decisions unto others. He may have his flaws, but one thing's for sure -- he's not a narcissist."
"You are so
worthless!" the mental image of his mother said.
"I used to believe that," Cloak acknowledged. " I really did. But then I met some people who would disagree with your assessment."
Mental images of Shadow, GH, Faith, Saffa, Wheeza, Abby, Xeno, and many others appeared behind him, giving him solidarity. He actually felt his heart bolstered at this.
"All in all, I don't hate you, mother. Nor do I love you," he said, in summation, but you are my mother. My biological mother. Nothing will change that. But one thing is certain. I'm done. I'm done with you in my mind, my heart, my soul. You take all your negativity back, because I'm done with it, and you. Goodbye."
Then he turned on his heel as the final layer vanished with the mental projections. Aniyu appeared briefly to congratulate him, and bid him adieu . . . he had no further need of her, but she would return if he had need for her again, she assured.
Cloak woke up, feeling freer than he had for the last twenty-seven years -- 271 in Dweller Earth years.
