Memoirs of a RAFian

[guitarhero01234]

You just don't understand my genius.
Also, astral projection? Time travel? Mind control? Either that's a massive coincidence, or you know I'm a huge fan of the album Crack the Skye.

[Cloak]

Coincidence. The song was adapted from Aquaman's Rousing Song of Heroism, from "Batman: The Brave and the Bold".

[guitarhero01234]

Aw. I kind of like to believe that you did such intensive, stalker-like research on me to subtly invoke an album that I like. Maybe I'm overestimating your genius.

[Cloak]

Sorry to disappoint, GH!

New chapter.
 

BOOK LXXXV:
The Last Laugh
CHAPTER ONE:
I've Got the Ring!

"I've got the ring!" Saffa said, even though she didn't really. The hulking, buff brute who looked like a brunette Broly charged her.

"I've got the ring!" Underseen claimed fraudulently, and the bulky Broly brute charged toward him instead.

"I've got the ring!" Abby shouted, lying. She became the Broly beast's next target.

The ring in question possessed a very unique stone which was the size of a marble, set into a brass ring. This stone was unique in the fact that whoever wore -- wore, not simply touched -- whoever wore the ring was induced with megalomania.

Why it was sought out so badly by this beast of a man was anyone's guess. Possibly because the gem also granted him heightened intellect -- but at the cost of his sanity. The ring's current location was hard to track because it was changing hands so frequently.

Guitarhero had an idea. He strummed on his guitar, somehow remaining immaculate in the course of battle.

"I have the ring!
Yes, I have the ring!
I have the ring right here!"

Shadow shouted, "Everybody!"

RAFians and non-RAFians alike sang:

"I have the ring.
Everybody sing!
I have the ring right here!
I have the ring!
Yes, I have the ring!
I have the ring right here!
I have the ring!
Yes, I have the ring!
I have the ring right here!
I have the ring!
Yes, I have the ring!
I have the ring right here!
I have the ring!
Yes, I have the ring!
I have the ring right here!
I have the ring!
Yes, I have the ring!
I have the ring right here!"*

The hulking beast held his head, as if harboring the worst migraine ever. He quickly gave up and allowed himself to be arrested soon thereafter. But the ring was nowhere to be seen . . . Rotiart had thrown it down a rusty pipe. "Accidentally".

"Rotiart," Cloak growled. "You really need to shape up."

"You aren't the boss of me," Rotiart said. "You can't do anything to me."

Cloak glared at the teenager. He was really starting to think of the arrogant, little punk as the Starscream of RAF. AMAZING how long he managed to remain a RAFian just like how remarkable how long Starscream remained with the Decepticons. They both equated to each other in terms of cunning and strategies, which wasn't really saying to much about their intelligence.

"Let's go back," Cloak said, voice low.


*Source song. Yes, I now the video is less then stellar but it's the only one that I could find that had the animation.

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER TWO:
Ring Around the Lunatic

Meanwhile, in the sewers, lived a homeless man that was somehow clean-shaven when it was clear that he was down here for weeks. He was just exceedingly lucky that he never came across the Spirit-Drinker when it was on the loose.

He had lanky, flaccid, shoulder-length hair the color of rust and intense (to a creepy degree) blue eyes that were colder than the vacuum of space which were deeply set into his face. He had a very square jaw with a blunt nose. He wore a thick, tattered trench coat with a stained reddish-brown sweater beneath with blue jeans ripped here and there, with a knobby, hair-covered knee exposed. He wore no shoes and his toenails had a serious need of trimming.

He was reminiscing about . . . happier times (in his view, anyway):

Oh, sometimes, I think back to
When I was younger.
Life was so much simpler then.
Dad would be up at dawn
Spreading manure on the lawn,
Or maybe goin' fishin' again.
And Mom would be fixin' up somethin' in the kitchen,
Biscuits or hot apple pie.
And I'd spend the day in the basement
Torturing cats with a hacksaw
And pulling the wings of butterflies.
Those were the good ole days.
Those were the good ole days.
The years go by, but the memory stays.
And those were the good ole days.
I can still remember good ole Mr. Bender,
Who ran local grocery store.
Oh, he strolled down the aisle
With a big friendly smile.
He'd say "howdy" when you'd walk through the door.
Always treated me nice,
Gave me kindly advice,
I don't know why I set fire to his face.
Oh, I'll never forget the clay I bashed into his head.
Let me tell ya now,
Those were the good ole days.
Those were the good ole days.
The years go by, but the memory stays.
And those were the good ole days.
Do you remember sweet Stel?
She was my school romance.
She was nice to talk to and nice to smell.
So I took her to the homecoming dance.
Then I tied her to a chair
And shave off all her hair
And left here in the desert all alone.
Well, sometimes, in my dreams,
I can still hear the screams.
Oh, I wonder if she ever made it home!
I tell ya,
Those were the good ole days.
Those were the good ole days.
The years go by, but the memory stays.
And those were the good ole days.
Let me tell ya, buddy,
Those were the good ole days.
Those were the good ole days.
The years go by, but the memory stays.
And those were the good ole days.

He was obviously a psychotic lunatic. That pretty much went without saying. His name was Mark Napier, and he was a wanted man, obviously. He wandered until he came to be beneath a pipe.

THUNK!!

A ring hit him on the head with enough force that the stone in the ring became unset from it. The brass ring clattered to the ground, while the stone expanded to the size of a golf ball. The stone did not clatter to the ground, but was unintentionally absorbed by Napier. It bleached his skin chalk white, dyed his hair a clownish red and his lips a fluorescent green, blackened his finger and toenails, and the sclera of his eyes became black and his blue eyes became as fluorescent green as his lips.

He then picked up the brass fitting and put it on.

[redtailedsaffa]

That colour scheme is like a reverse Joker.

[theyoungphoenix]

So behind on this it isn't even funny. I don't even remember what book I was on. Crap. I'll just have to go back and read them.

[redtailedsaffa]

I could mail you the PDFs if you want. What book are you up to?

[Cloak]

There's a reason for the Joker likeness.

And Abby, sorry, but I'm about it a bit harder for you.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER THREE:
What A Gas!

"Just kill me, then!" Officer Cruz spat.

"And end all this that quickly?" Napier said, aghast. He now wore a lurid suit of much too bright colors, like a gangster that a My Little Pony threw up on. "Officer Cruz, I'm so disappointed in you! Where's the fun in that?"

Music unexpectedly aand inexplicably boomed out of nowhere.

"Do you really have sing?!" Officer Cruz said, with horror.

"You can be a goody two-shoes for the rest of your days,
You can listen to 'em say that 'crime never pays'.
You can follow every law and keep the rich man fat,
But why would you want to?
Where's the fun in that?
Where's the fun in thaaaaaat?"

Suddenly, voluminous amounts of gas the color of toxic waste blasted into the room out of nowhere. Napier was the only one who seemed unaffected by it, as he was the only one not coughing even once.

But he didn't stop his song.

"So, SMILE, dern ya, smile!
Everybody loves to grin.
Follow my lead!
Recite my creed!
Smile, dern ya, smile!
Don't listen to the dullards who say life is a bore.
Those fuddy-duddies spoil all my fun!
That's why I strive to eradicate gloom,
It's from THAT itch
That I made the switch
And chose my nomme de plume!
The Joke Meister!
There's the fun in that.
There's the fun in thaaaaaaat!
So, smile, dern ya, smile!
Everybody ought to laugh!
And so, with glee,
I do decree
Just smile! Dern ya, smile!
So when living gets a little rough,
And you find it hard to cope,
I'm the gent with just the STUFF
To fill you full of hope!!
Just smile, dern ya, smile!
Everybody needs a clown!
Now, with just one stroke,
The final joke!
Just smile, dern ya,
SMILE, dern ya, smile!!!
Everybody loves to grin.
Follow my lead!
Recite my creed!
Smile, dern ya, smile!!!"*

And there were smiles everywhere. They were lifeless and unmoving. They had bloodshot eyes with yellowed sclera, paled skin, reddish-black lips and a characteristic Joker smile. The gas cleared to see that "Joke Meister" was the only one standing.

"I see that my song really KILLED," he said, beginning to laugh the trademark Joker cackle.


*Source song.

[guitarhero01234]

Honestly, this chapter had me lulzing pretty hard. Maybe that's because I'm just as psychotic as Napier.

[redtailedsaffa]

As the lingo at college goes, worsht joke.

[Cloak]

Well, Napier was supposed to be just as wacky as the Joker, GH.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER FOUR:
Investigations

Naturally, these deaths wouldn't have gone unnoticed.

Naturally, the RAFians were right on top of it. Cloak, Shadow, Parker, Saffa, Abby, and Underseen were the first to arrive on the scene. They flashed their Marks (except Shadow, who didn't have one, but made the gesture anyway), like police badges, and were allowed on the scene.

They ducked the yellow caution tape and proceeded further into the crime scene. Cloak felt a sudden chill that seemed unconnected with the environment. He could not think as to why, and it perplexed him greatly. He slowed his gait considerably, without the Realm Walker's notice.

"Uncle?"

"Cloaky, what do you see?" Parker said, at once.

"See?" the Elements Master said, absently. "Nothing . . ."

"What do you sense, then?" Saffa said, shrewdly.

"I . . ." Cloak answered distractedly, ". . . don't know."

"RAFians?" came a voice.

"Ah, Officer Ramirez," Parker said, greeting her warmly, and received an equally gracious greeting in return.

"Careful, Parker."Abby teased a little. "Don't want to make Helen jealous."

"So, what happened here, officer?" Saffa asked promptly.

"A massacre," she replied heavily. "Seven dead. Including . . . Gil."

"'Jungle' Cruz?"

"The very same," she said.

But Cloak's eyes locked on an inert form, and made a direct beeline for it. It was a body with some sort of tarp over it. Cloak sniffed -- the body reeked of death, but it was a stale smell, compared to if it was fresh.

Cloak had a hunch, but hoped he was wrong. His heart sank when he saw the victim's face. The iconic smile, the yellowed sclera, bloodshot eyes, the darkened lips, the pale skin stretched taut -- they were all symptoms Cloak recognized with grim horror.

"Gateburst," Cloak spat.

"Uncle, language!" Shadow said, with mock lecturing tones.

"Cloak, what is it?" Underseen said.

"Joker gas," he replied, with a disgusted sneer.

"What?! You knew about this toxin all the time?" Parker demanded at once. "How come you haven't come foreward with this information before now?!"

Cloak reared back to his full, and considerable height of about eight feet tall. "It was and still is in the database, along with the antidote."

Cloak looked down at the bodies being carted away.

"We need to get Goom, Aquilai, and Yarin on it." he added.

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER FIVE:
Teeth Chattering

"Saffa. Abby." Cloak said, with a snap to his voice. Abby jumped a bit at being addressed in such a way. "Go back to the forum, get those three, and synthesize the antidote."

"Hey! Why do we have to go? Because we're girls?" Saffa countered, rather hotly.

"No, because you can breathe," Cloak replied, prepared for the protest. "Because you aren't wearing a self-contained suit of armor. Because you can't shapeshift mouths and things away for an indeterminate amount of time. Because you aren't aerokinetic. Enough reasons?"

Saffa's next protest died in her throat.

"How're you going to find where this perpetrator went?" Abby asked.

Cloak pointed in a most casual way. "I'm surprised you didn't hear or see them already."

The clattering of chattering teeth was suddenly thrown into sharper relief. They left a loose, but deliberate trail. The others scrutinized the trail, it was vague and obscure enough to escape notice of the police, who were trained to see such trails.

"Whoever this guy is," Shadow observed, as the two girls resentfully went to do as Cloak instructed, "he wants to be found."

"Or he's really inept at covering his tracks," Parker added.

"Or, quite possibly, both." Underseen commented. He had shapeshifted his nose and mouth away (and yet was perfectly able to speak normally). He still was in human form, only without a nose or a mouth. He looked rather like a younger Question with visible eyes.

Cloak opened his palm, absently aerokinetically manipulating a small wisp of wind, considering what lay before them. He would have had an idea of what they'd be up against if this was the Joker . . . but this clearly was not. The grisly nature could be a rough equivalent, and Cloak imagined that the killer -- who was likely immune to the gas somehow -- had an equitable malevolent glee and sense of macabre wackiness to that of the Joker of Realm #600.

"Let's get going," Cloak said, stepping toward the clattering, novelty teeth.

But when he approached it too closely, the minute toy leapt upon his sleeve and began to gnaw on it. It didn't even make a tear in the fabric, though it rather like a Mouser in a Ninja Turtle game on the Super Nintendo. Cloak imagined that could have actually damage a less sturdy material, but it was insufficient.

And easy to break apart, which was good in Cloak's eyes. All that clatter was rather irksome, he found.

[theyoungphoenix]

I could mail you the PDFs if you want. What book are you up to?

That's just it though. I don't even remember, nor can I check because my phone is still restricted. Maybe she can reset the restrictions password on it for me, and then I could tell you.

Also, liking these chapters Cloaky. 

[redtailedsaffa]

What toy where?

Yeah, talk to your mum. Put on your best puppy dog eyes.