Memoirs of a RAFian

[Cloak]

Yep, Saffa. (Or is it "Deck", now? )
 
New chapter.
 

CHAPTER TWENTY:
Grow Up, Childs

"Let me go! Let me go! I didn't do nuthin' wrong!" Childs wailed like a baby. Cloak was starting to lose sympathy for the guy. "I didn't do NUTHIN' WRONG!!"

Mithril picked up the ruined character head.

"GIVE THAT BACK TO ME!!" Childs demanded, nearing temper tantrum levels.
 
"Don't get me started pal," Parker growled. Clearly, he was sharing Cloak's feelings of annoyance. "A couple years of psychiatric therapy would do you wonders."
 
"By credible therapists," Cloak commented darkly, as they bound the Toyman's hands and ankles. "Not those loons who think 'conversion therapy' or 'reparative therapy' are legitimate forms of therapy."
 
"Wow," Horse commented, "so dark so suddenly, Cloak. And on a completely different, barely-related tangent. What brought this on?"

Cloak said, surly, as Childs was taken away, "Just something I saw on the news the other day. About that congressional nominee."

"Still out of the blue, Cloak," Goom said.

"Not really," Cloak said, as they began the trek back.

"You're suggesting that Childs might be --"

"No, I'm not suggesting anything. Not really." Cloak said, thoughtfully. "Not about Childs anyway. His was a sad case. An absentee mother with a put-upon toymaker father."

Cloak fell silent for a moment, before continuing, "But Childs' case was not the only sad case."

"You're thinking about it again, aren't you?" Underseen said. "Your past?"

"I plead the fifth." Cloak said, repressively.

"Be glad you remember." Underseen muttered. He thought he had said it unheard by all, but Cloak heard. The Realm Walker gave him a quick, piercing, quizzical look but said nothing.

[redtailedsaffa]

Hehe, just keeping up the holiday tradition of Christmassy names.

PDF!

[Cloak]

Thanks. You do me a great service, Deck -- dah, I mean, Saffa.
 
New, possibly short, chapter. And, yes, I know, we jump into this rather quickly.
 

BOOK LXXIX:
RAFIAN IDOL
CHAPTER ONE:
Let's Bring Out Something A Little . . . New

"Everyone seems so down lately," Abby said.
 
"Well, the constant stream of psychopaths putting people's lives, and sometimes the world, in jeopardy will tend to take out the festivity from people," Saffa said, conversationally.
 
"We need to boost everyone's moral!" Abby declared. "We need to introduce some levity to the others!"
 
"Like what?" Cloak said. He had been brooding in his own thoughts more frequently than usual, and that's saying something.
 
"Something like your parodies, Cloak," Abby said.
 
"I don't know why I ever called them that," Cloak said, in a self-deprecating manner. "They're more song adaptations than anything else."
 
"Oh, cheer up, Cloak!" Abby said. Then she gave out a small gasp and smiled broadly. She had a sudden idea. "Say, Cloak, how about a contest?"
 
"You challenging me to something?" Cloak said, wearily.
 
"No, not you. But I think you should be a judge . . ." Abby's smile widened, and Cloak couldn't see how that was possible.
 
"Judge?" Cloak said, warily. "Judging what?"
 
"RAFian Idol!!" Abby cried out.
 
"What?" Cloak said, flatly.
 
"Trust me, it'll be great! You'll do great as the judge!"
 
"Fine. Then Horse and Blaze will be my co-judges."
 
"Huh?" Blaze said, rather comically.
 
"How'd we get dragged into this?" Horse groaned.
 
Cloak did something it felt that he hadn't in quite some time. He smiled.
 
"And Abby can emcee this mess." Cloak said, smirking mischieviously.
 
"I accept!" she said, which wasn't the reaction Cloak had been expecting. "And the judges will perform an exhibition song as well!"
 
"Wait, what?" Cloak, Horse and Blaze said, in unison.

[Cloak]

New, short, chapter. Sorry about the brevity.
 

CHAPTER TWO:
Preparations

From there, it was like rolling a boulder down a steep hill with the merest of pushes. The mods not only accepted the suggestion, but endorsed it. The other RAFians took to the idea like wildfire, but not all were willing to be a participant. Many just wished to be mere spectactors.

The training sim would be converted temporarily for it, allowing the performers more range with their chosen song adaptations. All who were accepted as participants were eager and determined to win. Naturally, Cloak, Blaze, Horse, and Abby could not enter, as they would be prerforming other functions. And Richard himself chose not to enter, choosing to enjoy it as a spectator.

There was a great amount of hype for this, and the downcast moods that the RAFians seemed to be in mere days before seemed to have evaporated with the anticipation. There were seventeen or eighteen known applicants, and each one was charged with making there own "music video" of sorts for their performance.

Abby was thoroughly enjoying her role in all this, throwing herself into the work.

"I think she's gone mad with power," Blaze said.

"What power? We're the judges!" Horse said.

"Don't mind being dragged into this now, do you, Horse?" Cloak teased.

"That was before I knew to what grand scale this would be!" Horse said, quite sincere and earnest. "I was afraid this was going to be one of those dinky American Idol ripoffs."

"It is called 'RAFian Idol', you know." Blaze pointed out.

"Schematics!"

"You mean 'semantics'," Cloak corrected.

"Whatever!" Horse said, in such a good mood that nothing could dampen it. "Don't forget we still have an exhibition song to sing ourselves!"

"I'm aware." Cloak said. "And I think I may have just the one. . . ."

[redtailedsaffa]

Oh, this is gonna be fun.

[Cloak]

Now you can see why I was looking forward to it. This'll hafta tide you over until Monday. This place isn't open the weekend.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER THREE:
The Exhibition Song

The lights came up and Abby welcomed all attendees for joining them and announced the details of the contest -- you know, standard "American Idol" fair and such. She also made this sound like this was the first of many more to come. Cloak wasn't so sure about that.
 
"Now, for the exhibition song from our judges!" Abby announced -- it was very weird to see her in those coattails and tux. She really didn't have to dress up that formally. She even wore white gloves with it!
 
"Blaze!"
 
The area was dark. Then two tremendous columns of flame errupted around him, and illuminated the djinn/angel hybrid. His eyes twinkled with benign mischieviousness, reflected in his smile as well.
 
"Horse!"
 
The area was darkened again, but then quickly illuminated by two spouts of water, which formed into a wall, a whirlpool of water. The water then froze and shattered, showing Horse in her "Infinity Armor", Tempest Blade touching the ground, with her hands crossed upon it, giving a cheeky smile.
 
"Aaaaaaaaand Cloak!"
 
The area was darkened again, and remained so for a few minutes. Suddenly, two amber eyes could be seen in the darkness, with a faint scarlet-gold glow. This glow steadily intensified until a burst of light was emitted and Cloak was revealed rather like when Avatar Aang first manifested Avatar Roku. Then a burst of sparkling light emitted over the crowd.
 
There was a cheer, that ebbed when the music started up, as the images behind them showed portraits of all the known RAFians. Cloak started things up.
 

"Heigh ho, do you know
The names of the RAF residents,
Who then became the active members
And got a view from the RAF HQ
Of this venue?"

Horse sang:

"Richard was the first, you see,
He once chopped down a cherry tree."

Blaze's turn:

"Member number two would be
Asmodeus and then number three --"

Cloak:

"Ash stayed up to write
The declaration late at night.
So she had a great big fight,
And they made her sleep on the couch all night."

Horse:
 

"Intrepid never had a son,
In the Flame War of Reply 1812."

Blaze:

'Phoenix's colossal fiery blows
Was bigger than his avatar shows."

Cloak:

"Ellimist was sixth in line
And then it's Jess, not in a bind."

Blaze:

"Shock, number eight,
Up for many a debate."

Cloak:

"Kelly, how do you praise?
She replies in how many days?"

Horse:

"Tyler, he liked country people."

Blaze:

"And after him, came Myitt's pull."

Cloak:

"Hunter liked have clams to smoke.
His wolf breath killed friends whenever he spoke." ()

Horse:

"Reply eighteen-fifty, really nifty,
Kitkat's in!"

Cloak:

"Young and fierce was Esplin,
The man without a chin." ()

Blaze:

"Follows next a period spannin',
Two long years with morfowt.
Then the fans starts shootin' canon
And we've got a 'Civil War'."

Then the three sang in a trio:

"A war, a war in RAF."

Cloak:

"Up to bat, comes old SuperNate linkin'."

Blaze:

"There's a guy who's really thinkin'!"

Horse:

"Kept the RAF from shrinkin'.
Saved the ship of RAF from sinkin'."

Blaze:

"B-RAD's next,
He had some slight defects." ()

Cloak:
 

"Mr. Guy and his grant,
Who would scream and rave and rant." ()

Horse:

"While drinking firewhiskey,
Although risky,
'Cause he'd spill it on his pants!"

Cloak:

"It's reply eighteen seventy-seven
And the RAFians would gloat,
But they're all amazed when Duff
Sails by in a large boat."

Blaze:

"DinoNothlit, someone really hated,
'Cause she was time-travel slated!"

Horse:

"Shanker gets instated,
What topics was it that he started?"

Blaze:

"For estrid, really phat,
Unafraid to tell where she stands at.
Then I came, and after that,
It's Tocade up to bat!"

Cloak:

"Whammy charged up the controversy hill."

Horse:

"And TobSie, she got the bill."

Cloak:

"In Reply 1913 -- "

And then they sang together:

"WildAtHeart comes next in the queue."

Cloak:

"Anna, next in line."

Blaze:

"It's RYTX; he does fine."

Horse:

"[And then in Reply nineteen twenty-nine,
The site crashes, and we find -- "

Cloak:

"It's Truth's big debut.
He plays the games and --"

Blaze:

"Mrlarry, member who
Signed up fifteen months ago."

Horse:

"Jax, weird little human,
Serves RAF a little and when he's done --"

Cloak:

"It's Anitiger13 who's got the power,
From reply nineteen fifty-three to reply nineteen sixty-one."

Blaze:

"Toominator had Camelot,
Then Blue took his spot."

Cloak:

"Qwerty, he gets caught,
And Zues770 fell down a lot!"

Horse:

"MCCCXXXVII liked topic trips."

Cloak:

"And Dameg's speeches' scripts,
All came from famous movie clips!
And OrcaMorph said "read my lips"."

Blaze:

"Now in RAF --"

Horse:

"There's Shorty and Ubaki."

Cloak:

"But active ones are plain to see."

Blaze:

"Parker, rocklobster and Faerie."

Cloak sang the conclusion:

"The next RAFian to lead the way?
Well, it just might be yourself one day.
Then Fox News will distort everything you say!"

Then the three sang together:

"So jump in your ship and fly away!"

The song ended, and there was applause. Cloak couldn't tell if it was sarcastic or earnest, as the three took their places at the judging table, set even with the stage's lip. Cloak knew the song adaptation of the Animaniacs' "President Song" wasn't very "historically-accurate", but he didn't care.

"Now," he announced, "let us truly begin."

[redtailedsaffa]

Hehe, this is a nice "History of RAF" guide.

[Cloak]

Not exactly, Saffa. There was some embellishments.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER FOUR:
First Performer

"Very well," Abby said. "Now, the very first participant to the contest is . . . Demos!"
 
Demos came upon the stage in his very finest silk suit, and the hologram took the form of the stereotypical Oval Office backdrop.

He spoke an introduction, as if he was giving a presidental speech, "-- And if there is any malcontents out there that think there's iota of hope, I will find you.

As someday, it may happen
That a victim must be found.
I've got a little list,
I've got a little list
Of slight offenders
Who might as well be underground.
And who never would be missed,
Who never would be missed!
There's the lazy kid with the baggy clothes
Who's not taking up any of the slack,
The girl you date who always gives you the flack,
The rich guy who cuts in front of every single line,
And anyone who attacks from behind,
And Bill O'Reilly's ineffective dermatologist.
May none of them be missed!!
May none of them be missed!!
There's the guy behind the news reporter waving like a fool,
And that inside-out mist, I've got that on the list.
And the fat kid smiling warmly while he's peeing in the pool.
He never would be missed, he never would be missed!
There's the foul-smelling boy
Who comes to school very "groovy",
And every bleeding member
Of the cast of "Fred the Movie".
And, while we're on the subject,
Fox deserves a whack,
For nearly giving the Simpsons
The friggin' sack.
And guys who, when you shake their hand,
Just bump you with their fist.
I don't think they'd be missed.
I'm sure they'd not be missed.
There's the guy who sits beside you
And keeps farting on the plane.
And Bieber's lyricist,
I've got him on the list!
There's the blonde who tells you loudly,
With a voice just like a knife,
"You know, someone should do a sitcom
Based around my life!"
The guy who watched the Fairly Oddparents in 2004,
And won't admit the darn thing isn't funny anymore!
And any-one and every-one
Who's ever made me [bleep]ed!!!
I've got them on the list!
May none of them be missed!!
May none of them be missed!!!"

The RAFians had their reaction, there was a bit a startled surprise at the song choice, but Cloak wasn't. The judges gave their reviews of it, and the votes were tabulated.

[redtailedsaffa]

That was cheerful.

[Cloak]

It's Demos. Whachya expect?

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER FIVE:
Second Performer

"Yes, yes, a particularly cheery choice, Demos," Abby said. "The next participant -- Gaz!"

Gaz appeared on the stage, with Laserbeak swaying on her shoulder. Gaz tapped her foot as she waited for the musical introduction to finish, so she can start to perform her at her cue. When it came, she looked up, and her teeth shone brightly, particularly her vampire fangs.

"Whenever I’m feeling lonely,
Sad as I can be,
All by myself on a uncharted island
In an endless sea.
What makes me happy,
Fills me up with glee.
Those bones in my jaw,
That don’t have a flaw,
My shiny fangs and me.
My shiny fangs that twinkle
Just like the stars in space!
My shiny fangs that sparkle
Adding beauty to my face!
My shiny fangs that glisten
Just like a RAFmas tree!
You know, they’d walk a mile,
Just to see my smile.
My shiny fangs and me.
Yes, they’re all so perfect,
So white and pearly.
Brush, gargle, rinse
A couple of breath mints.
My shiny fangs and me.
My shiny fangs so awesome,
Like your favorite song.
My shiny fangs, they blossom
So they’ll grow to be real strong.
My shiny fangs, I love them,
And they both love me.
Why should I talk to you,
When I have these two.
My shiny fangs and me.
My shiny fangs and me.
My shiny fangs that twinkle
Just like the stars in space.
My shiny fangs that sparkle
Adding beauty to my face!
My shiny fangs that glisten
Just like a RAFmas tree.
You know, they’d walk a mile,
Just to see my smile.
My shiny fangs and me.
My shiny fangs and me.
My shiny fangs and me!"

Then the music subsided and she took her bow -- which caused Laserbeak to pitch forward suddenly and caw in a disconsolate way.

Then the judges gave their reviews and such, as excitement built for the next participant. . . .

[redtailedsaffa]

Why haven't we had vampires in toothpaste commercials yet?

[Cloak]

Haven't you seen the new Crest commercial?

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER SIX:
Third Performer

"Very nice, very nice," Abby said. "Now, give a round of applause for the next performer -- Ash!"

Ash, in the form a brunette Molly Weasley, appeared on the stage. She waited for the musical introduction to subside before launching into her chosen song.

"La-la-la-la-lasagna!
You want some lasagna magnifico?
Or maybe spaghetti?
Ay, you supper's all ready now, where you go?
Mama mia bambino!
Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you?
'Samatta you, 'samatta you?
You should taste my lasagna.
Ay, you no like my lasagna?
That's okay, too.
How about calzone?
Some nice minestrone?
It's good for you!
Have some marinara!
Have some marinara, I know you like!
I know you like, I know you like!
La-lasagna!
La-lasagna!
La-lasagna!
Would you like some zucchini?
Or my homemade linguine?
It's hard to beat.
Have more fettuccine.
Ay, you getting too skinny! You gotta to eat!
Ay, mange, mange!
Ay, you pass the lasagna.
Don't you get any on ya, you sloppy pig!
Have more ravioli.
You get rolly poly, nice and big.
Like your cousin Shorty
Shorty, Shorty, capisce paisan?
Capisce paisan? Capisce paisan?
La-lasagna!
La-lasagna!
La-lasagna!
La-lasagna!
Hey!
Hey!"

There was a fair smattering of applause before the judges said their pieces. Then the crowd got silent with anticipation for the next RAFian performer. . . .

[redtailedsaffa]

Nope, the brand doesn't exist in India.

Now I want lasagna.

[Cloak]

Eh, it was a joke anyway. I don't imagine we would have any vampire toothpast commercials outside of Halloween. We have an awful lot of watchdog groups here in America.

Anyway, new chapter.
 

CHAPTER SEVEN:
Fourth Performer

"Very good, Ash, very good!" Abby said. "Now, the next participant is -- Sakki!"

Sakki showed up, dressed in reds, blacks, and blues. She had her eyes shut, waiting for her cue in the midst of the musical introduction. When it came, they flew opened and she launched into her chosen song adaptation.

"When no one will listen
To what ya wanna say.
You're too small, too young.
You haven't begun
To learn the games that they play.
Don't sit around!
Just wish . . .
For it to be a better day!
Speak up, be heard, if ya don't say a word!
Everything will stay the same way.
If ya wanna change the way your life's arranged.
Then you have that choice
To be a star that you know you are.
Be loud, be proud and rejoice!
And find your voice!
Just find your voice!
You know you've got that choice.
Now go find your voice!
You see a person,
That you know you wanna meet.
Come on, stop messing around!
Get up off your seat.
They might see inside of you
The person you never knew!
He was in there all the time.
Now just let him through.
If you wanna change the way your life's arranged,
Then you have that choice
To be the star that you know you are.
Be loud, be proud and rejoice!
And find your voice!
Just find your voice!
You know you have that choice.
To find your voice!
Find your voice!
Just find your voice!
You know you've got that choice!
Now go find your voice!
And find your voice!
Just find your voice!
You know you've got that choice.
Now go find your voice!"

The song really did suit Sakki. A brief applause greeted the song, and died before the judges gave their piece.  Then the audience eagerly awaited the next participant. . . .

[redtailedsaffa]

And it's quite a loud voice.