Memoirs of a RAFian

[Cloak]

"A Dinosaur just ate our lawyer,
I guess that proves,
They're really not all bad."

Or something like that.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I can post another chapter today.  Gonna be rather busy. Well, busier than usual.

Oh, wait! New book ideas!

• Book CCXC: "Big, Bag RAFians" -- A direct RAF parody of "Big, Bad Beetleborgs".
• Book CCC: "RAF Rangers Neo" -- A somewhat-direct RAF parody of "Power Rangers" -- I hope I don't step on Slushie's toes here.

Remember, all titles are subject to change. But probably not these ones -- Saffa! Did I repeat anything?

Well, gmail is a piece of crap.  I can't write emails and that means I cannot write chapters, because the goddamn piece of crap computer I use times out after an hour.

[redtailedsaffa]

Nope. Although we did have a bit of a Power Rangers segment in RAF Comix.

[Cloak]

Well, that one was based on "Mighty Morphin'", this one will be more based off of "Zeo".

And I'm gonna try something -- Gmail is clearly trying to force people to install Google Chrome or something.  I have to write chapters.

Okay, if I post a chapter ending in a "~" that means it is unfinished, and I will return to edit it.

Let's give this a whirl . . .

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN:
Fools and Freedom

"Release the lady, alien scum!" one of the three said, the beefiest of the lot. He addressed Cloak, because he looked more alien than Aquilai.

"She isn't a lady, first off," the Time Lord said, apparently miffed at the apparent cutting him out of the conversation. "She isn't even human --"

"Shaddap you face," the scrawniest one said. "We know a lady when we see one."

"Then," Cloak said, voice not betraying his annoyance and irritation, "you three must be rather pathetically easy to decieve."

"Why, you!" cried the dumbest of the lot. "Let her go!"

"It is not a 'her'," Cloak said. "It is a Plasmavore -- it takes on the form of whoever's blood it siphoned off last. And it is able to recall past victim forms."

"Do we look stupid to you?" Mr. Beefy said.

"Do you really want us to answer that?" Aquilai asked.

***

"You killed him," Shenmue observed.

"I did not!" Dino protested. "He's breathing!"

"You know there's gonna be Judoon reprisals for this," Shenmue pointed out.

"He's alive! He's knocked out, but he's alive!"

"But the humiliation is still there," Horse said, knowingly.

"You don't know that!"

"Don't I?" Horse said, obviously referencing the fact that the Pootang sought Horse out as a comfort food.

***

"Oh, enough of this!" Cloak said, holding out his hands. The Knights realize how much of a mistake it was to tick off a master ferrokinetic when they are wearing armor of metal.

"Cloak!"

"Come off it, Aquilai, they need to be restrained," Cloak countered.

"No, Cloak! The energy bubble!"

Cloak gasped, completely forgetting to maintain the sphere, which popped and vanished for a moment.  But it was too late -- the Plasmavore escaped.  But she did not run immediately -- she was hungry. . . .

[redtailedsaffa]

Google tends to do that. They'll be asking you to force-join Google+ next, trust me. It's annoying. How about switching your email client? And I assume you still don't have a good word processor?

[Cloak]

I have to use the computers at the REC, the recovery education center, in order to write and post chapters. I'll try to post another chapter soonish.

Odd . . . it's not doing it anymore. I have my email back -- I guess it WAS just a glitch. That lasted for two days at least.

Aaaaand now it's doing it again. Geesh, Google, make up your mind.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:
Oh, Bloody 'Ell

There was a bit of the standoff between the six -- the two RAFians, the three Knights, and the Plasmavore. The Knights were obviously taken aback that this was not the demure old lady they were expecting. Cloak regarded them coldly for their ignorance of the obvious, their arrogance at believing that they were in the right. But, apparently, those two factors are required criteria in order to join up with the so-called "Knights of Humanity".

"Hungry . . ." the Plasmavore said, eyeing the Knights like a Vladat eyeing a Transylian.

"They starved her, too," said the beefy Knight, apparently too dim to understand that "she" considered THEM the food. "Come with us, ma'am, we'll get you something to eat."

"So kind," "she" said. How could the Knight's not notice the snakelike hiss in "her" voice?

"We'll get you a steak, too!" cried the dumb Knight. "How do you like them?"

"It doesn't eat steaks, you --" Aquilai cried, before the Plasmavore cut him off.

"I like them -- BLOOODY!" the Plasmavore cried with a clearly inhuman shriek. She charged while speaking, and tackled the beefy one with more force than he thought her capable off. "Her" face contorted slightly as she tried to get to the beefy Knight's neck, which was actually protected by the chain mail -- a rare instance where arrogant bravado and self-inflated sense of superiority saved someone's life. But it didn't help that he screamed like a little girl.

The RAFians were not frozen in place during this, they were trying to extricate the ungrateful Knight from the Plasmavore, but both worked to beat them off.

"Idiot boy!" Aquilai snarled. "We're trying to -- oh!"

One of the Plasmavore's fangs grazed Aquilai's shoulder.  It bled, and "she" had tasted it.

"Mmmmmm . . . Time Lord," "she" said. "She" didn't drink enough to allow "her" to assume his form, but "she" consumed enough.

"Oopsie," Aquilai said, rather uncharacteristicall y. He held back a smile, meaning his actions were deliberate, and Cloak knew why.

"Get away!" the beefy Knight said, to both the Plasmavore and the RAFians. His fellows just stood there, dumbfounded, frozen in terror and confusion. They may have wore Knight armor, but they held no values of brotherhood or unity. "Get away, I say!"

"We're trying to help you, you idiot!" Cloak snarled.

[redtailedsaffa]

I think I know what's coming next.

Wow, this book has been eventful.

[Cloak]

Perhaps, Saffa, perhaps.

CHAPTER NINETEEN:
Back In Custody

"Get away from me!" the beefy Knight said, referring to all three non-humans. Then he attempted to appeal to his friends, "Shane! Shaun! Help me!!"

But it was for naught, as his two friends had long since abandoned him to his fate. Whether this would affect their standing in the Knights of Humanity, or whether the Knights of Humanity would tout the former Atasian* principle of this Knight being "tainted" by an alien, was unknown. But it was clear that they had a semblance of brotherhood and reliability and unity, but that, like their cause, was a farce.

"Shane . . . !" the Knight called out again, less sure than before.  "Shaun . . . !"

"They're gone, boy," Cloak said, distastefully. "They've decided to leave you to your fate and in favor of saving their own necks."

"Some friends," Aquilai said, scornfully. "Now, stop fighting us, and let us help you!"

"You lie!" the beefy Knight protested.

"Then," Cloak said, who really had enough of this, "where are they?"

Silence, other than the hissing and snarling of the Plasmavore, who had seemingly given over its sentience to its hunger, becoming a starving beast, with little thought or forethought.

"Okay, ENOUGH of this," Cloak said, and he tapped into the power that he feared still, eyes golden-scarlet suns. He easily pried the Plasmavore off the Knight and into an energy bubble. It didn't looke remotely like a kindly, old lady now. It looked more like a Steven King-version banshee.

"It is back in custody," Aquilai said.

"You are still worthless aliens," the Knight muttered mutiously.

"And you are an ingrate," Cloak said, distainfully.

Then the two left, Cloak creating an energy disc to take them to RAF. It was draining work.

[redtailedsaffa]

Hello, Aquilai made it through without regenerating.

[Cloak]

Eh, you don't know what's gonna happen to him in the next book. You think this one was scary, Saffa? Just wait.

Okay, time to end this book.

CHAPTER TWENTY:
Get the Hell Off Earth, Judoon

"There! Take it!" Cloak said.

"It is human," the Judoon said, as if he had the last word on everything.

"Scan it, you idiot!" Aquilai said. "With you laughably-primitive scanner!"

The Judoon acquiested, but just a little too slow for either Cloak or Aquilai to take.

"I could always eat him again," Dino suggested blithely, waving a claw indifferently.

"Dino!" Shenmue said, admonishingly.

It was rather odd to see an ankylotyrannus shrug unconcernedly.

It didn't help things that the Plasmavore took on the form of an old woman again, but she was still quite human. The scan soon completed -- Aquilai couldn't help but notice that a Time Lord scanner would have finished the scan ten times quicker -- and confirmed that "she" wasn't human, but alien. But this was only due to the fact that "she" had partook in some of Aquilai's blood.

"Subject's identity confirmed as nonterrestrial."

"Good!" Cloak snarled. "Now take it and go!"

"You have no jurisdiction here, unknown alien," the Judoon said.

Cloak fell silent. It was a subject that he often wrestled with, tortured himself with. Whether he had the right to interfere in Dweller affairs or not. Whether he had the right to live amongst them.

"YOU are the one who has no jurisdiction here, Judoon," Helen said, hotly. She was human, and, as such, had more right to say that than either Cloak or Aquilai. "Take your criminal and get lost!"

"You do not speak to a Judoon --"

"Do you have any idea what happens to a ship when it get's too close to a star?" Esty asked, as if posing a hypothetical. But it was clearly a threat.

The Judoon was smart enough to stop pressing his luck after that, and left with the Plasmavore.

"You know that if the Plasmavore escaped from him once, it'll do it again?" Saffa said.

"If it comes back here, then I won't be pulling my punches," Cloak said.

[redtailedsaffa]

Nooo! No spoilers!

Also, PDF.

[Cloak]

Alrighty, and thanks again, Saffa.

Sorry, no new chapters today. Broke my glasses, and even typing this is difficult right now. I'll try tomorrow, lest my friend wants to hang out, then it'll be Monday.

Glasses fixed, and I have seven new book ideas, which I'll post a little later.

It's later.

• BOOK CCCI: "It's Hero Time!" -- RAFians as Greek/Roman heroes/demigods.
• BOOK CCCII: "When All Are One" -- The RAFians must helpe two men, colonists, one who is involuntarily hosting the personalities of half of the crew, and one who is voluntarily.
• BOOK CCCIII: "The Sword Smiths" -- The RAFians meet the forgers of the Eternity Blades.
• BOOK CCCIV: "Xchanges For the Better?" -- The RAFians question productizing body swapping tech, seeing how easily it can be perversed.
• BOOK CCCV: "Virtua Nighters" -- The RAFians stumble across a planet trapped in a virtual game.
• BOOK CCCVI: "Bod Mods" -- The RAFians are divided against a "body studio" who uses genetic manipulation and "science goo" to bring about corporeal changes.
• BOOK CCCVII: "Paddyquack Paddwhacksen" -- The progeny of Paddywhack confronts the RAFians with his "toys".

Hmmm . . . gmail appears to be working . . .
 

BOOK LIX:
SINS OF YOUTH
CHAPTER ONE:
A Prophetic Dream

Cloak was standing in what appeared to be a void. He wasn't sure what was happening, but knew it wasn't good. He could see shapes around him, milling around. They were hostile, Cloak could tell, but he couldn't quite make out their shapes or colors. He could tell they were of varying sizes, but they pressed together in a swarm.

There was a leader standing immediately opposite of him. Cloak couldn't make out a species for him -- duck? Rabbit? Pig? Heffalump? Woozel? Anyway, he was speaking.

"Wouldn't you agree, Cloak?"

"That's not going to work," Cloak found himself saying. He also said the creature's name, but could not hear nor remember what it was. "I've put it behind me."

"Ah, but what about your loyal RAFians?" the creature of shadows spoke. "Have they put it behind them?"

Then Gaz's voice sounded out of nowhere, but she did not make an appearance. "Cloak, what is he talking about?"

"Ah!" the creature proclaimed. "So, you haven't told them your secret! Well, now's your chance. Tell them, who's responsible for death of --" he said the name of a RAFian, but again, Cloak could not hear or remember who he was talking about.

Cloak felt hesitant for some reason. Then, despite himself, he said, "I am."

"There! You see? He admits it!" the creature said. "Murderer!"

"No, it wasn't that way at all!"

"It's your fault he's dead," said the creature, who started circling a stationary Cloak. "Do you deny it?"

"No."

"Then you're guilty!"

"No, I'm not a murderer!"

Then the group, en masse, pressed together, forcing Cloak backward. The leader creature was at the head, clearly in his element, saying, "Oh, look, Cloak. You're in trouble again. And this time you won't have your RAFians to save you."

Then the creature took on a vaguely leonine form, and shouted, "AND NOW EVERYONE KNOWS WHY!!"

He felt them push him into an abyss. With a veil.

***

Cloak awoke quickly.

He was shaking. He felt hollow. He rubbed his shoulders absently, repeating to himself that it was only a dream. Only a dream.

[Cloak]

Now, a new chapter.
 

CHAPTER TWO:
Malice's Gas and Shadow's Crusade

"The Hate Plague may have not worked out so well," Malice said. "But it wasn't the end."
 
"Yes, Mistress," Mega-Maul said, perfunctorily.
 
"I'm trying to synthesize it into a more aerosol form," Malice continued, blatantly ignoring the tone of Mega-Maul's statement. "It appears to be going well."
 
"Yes, Mistress."
 
"Now," Malice said, not bothering to acknowledge Mega-Maul's obvious lack of enthusiasm. "Mega-Maul. I need you to go fetch me a few victims. Ones that won't attract attention. Adults, preferably."
 
"Yes, Mistress."
 
"Well," Malice said, now heating up, "GO THEN!!"
 

***

Back at RAF, Cloak continued to mull over the dream. It was too vivid, it was frightening. It seemed to be warning him that he would be a murderer of a RAFian. But he would never do such a thing -- not even to Rotiart, though he would deserve it. Saffa would probably be implicated in that one though.

Cloak stood, looking out the window from the dining pavilion of the mess hall. It was a nice place. Before the dining pavilion was a rustic lobby with aluminum siding or something similar in a passive khaki color, complemented by browns and wooden funiture. The dual set of kissing glass doors that led to it did not have any fingerprints on it, a testament to the house-elves' hard custodial work, though the glass between were littered with paper notices of various things and events happening in RAF.

To the left of this lobby area, was the men's bathrooms and the women's were on the right, as well as the custodial closets. These bathrooms were unique -- they functioned like twin Rooms of Requirement, changing to fit whichever species needs are required to be met.

The house-elves . . . Shadow was so appalled to learn some never thought enough of themselves to give themselves names. She sought out to change that one little fact, and bestow names upon them, the ones agreeable to it. She was rather fervent in this endeavor, and only satisfied when all the house-elves had names. Cloak smiled inwardly at this -- there was so much light in his neice's heart.
 

***

"Here you are, Mistress," Mega-Maul said, presenting her four adult humans in rather worn, ratty clothing. Three sported scraggly beards. Malice scrutinized the four, then nodded, finding them acceptable.

"These specimens will do," she said, taking out a vial of a gas of indeterminate color. She threw it right between the four, and the vial broke easily. The four were soon obscured from view, and, according to Malice's face, this wasn't supposed to happen.

When the gas dissipated into nothingness, what was left wasn't four adult humans. But four children of about five years old. This was most certainly not the intention . . . but, as Malice smiled, it could be just about better than those intentions.

[redtailedsaffa]

We have house-elves? Aw, sweet.

[DinosaurNothlit]

Love the description of the mess hall.

And, well, Saffa already beat me to the other thing I was going to say. 

[Cloak]

How else do you think RAF stays neat and tidy? Well, unless you like organized chaos in your personal threads, that is.

Anyway, sorry, but there'll be no new chapters today. Gonna be rather busy. Tax time and all.

Gmail really is working . . . I suspect it'll backstab me any day now.

Here's a new chapter.
 

CHAPTER THREE:
What a Gas!

"Hold up, Mega-Maul," Malice said, as the strongman hefted a large cylinder, a metal canister of some sort. There were ports on the bottom, with an overlarge, archaic valve to turn atop it. It was a rather Kingdom Hearts-esque setup. "That spot shall do."
 
Mega-Maul sat down the heavy canister rather haphazardly. It rocked back and forth a bit.
 
"CAREFUL, you fool!" Malice snapped.
 
"Sorry, Mistress," Mega-Maul said. He seemed to almost have had a lobotomy or something. Or this is a classic effect for being a minion of Malice, who's very true to her name.
 
"'Sorry' won't cut it if we lose that gas, or it goes off prematurely." Malice snapped.
 
Ravager snarled back at Mega-Maul -- he was clearly the favored of the to minions. Something Mega-Maul secretly resented, but was unable to anything about. He made his vow to Malice, and, as much as he would like to sometimes, he could not renege on the deal. Literally could not, it was totally binding.
 
"The timing must be perfect." Malice said. "It'll rise straight up to RAF from here."
 
"Forgive me, Mistress," Mega-Maul said, his voice thick, "but why do you wish to RAF's destruction?"
 
"I have already told you!" Malice snarled.
 
"Forgive me, Mistress," Mega-Maul said quickly, "I should not have asked."
 
"It is because he dares to dwell there, with those unworthy of Realm Walker company!" Malice said, clearly unaware of the hypocrisy and xenophobia in that statement. "Peddling Realm Walker secrets about to the lesser beings!"
 
Mega-Maul felt offended at the "lesser beings" remark, but there was little that he could do about it. The vow was binding.
 
"That's time enough," Malice said. Then she addressed Mega-Maul in a rather Yzma way. "Turn the valve, Mega-Maul!"
 
"Yes, Mistress," Mega-Maul said, tonelessly. He was rather disillusioned with his lot now, he realized as he turned the valve, dispelling the gas from the canister.  It billowed through the city, transforming everyone above five into five-year-olds (complete with the minds and intellects of five-year-olds) and anyone between two and five, into two-year-olds. Anyone younger was unaffected. Of course, this was regulated to be the equivalent for any non-human species.

Mega-Maul, Ravager, and Malice were completely unaffected by the gas. But more and more denizens of the city were becoming children -- some rather bratty, Justin Bieber-level bratty.