Memoirs of a RAFian

[theyoungphoenix]

Hmmm... Fair point right there.

[redtailedsaffa]

Don't worry about errors in the chapter. If there are spelling mistakes or anything I always correct them before making the PDF.

[theyoungphoenix]

See, Cloak? Saffa's got your back.

[Cloak]

Ah, well, thanks. And make no mistake, I mean that sincerely.

Now, unless I can stretch it, is the halfway point of this book.

CHAPTER NINE:
Estelore and the Elixir

Silence greeted these words. Underseen looked thoughtful, but said nothing. Saffa and Abby were nonplussed.

Then there was a loud, obnoxious snort. The owner of such a snort was obvious as Rotiart said accusingly and derisively, "You're manipulating us, so you can have that wish to yourself!"

Cloak was starting to get irritated. He rubbed his forehead with his hand, as if to release inner pressure, "Haven't I just told you? I do not desire that wish, even if it existed! How much more vehemently sincere to I have to be for you to take notice of this fact?"

"Lies," Rotiart sneered.

Cloak narrowed his eyes wondering how severe the implications and consequences would be if he squished Rotiart like a bug. Cloak was a bit ashamed to admit he was sorely tempted to commit such an act.

Fortunately, a distraction occured by Yarin's elixir bubbling and frothing forth rather explosively. Yarin rushed to it immediately to try to stem the flow of the carbonated black liquid. Dino walked up to the streaming, bubbling liquid and sniffed it. She took a few tentative licks.

"Dino, don't! I don't know what it could do to you!!" Yarin said urgently.

The Ankylotyrannus replied, "Yarin -- it's Pepsi. Your elixir is nothing more than Pepsi."

***

Estelore was sedately heading to Earth from observing the planet Omicron Persei VIII, which she found rather amusing. She remained oblivious to the wishing star business on Earth. And she clearly wasn't there.

It was a vast distance between the two planets which she could span much quicker if she had the inclination. But she felt no urgency, so she took her sweet time, taking in the scenery.

She was about a couple of light-years away when she suddenly disconcerted. This confused her a little. Then a thought occured to her.

Oh . . . oh, the little booger better not of . . . she thought angrily.

[DinosaurNothlit]

Meh.  I prefer Coke. 

BTW, I would not blame Cloak one bit if he did squash Rotiart like a bug.  In fact I kinda wonder how come nobody else has yet.

[theyoungphoenix]

Yes. Agreed. ^^

[DinosaurNothlit]

Yes. Agreed. ^^

Which one?  Coke > Pepsi, or Everything > Rotiart?

[theyoungphoenix]

Rotiart.

[Cloak]

BTW, I would not blame Cloak one bit if he did squash Rotiart like a bug.  In fact I kinda wonder how come nobody else has yet.

Well, he'll get his -- rather harshly -- in "Grimm Prospects", but I cannot say more without revealing MAJOR spoilers.

I might write another chapter in an hour or two. Or not. Depends on how tired I am.

[redtailedsaffa]

... I prefer Pepsi. Just sayin'.

[Cloak]

Ah, yes, well -- new chapter! May be brief.

CHAPTER TEN:
Nearly There . . .

Rotiart may have been a fool in a plethora of ways. But he knew an opportunity when he saw one. While the others were preoccupied with the Pepsi incident, he attempted to sneak off and procure that wish for himself.

"HEY!!!" Dino exclaimed, having spied the uppity, obnoxious RAFian. "Rotiarts going to the star!"

"Dammit," Rotiart cursed, as he ran for it. The rest of the RAFians gave chase, all wanting that wish for themselves.

"Wait! That wish doesn't --" Cloak called, but it was futile. He never finished the sentence, but punctuated it with a heavy sigh. Cloak still could not fathom the Dweller desire for wishes like this. It was a complete foreign concept to all Realm Walkers.

That's not to say that Realm Walkers do not have wishes, but they realize that they cannot be magically brought to fruition. Cloak was at an impasse -- what should he do? Should he let them follow their fruitless road, or try to prevent the inevitable trap from springing -- assuming it is a trap, after all.

They were making rather remarkable time in getting close to that blue dome of light. Any one of the could be the first to touch it. So, natually, music started up, and they all sang:

"We're taking a stand.
We're making a vow.
This is the place.
The moment is now.
This is our golden opportunity!
The wishing star belongs to three!"

Suddenly, they were surrounded by Queen's troll army. The RAFians were taken completely off-guard. She smirked gloatingly as threw a grenade full of somniferous spores, she sang:

"Me, myself, and I."

Each one of the RAFians were slowly drifting off into dreamland, or deactivating. Queen cackled at her success, mildly indifferent to having also dusted Yorick and Aloth as well.

Queen may have pretended otherwise, but she was not as heartless and malicious as Malice.

[redtailedsaffa]

This book is going surprisingly fast.

[Cloak]

Well, I did say its going to be eighteen chapters. And the "Simpsonsian" twist hasn't happened yet.

May be brief.

CHAPTER ELEVEN:
. . . Or Not

"Take them to the cells," Queen instructed. "Put Yorick and Aloth in cells seperate -- punishment for failing me."

"Yes, my Queen," the troll guard said in a slurred baritone.

"And keep the RAFians sedated," Queen said. "I cannot emphasize that enough. Keep them sedated."

"We shall, my Queen."

"Fail this -- and you, all of you, shall feel my wrath." Queen said, quite seriously and severely sincere. "Now, leave me. I need to think how to word my wish properly."

"Huh?"

"Never mind, dolt." Queen snarled. "Just don't take my command lightly."

She spoke as if she knew they would foul up this whole arrangement. It was prudent to expect such, as trolls were not known for being particularly smart. But Queen hadn't an army without them, and they feared her. She did not care for them, they were just tools to her, although she didn't discard them as readily as Malice would have. The trolls seemed oblivious of this factoid though.

***

For the first few hours, the trolls mindlessly continued drugging the RAFians. But they eventually began to slack off, when Queen didn't come to inspect the prisoners. She was too busy contemplating how to word her wish, to close the loopholes.

The RAFians began to stir. Underseen, Abby, and Saffa were the quickest to reach a groggy state of semisomnolence.

The trolls were slow to notice this, providing the three enough tim to free and extricate themselves from the cells. It was when the others were showing subtle signs of semisomnolence that the trolls began to panic.

They sedated the rest of them, without even realizing that three were gone.

Worse still for the trolls, Cloak was rapidly approaching the encampment, and Esty was getting closer to Earth.

[Cloak]

Anyway, here's the list, complete with a new book!

• Book XLV: A War of Armor

Parker is outraged to see knockoffs of his rather unique armor and what they're being used for.

• Book XLVI: The Worst Plague

The RAFians must weather the worst plague to ever existed -- the Hate Plague.

• Book XLVII: Little Alien Napoleons

The RAFians are caught in the middle of a war between Helmacrons and Fmeks.

• Book XLVIII: Go Away!

The RAFians must deal with the paparazzi who are all of a sudden interested in them.

• Book XLIX: RAFian Tales

RAFians tell various RAFian-themed stories across a lunch table.

• Book L: Maul

The RAFians must deal with the result of one of Demos's experiments.

• Book LI: Erised Orbs

The RAFians must face their greatest desires.

• Book LII: RAFians Alive!

Read the "Mummies Alive" parody in the RAFize songs thread.

• Book LIII: The Pain Reliever

The RAFians must deal with an elderly Vulcan styling himself the "Pain Reliever".

• Book LIV: Beyond the Veils

Aquilai and Aila must confront old foes while the other RAFians must put up with a Czarinian bounty hunter.

• Book LV: Dangerous Deals

Demos meets up with his half-brother, Shenecron, who has a perchant for making deals.

• Book LVI: Of One Mind

Malice seeks out the Unimind.

• Book LVII: The End of Time

The RAFians must contend with two Kryptonians (who think they're Time Lords) and prevent them from ending time altogether.

• Book LVIII: Hematomimic

The RAFians must capture a Plasmavore and put up with it's rather stupid Judoon jailer.

• Book LIX: Sins of Youth

Estelore, Richard, Parker, and Cloak must survive when the entire city and forum have been reduced to two-year-olds.

• Book LX: The Replacements

The RAFians must contend with the fame-feeding Eidolon Consciousness.

• Book LXI: Arachnoids

The RAFians must contend with the Arachnoids and finding a cure for one of their own that was poisoned before it's too late.

• Book LXII: Personal Tissues

The RAFians must contend with some one misusing Bibliophaetos's discarded book shell.

• Book LXIII: Memory Today, Gone Tomorrow

The RAFians lose their memory and must find a way to regain it.

• Book LXIV: Appliance Armageddon

A superintelligent computer controls all electronics, and the RAFians must stop it.

• Book LXV: Prodigy and Composite

Some RAFians are merged into two separate entities.

• Book LXVI: The Merging

The Universes begin colliding and merging.

• Book LXVII: Be A Doll

The RAFians are confronted by a Super Chucky.

• Book LXVIII: They're Such Cards

The RAFians are sealed into cards, which end up trapped in an ancient leather-bound book, and it's up to three kids to free them.  An out-of-continuity book.

• Book LXIX: Dinosaur Island

Everyone, except those that bear a Mark, begin turning saurian.

• Book LXX: Corrupted

The RAFians must deal with the son of Cataclysm, Corruptor.

• Book LXXI: Artificial Skins

The RAFians must deal with symbiotes.

• Book LXXII: Separation Anxiety

The RAFians must contend with an ethereal virus.

• Book LXXIII: A Thing About RAFians

The RAFians must contend with Seekers, which home in onto their Marks.

• Book LXXIV: A Planted Idea

The RAFians must contend with a floramaniac.

• Book LXXV: Vacation Photos

The RAFians are sucked into a Polarisoid camera.

• Book LXXVI: A Personal Gremlin

The RAFians must contend with gremlins.

• Book LXXVII: The Rust is Silence

The Rafians must deal with an oxidation ray wielded by a criminal.

• Book LXXVIII: The Toyman Cometh

The RAFians deal with a Toyman-esque character.

• Book LXXIX: RAFian Idol

Yes, just another excuse to put in more of the (as of writing) nearly 800 parodies.

• Book LXXX: Savage Heart

Cloak battles an ancient being called Garrotik.

• Book LXXXI: Slave Islands and Juggernauts

Three RAFians are taken prisoners by the Knights and sold into the slavery of New Genoshia, while the others deal with a juggernaut.

• Book LXXXII: Shredding a King

The RAFians deal with a demonic Shredder-like ghost called Regiphaetos.

• Book LXXXIII: RAF -- The TV Show

The RAFians are forcibly recruited to Mojo's programs.

• Book LXXXIV: The Drinker

The RAFians must contend with a Spirit-Drinker.

• Book LXXXV: The Last Laugh

The RAFians must face Joker Gas.

• Book LXXXVI: It's A Mad, Mad, Mad Villain

The RAFians must contend with mind control cards which are ineffective on them.

• Book LXXXVII: Sight Unseen

Six RAFians are rendered functionally blind, optically-speaking.

• Book LXXXVIII: Don't Let It Snow

The RAFians must face a second Ice Age caused by a Diznee Ice Ifrit.

• Book LXXXIX: The Rachel Toxin

The RAFians must find a cure to a toxin that increases the fearlessness, hostility and aggressiveness induced in people which the Mark cannot protect the RAFians from.

• Book XC: Virus Alert!

The RAFians face a dangerous virus seeking a host.

• Book XCI: A Youthful Thief

The RAFians face a creature that siphons off the youth in its victims, provided they're younger than him.

• Book XCII: Calendar Creep

The RAFians face the Calendar Creep, a criminal whose crimes are holiday themed.

• Book XCIII: The Branding

Faerie fights a witch-boy named Salem (and his magical black cat, Saberhagen) for a magical branding iron in Faerie's possession.

• Book XCIV: The Void Zone

Nothing like a "Subspace Emissary" parody.  Sorry.

• Book XCV: An Epic Yarn

The RAFians' world is turned into yarn and fabric.

• Book XCVI: RAFian Gladiators

RAFians are kidnapped by Gamesmaster, another rogue Realm Walker, and force to participate in gladiatorial games.

• Book XCVII: The Box

The RAFians must cage thirteen Revenants released from Pandora's Box -- each representing and amplifying a particular feeling (i.e. hatred), while looking for the perfect host.

• Book XCVIII: From the Shadows

The RAFians must save their shadows and the shadows of everyone else from being absorbed (eaten) by the Umbraraptors, but not everything is what it seems.

• Book XCIX: Grimm Prospects

The RAFians discover Malice controlling several "wesen" with control collars akin to April's in "Catwoman from Channel Six" and get stuck in one-on-one battles to the death with them.  One will die.

• Book C: Loop-De-Loop

Everyone's trapped in a temporal loop, but the only ones that realize it are Cloak, Aila, and Aquilai.

• Book CI: Get 'Em, Shaw

The RAFians face a creature native to the planet Gossamer, who's under the control of Malice.

• Book CII: Threadfall

The RAFians must exterminate an epidemic of Thread.

• Book CIII: Siren's Song

The RAFians must deal with a siren and her alluring song.

• Book CIV: Resistance is Futile

The RAFians must deal with a hybridization of the Borg and the Hive chips (Ben 10: Alien Swarm) -- which the Mark cannot protect them from, nor the Unity energy can destroy.

• Book CV: The Titan

The RAFians must contend with the Titan serum and its effects.

• Book CVI: A Stony Glare

The RAFians must deal with a hungry Stone-Biter and a petrifying venom of a Diznee Stone Ifrit.

• Book CVII: Spritely Pests

The RAFians must deal with irritating sprites, which Faerie has had some rather tenuous experiences with.

• Book CVIII: Destroy All . . . What?

The RAFians must contend with a Furon incursion, and it turns out the Nyacs have knowledge of Furons. . . .

• Book CIX: Going Backwards

A grievious malfunction in Aquilai's TARDIS causes time to reverse its flow and flow backwards.

• Book CX: Death Takes A Holiday

The RAFians must convince Death to take up his role again.  A RAFian will die in this book, and it is within the continuity.

• Book CXI: High Price Stakes

Shanker and Gaz must flee and elude Daphne, the vampire hunter.

• Book CXII: A Killer Housing Market

The RAFians must survive and either destroy or escape a killer house.

• Book CXIII: A Silenced World

The RAFians must cope with a world that has become muted and a young sorceress, Melissa Spellman.

• Book CXIV: The Bureau

The RAFians must save their own from the insideous Bureau of Lost.

• Book CXV: To Tell the Truth

Broken's apprentice, Melissa, accidentally casts a spell forcing everyone to tell the truth.

• Book CXVI: Skin Crawlers

The RAFians, repulsed and revolted, must contend with Hundred (who eventually becomes Thousand, then becomes Million, then Billion, and then, finally, Trillion).

• Book CXVII: School of Stepford Lies

The RAFians must save the children from a school that turns them into Stepford students at Terenia's school.

• Book CXVIII: Ol' Salty

The RAFians must deal with the Salt Man.

• Book CXIX: The Great Race

The RAFians hold a race that Aloth cons himself into.  Who will win?

• Book CXX: Ape Escape

The RAFians must help super intelligent apes -- Caesar the chimp, Brutus the gorilla, and Maestro the orangutan -- reconcil their misanthropy.

• Book CXXI: A Different Kind of Unity

The RAFians must contend with a parasitic "unity".

• Book CXXII: The Great Brain Robery

Someone is stealing brains for an unknown purpose.

• Book CXXIII: The Bounty Hunter

The Knights, in their hypocricy, hire a Tsul'Kalu bounty hunter to collect select RAFians (to taxidermy).

• Book CXXIV: New Controllers

The RAFians confront Zirconians.

• Book CXXV: Creeping Crystal

A wave of crystallizing energy is sweeping the land. . . .

• Book CXXVI: The Element Feeder

The RAFians deal with a creature who feeds on a specific element and matures to a different element each time as it matures. . . .

• Book CXXVII: The Rider and the Walker

The RAFians come up against the Ghost Rider.

• Book CXXVIII: Headhunters

What will happen when RAFians lose their heads?  Seriously.

• Book CXXIX: The Color Purple, Man!

The RAFians confront the Purple Man, who manages to turn the entire government against them . . .

• Book CXXX: The Nemetrix Beetle

The RAFians confront the Black Beetle with Nemetrix properties.

• Book CXXXI: It's Tought to Be A Mod

The members of a primitive forum declare Demos and Blue to be mods. . . .

• Book CXXXII: Who-Zilla?

An energy reaction begins turning RAFians into monstrous creatures in 3XXX.  Out-of-continuity book.

• Book CXXXIII: Well, Techadon-ally . . .

The RAFians confront Techadons who assign them qualitive quatilities, and refuse to acknowledge any defeats.

• Book CXXXIV: The Mind's Eye

The RAFians face Spellbinder and his realistic illusions.

• Book CXXXV: Bas-ic Instincts

Bas awakens and attempts to take control of Cloak and other felines.

• Book CXXXVI: Midas Duck

The RAFians must contend with a very strange golden idol and a greedy sneak-thief.

• Book CXXXVII: War with the Warworlds

The RAFians must defeat two heavily-armed Warworlds.

• Book CXXXVIII: Solar Sucks

The RAFians must save Estelore from a device able to suck out her stellar substance and lifeforce.

• Book CXXXIX: Hounded

The RAFians are attacked by hellhounds that only Demos can see, although Cloak can "see" them via Earthsight.

• Book CXL: Politics

The RAFians, much to Cloak's chagrin and irritation, get caught up in the middle of Realm Walker politics.

• Book CXLI: Buggy Afternoon

A Bug is after Parker's blood, to "avenge" their brother slain by the SPARTAN.

• Book CXLII: Cloak's Nightmare

Cloak has an exceedingly vivid nightmare of the Great RAFian Purge. . . .

• Book CXLIII: Cloak and the Olympians

Cloak confronts and defies the Olympians.

• Book CXLIV: Down to Earth

The RAFians have gravity-related problems.

• Book CXLV: Hittin' the Dino-Sauce

The RAFians learn the dangers of Dino-Sauce.

• Book CXLVI: Blood Feud

Shanker's past comes into light. . . .

• Book CXLVII: She's Back! A Dino Story

Pretty much a shameless parody of "We're Back! A Dinosaur Story".

• Book CXLVIII: A Journey into Her Past

Delving into Noelle's pre-RAFian life and her relationship with Ardnalil-Shicom-Maar.

• Book CXLIX: Mortality and Morality

The RAFians face some rather conceited Leviathons.

• Book CL: Utter Pandemonium

Cloak, Gaz, Saffa, Underseen, and Hunter investigate odd goings-on at a theme park island named "Haunted Island".

• Book CLI: A Reality Rewrite

Cloak, Faerie, Broken, and Broken's protege discover a magical, reality-altering typewriter.  Cloak, being a Realm Walker and the other three, being magical, are immune to its rewrites of reality.

• Book CLII: The Coming of Galacticron

The RAFians must save Earth from Galacticron.

• Book CLIII: Theft of Intellectual Property

The RAFians must contend with Brainiac.

• Book CLIV: The Contingency

The RAFians must battle the Talos Project and their living weapon -- Weapon XLIX.

• Book CLV: Muppet, Muppet Man

Parker and Gaz are turned into Muppets. ()

• Book CLVI: Larval Ambush

The RAFians must deal with insectoid creatures who are parasitoids with humans.

• Book CLVII: As the World Doesn't Turn

The RAFians must stop a group of feline aliens from stopping the world from rotating.

• Book CLVIII: Princess Pearls

A few girls of RAf discover the Princess Pearls.

• Book CLVIX: Attack of the Killer Produce

The RAfians must deal and cope with killer produce.

• Book CLX: Moonscarred Menace

The RAfians investigate mysterious disappearances on Moonscar Island.

• Book CLXI: League of Assassins

The League of Assassins set a number of Assassins after Blue.

• Book CLXII: Dark RAFians

The RAFians come up against an evil team modeled after them, attempting to usurp their postions.

• Book CLXIII: Danger Rising

The RAFians' training sim gains sentience.

• Book CLXIV: Moody

Gaz and Saffa accidentally have Moodulators attached to them.

• Book CLXV: Bound Together

Some RAFians get molecularly stuck together.

• Book CLXVI: The Legion of RAFians

The 31^st century RAFians are being picked off and controlled by a group calling themselves the Fantastic Fatalities. May be an out-of-continuity book.

• Book CLXVII: Monster Mash

A deranged Yeerk tries to merge its DNA with a Geonosian Brain Worm to rid itself of its Kadronna dependency.

• Book CLXVIII: Jumping to Conclusions

A xenophobic, reliously-zealous, former government man confuses Cloak with a "Jumper".

• Book CLXIX: You Wish!

An ancient lamp is uncovered, and an ancient warlock seeks it out, while RAF gets caught in the middle.

• Book CLXX: Hat's Off

The RAFians must deal with a quartet of hat-like aliens.

• Book CLXXI: You Are What You Read

The RAFians must deal with a "Captain Marvel"-style vigilante, who turns supervillian.

• Book CLXXII: Wrath of the Colossuses

The RAfians must stop the rising Nazca Colossuses.

• Book CLXXIII: The Year Without RAF

Estelore tells the RAFian version of "The Year Without Santa Claus".

• Book CLXXIV: Kidnapped

The government begins to kidnap RAFians.

• Book CLXXV: Lockdown

The RAFian database had been hacked and lockdown activated.

• Book CLXXVI: Exhile

Cloak discovers the "Book of Prophecy".

• Book CLXXVII: Swarm of Supermen

RAF is under attack from Kryptonians. Out-of-continuity.

• Book CLXXVIII: Dullsville

An alien tick turns RAF in't a boring, drab place.

• Book CLXXIX: Technovampirism

A malicious Galvanic Mechamorph assimilates technology into himself.

• Book CLXXX: Go to Hell

Some RAFians are sent to Hell, and must escape.

• Book CLXXXI: Schism

Parker and Cloak have a conflict of methodology. Out-of-continuity.

• Book CLXXXII: Caught in the Middle

The RAFians are caught in the middle of the Wager of the Octessence and their Exemplars.

• Book CLXXXIII: A Fractured Mind

The RAFians try to help a mutant boy with multiple personality disorder.

• Book CLXXXIV: The A.R.A.

The RAFians must battle the A.R.A.

• Book CLXXXV: Orphanage of the Damned

The RAFians must face a "Granny Goodness" and her brainwashed orphans.

• Book CLXXXVI: Remnant A.E.

The Earth blows up, and the RAFians must survive space. Out-of-continuity.

• Book CLXXXVII: Dried Out

The RAFians must deal with a strange creature created by black magic.

• Book CLXXXVIII: Hammer Time

The RAFians must deal with sentient hammers who possess those worthy to wield them, forged by Singularity.

• Book CLXXXIX: Shenecron's Pets

The RAFians must battle Shenecron's monstrous pets.

• Book CXC: The Prism

Four RAFians are seperated into the emotional spectrum.

• Book CXCI: An Attention Hog

The RAFian deal with a rogue quantum lichen.

• Book CXCII: The Engulfer

The RAFians must deal with creature created of the DNA of two RAFians and a Heinlin.

• Book CXCIII: The Horde

The RAFians must battle self-replicating creatures.

• Book CXCIV: RAF 1602

RAF, set in 1602.

• Book CXCV: Reanimated

The RAFians must deal with a creature that reanimates dead bodies as its own.

• *Book CXCVI: Making of a Monster

This book'll deal with Malice's backstory. Chances are RAFian appearances will be relegated to cameos.

All titles are libel to change.

[redtailedsaffa]

New book sounds interesting - villain backstory FTW!

Though with what we've seen so far, it'll be interesting to see if she's flawed villain or just crazy psycho villain.

Am I saying too much? Yeah, I probably am... I'll just go now...