Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say

[Unknown User]

Setting: Ax is trouncing through the meadow, galloping and having a good time.

Ax: This human grass is quite good for digestion!

*Visser three crashes into the meadow at full gallop*

Visser 3: I've found a way we can settle this once and for all, Andalite scum!

Ax: You want to have another pillow fight don't you?

Visser3: Well...it's just... the last one was so.... could we?

Ax: As my hum-er-Fellow Andalites would say.... Game on!

[DinosaurNothlit]

[spoiler=For those who haven't read the end of the series yet]*Jake is in the process of ramming the Blade Ship when time stops and the Ellimist appears*

Jake: "Ellimist?  Was my sacrifice important?  Did my death . . . matter?"
Ellimist: . . . No.[/spoiler]

[Noelle]

[spoiler=For those who haven't read the end of the series yet]*Jake is in the process of ramming the Blade Ship when time stops and the Ellimist appears*

Jake: "Ellimist?  Was my sacrifice important?  Did my death . . . matter?"
Ellimist: . . . No.[/spoiler]

Epic.

[Blazing Angel]

You've just won "the game"

[Unknown User]

I didn't even think about people who hadn't read the whole series yet... nice idea with the spoiler tags Dino!

[spoiler]Tobias: Guys, I've kind of come to the conclusion that me remaining in hawk morph all the time after getting my powers back is kind of selfish. Here you guys are risking your lives in bloody combat to the death and I'm just swooping about.

Ax: Yes, for a half Andalite, you are rather cowardly.

Jake: Thank God! Rachel was going to make me tell you all that!


[/spoiler]

[NecrosisDemon]

I haven't read all 130 pages so excuse me if these have been said before.

Random Controller: Sir! We have problems! The Andalite bandits are attacking the Yeerk pool and-
Visser Three: Shut up! I am watching These Messages!
--
Visser Three: My happy face. Let me show you it.

[Blazing Angel]

Hehehe, those are good.

[Liberal Tobias]

The Drode: "I will let you know without deception my intentions."

[DinosaurNothlit]

The Drode: "I will let you know without deception my intentions."

Unless, of course, him uttering that very statement is the deception. 

[NateSean]

It's like someone telling you they're a complusive liar. Well how do you know they're not lying about that?

[NateSean]

Been a while since I could come up with one. I figure with the flux of Doctor Who interest recently I'd throw in another subtle reference.

*Marco is approaching Ax's Scoop.*

Marco: Hey Ax, I've got the day off from school. You want to grab-
Ax: *From his Scoop* Hang on! Don't come any closer!

*Marco pauses. Tobias lands on a branch nearby.*

Tobias: Ax, are you-
Ax: Tobias! Are you looking in my scoop?
Tobias: What, no. Why would I
Ax: Look, I just need ten minutes. Can you two take a walk.

*Marco and Tobias exchange looks.*

Marco: I just wanted to know if-
Jack Harkness: *Also from Ax's Scoop* He said he needed ten minutes!

[TobiasMasonPark]

     (Ax, in human morph, walks into the local drug store. He approaches the cashier)

      Ax: Good evening, fine sir. My significant other and I are planning on consumating our relationship. I was told by my Prince that I should use some protection before proceeding in the ritual.

     Cashier: Oh, I get ya.

     (Walks away. Comes back with the products)

     Cashier: Here ya go, fella.
   
     Ax: (looking down at the product) I can hardly see how these will protect anything. Look how flimsy they are. I mean, just the smallest organism could slip right through it. And then where will I be? In trouble, that's what. Look at this! What a pathetic means of defense.

     Cashier: Kid. Do you know what to do with rubbers?

     Ax: Rubbers? What on earth would I do with those?


     

[Blazing Angel]

Oh, that was a good one.

Car salesman: Okay Mr. Fangor, you're good to go. That Mustang will make you very happy.
Elfangor: I'm sure it will.
Car salesman: All I need now is your social security number.
Elfangor: My what?
Car salesman: Your social security numver.
Elfangor: Of course...It's five five seven, nine one, three seven-
Care Salesman: You're not a citizen, are you?
Elfangor: Well you see it's a long story but- *Runs away at full speed*

[ko ko]

ax: .... <hahaha> ..... <hahaha>
tobias: <ax?>
ax: <tooooobias! hahahaha>
tobias: <since when do say my name like that?>
ax: <like what? hahahaha>
tobias: <are you ok?>
ax: <if laughter indicates happiness, then yes. hehehe. i am laughing a lot. hahaha>
tobias: <uh, ok. are you sure you're ok?>
ax: <oh yes. i had some unusual grass today after watching these messages and ever since then, i've been more than okay.>
tobias: <what sort of unusual grass?>
ax: <oh a very special imported kind. it was expensive. marco was complaining. i wonder why marco would want grass? he does not eat grass. maybe it was a present for me.>
tobias: <wait what? how did you get this?>
ax: <i found a bag of marco's grass. marco does not eat grass. it must have been for me. it is tasty grass.>
tobias: <ax, that's not grass.>
ax: <marco says it is grass.>
tobias: <it's more like a weed.>

[DinosaurNothlit]

*Ax shows up stumbling and wobbling and bleary-eyed*

Jake: "Ax, are you alright?"
Ax: <I do not know.  I feel very strange.  It is as though my time-sense is off, and yet, at the same time it is not.  I cannot explain it.  I fear I may be going insane.  It seems, to my mind, almost as though the entire world had suddenly shifted by one earth hour.>
Marco: "Ah.  We call that 'daylight savings time.'"