I just copied this from classic RAF, it's something I posted awhile ago but never finished. But I'm so going to.
1. Don't talk about being an Animorph.
2. No, seriously, never talk about being an Animorph.
3. Don't get between Ax in human morph and a cinnabun
* Or a stick of gum
* Or a Cigarette butt
* Just avoid anything remotely close to being edible when near Ax
4. Marco being in love with Jake doesn't make him gay.
* I should therefore stop asking him out.
5. Doing anything remotely close to flirting with Tobias within earshot of Rachel can only end with pain.
6. Having matching morphing suits is NOT a good idea.
*Even though Marco agrees with me.
7. Ax doesn't understand baseball or jokes about baseball and I need to stop trying to teach him 'Who's on first'.
8. Trying to turn a battle into a musical number is a bad idea.
9. Toby doesn't appreciate me teaching her father how to play 'fetch'.
10. No matter how hard I try, Jara will never understand how to play 'fetch'.
11. Calling Tobias 'Emo-hawk' will result in talons slashing my face.
12. I should never use my morphing ability to reenact scenes from 'The Fly'.
13. Everyone's ring tones are just fine and I should leave them alone.
* However, Rachel's keeping 'Misery Business'
14. I should not wear my leather vest around Cassie.
15. Yes, Tom is hot; no, I can't ask him out.
16. Cassie didn't meet anyone named 'Claire' in Australia, so I should stop asking.
17. Running away is not a valid battle plan.
18. Just because I can mix morphs to resemble a gryphon doesn't mean I should.
19. I should not refer to Erek as a 'Fraking Toaster'
20. Kicking puppies within view of Erek is a death sentence.
*even if he's technically incapable of violence
21. Writing a paper on Andalite physiology for my biology course is a bad idea.
22. Just because someone is hot, it doesn't mean they should be an Animorph.
23. Apparently Visser 3 doesn't like Andalites.
24. Marco hates trash cans.
25. I am the only one allowed to drive, not matter what Marco says.
26. I can't suggest that we all morph crocodiles.
*Or starfish.
27. I shouldn't teach Ax to swear in Spanish.
* Or Welsh
* Or French
* Or Klingon
28. We are a secret resistance group, and therefore don't need a softball team.
29. I should never try to discuss Sauron with Jake.
30. Erek doesn't know which celebrities are controllers, and I should stop asking.
31. When Rachel says 'Let's do it' she means whatever crazy plan we just came up with and is not making me an offer.
32. Yes, Elfangor technically invented Windows; no, Tobias does not get royalties.
33. I am not allowed to take out classified ads and put vague warnings, it only leads to confusion.
34. Jake hates it when I call him 'Tiger' in a seductive tone.
35. Yeerks aren't airborne, so I don't need a surgical mask.
*But I'm not taking any chances!
36. Morphing bat wings and walking into a crowded church is a bad idea.
37. Morphing dove wings and walking into a crowded church is also a bad idea.
38. Even though I am technically a superhero I do not need a cape.
39. Visser 3 can't take a joke.
40. Bringing Hayley Williams to a super secret Animorph meeting was a bad idea.
41. Hayley Williams is now an Animorph.
42. Just because Hayley is part of the team doesn't mean that my musical number idea is now valid battle plan.
43. Musing about what it would be like if we lived in 1602 serves no purpose, and I should stop.
44. I am not allowed to tell aliens that I am the president of Earth.
45. Even though everyone knows Rachel is a horrible leader it is still a bad idea to tell her.
46. Rachel is not a Slayer and I need to stop asking if she is.
47. Marco isn't going out with me, so I need to stop asking.
48. Ax has never heard of The Doctor, Time Lords, or Gallifrey, and asking him ten times isn't going to change his answer.
49. The others don't want to talk about the dinosaur incident, and I need to stop asking.
50. I should never step on bugs in front of Jake or Marco.
51. 'Animorphs: The Musical' is a bad idea, no matter how good Rachel is at dancing in grizzly morph.
52. I should not create a Sario Rip just to make out with Marco again.
53. Guns don't kill people, Visser 3 does.
54. Just because I can use thought-speak doesn't mean I can read minds.
55. Humans can't shoot lasers from their eyes and I should stop telling that to the aliens we meet.
56. The Hork-Bajir are sentient creatures, and are therefore not my pets.
57. I should not ask Crayak if he wants some Clear Eyes eye drops.
58. I should not have named my pet rats 'Amy' and 'David', no matter how funny I think it is.
59. Ax doesn't like being ridden.
*Or being called 'Princess Rainbowkins'
60. A Peter Pan outfit is not a proper morphing suit, even if it works as one
61. Challaning Rachel's status as fashion queen is a bad idea.
62. Throwing mud at Rachel to see if she is really immune to dirt is a bad idea.
*Even if it's true.
63. Holding something just above Marco's reach is not funny.
*Even if Jake thinks so.
*And Rachel
*And Tobias
*And Cassie
*On second thought it is funny.
65. We do not need a theme song.
*But 'Animal I have Become' is perfect
66. Helmacrons Are annoying.
*Period
67. Eva is bad-ass because she is Visser 1, and therefore can not join the team.
68. Riding a Hork-Bajir may look cool, but it's still a bad idea.
69. My Ford Escort is NOT the 'Morphmobile'
70. Surprisingly morphing a cow doesn't make one feel bad about eating steak.
71. I should never say 'What's the worst that could happen?' because I will always get an answer.
72. No matter how hard I try, I will never convince Marco that making out with me will make him taller.
73. Being a dolphin is fun!
74. Rachel and tobias have never had 'Freaky Hawk Sex' and I should stop asking.
75. Yes the Ellimist can bend space and time; no he will not make a M. C. Escher staircase for me.
To be continued...
