My beloved RAFians,
Three months ago, I was lost in the cold space between graduation (when society said I was supposed to know something) and the point where I begin to truly understand myself. Three months ago I needed warmth, community, a home. Three months ago, this cold chapter in my life came to an end.
When I met you all. More than my school, my family, my rapidly dissolving circle of friends, you gave me a place to be at home. You are an old and tight-knit online community, but not an insular one; you welcomed the poor lost werret. You listened to my rambling, indirect, and frankly more than a little angsty introduction. No one put me in my place as a noob. Even when I did barge into Audiobooks, and, well I guess I'm getting ahead of myself.
Yes, this is my farewell post. At least one of you has reached for the reply button so far, or is doing so now, to beg me not to go. I agree. It's not fair of me to leave. I don't want to leave.
But I finally understand something about myself. I need to leave, and I hope you will understand. I don't talk much about real life (or, as Powr, Broccoli, **, KOPIMI calls it: life away from keyboard). Now I have to; you deserve an explanation.
About a year before I came to RAF, I really took a look around myself, and at myself. Society said this about me:
National Merit Scholar. Second decile, in a very competitive class. Varsity debater. Two-time AMC school champion. Four AP scores of four or better to his name--perfect scores on all three AP mathematics exams. Three time member, state-champion math team--and favorite for a fourth. Twice member of all-star state team--likely a third. Member, National Society of High School Scholars. Not entirely motivated, but fine academic material.
Academic probation. In danger of failing English class.
The labels can't tell the whole story. And when even the labels and the pigeonholing are inconsistent, well, something has to be up.
What was up was, in summary at least, simple. I couldn't take the merry-go-round any longer. Even as much as the private school was better than the public school, my classes had precious little to do with real life. I was in no position to take care of myself, no better than I had been four years before.
Same story. Different year. And who was to say that college would be any different. Already there was one giant red flag waving:
"Worry about finding a school and getting accepted first. Then, you can worry about covering the cost. With Uncle Sam's dollars."
When I could find a price tag, it was outrageous. $30-50K per year. Do you know how much money that is?? That's about twice the US poverty level: enough cash flow to finance a basic standard of living (meaning better than royalty 200 years ago) and still buy a
very nice computer. A
new very nice computer, a couple times a year. Well, ****. If I can afford an education, why the heck would I want one?
Well, honestly, that's not the real price. No, they expect you to go through something called "financial aid." Basically, you fill out a
second tax return, and our beloved Federal Government steps in and pays the difference between the actual market price of your education and what the school is able to charge.
[spoiler]Econ note: supply of education--especially big ticket prestige education like the Ivy League--is extremely inelastic in the short run, basically a "market-day" scenario. The barriers to market entry, both regulatory and hiring, are also quite high. Demand, on the other hand, is elastic. Now, I know there's at least one economist out there (Tocade) who can explain what happens when you subsidize a market with inelastic supply.
I'll give a hint, though. It doesn't lower the price the student pays, nor increase the number of students who can afford college. Pure graft. Disgusting.[/spoiler]
Now, I am no savvy, experienced negotiator. But I do know that a salesman's job is to convince you that their goods are worth your money. In the college market, that question is nigh assumed in the college's favor. The question they ask is whether
you are worth the
distinction of purchasing their product. Get accepted first, then we'll talk price.
I called bull.
That was the system I was being none-too-gently hearded towards. All to study fields I wasn't sure I was interested in. Only a few managed to capture my imagination at all. Aviation/business. Computer science. Even there, I was facing huge price differentials between degree-granting institutions (often with precious little practical experience on the curriculum) and certification courses.
All of them seemed to presuppose that I didn't need any help running a household. But I do. Basic life skills are weak points for me. And the nearly ten months since graduation have not changed that.
But what has changed recently is that I have finally seen a possible career path. It promises to be delightfully challenging, a niche skillset becoming increasingly, and uniquely, important. It's a field where the transistor has yet to entirely replace the vacuum tube--there are no transistors big enough to drive ten-thousand-watt signals with enough delicacy to capture every detail of a Mozart concerto.
Any sufficiently mundane magic is indistinguishable from technology. Yet, it is magic. The broadcast engineers of today are magicians, just as Marconi was. As broadcast, computing, and telecommunication converge it will revolutionize the Internet.
If you think Google Maps on the iPhone is cool today, just wait until the underlying technology is faster, cheaper, and
everywhere.
So, what schools teach broadcast engineering? Not many. Practical experience requires radio equipment. Radio equipment is expensive. It's not like computer science. But I have found a few schools, and one in Belleville, Ontario is particularly promising.
But I need to clear the challenge of the price tag. For the three-year program I need to budget about $70k CAD total, less what I can earn on a student work-permit. (about $55k-60k USD)
That's possible, but it won't be easy. I have about $7k CAD now (in USD-denominated assets; I'll talk to a financial adviser about whether CAD-bonds would be smart as I continue to save). I'm also really bad at jobhunting. This is due to two factors. First, my inexperience. Second, a certain aspect of my personality.
The inexperience isn't something I can change without practice jobhunting.
But my personality has this feature: I am easy to satisfy. Give me a musical instrument, the Internet, and a decent computer and I'll entertain myself for months--maybe years--maybe forever. And so, I have to be careful about letting myself be too happy, lest I lose the long term.
And that is why I'm taking leave from RAF. I'm too happy here. But I'll be back as soon as I'm satisfied with my progress--when I have employment and $15k CAD saved.
Please don't ask me to stay. This is hard enough as it is. Actually, the best thing any of you can do is to give me heck if I'm on. If I have trouble keeping myself off, I'll even go so far as to ask for a ban.
Now, to tie up some loose ends.
Morf,
Guy, others re: audiobooks: don't wait for me, and don't be afraid to find another producer. I'm sorry the website isn't up yet. If by some crazy chance you think you'd find it useful, but need help with getting up to speed, e-mail me.
Goom, re: sqirlzmorph tutorial: No, I haven't forgotten. I've just been, well I'm not sure what's holding me up. Most important thing I want to share: every single point moves in a straight line from source image to destination.
Also, think of me when you listen to Thieves of Fate or Chrono Symphonic. (Maybe Spirits, too; I haven't decided yet) I'll listen to DQD sometime to remember you.
Toominator, re: song: You have two other vocal talents, Horse and Mirienne. Hope it goes well. Don't miss me.
RYTX, re: last post wins: You lose. Everyone else please ensure he doesn't get another one of those long wins he's so fond of bragging about.
ChimichangaChupacabra, re: your posts: Honestly, I love seeing someone who's willing to disagree. But here's the problem: just because you say something doesn't mean people will listen. I'd recommend being a little less standoffish. Otherwise, people will just tune you out.
Slushie, re: toxic girl: Proceed with the rickroll. Who knows, you might just start an(other) Internet phenomenon.
Claire, re: recreation: Remember, shooting doesn't give one hangovers--last time I checked at least. I dunno about the nude cycling, though...
Dino: The smileys are amazing. Seriously. Out of curiosity, have you tried Sqirlz? Not saying you
should use it, just that you might find it interesting.
Hunter, re: SFH: You have my undying gratitude for introducing me. Any favors you'd like?
Twilight, re: demos: Be careful: he's nuts.
Demos, re: Twilight: Be careful: she's nuts.
Those who have asked my advice in chat (you know who you are
): I'm still reachable through e-mail on my profile.
Anna,
Goom, also
CDJV and everyone who follows RAFcrush: I was kinda hoping the Detective would be called in, leading to all kinds of hilarity, since, in fact, Anna is my RAFcrush. (I couldn't leave you all in suspense. That would be eeebul) Perhaps it's more accurate to say I have a crush on Myuri, though...
Estelore: I don't even know where to begin. There's nothing on my to-do list that involves you, save Toominator's song. But, as this section has kinda grown beyond just apologizing for to-dos left undone, I leave you perhaps my favorite G. K. Chesterton quote:
It is not only possible to say a great deal in praise of play; it is really possible to say the highest things in praise of it. It might reasonably be maintained that the true object of all human life is play. Earth is a task garden; heaven is a playground. To be at last in such secure innocence that one can juggle with the universe and the stars, to be so good that one can treat everything as a joke — that may be, perhaps, the real end and final holiday of human souls.
Wherever your travels take you, may you shine forth that particular aspect of blessed joy.
Especially in a particularly-violent game of Plartz the Wurblik or hot potato.
Taiyoh and
Tocade: I still find it hard to believe that not one, but two RAFians took interest in trying to understand my story. You kept me logging into skype and chat day after day these last few months--and these last few months you've been the highlights of my life. Thank you.
Richard, and all RAFians: This place remains my home: the site and the community. The fact that I must depart for a while does not change that. Thank you for being RAF.
I expect to be back in six to nine months--better if I can find good wages or if a rich uncle dies.
Demos,
Cloaky (please return or at least tell us where you've gone, mmkay?),
Faerie, and any others who know Death on a first-name basis: All things considered, I prefer my rich uncle alive, thank you very much for your concern, though.
Sincerly, and with grateful affection,
your Werret of Portland,
Wildweathel.
