Memoirs of a RAFian

[Cloak]

Yes, I have, Underseen. But I've been working hard at . . . well, work. And, of course, at 8am tomorrow exactly . . . I turn 29.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN:
The Yeerk and Its Hosts

"Okay, okay," Az said, attempting mediate. "Let's all just relax and keep this storytelling ball rolling."

He pointedly at Rotiart, Cloak and Duff.

"Az is right," KitsuneMarie said, clearly trying to divert hostilities. "Anyone got one?"

"I believe I do." Myitt said. "Lemme see here."

***

There was once a Yeerk, who controlled a gardener. But she soon grew dissatisfied with the rigors and stresses of such an occupation. She petitioned her Visser for a change of host, hoping to get a celebrity or a rich tycoon.

She got a twenty-six-year-old potter, and became a he. Sne was dissatisfied with the thanklessness and anonymity of such a profession. She soon gathered up the nerve to petition for another host.

And so it went. This Yeerk lived in the heads of a Gedd, a janitor, a Taxxon, a greengrocer, a Hork-Bajir, a child psychologist, a theme park's costumed character, a child, a school mascot, and more. Eventually, she had more host transfers than costume changes in Vegas. But she remained dissatisfied with all of them.

She yearned to be in her first human host, the gardener again, but it was not possible. That host had passed away weeks ago.

Then the Yeerk sought another host transfer, but was denied. So she deliberately avoided the Yeerk Pool. Effectively commiting suicide.

***

"And the moral is," Myitt said, "change isn't always for the better."

"Nor is it easy," Cloak said, heavily. The others glanced at the Realm Walker, but he wasn't in the mood to elaborate.

He was vaguely remembering the part of him that wanted to go back to his mother's house after being kicked out, though he knew nothing would have changed. It was nothing more or less than wishing to stay with the familiar, with all that he knew, no matter how abusive the environment was. He associated it to the same reason why battered spouses return to their abusers. It's the same thing, really.

[Cloak]

Now, just one more chapter before bed.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN:
The Teenagers and the Beast

"Oh, don't be such a buzzkill, Cloaky!" Gaz said bracingly, but in a playful manner. "Anyone else got something?"

No one answered for a moment.

"Me." Parker said.

***

There was once two travelers. Teenagers. Neither without a worry in the world, talking about -- stupid crap.

They took a path into rather ominous-looking woods. With claw-like trees and dark, swirling mists.

It was against the shorter teenager's better instincts, but the older one goaded him into entering. At that age, good sense is a rare commodity.

They eventually near the exit, when a monstrous beast stops them. The taller teenager swiftly leaves his friend for dead, as he scrambled up a tree. The shorter one feigned death.

The beast leaned over this teenaged traveler and appeared to be sniffing him before lumbering off, apparently disinterested in the potential meal.

When the cowardly teenager slid down the tree, as his friend got up and dusted himself off.

"So," said the teen, daring to crack a smile. "What did the beast tell you?"

The other teen glowered at his friend, and growled, "To avoid friends that would abandpn you in your hour of need."

With that, the teen turned his back to the coward and left the forest. Alone.

***

Parker lapsed into silence. It was clear that the story was, at the very least, allegorical fiction.

Cloak eyed the SPARTAN, considering him. It was obvious the two teenaged travelers in the story was Parker and . . . and Louis Cannon. Clearly he was not the only one dwelling on his past.

[redtailedsaffa]

Suddenly the book is taking a very different turn. Unexpected, but I like it.

[Cloak]

You think this is a surprise, Saffa? Just wait for "Making of a Monster".

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN:
The Honest Swordsman

"Ooookay," Saffa said, "any one have a less, uh, dark story?"

"I'll give it a whirl." Blaze said, with a shrug, which ruffled the feathers of his wings slightly. He fingered the hilt of his special blade thoughtfully.

***

There was once a young swordsman, possessing a sword others would consider valueless. But it was the first he had ever crafted, and he was fond of it immensely.

As such, it was inevitable that the young man would lose such a prized weapon. Which he did, in a river, too deep and too fast-moving to retrieve. The young man wept openly for his lost sword. His lament would not go unheard and unheeded though.

A star came down, in the avatar of a kindly woman with flowing hair, wide-brimmed hat and a sundress. The star asked why the youngling was crying, the young swordman explained his lost blade. The star assured him that she would retrieve it.

She came back with a solid gold sword, inquiring if this was the one. The young swordman rejected it as it was not his.

The the star returned with one of solid silver. But again, the swordman turned down the offer because the glorious blade was not his.

Finally, on the third time, the swordsman could claim the sword, because it was his. He thanked the star humbly before going about his business, tears of joy in his eye. He vowed never to get so cafeless ever again.

However, an embittered rival of the swordsman happened to be watching such travails the swordman endured. Being a selfish, greedy man, he desired the swords the man left behind.

He repeated the same process as the wiser swordsman, until the star asked if the golden sword was his. He greedily lied and said that it was.

But the star was no fool, nor was she so easily deceived. She denied him the gold sword and his lost one. So now the greedy swordman was now without a sword.

***

"Nice," Duff said, nodding.

"Indeed," Cloak agreed.

[redtailedsaffa]

That was a good one.

And yes for the comeback of Blaze and his sword!

[Shenmue654]

Did I somehow manage to get into the story as a bloodsucking lawyer?! XD Priceless and technically true.

Or is there actually another Kelly on the site?

EDIT: Oh. There is someone with the actual screen-name "Kelly" on the site. Aaaaawww. X).

[theyoungphoenix]

Great Chapters Cloak! I really miss seeing this every day... Oh well. I'll log on when I can.

[Cloak]

Great Chapters Cloak! I really miss seeing this every day... Oh well. I'll log on when I can.

I'll try to keep fresh chapters up for ya, though.

Did I somehow manage to get into the story as a bloodsucking lawyer?! XD Priceless and technically true.

Or is there actually another Kelly on the site?

EDIT: Oh. There is someone with the actual screen-name "Kelly" on the site. Aaaaawww. X).

Yeah, I tend to use the usernames of RAFians as I knew them.

I'll put you in a book, if your species and/or powers gives me an idea to use somewhere, Shenmue.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:
The Fox and the Hypocrite

"That was a good one, Blaze! Where have you been hiding, by the way?" Saffa said.

Blaze shrugged, and said, "I've been sick."

Thank you, Dr. Marvin Monroe*. Cloak thought to himself.

"Never mind that," Gaz said. "Anyone else got one?"

"Oh, what the hey? Let me take a stab at it," Estelore said with a lively, mirthful laugh.

***

There once was a woodsman, who had a habit of tromping through the deep woods. He kept to himself mostly, but was a friendly enough fellow.

There came a time when a fox -- a vixen named Marie -- came streaking by, hiding beneath some bushes.

"Don't tell them where I am," she whispered urgently to them. "Please? Pretty please?"

Then the hunters who sought her came, one on a white stallion hunting horn on hand. They were foxhunters, they were blood sportmen. Only they werewithout dogs, strangely enough.

"Have you seen a fox go this way, perchance, my good fellow?" the guy on horseback said rather snobbishly and aristocratically.

"Uh, no." he said, but pointed out Marie's position anyway. She cursed him as she just barely escaped with her life.

***

"Wow," Abby said.

"Based off of Aesop's 'The Fox and the Woodman'." Estelore said. "A tale warning of hypocrisy."

Hypocrisy.

That's something Cloak has been a victim of for so long. But he knew that he was allowing himself to continue to be victimized by it by simply dwelling on it.

Cloak tried to shake himself out of this dark stupor that he was in. This was a time for levity -- a commodity the RAFians so rarely got to enjoy. A time for fun.

---
*The guy other than Bleeding Gums Murphy and Frank Grimes who died in "The Simpsons".

[redtailedsaffa]

LOL, Shen, that you are.

ABBY! You always pop up without warning! I hate time zones.

[Shenmue654]

Hmm. About all my "species" would be likely to do in Super RAF Weird Land is give me the ability to control a squadron of shadow-like minions. The Good News: They'd be pretty hard to kill. The Bad News: They're dumb as bricks. Think the goblins from Labyrinth, complete with incoherent, adorable scrabbling snarling noises. :p They'd do things like dump water on your head when you ask for a glass of it.

[theyoungphoenix]

Great Chapters Cloak! I really miss seeing this every day... Oh well. I'll log on when I can.

I'll try to keep fresh chapters up for ya, though.

I'll always look forward to them!!

ABBY! You always pop up without warning! I hate time zones.

I know. Time zones suck. I try to get on more though. Just keep an eye out for me!

[Cloak]

Hmm. About all my "species" would be likely to do in Super RAF Weird Land is give me the ability to control a squadron of shadow-like minions. The Good News: They'd be pretty hard to kill. The Bad News: They're dumb as bricks. Think the goblins from Labyrinth, complete with incoherent, adorable scrabbling snarling noises. :p They'd do things like dump water on your head when you ask for a glass of it.

Hmmm . . . that may be useful for some chapters, but I haven't visited the Species thread in a while. What is the name of your species?

CHAPTER NINETEEN:
Beware the Narrator

"Nice one," Saffa said.

"Thank you," Estelore said. Then added, in mock challenge, "Anyone care to top it?"

"Why," Cloak said, with a smirk, "allow me."

"Cloak, why do I get the feeling a puppy dies every time you smile like that?" Abby teased.

***

"All the RAFians in RAFville
Liked RAFmas a lot,
But the Queen, who lived just southeast
Of RAFville, did not.
She groused and complained
To what the festivities pertained.
"For years I've put up with it now,
I must stop RAFmas from happening!
But how?"
Then the Queen got a horrid idea.
A horribly horrid idea.
She crudely disguised herself as the Claus,
And she snuck into the forum without pause.
Within a twinkling, she had succeeded,
Her work nary impeded.
She rode on her sleigh to Mount Crumpet
With the the sac of trimmings, to dump it.
She waited to hear the forelorn cries
To rent the skies.
But to her very great suprise,
The sound that sounded wasn't sad.
No, it was glad.
So she puzzled --"

"Whatever," Queeen said, starting to push the stuff off of Mt. Crumpet.

"As I was saying,
Which you better start obeying, --"

"Who do you think you are? I don't take orders from you!" Queen protested haughtily.

"So it goes, the Queen defied the orator.
Unbidden, the ground beneath her began to slacken.
But to this be the lesson, the curator,
As the Queen falls to oblivion, one must remember,
Don't ever f*ck with the narrator."

***

"What a twist!" Saffa said.

Cloak winced a little, remembering the representation of M. Knight Whatever in "Robot Chicken".

[redtailedsaffa]

The spelling is Shyamalan, lol. Confusing Indian name.

[Cloak]

Ah.

Now, Saffa get your PDF maker ready, here's the final chapter of this book!! Then is onto Book L (50)!
 

CHAPTER TWENTY:
The Saga Begins

"Nice one, Cloaky." Abby intoned.

"Thanks." he replied appreciatively. "Next!"

"I'll take that up," Horse said.  "And if you have to go to the bathroom, go now.  I'm not stopping."
 

***

A long, long time ago
In a forum far away
RAFNaboo was under attack.
And Chad thought he and Faerie Larka
Could talk the Federation into
Maybe cutting them a little slack.
But their response, it didn't thrill them.
They locked the doors and tried to kill them.
We escaped from that gas
And met DinoNothlit and Az.
They took a Bongo from the sceen
and they went to RAFTheed to see the queen.
They wound up on RAFTatooine
That's were they found this boy . . .
Oh, my, my, this here Ken guy.
May be Vader someday later -- now he's just a small fry.
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a RAFguy
"Soon I'm going to be a RAFguy."
Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave?
But he can use the Force, they say.
Well, he knows he built RAFO
And he's heard how fast his pod can go
And they were broke, it's true.
So, they made a wager or two!
He was a pubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Demos started off that race,
Well, Chad knew who would win first place.
Oh yes, it was their boy.
They started singin' . . .
Oh, my, my, this here Ken guy.
May be Vader someday later -- now he's just a small fry.
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye,
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a RAFguy.
"Soon I'm going to be a RAFguy."
Now they finally got to RAFCoruscant
The RAFian Council they knew would want
To see how good the boy could be.
So, they took him there and they told the tale
How his abilities were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy.
Oh, the Council was impressed, of course,
Could he bring balance to the Forum Force?
They interviewed the kid.
Oh, training they forbid.
Because Richard sensed in him much fear,
And Faerie said, "Now, listen here,
"Just stick it in your moddy ear!
"I still will teach this boy."
She was singing . . .
Oh, my, my, this here Ken guy
May be Vader someday later -- now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye,
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a RAFguy.
"Soon I'm going to be a RAFguy."
They caught a ride back to RAFNaboo
'Cause Queen Estelore wanted to.
Chad frankly would've liked to stay.
They all fought in that epic war.
And it wasn't long at all before,
Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day.
And in the end some users died,
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried.
A lot of folks were croakin'.
The battle droids were Broken!
And the RAFian we admire most
Met up with Darth Malice and now she's toast.
Well, he's still here and she's a ghost.
I guess he'll train the boy.
And he was singin' . . .
Oh, my, my, this here Ken guy.
May be Vader someday later -- now he's just a small fry.
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye,
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a RAFguy.
"Soon I'm going to be a RAFguy."
They were singin' . . .
Oh, my, my, this here Ken guy.
May be Vader someday later -- now he's just a small fry.
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye,
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a RAFguy
"Soon, I'm going to be a RAFguy."

Now some years later, Ken became a Padawan --
 

***

"She isn't gonna tell the entire saga?" Saffa whispered.

"Oh, yeah." Cloak said, wearily.

[redtailedsaffa]

*stands up and gives round of applause*

That. Was brilliant!!

So many awesome 50ths! Doctor Who and Memoirs. Can't wait!!

Aaaand here's your PDF.