Memoirs of a RAFian

[Cloak]

New chapter. Need to ward of these irritating "I'm worthless" thoughts and the heightened anxiety that comes with it. They always seem to strike whenever I let my guard down.

CHAPTER NINE:
Ragin' Against the Machines

"Guys," Underseen urged urgently, "we need to act now!"

"Yes," Cloak agreed, "but I'm not shouting 'cowabunga'."

Slight pause.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Never mind, it was an overly meta moment."

"Huh?" Ash asked.

"Never mind," Cloak said, leaping down from the sloping road. The others followed suit and engaged the machines.

"Cloak, can't you just halt these machines with your ferrokinesis?" Gaz asked, prudently.

"Number of problems with that strategem, Gaz," Cloak said, as the four fought. "First, you assume these machines are mostly metal. They are not. There are a lot of plastic and nonmetallic parts that would make it difficult enough. Secondly, there are just too many. I'm only one person. I can only do so much."

"We've seen you do more," Ash commented.

"You assume much!" Cloak said. "It would be like not allowing a single grain of sand to escape your cupped palms. Can any of you boast that capability? Do not minimize the task, nor the effort involved."

"You mechbend." Underseen pointed out.

"That is different!" Cloak protested. "Those Cybertronians, those roboticized, they were mostly, if not completely, metalic! Can you say the same of a refridgerator? You are requesting, and assuming, that I have such fine control over the elements."

"Cloak, don't lecture us. We all know you hold back. We all know why you have this hang up." Gaz said.

"There are no more bystanders, Cloak." Ash pointed out. "And there is little you could do that Underseen and I cannot come back from. Short of a stake and garlic ingestion, Gaz probably could shrug anything off."

"Not to mention that I can go mist form," Gaz said, delivering an elbow to a waffle iron that came flying at her. "Let go, Cloak."

Cloak didn't like it. He didn't want to do it. He was always afraid of losing control. Letting loose would mean letting loose with his emotions, his feelings. He may not be able to regain control over himself. That truth scared him like nothing else would.

Well, maybe second to one other thing. . . .

"Fine," Cloak said. "Remember, though, you asked for it."

[redtailedsaffa]

At first I thought you meant you weren't a fan of ceilings.

[Cloak]

As my friend is apt to say, "bleh".

CHAPTER TEN:
Clues Blues

Cloak shut his eyes, which had been trailing scarlet-gold energy like the flames on a Mega Blaziken's wrists. By shutting his eyes, the energy trails had dissipated completely. He took a deep breath, and opened his eyes, which had reverted to their normal amber appearance.

He only had vague memories of what had happened, but saw that all the appliances laying in pieces all around. Twisted and singed. From what he could remember, he had let go, sure, but he attempted to simply focus his efforts, limit the wanton destruction (something he knew Demos, with his demon sensibilities, would be disappointed in). He had not lost total control.

Yet, he felt that it drained him, made him feel somewhat hollow. Hollow and empty. Cloak did not particularly like that feeling.

Cloak looked around to see that the storefront had only the merest cosmetic damage. Nothing a coat of paint and a scrub brush couldn't fix. But the merchandise was beyond repair. Cloak was thankful for this, as it could have been a lot worse. Cloak had never tested just how much he could do, and, in truth, he was happier in his ignorance of that. He knew this -- power was not as desireable as though who sought it imagined. Power is a burden, a burden of which only fools underestimate and take for granted.

Cloak looked around for the others. He didn't see them. He began to feel, not mere fear, but awful terror and acid trepidation. Did he . . . oh, by the First Light, no. Please, don't be so. . . .

"Okay, Cloak, I think you've made your point." Gaz said, reforming from her mist mode. Laserbeak swooped in and seemed to be chewing Gaz out in chirps and tweets and whistles. "Calm down, Beaky! I'm sorry that I didn't bring you with. Happy?"

Laserbeak sat on her shoulder with an avian huff. Apparently, the Cybertronian parrot had been searching high and low for Gaz, generally worrying and fretting about her. So, upon finding her, naturally, the first thing he'd do was to tell her off.

"Yes, I can see why you don't like to tap into that power, Cloak," Ash said, reforming.

"It was scary," Underseen commenting, reforming in a way that was eeriely similar to the T-1000.

"Any clues?" Cloak asked.

"Nope," Underseen answered.

Gaz took out her communicator, as Laserbeak harrumph-ed again. "We did manage to get an energy signature, but it was far too brief to get a location of orgin."

"Translation: we're back at square one," Ash sighed heavily.

"What did you fools do to my store?!" came an angry, drawling voice. "My merchandise -- ?"

It was the owner -- the C.E.O. of this line of appliance warehouses. The RAFians weren't remotely intimidated, because, after all, they had faced far scarier opponents.

"What happened to my store?!" the pudgy, greasy-haired man said. His voice was similar to poparena's voice for Dealin' Dan Hawke, only with more of a southern United States drawl. "Who's gonna pay for all these damages?!"

The RAFians had more pressing things to worry about, and ignored him. They continued to discuss what was their next move, before deciding they could not go any further without reporting back to the others. Especially since they might need a different set of skills for this mission.

"It was you four, wasn't it? Wasn't it?!" the man, Al Gouge (apparently pronounced "Goo-jay"), demanded. "What's your names?! You are so sued!"

"Are you sure you want to go the litigious route?" Cloak asked with a silky voice.

"Imma take you for all you're worth!!"

"I don't think you'd want to do that, Mr. Al." Cloak said, his voice keeping that silky quality. "Because, while you may not have noticed as I have, there are numerous OSHA volations inside your store."

"Like what?" he replied in a foolishly challenging tone of voice.

"Oh, no fire doors that required for a building of this size, numerous code violations in the health and fire codes, and -- must I elaborate more?"

The man's anger quickly translated into fear, his arrogance quickly changed into sycophancy.

"I thought so." Cloak said, as the four of them walked away.

When they were a prudent enough distance away. "How'd you know all that?" Underseen asked.

"I didn't," Cloak said, honestly. "But based on his behavior, I took a guess on his business practices. Turned out I was right. Let's just get back to the others."

[Cloak]

. . .

Okay, maybe Gary Stu'd a bit there.

CHAPTER ELEVEN:
Inaccurate Analysis

"What is this?" came SAL SOMNUS's voice. It was now settled somewhere between Tim Curry and Tony Jay. It was watching the feed from the security camera of Odd Al's Appliances. "The righteous rampage was halted!"

It watched intently as it saw the true power that Cloak was always so terrified to unleash. The power Cloak shan't ever unleash again. He should not have allowed himself to be so easily swayed into using the power. Power, he knew, was a drug, and not one he cared to partake of.

"Such power . . ." SAL said. It would have salivated had it not been a machine. It was still naive to the world, and unaware that there was more than the black-and-white of power and powerless, of strong and weak, of superiority and inferiority. More than the simple-minded path of seeking unquestioning dominance and authority. "Surely, that cannot be a being of flesh. Beings and creatures of flesh are worthless and weak. Surely, that powerful one can be brought under my thumb. Surely, I can take that power from myself."

Then it seemed to notice Gas, Underseen, and Ash. SAL looked severe.

"It besmirches its power by associating with such weak-bodied organics?!" it thundered indignantly. "Such ludicrous altruism is beneath beings of such power."

SAL quickly did a scan on the creature in question. As well as its four compatriots, and it evaluated them, using data frrom a Knight's database which had only the most laughably outdated firewalls. The RAFians did bother hacking it due to the monstrously inconsistencies with the "facts" within.

"Designate: Gaz. Species: Vampire." SAL said. Then it evaluated her power level, based on just how much brute force and destructive power she possessed. "Power level: 6411. Not a threat. Weaknesses? Garlic, sunlight, holy water, religious symbols."

That assumption was not wholly accurate. Gaz has only shown to be weak against wooden stakes and possibly holy water. One would have to wonder why SAL would take this as fact as Gaz was obviously out in sun as it set. But, on the whole, it dismissed her.

"Designate: Laserbeak. Species: Cybertronian bird." SAL said. Strangely, it didn't seem remotely interested in the robotic bird -- maybe because the database in which it was making its judgements was incredibly flawed. "Power level: 46. Threat level? Pathetic. Not remotely worth it."

And apparently it didn't know about Laserbeak's Weaponmaster status, otherwise it might consider Laserbeak more of a danger to it. Laserbeak's usually demure personality and nonthreatening appearance didn't help the assumption.

"Designate: Ash. Species: Shapeshifting thingy," SAL said, proving the utter asinine quality of Knight datakeeping. Had Ash know this was what the Knights described her species as, she would be deeply offended. "Power level: 5640. May be a nuisance, but not a threat."

SAL's own innate, inborn arrogance will inevitably be a handicap for him, it would seem. It seems to be a common affliction for the criminally villainous type. Underestimating their foe's capabilities and resourcefulness, as well as overestimate their abilities are two more common maladies for the incurably malevolent.

"Designate: Underseen. Species: Blobby thing." SAL said, and it was clear that he wasn't very impressed. "Power level: 5460. Another nuisance."

Frequently underestimating its opponents. It has learned nothing in its grand twenty-four hours of life.

"Designate: Cloaked Figure. Species: Unknown -- some cloaked thing." SAL recited from memory. He eyed Cloak jealous of his power. "Power level . . . only 7000? That can't be right. According to the visual medium, it has to be over 9000*. In any case, this being could prove to be a problem with my plan . . . unless he is a machine like us."

The scan came back to SAL's mind and it couldn't detect any metal on this being. No schematics, no wires, no nothing. But it would not believe that this creature, whatever it was, was organic. Machines were obviously and logically superior in every way. They even reproduced in a clearer, less error-prone way. They were the ones to survive, to thrive.

He would make this so.


NOTE: Power levels are meaningless. They are absolute crap -- just a Knight thinking he knew more than he did came up with them because he watched one too many episodes of Dragonball Z.

*Yeah, I went there.

[redtailedsaffa]

Okay, now I want to strangle this thing.

[Cloak]

SAL, right?

Just wait -- some of the villains in the later books are worse. The books do tend to get somewhat darker down the line, I'll admit. I haven't planned out the chapters yet, but I know Book CCCXLIV, the Horcrux one, will be very dark.

Anyway, new book ideas -- hopefully, not rehashed!

• BOOK CCCXLVI: "Great Globs of Goo!" -- The RAFians must deal with gooey creatures who call themselves "Fusion" RAFians.
• BOOK CCCXLVII: "Tuffle Scuffle" -- The RAFians must deal with a Tuffle takeover.

I do intend to write each and everyone of these, make no mistake about that. I wouldn't be surprised if I got to "Book D".

So, did I rehash any, Saffa? And the new chapter.

CHAPTER TWELVE:
Construct-A-Con

"Remind me again why we're hanging out at an abandoned construction site?" Saffa said. Then she added sardonically, with a small smile, "Surely there are better places for Andalite fighters and Bug fighters and such to land?"

"What exactly makes you think that this is supposed to be an abandoned construction sight?" Blue asked, arms folded, leaning up against a wall.

"The lack of people tipped me off," Saffa said.

"Be that as it may," Cloak said, "it isn't supposed to be abandoned. By all account, it should be active."

"So, something scared the people away," Saffa said.

"I can't see what, though." Dino said. The site was large enough to accommodate her true size. "There is only construction equipment. Not so much as a mark on 'em."

"I don't like this place," Az said. "It feels like Slender Man will jump us from out of nowhere."

"Slender Man doesn't exist, Az." Cloak said, tonelessly. His attention was on the construction vehicles. There were only six that he could see -- a dump truck, a backhoe, a cement mixer, a crane, a bulldozer, and a front loader. He had a bad feeling.

"You didn't think mnemoraptors existed," he countered.

Cloak let it slide, as the electricity or whatever it was that caused those auras at Odd Al's Appliances seemed to surge into the vehicles. They moved of their own accord, without drivers directing them. They headed straight for the RAFians.

"I think we know now why it was abandoned." Saffa said, beginning to morph to rancor.

"But why wait until now to attack?" Cloak wondered aloud.

"Worry about it later, Cloak," Dino said, before letting out a bellowing roar.

Then she collided with the dumptruck, full-force. This overturned it, rendering it useless. But then the crane used its hook to try and right the truck. It was not succeed due mostly to wrong angles to try to get it up.

"Well, that's new." Dino commented. "They do show limited intelligence."

<Less chatting, more hitting!> Saffa said. Then the cement mixer buried her right foot in wet cement. <Ewww . . . cement shouldn't be so squishy. And purple.>

Cloak eyes narrowed at that remark. "Squishy" was not one word he would use to describe wet cement. And wasn't cement gray? But it didn't seem to have any negative effects on Saffa's rancor, so Cloak pushed it to the back of his mind. It was probably some sort of cleaning chemical.

[redtailedsaffa]

 Nope, don't thimk you did.

[Cloak]

 Feeling a great amount of emotional pain right now, which I won't get into right now, I'll just say it makes getting a new job near impossible. I need this right now.
 

CHAPTER THIRTEEN:
Signals and Stalling

<Why are we holding back?> Saffa asked. <Cloak, you can take them out at any moment, right?>
 
"That's not the point, though," Cloak said, knowing that Yarin was listening in to their communications, and working furiously. "We must wait until the signal frequency is found."
 
<I know that, Cloak. I thought Yarin would have it by now.> Saffa sniffed.
 
Suddenly, the sand around the construction equipment exploded, but the trucks and machinery were not fazed. Cloak didn't look really surprised. After all, they didn't have eyes to blind. Although, it begged the question how they were able to direct and coordinate their assault. The side of the crane was suddenly embedded with shurrikens -- plain metallic shurrikens -- which promptly exploded after several minutes thereafter. Didn't do much.
 
"I don't know how much I can do here," Blue sighed, appearing at Az's side as if spat up by the shadows. "My tricks and martial arts aren't much use against machines like this."
 
He was laying this act on a bit thick, playing up the ego of whoever is watching this. But how?  How was someone watching this? This wasn't some Saturday morning cartoon where such questions are never answered (which internet critics would point out years later). There had to be a way. . . .
 
"The security cameras," Az said deftly, eying the objects that had a bead on them.
 
"Nice catch," Blue said.
 
"But we need to draw this thing out a bit longer," Cloak said. "Yarin has located the frequency, and is currently triangulating the source's location."
 
<How long?> Saffa asked in private thought-speak, as she overturned the crane.
 
"Long enough," Cloak said, repressively. "Keep it up."

<Lovely,> Saffa said dryly.

***

"That's it!" Blue exclaimed. "Cloak, end this."

Cloak wasn't sure he liked his tone of acting like Cloak was a nuke to be dropped. But he couldn't deny there was cause to refer to himself in such a manner. Didn't mean he had to like it.

Cloak quickly used his mastery over metal to subdue the machinery and the quartet deftly followed Yarin's pinpointing of the location of the source of this trouble.

[Cloak]

Feeling a bit anxious right now. Need to write to lessen the anxiety level.
 

CHAPTER FOURTEEN:
Rampant in the Streets

The RAFian's way was not impeded. They ran into various machinery, some of which seemed to be cobbled together from other pieces. Beak-like turrets adhered to walls, what appeared to be a hopping security robot with a Cyclopean eye, hovering nuisances with a single rotary wing, simple explosive devices activated by remote timers, what appeared to be a hybrid between Hunter-Killer robots and "Beast Machines" Megatron's diagnostic robot, a flea-like surveillance robot prototype, and more.
 
"I think we're on the right track," Blue said, deftly skewering a robot.
 
But more came, a second swarm.
 
"I wasn't aware the city was experimenting with robotics." Cloak said. "This seems very improbable."
 
"It's certainly news to me!" Saffa exclaimed, between morphs at the moment.
 
Az was finding it rather easy to freeze them. Though his cryokinesis wasn't as practiced as Horse's was, he could most certainly hold his own. Blue was moving with the deft ease of a ninja, favoring his ninjabo. Saffa had settled on her Tyrannopede morph. Dino was simply able to use brute force -- and she already possessed plenty of that at her full size, but she was content to battle in her compact form. Cloak was doing his best to clear the way of the metal debris.
 
"You know that we're gonna get flack about damages, right?" Az said, with a weary tone. "Somebody's gonna wanna blame us for it."
 
"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Cloak said.
 
It was a testament to how trained these five were, how little a threat these robotic things were, that they were able to carry on such a conversation without problem or complaint. Granted, it'd be just too easy with Dino and Cloak there, but Dino needed to be in her compact form to follow the conversation easier.
 
"Not necessarily, Az," she said. "People are gonna wonder where all these robots came from in the first place. I have yet to see any headline or news article reporting such. It can't be legal."

"Somehow, considering all the problems we have had, it's not too surprising that some corporations would want a little extra security, and want to keep the knowledge of these security measures on a need-to-know basis." Blue said, pragmatically. "They want to prevent the kind of damage by the likes of Syphoon and those Cybertronians to a bare minimum."

"That makes sense," Saffa said, thoughtfully. "They wouldn't care about the potential illegality of it, as long as their interests are protected. They might not see the potential dangers of it, only the potential advantages."

"This in a culture where 'Terminator' is a franchise," Cloak said dryly.

Suddenly, the number of mechanical enemies lessened dramatically and the five looked around. They stood before a wrought-iron door painted black. There was no doorknob, no door handle.

"Guess this is the end of the line." Dino said.

WHOOOSH!! The door opened to a dark room to which not even Cloak's eyes could penetrate the gloom.

"Get ready," Cloak said. Then the five entered, Dino last.

[Cloak]

Another chapter, I think. Nerves need to calm down.
 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN:
The Cutting Edge

The room was circular and featureless, everything was pushed up against the wall. No hiding places, no places in which to launch an ambush. It was pointless in pretending they were not there.
 
"Show yourself, you machine-controlling menace!" Cloak roared, announcing their presence.

"Cloak, you don't honestly think that --" Blue began, skeptical.

Suddenly, a blue like illuminated SAL SOMNUS. SAL said, "I live!", rather overdramatically.

"Okay, I didn't expect it to be so easy." Blue amended.

"Wait a minute," Saffa said, "it's not gonna --"

"Since you came here uninvited,
I knew you'd be delighted.
This is not the place nor time to hedge.
No one here would be so bold to,
But since you're here and no one's told you,
Let me take you to the cutting edge!
I can process words, syntax too.
And my holograms displays for you.
Hi-tech graphics locked into my memory,
With my optics fast on stalks elastic.
Just let me reach out and choke Cloaky!"

"Hands off, creep!" Cloak said, destroy SAL SOMNUS's hands. It somehow managed to regenerate them. Cloak saw this and wonders . . .

"More!  More!  More!
Any time or place you wish,
You might meet up with some Oddish.
Pull yourself together on that cutting edge.
More!  More!  More!
I'm the bytes and chips on call,
You just have yourself a ball.
It's all overactive, on-the-cutting-edge.
From LEDs to CRTs,
Woofers, Tweeters, and wireless transistors --

Wait.  Why am I singing?  Does not compute.  It is illogical."

"It has a point," Dino admitted.

"Bye." SAL said.

"Wait -- what?" the RAFians said simoutaneously before the floor opened up beneath them.

[redtailedsaffa]

Please, please do write more if it helps you loosen up.

[Cloak]

I intend to, as long as I am able. And I may go over the prerequisite twenty chapters for this book. I might post another chapter if I've the energy.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN:
Just Absolutely Swamped

Cloak landed on his feet. He is a cat, after all. The fall itself was very strange. It felt to be a long time in duration and yet no time at all. Odd. Cloak peered around in a dim gloom, and tried to Earthsight -- which wasn't easy, as every seemed to "look" slimy and shifty. This combined with the scent of this place and humid mugginess led Cloak to only one conclusion.
 
"Swamp." he muttered, as he continued to assess his surroundings.
 
"How very apt of you." came a voice. Cloak recognized it at once as SAL SOMNUS. Cloak could not see or Earthsight the mechanical monstrocity's location, which left only one venue for it to be. The swampy water. . . . But it couldn't be anything all that bad, as that water did not appear to be very deep.

"Enough of this hiding," Cloak said. "Get out here and face me."

"Fair enough." the voice said reasonably. The creature came out and appeared to be a combination of a Deep Sea Warrior and a Creature from the Black Lagoon. All in all -- not something very pleasant to look at. But Cloak was not perturbed. He had seen much more frightening creatures. He had been trampled before by unknowingly getting in the way between some diehard "Beliebers" and Bieber merchandise. This thing wasn't gonna intimidate him.

"And what are you?" Cloak said, with an unimpressed and bored air.

"Oh, yes, introductions." it said.  The voice was SAL's but slightly different some how. "I am SAL-R."

"Salazar?"

"No, no, no. SAL-R -- s-a-l-hyphen-r." it said. There was no emotion, just cold reason, impersonal rationality.

"Huh. Okay, so what is your purpose here?"

"I am to keep you here, so the Great SOMNUS may use your abilities, and that of your friends, to its purposes."

"And SOMNUS actually thinks that it can get away with this?" Cloak said, a dangerous lilt to his voice.

"Do not resist. You cannot escape. The Great SOMNUS knows of your power levels."

"Pal, you do not know anything about Realm Walkers, do you?" Cloak said. "We do not like being confined. We can not be confined by the likes of you."

"Do not resist."

"Don't challenge me. You won't enjoy it." Cloak warned.

"Do not resist."

[Cloak]

Now another. I've got a writing fire within me right now.
 

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN:
Demon Penguins!!

Az stood up. He didn't much care for the fall. It was so cliched that he surmised that none of them had expected it. Az rasied his palm and flexed it a bit shooting out a small flurry of snowflakes. He still had his powers. Good, then this was some sort of virtual reality or virtual world sort of schtick.
 
Az looked around, taking in his surroundings. The sky was dark, moonless and starless, except for one pinpoint of light, like an aurora. The ground was glacial and frozen. Az was surprised. He hadn't sensed the cold at all, hadn't even felt it. But yet, it must be cold, because snow and ice could not exist at warm, comfortable temperatures such as these.
 
One could make the argument that this was because of his cryokinesis, that he was immune to cold because of it. But this was not true. He could always feel the cold, could at least sense it. Granted it didn't bother him as much as it would someone without cryokinesis, but that didn't mean that he would not notice it.
 
Az also noticed that there were many strange creatures ambling around. They looked like . . . penguins. Penguins in a plethora of shapes and a rainbow of colors. Shapes and colors that were impossible for them to exist as in the real world.
 
"First, I find myself transported to a warped version of 'Ice Age', and now I see unnatural penguins everywhere. . . . I must've hit might head." Az said, placing a hand to his forehead and shaking it slowly.
 
"Correction: demon penguins!" came a squawking voice. It sounded rather like the Abridged Nappa crossed with Scratch from "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog". Rather irritating.
 
"What the . . . demon penguins? Demon penguins? Are you serious? Demon penguins??" Az said incredulously.
 
"YES!" came the malicously eager voice. "Fear them! Wallow in terror at the demon penguins!"
 
"Are you -- wait, who are you?"
 
Suddenly, a penguin whose white parts were colored blood red, and possessed two devil horns and glowing blue eyes leaped out in front of Az, who wore a look that clearly said that he was wondering if someone was punking him. The devil penguin somehow misinterpreted this into a sign that Az was utterly terrified.

"Yes, mortal, fear me!"

"Uh, who are you?" Az asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically, wondering if this guy was for real.

"Ah! You wish to know the name of your tormentor?"

"Yeah, sure, let's go with that." Az said, tonelessly.

"I am SAL-F!" the devil penguin said, loudly and pridefully crass.

"Salf?"

"No, fool! S-a-l-hyphen-f!"

"Whatever. What do you want?"

"I want to obey the Great SOMNUS. I want to keep you here forever!"

"Yeah . . . good luck with that."

[redtailedsaffa]

Oooh, everyone gets a different room. And demon penguins?!

[Cloak]

And demon penguins?!

Precisely the reaction that I was going for.

A new chapter soonish.

Now, that new chapter.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:
Courting Saffa

Saffa righted herself, having trouble deciding if her landing was hard or not. Her backside didn't hurt, so she decided it mustn't have been so bad. The only thing her was her ego. It was an obvious trap, she saw it now. The machine king didn't have any defenses when they confronted him, yet was so cavalier and unafraid. That should have tipped them off that something was up.

She deftly took in her surroundings and saw nothing but darkness, barring the inexplicable circle of khaki-colored light on which she stood, illuminating her and her only. She swiftly decided that this was rather foreboding. Why couldn't it be something funny -- like demon penguins?

She wandered aimlessly. It was aimless because she couldn't tell which direction she was traveling except forward. She did not know if she was going east, west, north, or south. There was nothing but the void.

"Oof!" she uttered suddenly, bumping into a low wall that came up to her waist. She took a look at this wall and discovered that it was actually like a banister with obese columns holding it up. It was like the rather stereotypical ones in a . . .

"Oh, no." Saffa said, quickly surmising what was going to happen.

"Order in the court, order I say." came an impassionate voice. The voice was a mixure of a more masculine Judge Judy and Johnson-as-Judge-Man from "Yu-Gi-Oh!"*. A judge stand appeared in a khaki light of its own, with a perverse seal that said "Just Us" behind it with a flag of blood red with a black print of a Terminator head emblazoned upon it.

"Who are you?" Saffa demanded boldly. This elwas an effort to hide the fact that this whole courtroom schtick unnerved her, and that flag just sickened her.

"Honorable Judge SAL-I presiding," said the voice. Upon the judge's podium sat a rather large creature somewhere between the art of a Judge Man card and Hudson of "Gargoyles". A rather homely, overly and overtly masculine figure who acted so prim and proper.

But Saffa was unable to surpress a giggle. "Judge Sally?"

"Objection: it is s-a-l-hyphen-i." SAL-I said. "Sustained."

The giggles immediately stopped as Saffa caught onto what was going on here. She was on trial again for some reason. It was likely as ludicrous as the last one but why?

"You are charged with a very grievous crime, young lady." SAL-I said.

"What crime?" demanded Saffa without thinking.

"You dared to exist as an organic creature. 'Tis a very serious crime."

"Existence isn't a crime!" Saffa protested as passionately as SAL-I was impassionate.

"I'm afraid it is," SAL-I said, indifferently. "As dictated by the Great SOMNUS."

*A hint as to where I got this idea from, the idea for all five rooms.