Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say

[TobiasMasonPark]

     Marco: (shouting as the arn returns to his home)
             : And didn't you guys CREATE the Hork-Bajir? Why don't you just do the same thing over again?

[Nero's Fury]

Lol sooo wat marco would say. hed be sittin there then suddenly be like heeey waaaiit

[TobiasMasonPark]

     Cassie: The Yeerks know we're human!
     Jake: How the hecksie did they figure it out?
     Cassie: Blood tests. We were wounded so many times in battle.
     Tobias: Well that doesn't make much sense. Doesn't morphing change our DNA? Shouldn't we have the same blood as the animal we're morphing?
     (Everybody turns to Ax)
     Ax: What, is there something on my face?
     Rachel: Doesn't DNA change when we morph?
     Ax: Yes.
     Rachel: Does blood work the same way?
     Ax: I wasn't paying attention in class that day. I was distracted by a bumbleweed blowing passed the Academy.
     Marco: Bumbleweed?
     Ax: Like an Earth Tumbleweed...Only SUPERIOR!
     Cassie:...Right, so the Yeerks broke into the Gardens and took blood from our battle morphs. They were really upset when they couldn't find a red-tailed hawk...
     Tobias: BUT WE'RE EVERYWHERE!? We're the most common bird in north-america...How could they not find a red-tailed hawk?

[Blaise Zebrataur]

Rachel: Tobias were you out with another hawk today?
Tobias: <Uh...no why?>
Rachel: Because I saw you land beside one the other day and you was touching beaks with it.
Tobias: <Oh...uh...that was...Cassie...we are...you know...dating.>
Rachel: WHAT!!!!!???????

[Nero's Fury]

Lol nice once

[TobiasMasonPark]

     (Imagine a seemingly ordinary family restaraunt on Earth; post-war)

     Esplin: Do I have to?
     Worker 1: It's part of your community service.
     Esplin: I was a high ranking Visser of the Yeerk Empire! This is completely degrading.
     Worker 1: Would you rather go back to the box?
     Esplin: Fine! (to Customer) Welcome to the Good Burger...Home of the Good Burger...May I take your order?

     

[Blaise Zebrataur]

Lol nice once

Hahaha thanks,I had to think of something to be creative on that and figured I'd go with Tobias and Cassie as a joke.

[Nero's Fury]

Marco: Jake! I love u!

Rachel: Jake...we should give this war up man. And like tottally go green man *nods her head like a hippie*
*jake staring wide eyed* Rachel whats the matter with u?
Rachel: Pot

Ax: So tobias how does it feel knowing u have no family, your father died and never told u who he was, and u are stuck as a bird
Tobias: ya no ax...its people like u that need cages

[TobiasMasonPark]

     Iniss: Do I have to do this?
     Cookie Scout Troupe Leader: My mother says this is part of your community service, Mr. Chapman.
     Iniss: Your mother was one of many subordinates serving under me during the Yeerk War.
     Cookie Scout Troupe Leader: Well, now she's your boss. Would you rather work with Visser One at Good Burger?
     Iniss: Fine...

     (Iniss walks up to a rather large house...A Mansion really...He knocks on the door. The door opens)

     Iniss: Oh...Not you...This is really embarassing...
     Marco: Say it.
     Iniss: ...Greeting Sir or Madame. I am seeling Girl Scout Cookies. We have many troupes set up all over the city...Would you like to buy our oh so lovely sunshine daisy Vanilla cookies? Pwetty...Pwett...Pw eese...

[NateSean]

Prior to the events of The Weakness...

Rachel and Jake are standing on a bridge above railroad tracks.

Jake: So as I was saying, there's just no way in hell I would leave you in charge.
Rachel: Right, and I totally wouldn't want the responsibility.
Jake: All right then.

A train passes beneath them and Jake leans over the rail while Rachel glances back across the bridge.

Jake: Wow, that thing is going all the way to Texas. I bet it takes, like, a week to get back from there.
Rachel: Yeah. Say, Jake, do you have any pre-existing health conditions we don't know about?
Jake: No.

The train is still passing beneath them.

Rachel: Seriously? No medications you need to take?
Jake: *shakes his head*
Rachel: Perfect.

Rachel pushes Jake over the rail just as an open cart full of lettuce passes beneath the bridge. He hands with a splat and his angered shouts of resentment are unheard of as the train passes into the distance.

The next day at Cassie's barn.

Rachel: Right, so, Jake had this family event that he couldn't avoid and he left me in charge. So I thought we could all grab cheeta morphs and find out where Visser Three's new feeding grounds are.

Team: Cool!

[TobiasMasonPark]

     Prior to the events in the conspiracy.

     Tom: Hey guys.
     Yeerk 1: Hey Tom's Yeerk...Why so glum?
     Tom: My host parents are going somewhere, for some family thing.
     Yeerk 1: Well that doesn't sound too bad, Tom's Yeerk.
     Tom: It's for three days.
     Yeerk 2: Ah, that explains it.
     Yeerk 1: We could always just give you a portable kandrona. Maybe even accompany you long enough to restrain Tom.
     Tom: No thanks. I'd much rather go through some half-assed elaborate scheme to get my host parents to let me leave early.

     (Tom turns and falls into a hole)

     Yeerk 1: Are you alright, Tom's Yeerk?
     Yeerk 2: He's fine. He just fell in a plot hole.
     Karen: Hey, Tom's Yeerk. What brings you to the Plot Hole?
     Tom: A poorly thought out Plot point, apparently.
Post Merged: February 17, 2011, 07:19:21 PM     The Invasion 1:

     Jake: Why on Earth is there a golf cart in a Zoo?
     Marco: Plot, my friend. Plot.
Post Merged: February 17, 2011, 07:25:31 PM     Visser Two: Do it, I dare you!
     Ax: I'll do it!
     Visser Two: Go on, I wanna see this.
     Ax: Thousands will die
     Visser Two: What are you, Kafit?
     Ax: No one calls me Kafit and gets away with it!

     (Meanwhile, on the ground of California)
     Tom: Say, what's that in the sky?
   

[Baranth]

     Prior to the events in the conspiracy.

     Tom: Hey guys.
     Yeerk 1: Hey Tom's Yeerk...Why so glum?
     Tom: My host parents are going somewhere, for some family thing.
     Yeerk 1: Well that doesn't sound too bad, Tom's Yeerk.
     Tom: It's for three days.
     Yeerk 2: Ah, that explains it.
     Yeerk 1: We could always just give you a portable kandrona. Maybe even accompany you long enough to restrain Tom.
     Tom: No thanks. I'd much rather go through some half-assed elaborate scheme to get my host parents to let me leave early.

     (Tom turns and falls into a hole)

     Yeerk 1: Are you alright, Tom's Yeerk?
     Yeerk 2: He's fine. He just fell in a plot hole.
     Karen: Hey, Tom's Yeerk. What brings you to the Plot Hole?
     Tom: A poorly thought out Plot point, apparently.
Post Merged: February 17, 2011, 07:19:21 PM     The Invasion 1:

     Jake: Why on Earth is there a golf cart in a Zoo?
     Marco: Plot, my friend. Plot.
Post Merged: February 17, 2011, 07:25:31 PM     Visser Two: Do it, I dare you!
     Ax: I'll do it!
     Visser Two: Go on, I wanna see this.
     Ax: Thousands will die
     Visser Two: What are you, Kafit?
     Ax: No one calls me Kafit and gets away with it!

     (Meanwhile, on the ground of California)
     Tom: Say, what's that in the sky?
   

Tom: Karen, what are you doing here? This Plot Hole is in between #30 and #31!

Tom's Yeerk: Uhh... Where's Aftran? I don't sense her in Karen.

[NateSean]

During the Events of the Invasion. (And I don't rember who said what, but bare with me)

Cassie: We should try talking to it.
Marco: Yeah, let me get out my Alien to English dictionary.

Elfangor explains about the Yeerks and shows them the telepathic image.

Marco: I'm guessing that was a Yeerk, or an over-chewed-
Tobias: Okay, you know what, clearly Marco has something to say. Hang on everyone, quiet now. Elfangor, wait one second. Go on Marco, you now have our undivided attention. Please tell us what's on your mind! Yeah, that's right, walk away.

[Baranth]

During the Events of the Invasion. (And I don't rember who said what, but bare with me)

Cassie: We should try talking to it.
Marco: Yeah, let me get out my Alien to English dictionary.

Elfangor explains about the Yeerks and shows them the telepathic image.

Marco: I'm guessing that was a Yeerk, or an over-chewed-
Tobias: Okay, you know what, clearly Marco has something to say. Hang on everyone, quiet now. Elfangor, wait one second. Go on Marco, you now have our undivided attention. Please tell us what's on your mind! Yeah, that's right, walk away.

In the same line of thought...

Elfangor: Tobias, I am your father...

(Later, in The Predator...)

Visser One: Marco... I am your mother... Join the Dark Side. We have people that will laugh at your jokes!

Marco: <Yeah, but they're not androids who basically created humor on Earth.>

[TobiasMasonPark]

     (The reason Visser Three despises Visser One)

     Visser One: I really don't like going to these things.
     Assistant: Visser, you know you must. You're the highest ranking Visser of the Yeerk Empire. How would it look if you didn't make an appearance at your own Yeerk Academy School Reunion.
     Visser One: But I hardly remember anyone. The academy days were so long ago...
     (An Andalite walks up to Visser One and her Assistant)
     Visser Three: Edriss? Edriss 562?
     Visser One: Hi...
     Visser Three: It is so great to see you!
     Visser One: Likewise, I'm sure...
     Visser Three: You don't remember me.
     Visser One: Of course I do...Yes, you're...um...How could I forget you...
     Visser Three: I sat behind you in Infestation 101...And in Physics 203...And if everyone of your classes freshman to senior year...
     Visser One: Oh, yea! How could I forget...
     Visser Three:...What's my name?
     Visser One: Um...