Chapter 10 (Tobias)
It felt like a long trip to the Hork-Bajir home world, even though it probably didn't actually take more than a day or two. There was nothing to look at besides the blank whiteness of Z-space, and nobody to talk to except Cassie. Of course, the loneliness didn't really bother me. Cassie, on the other hand, wasted no time in getting to know every single one of the other passengers, a small but motley group of Hork-Bajir and humans.
Cassie did spend some time talking to me. I didn't really care one way or the other, of course, but she seemed to appreciate anything that took her mind off the boredom of the trip.
I learned a little about Ronnie, the guy that Cassie is apparently seeing now. I had never really figured out why she and Jake hadn't been able to make it work. She'd told me that the war had changed him, that he wasn't the same as the boy she'd fallen in love with. I had the feeling that there was something else, something deeper than that between them. But I'm not Cassie. I can't really read people like that.
To tell the truth, the whole situation kind of made me frustrated with her. Here was Cassie, with a chance to be with the one she had always cared for and who had always cared for her for as long as I could remember, and then she goes off with someone else.
If I had gotten that chance with Rachel, the chance to be with her after the war . . .
But it was stupid to think about that now. I shouldn't be mad at Cassie for refusing to live the life I wished I'd had.
We talked about Cassie's experiences after the war, her progress with the Hork-Bajir. And there was another thing that I couldn't understand. How had Cassie managed to be so well-adjusted after the war, when Jake had completely fallen apart? If anyone should have been messed up after all the things we had seen and done, Cassie would have been my first bet. But there she was, still saving the world, as if nothing ever bothered her. How did she do it?
Cassie talked to me for parts of the trip, but most of the time, I spent by myself. With no prey to hunt, and no territory to protect, I had some time to think. Of course, during the boring stretches of our last mission, I had exhausted quite a few of the topics I would normally ponder. So I thought about Cassie. Thought about her and Ronnie, and wondered how she had managed to cope so well.
It was then that I realized what really bothered me about her. Why it was that she couldn't bear to be with Jake, why she needed Ronnie. I don't think I would have seen it if it weren't for the fact that it was almost the same thing I had done after the war.
She had never dealt with her feelings about the war. She had simply run away.
Cassie had run away from the war. And Jake, well, Jake was the war to her. Jake had represented all the terrible reality of their past, and in running from Jake, she had run away from everything.
Ronnie, I realized, was her shield from all that. He had never been part of the war, so he didn't remind her of all those terrible things she had seen and done. She could look into his eyes without seeing all that loss and pain. Pain which she herself could not bear to feel.
I guess once I came to realize all that, I had to forgive her in my mind. I knew as well as anyone how painful the past could be, and how tempting it was to just run away and hide. What I had done by living as a hawk, Cassie had done with Ronnie.
As I was thinking about Cassie, she caught me staring at her. "What?" she asked, rubbing her cheek like she thought maybe I had been staring at something on her face.
<Nothing,> I said, quickly looking away. <Just thinking.>
"About me?" Cassie asked.
<No,> I lied. <Just . . . never mind.>
She got the hint, and let it go. It didn't matter much, anyway, because we were finally coming out of Z-space. The ship turned to let us see the Hork-Bajir planet, which I was seeing now for only the second time. I gasped, impressed by the lush, green valleys contrasted against the utterly barren plains. There was much more green now than there had been when I'd seen the planet before.
As our ship made a descent into one of the valleys, I looked around at the newly-rebuilt platforms in the trees where Hork-Bajir were working and frolicking, the clusters of young saplings where the ground was bare of older and grander trees, the awful ugly scars in the ground where Yeerk pools used to be. All the signs of a planet slowly recovering from Yeerk domination.
And ironically, perhaps the source of an entirely new war.
Our ship maneuvered into a small clear spot that was obviously intended to accommodate spacecraft. We disembarked amid a crowd of passengers, waiting a while for them to disperse to whatever various tourist destinations they had come to see.
Jake had told us that the Yeerks would probably be in the Deep, an area that had been fairly abandoned ever since the extinction of the Arn. So that's where Cassie and I were headed first. We were just waiting to make sure nobody would follow us.
Once the landing area had cleared out, Cassie and I morphed to Hork-Bajir. We figured we could cover more ground that way, and plus we didn't want to draw any more attention than we had to. Once we'd finished morphing, we took to the trees, climbing easily up the bark like giant reptilian squirrels. We swung swiftly from branch to branch, the trees blurring by as we bounded through the forest.
We were moving downward almost as fast as we moved forward. It was dizzying, flying from tree to tree towards that precipitous drop, the blue fog of the Deep getting ever closer below us.
Soon, the trees gave way to smaller plants, and we had to walk the rest of the way. We trekked through the fog, half-expecting to be ambushed at any moment, even though we knew the Deep was supposed to be empty.
We demorphed at some point, as our morph time began to run low. Cassie kept walking, while I flew. Normally I'd be worried about flying when I could hardly see, but I figured there was nothing here for me to run into. Flying was weird, though. The air felt thicker, almost like I was flying through a liquid.
Eventually, the fog began to lift. As it did, I thought I saw a small figure. But the mist was still too thick to see what it was. Whatever or whoever it was, it saw us too, and quickly fled.
<Hey, wait,> I yelled, flying after it. It ran clumsily, no match for my speed. I caught up to it easily.
But when I did, I didn't quite believe what I was seeing. The creature before me had two arms, four legs, two stubby wings, glittering eyes, and bright yellow-orange feathers covering its body.
It was an Arn.