Thanks! I really do appreciate the praise
New chapter. This . . . this is . . . a . . . thing, I guess? I'm sorry, I really have no words for what you're about to read.
Chapter 10
gh continued walking well into the night, well past the point that any sane individual would have stopped. Of course, this was not the case for gh. Fueled by a sense of determination (which some might call stupidity), he pressed forward.
As the night went on, gh's body screamed at him to stop. He needed to sleep. He needed to eat. And dear god, did he wish he hadn't smoked his last cigarette at work. All of these things only served as a force pushing gh forward, however. Not only did he need to find his guitars, but he needed to prove to himself how strong he was. A little foolish, maybe, but it wasn't easy to think straight under his circumstances.
He continued until his stomach started growling. That was the point when he realized he had to eat something. He looked around for anything remotely edible. Tree bark? No, he wasn't a Hork-Bajir. Even in his current state, he wasn't quite crazy enough to try that. Grass? Not nearly enough sustenance. Dirt? Wait, that's just plain ridiculous.
There. Out of the corner of his eye, gh saw something growing in front of a tree. A small group of mushrooms.
“You think they're safe to eat?” gh asked Anderson.
“How should I know?” Anderson answered derisively. “If you don't know if they're poisonous or not, how would I?”
“Right,” gh said. “God, I'm forgetting we're not, you know. . . .”
“Literally the same-”
“Shut up.” gh knelt down to inspect the mushrooms. “I have no idea,” he concluded. He shook his head. “Screw it. I'm friggin' starving.”
Anderson shook his head. “It's your grave. . . .”
* * *
gh stood up, having finished his snack. “So glad I found those mushrooms,” he said, still chewing on the last remnants, “I was starving.” He looked around the forest surrounding him. “Y'know, this place is kinda . . .
juicy.” When he said the last word of that sentence, the letters “J,” “U,” “I,” “C,” and “Y” flew out of gh's mouth and hung in the air, each of them a different color.
gh walked forward a little bit, making some rather odd vocalizations and observing the trail that his hand left when he waved it in front of his face. He especially made note of the forest scenery, which was much more vibrantly-colored than it seemed earlier.
When gh came to a clearing, something made him stop in his tracks. There, movement! Before gh could react, a tall humanoid figure covered in brown fur came into view.
“
Oh my God, Sasquatch!” gh yelled with a laugh.
In response, the Sasquatch let out a roar, which was not quite as intimidating as gh would have imagined it would be. “
gh, what's up!” the Sasquatch replied in a rather doofy voice. As gh ran up and hugged the tall, shaggy creature, he let out a big laugh. “
What're you doin' out here?”
“
I was just walking in your beautiful forest,” gh said, looking around once again at the psychedelic imagery.
“
Oh, it's not my forest, brotha',” the Sasquatch said, “
it's everyone's!”
gh once again gave the Sasquatch a hug. “
You're so ****in' awesome, I love you!”
“
I love you, too, gh! You're an awesome rocker!”
gh and the friendly Sasquatch both let out a series of roars, each more pathetic than the last.
“
Can I be a Sasquatch, too?” gh asked.
“
You already are,” the Sasquatch replied in a sage-like yet still idiotic tone. “
You're my son, gh. My little baby Sas'.”
When gh looked down at himself, he realized the he was indeed covered in shaggy brown fur, much like his new friend. Without another word, the two began to frolic through the bright colors of the forest while music started playing from somewhere. “
Time to fly!” the Sasquatch said, and as gh jumped onto his back, the two rocketed into the air. Feeling the greatest song of his life coming on, gh began singing along to the music:
Down where the Sasquatch hide,
In the misty mountainside,
He's got shiny diamonds that he's got to protect!
Look into the Sasquatch eye,
Did you know that Sas' could fly?
Sasquatch is my daddy and he's got to protect me!
Half man, half machine,
On the cover of a magazine,
Bigfoot is my father and he's got to protect me!
These lyrics don't make sense,
Think I've found my evidence,
That Yeti is my father and he wants to protect me!
“
You know where I can find my guitars?” gh asked, interrupting his gorgeous song.
“
Sure!” the Sasquatch chirped. “
They're right over there!” He pointed ahead, and as a matter of fact, there Señor Butterball was, floating right in front of them.
“
Let's get it!” gh said. “
I can get it . . . if I stand on- WHOA!” With a jolt, gh was falling, and this immediately broke him out of his trip. He looked down, having seemed to have fallen out of a tree, and right below him. . . .
gh groaned as a tree branch rushed up from below him and he landed, straddling said branch. “Oh . . . not again. . . .” He limply fell off of the branch and landed in a heap on the dirt ground. He slowly picked himself up. “That was really weird. Sasquatch isn't my father. . . .”
. . . I will not apologize for my brilliant formatting. Comic Sans is glorious, even if it is F U C K I N G C A N C E R.
Source for this absolute mind****, if anybody cares.
And yes, this is the third Tenacious D adaptation that I've done in one of these things. I shudder to imagine what song I'm gonna use if I ever write another companion piece. . . .
