Author Topic: project taliblade  (Read 1608 times)

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Offline The Spectre

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project taliblade
« on: November 17, 2011, 11:56:47 AM »
(New story!!!, This is a short interaction between Jake who now leads the morphs capable special ops group and my fictional character Sam, who I use in pretty much every animorphs RP and fanfic i start/write. chances are you don't know who he is, so long story made short he was born and abandoned cause his mother was raped, then a pair on andalites nonliths in human form who were refuging from the Yeerk-Andalite war on earth rescued him, but he was weak and likely to die so they tested on him a serum part of "project tailblade" (andalite super soldier serum) and it worked, boosting him to the peak of human ability).

My name is Jake. The war with the Yeerk is won. Now, I lead a group of morph capable special ops counter terrorists. I have just been briefed on my new mission, and for the first time in years, it was a mission I didn't want to accomplish.
I had been sent to capture Sam, one of my fellow ex-animorphs, well not exactly. Sam, abandoned and left to die by his biological mother as a child, he was rescued by a couple of andalites, they saw he was going to die, so they broke the law of Seerow´s kindness, they tested "project tailblade" serum on him, it worked and he was improved to peak on human potential.
At 13 years old he was faster and stronger than most athletes to ever compete in the Olympics, intelligent too, he was all a human could ever be.
But like many of us, he didn't know it until the night when we found Elfangor, he joined us and helped us win the war, but the government wanted more. Now the andalites had refused to share their weapon technology with humans they had turned to him, they had tried to convince him to share the secret of the serum in his blood, but he had refused and went into hiding.
Now I had been ordered to capture him so that a new breed of super soldiers could be created, it was my duty, but not I wanted to fullfill.


I looked for him for a while, his home, places the seven of us would visit so many years ago to figure out how many Cinnamon buns Ax could eat before exploding, and finally, were it all began.
I went alone, always alone, hoping to convince him before I had to take him by force, he was my friend.
The half-finished buildings of the construction site looked ever more old. I walked along the maze of walls were so long ago I had lost a pursuing Hork-Bajir.
-SAM!- I yelled, my voice echoed in the walls, I looked around in the darkness, hoping I could have the tigers eyes without having to morph.
-Hi Jake- his voice came behind me, I looked around startled. He hadn't changed much, he still had the shoulder lenght black hair and slightly tanned skin.He wore the andalite mail inherited by his parents, silver and shiny looking like a long sleeved shirt, a pair of creamy color pants and the same tennis shoes  he wore when we were on missions.
Watching him sitting on that pile of rubble didn't diminished the respect I had for him one bit.
I looked at his one good eye, trying to ignore the long scar that ran from his chin, over his left cheek and stopped on his eyebrow, courtesy of Vissers 3 tailblade. the other eye was gray and dead.
-Its been a while- I said walking towards him, hands in my pockets.
-Yeah- He answered not paying attention.
I cleared my throat, -Sam you know why Im here don't you?-
He smiled -Yeah I had the feeling you hadn't come all the way from Washington just to say hi, so the big fish want the serum don't they?-
I nodded. -My team is coming tomorrow to get you-
-And you expect me to go quietly?-
-No, I know you wont-
-You don´t have to do it Jake-
-I do-
-Jake they want to use the serum as a weapon- his voice was rising to a yell -Next thing Ill know, they'll be sending super-soldiers to middle east for oil!-
I answered calmly -We stopped using oil a few years ago Sam, the Andalites gave us a hand with that-
He laughed -I guess Ive been off a little longer than I thought- He had picked up a stick and was drawing with it on the dirt -But there are still a lot of reasons to make war, natural resources, terrorism, and if all that fails they can throw the word "freedom" on a speech and the killing starts again.-He stopped to take a deep breath -I don't want to carry with all those deaths-
-That never seemed to bother you when you were kicking the stuffing out of Taxxons Sam, what changed?-
-That was different!-He said tightening his jaws -We never asked for it, we were just kids in the wrong place at the wrong time!- He was shouting now but then he calmed down.-Besides our country, our planet, was in danger, we had to do something-
-I know, none of us asked for it. But what do you plan to do? Live here for the rest of your life?-I asked.
-Jake I never enjoyed this more than you or Cassie, not like Rachel who enjoyed killing or getting killed.The battle, the rush, it scared the crap out of me,and in a way, it was fun,but killing? Never. Remember? I knocked them out, broke some bones,but never went to battle with the intention to kill.-
-So why did you fought then? Freedom? Just the rush?-
-I never wanted to kill anyone- He repeated -But I don't like bullies, no matter where they are.- He took a deep breath and continued.  -Don't you get it? A few years ago the yeerks were the bullies, If we do this we´ll be no better than them.-
I let his words blow past, I´d think about them later.I turned my back on him and began to walk away.
-How many Jake?- He asked.
I turned around -What?-
-I need to prepare for the party, how many?-
I grinned -Me plus five- I answered, I was honest,  I wouldn´t, couldn´t, stab him in the back like that.
-Just like the good all days right? I hope you trained them well, remember when I helped you free Tom?-
-I do- I answered, it was true, he had offered to be a host for Toms yeerk so I could have my brother back, just like Cassie had done once. The yeerk had then used his body and  fought the six of us to a standstill. We only won because Sam managed to control his body for a second, enough for Ax to knock him out with the flat side of his blade.
-Don't worry, they're good enough for you- With that I walked away of the construction site.
I hoped Sam would run away, but I knew he wouldn't, he had never run away from a battle he knew he had a chance of winning.
Whatever happened tomorrow, it wouldn't be pretty...
« Last Edit: November 18, 2011, 01:39:39 PM by crossoverfan »

Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: project taliblade
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2011, 01:38:15 PM »
Its good, although the grammar prudist in me cant help but cringe at spelling errors
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Offline The Spectre

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Re: project taliblade
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2011, 04:06:32 PM »
Ok, corrected,

NateSean

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Re: project taliblade
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2011, 12:35:22 PM »
Okay. I'll give it a fuller examination tomorrow. In the meantime, the biggest problem here is infodumping.

I like the idea of Andalites experimenting on humans. We see so many subtle layers within the Empire that it wouldn't surprise me if one of them decided to take that chance with a human in order to fight the Yeerks and do it under the guise of Seerow's Kindness.

This story really does have a lot of potential. It seems like an original concept and I think you should definitely work to polish it more.

Offline The Spectre

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Re: project taliblade
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2011, 12:52:32 PM »
Thanks Sean, actually thats the full story  :P for now
I´ll think about continuing
By the way, what´s infodumping and how could I avoid it?
« Last Edit: November 18, 2011, 01:01:12 PM by crossoverfan »

Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: project taliblade
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2011, 10:37:28 PM »
I think it's trying to cram a bunch of info down somebodys throat all at once. In that one section you managed to give us all of sams information at once. Its a little overwhelming
I am a Blazing Angel. Master of deviant traps and authentic barbecue. Brothers to Rukh the banner maker, Squall the Lionhearted and Underseen the generally sort of okay.


NateSean

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Re: project taliblade
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2011, 11:43:45 AM »
In that one section you managed to give us all of sams information at once. Its a little overwhelming

This. First you tell us everything about him in the "author's notes" and then you tell us even more in the first two paragraphs.

Even a short story needs to take time to build up a character. Either assume we've read the RPG's and don't bother with the backstory, which is hard because then you have to make us care about him still, or give us bits and pieces over the course of the story. Show, don't tell. That's the one bit of advice you will hear from anyone with experience in writing.

Again, I cite the opening chapter of Lord of the Rings. Read it sometime. It doesn't start off, "Bilbo had a ring that he used to kill adragon but then he got to keep it and he lived along time and his nephew frodo is now With him. He wante to give Frodo the wring after his brthday but the ring belongs to an evil monster named Sauromon anbd it's taking control of him like it took control of Gollum...."

No, it starts off with Bilbo's birthday. We meet him and see the kind of character he is. We're introduced to Gandalf and Frodo and in good time, we see the titular ring which becomes the focal point of the most iconic Fantasy trilogy in all of literature.

Read that opening chapter and get a really good idea of how to introduce us to a character. I also recommend looking up a writer named Ray Bradburry. Look for his short story the Flying Machine. That will show you how to tell us a novel's worth of information in just a few pages. Plus, your set up with Jake warning Sam reminds me of a similar story that Bradbury also wrote. I think you'd do well to check it out.