WARNING: This fanfic involves Male/Male OC's. It's about Andalite bigotry and it's rather dark and depressing. I wrote this about ten years ago, but I thought I'd share it here. I tend to try and echo KA's style when I write first-person Animorphs fics like this, so don't be surprised by any sentence fragments
Warnings: Violence, implied adult content and some nasty Andalite slang that I made up. (
Gmarf is my made up Andalite equivalent to f*gg*t.)
***
The Different Ones My name is Bashul-Lybhe-Vestige. I am a male Andalite, but I'm not like others. I am different.
Many people look down upon me for the way I am. I knew I was different when I reached the maturity level where I was supposed to take interest in females. I did try, really. But I had no interest in them. I would court those that my parents would choose for me. But love never blossomed.
At first I thought there was something wrong with me. But there wasn't. Not really anyway. But the road I traveled was long and hard. I am tired. There isn't much time.
But come with me and we shall re-trace the steps I took…
<Bashul! Are you paying attention!?> Barked old Lukkin-Nijayias-Taveeg, my Quantum Physics instructor.
I snapped back to attention. <Yes, prince Lukkin…>
<Good. Now come up and finish this diagram.> he gestured to the holographic diagram for how Z-space rifts are created.
Nodding, I went to the front of the lesson area and traced out the equations with my mind, the lines and numbers appearing as I thoughtspoke the instructions to the computer.
<Sector A, point Alpha. Sector B, point Beta…X divided by Y…> I muttered as the line drew itself according to my instructions.
It was hard to do. One of my stalk eyes kept turning to the side to look over at Lukkin. He was a good-looking Andalite, after all. He looked younger than he really was, with a shaggy coat of teal blue fur and very dark green eyes. Plus, he was very muscular, built by many years of fighting
I finished the diagram and stepped back.
<Very good. Take your place again, Bashul.> Lukkin complimented me.
A few people laughed as I trotted back to where my computer was. Nobody knew it, but my hearts were thumping hard in my ribs. Nobody knew how much I loved hearing Lukkin compliment me. Nobody knew what I was, or how I was different. OK maybe a few people suspected.
The lesson was dismissed and everyone jostled past me to get to their tailfighting instructors.
<
Gmarf,> said one male as he passed me, using a rude term for homosexual. I guess he'd noticed me eyeing Lukkin. I ignored it and finished putting my disk full of equations under the computer for the next person that would be there.
<Jamirin that was rude.> Commented a tall female as she passed. She gave me a smile as she went by.
<Gallia, it's true…> Jamirin went on as he walked with her. Gallia-Zeefra-Cijine. Jamirin's romantic interest. The rest of what he said to her was lost in the jumble of talking going on around me.
I was working on some of my own equations when I noticed Lukkin looking over my shoulder.
<Very nice work. Keep up like this and you'll be an expert in less than a year.> He patted my shoulder and headed off to graze. Unintentionally, his fingers brushed my arm as he released my shoulder. I tried not to shudder and pretended not to notice, but it was hard. Sometime soon, I'd have to return the touch.
<Bashul! Hey Bashul!> Cried a female thoughtspeak voice. I was just heading out of the school compound.
<Oh, hello Onera.> I replied heavily as I trudged along, grazing on the grass as I headed to my scoop.
Onera was the prettiest female in my lesson group. She had a nice upper body and strong legs. Her eyes were a goldish-green color and her fur was a dark royal purple. I've known her for years. And yet I never considered her more than a good friend.
<Nice work up there on that diagram. I was stuck on it for weeks.> She sighed. <I saw you looking at old Grump And Huff. What was that all about?>
I scuffed my hoof on the grass. <Nothing.>
She nudged me and made me step sideways a few steps. <Come on…tell me…>
I laughed and nudged her back. <Really, it's nothing.>
We continued this playful nudging for a few minutes, laughing and acting like children. But it was fun while it lasted. Then she took my hand and smiled at me.
<Onera-Keman-Loccipo!> Shouted Jamirin, <Don't talk to the
gmarf!>
<Shut up Jamirin-Oyekam-Garralijac!> Onera yelled back. They always called each other by their full names. I guess its how they annoyed each other. She sighed. <Well I have to go anyway. Goodbye.> Her hand slid out of mine as she left.
<Goodbye.> I said and headed towards my scoop to be alone.
Evening was setting in as I stepped across the grass to my family home. I glanced around and headed to the lake where I usually bathed and drank. Nobody was home yet, so I had awhile to myself.
Once I was in the lake, I repeated that accidental graze on myself on the arm that Lukkin had done earlier. My mind raced with crazy thoughts of him being there with me in the water, touching me, holding me, brushing against me.
Then I heard someone coming and splashed my tail in the water to disperse the evidence of what I'd just done. I turned my stalk eyes up and back to see who was arriving.
<Oh, hello mother.> I said tiredly.
<Good evening, Bashul. Did your lessons go well today?> Replied my mother.
<Yes, they did.>
<Good.> she commented as she trotted about to graze. I got up, shook off the water and cantered until I matched pace with her.
<Mother, I think I'm different…> I stated plainly as I trotted along beside her.
<How so?> Mother asked. Her hooves plodded heavily in the grass.
<If I tell you, do you promise not to tell father?> I stopped and stared at her seriously with all four of my green eyes.
<Why? Are you in trouble with Jamirin again?>
<No…just please promise?>
<Oh, all right.> Mother sighed, <I promise.>
<I'm…Mother…I'm homosexual.> I blurted and turned my head away.
My mother looked shocked. Her pale green eyes flew open wide for a moment and her eyestalks stood erect. <Are you sure? How long have you felt like this?>
<For a few years. I've been afraid to tell you.> I looked down and dug at the grass with my forehoof. <I guess I didn't want you to feel ashamed of me for what I am…>
<Bashul,> Mother touched her tailblade to mine and offered me a small smile. She looked slightly flustered. <You're my son. And you are also nearly fully grown. You cannot help who you are. Most may not approve of it, but that's the way things are. You're my son and I love you no matter what.>
I felt my cheeks get hot and knew I was blushing. I haven't heard my mother speak to me like that in a long time.
<Oh, I almost forgot! There's a family building a scoop next to ours. Why not go over and say hello?> My mother changed the subject. Patted my shoulder in a 'go on, run along' manner. I did what she asked.
Little did I know my life was about to change forever.
<Hello!> Called a male Andalite that was about my age. He was of average build and height with a pale blue coat of fur. There was a tan pattern shaped like a crescent moon on his chest. His sparkling eyes were visible even from the distance that separated us. Two sparkling gems that serenaded me with wordless expression.
I sort of fell in love with him just seeing him waving at me from a distance.
<Hello!> I called back and approached the other Andalite.
<I'm Kevish-Apox-Tyquen.> He introduced himself formally.
<Bashul-Lybhe-Vestige,> I replied and smiled. He smiled too and shook my hand. <Nice to meet you Kevish.> I loved the 'sound' of his name. I could say it all day if I wanted.
<Nice to meet you too, Bashul.> Kevish smiled again and turned to his new scoop where his family was unpacking. <I've already enrolled in the training program. I think we'll be in the same level.>
<That'll be great. The Quantum Physics teacher is known as old Grump and Huff.> I started laughing.
Kevish's eyes gleamed and he soon joined in my laughter. Already, I felt close to him. Just by hearing his laughter.
<Kevish! Come on and help us set this awning up!> Cried someone from in the scoop.
<Well I have to go. I'll see you in Quantum Physics tomorrow.> Kevish turned and hurried back into his scoop.
I strolled slowly away, glancing back every moment or two. Overhead, two moons were out, both perfect crescents that looked like newly-sharpened tailblades. Stars speckled the sky, which was extremely clear and wonderful. The air was cool and fresh. What a lovely night it was.
Already, I missed Kevish. I couldn't wait to see him again tomorrow.
Jamirin shoved past me as we entered the huge area where the Quantum Physics lessons took place.
<
Gmarf.> He sneered privately at me. Gallia pushed him along, laughing. I just ignored them and looked around for Kevish.
I saw him come in about five minutes after I had taken my place. He trotted over and took up the console beside me.
<You're late.> Lukkin growled at Kevish. Sheesh, it was only Kevish's first day and already he was getting yelled at! Lukkin always was hard on newcomers.
<I apologize. I got a bit lost on the way here, but got directed to the right place.> Kevish smiled sheepishly and nervously dug one of his forehooves in the ground.
Lukkin made a dismissive gesture and started the lesson. Kevish looked embarrassed the whole time. I kept stealing glances at him. Noticed every now and then that he was stealing glances at me.
Lukkin droned on about Z space shifts, but I hardly paid attention. Instead I set my mind on returning that one little touch to him that he'd done to me the day before.
<…lesson dismissed.> Lukkin finally said. Kevish stayed in his place while I walked up to Lukkin.
I pretended to be having trouble with an equation and asked for Lukkin's help. <See I get this part OK, but then this confuses me.>
<Try finding the square root of X and multiplying it by equation Alpha.> He replied.
I did so and the right answer came up. <Oh. Thank you, Prince Lukkin.> I patted his shoulders and let my fingers graze his bicep as I pulled my hand away.
Lukkin, who had been turning away to leave, suddenly thrust his tailblade at my throat and pressed the sharp point to the bottom of my chin. <NEVER touch me in that manner again! It is true isn't it? You are a
gmarf aren't you?>
Embarrassed, I avoided his gaze and left before he could force me to answer. I rushed past Kevish and headed out into the field.
You idiot! I thought,
What in yaolin were you thinking trying to touch your instructor like that?<Bashul?> Onera came up to me. <What is it?>
<Nothing.> I grumbled, looking down.
<Something happened. You're usually chipper and light-hearted. This grumpy stuff is more like Lukkin than you.> She stepped closer, face to face.
<I said something that made him mad.> I lied. <That's all. I hate being yelled at.>
Onera smiled. <I understand. Everyone hates being yelled at.> She reached out and placed her hand in mine. Any other male in my place would have become a bit excited, or elated at the touch. Especially from Onera. But on me, it had no real effect. I lowered my eyes again.
<I seem to attract yelling.> I commented.
She just laughed and stepped one step closer. Face to face. <Bashul…we've been friends for a long time. Years. I wish…I wish I could take it further.> Her eyes searched my face, perhaps looking for the love that I would not be able to return. <Bashul, you're always so sweet and easy to talk to. I have watched you grow and change, and…I…I've fallen in love with you since we were children...>
What would I tell her?
The truth, I told myself.
<Onera…> I started, my thoughtspeak trembling. My hand followed suit, and trembled. Sweat formed on my palms. <I…I
can't…> My eyes met hers. She reached up to brush her palm down my cheek, but I shied away from the touch.
<Bashul…?> I could sense the disappointment beginning to bloom in her thoughtspeak voice. I also knew that she wouldn't tell anyone the secret I was about to tell her. It killed me inside knowing I was about to break her hearts.
<I can't love you back, Onera…I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm…I'm homosexual.>
She blinked and released my hand. As if my skin had suddenly burned her. <Since when?>
I replied softly, <A few years.>
Slowly, Onera took a shaky step back. <I-I'm sorry…just know this, Bashul. I love you.> I heard her sob softly as she backed away from me. <Goodbye.> With that, she turned and ran, crying, away from me. I saw her disappear into her scoop.
If only I'd known how badly I had hurt her then. If only I had known.
Kevish met me a short distance from Onera's scoop. We talked about what happened. He was very supportive to me, and we started talking over other things. I felt as if I'd always known him, even as we spoke.
<So how do you like old Grump and Huff?> I asked.
<Ah, he's just as bad as any other.> Kevish answered with a laugh. <But nobody's as bad as Old Hoof and Tail.>
<Captain Nerefir is dead. And so is Prince Elfangor.> I sighed.
<I met Elfangor once.>
My eyes widened. <You did?! What was he like?>
Kevish got a dreamy look in his pale green eyes. Was it…a crush? No, I had to stop thinking like that. Kevish wasn't like me…was he? <Elfangor was handsome enough to make all males jealous.> He laughed. <But he was very nice. I loved talking to him, and he was very wise when he spoke. Elfangor was the greatest, and man he could fight!>
<Did you spar him?> I asked, interested.
<Sure I did! He beat me six out of six times! The yeerks didn't call him Beast Elfangor for nothing.> Kevish tossed a rock into the nearby lake as we walked past it. <He even gave me some pointers for fighting.>
I winked and laughed. <You'll have to show me those pointers you got, Kevish.>
Then I turned and went into my scoop. Glanced back at the strong, youthful Andalite behind me.
<Tomorrow.> Kevish called and trotted away.
Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day. Then thoughts about Onera crept into my mind. Was she all right? Had I broken her hearts? Of course I had! Perhaps in the morning before lessons were to begin, I could meet with her and apologize.
The next morning, Onera wasn't at her place during Quantum Physics. Usually she was there early, working away. But not today. Thinking she was sick from what I told her, I went to her scoop right after the lesson was over.
<Onera?> I called as I entered her scoop.
No answer. The air was still, Onera's family waterfall making gentle splashing noises as the water crashed over the rocks into the lake. I spotted Onera kneeling up against her
Hala Fala, by the lake. Perhaps she had slept in and missed the lesson. Or maybe she was ill.
Slowly, I approached her, and the closer I got, the more intense the odd dread built up in my stomach. Onera didn't move as I approached her.
<Onera?> I tried again. This time I nudged her slightly with my hoof to see if she was faking it.
The slight movement caused her torso to fall forward towards me. Her tailblade was at her throat, embedded in the delicate skin and fur. Blood was running from there into the lake, the blue black mixing with the clearness. Onera's eyes where closed, and in one of her hands was a hologram of me.
Onera had killed herself because of me. Because of my inability to love her. How could I be so cruel?
At first I couldn't think. I just knelt down and clutched her to my chest. My close friend was gone. I loved her like a sister. I heard someone moaning. My own. Slowly, I laid her down and looked at the blood on my arms, chest and hands.
I don't know what happened to me. I just got really scared and sick inside.
I screamed. I screamed and screamed as I ran from the scoop, expelling half digested matter through my hooves. Then I tripped and fell, and just stayed there crying. For minutes or hours, I lay crumpled in my vomit and bodily fluids. Sick. Sick down to my bones and then some.
Onera was dead because I'd broken her hearts. She had loved me our whole lives and I'd thrown her soul aside.
I became vaguely aware of someone holding me in their arms. I came to my senses to find myself staring into Kevish's face. He was holding me the way I'd always dreamed of another male holding me. And he did not run when I returned the embrace, but instead welcomed it. He was kneeling in my mess to hold me, and didn't seem to care, as if comforting me was more important than sanitation.
<It's my fault she's dead!> I wailed. <I killed her! I killed her!>
Kevish said, <Shhh…> and kept hugging me, rubbing my back in a way that comforted me. <I'm here now. It is all right…>
<I love you Kevish…> I blurted without thinking. I couldn't think. Onera's suicide had shocked me so much that my mind was like a frozen computer. Devoid of rational consciousness.
He cupped the back of my head with his hand and pulled me closer. <I love you too, Bashul. Come on. Let's get you cleaned up.> He helped me up and supported me as we walked to the lake. I was covered in a mixture of vomit and blood, and I soon became aware of the awful smell.
I won't go into what Kevish and I did in the water. We did more than simply bathe.
It had been almost a month since Onera killed herself. The sickening guilt never left my soul. It was my fault she was dead. But Kevish stayed supportive of me. He held me when I cried, listened to me when I needed to talk and remained with me when I didn't want to be alone. We couldn't be public yet about our relationship, but in private we could do whatever we wanted.
Lukkin kept giving me disgusted looks during that day's lesson. He knew what I was.
Kevish and I left together after the lesson. Jamirin jostled up to us with an angry look on his face.
<Onera's dead because of you. Stupid
gmarf!> He yelled. <Everybody is talking. Some say you did it.>
I didn't say anything because it was true. It might as well have been my tailblade in Onera's throat. Slowly, I turned to walk away.
<Don't walk away from me!> Jamirin stepped into my path. His fists were clenched with anger and his thoughtspeak trembled slightly. <What happened?>
The words were spat at me as if a command. I winced slightly and started to speak. <She asked me to court her. I told her I could not because I love someone else.> I looked down sadly, <I didn't know she would do what she did.>
<Hey leave him alone! Can't you see he's hurt enough inside?> Kevish broke in.
<Shut up you! I am not speaking to you.> Jamirin spat angrily. <You're probably another
gmarf like Bashul is!> He turned back to me. Jamirin was very imposing, standing over seven feet tall and having a muscular upper body.
To my surprise, Kevish's eyes flamed. <You're not my type. I like real males,> He spat with a sneer.
Jamirin turned. <Are you insulting me!?>
<I could do worse! You want a piece of my tail, hoof-dung? Come on! Come and get me!> Kevish retorted, his voice taking on a dangerous tone.
Gallia trotted up and gave Jamirin a shove. <Leave the
gmarfs alone will you?>
Jamirin pointed at me. <He's the reason Onera's dead. That beast right there!>
FWAPP!
A tailblade came down and sliced Jamirin's pointing hand right off. Blood spurted from the stump. The hand, with the finger still pointing, landed on the ground. Kevish glared at Jamirin with blood on his tailblade.
Gallia screamed.
Jamirin screamed.
I screamed.
<AAAHHH!>
Then Kevish grabbed my hand and we ran from there. Jamirin was screaming in pain, but we ran until we couldn't hear him anymore. We ran until we had reached my scoop.
<That jerk won't bother us anymore.> Kevish commented as he caught his breath.
I said, <I can't believe you did that!>
<I bet it taught him a lesson too.> He looked angry, upset. <I am so sick of others singling people like you and I out just because of our sexuality! Just because we're not like them!> Kevish paused and hung his head, looking at his reflection in the lake.
I stepped forward and placed my hand on his back. <You felt like you were lost and alone at first, didn't you? I know I did, at least the first few times that I realized that I wasn't like the others.> Slowly, I started to stroke the fur on the back of his neck.
Kevish turned to me and brushed his palm against my cheek, <I'm just tired of running away.>
<So am I,> I added, reaching my hands up and cupping his face with my palms. I leaned my head forward just enough that our foreheads touched and our eyestalks brushed against one another. A very intimate manner of touching. <So am I…>
<HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY SON IN THAT MANNER!> Roared a thoughtspeak voice.
<Father!> I cried. <What are you doing here?>
<That isn't your concern.> Father looked at Kevish. His eyes looked black with rage, scary against the dark blue fur of his face. <Leave.>
<No!> I got in Kevish's path.
My father glared at me.
<I love him father.>
<What? You mean to tell me you're some little
gmarf…?> My father growled. He was angry. Angry that his only son was a homosexual. Angry at himself for bringing something like me into the world.
<Bashul…> Kevish started, but I hung onto him.
My father pointed an angry finger at me and bristled. <I do not know you. You are no longer my son, and I do not ever want to see your face again. GO!>
<FINE! I don't need YOU anymore anyway!> I slowly turned away from my father and began to walk out of the scoop. Kevish followed me, his hand still clinging to mine. I turned my stalk eyes back and looked upon the scoop that was no longer mine. I saw my mother come up beside my father. She was so delicate next to him. The look on her face said 'I'm sorry'.
<This is my fault…> Kevish whispered.
I grabbed his shoulders and hugged him. My stomach was churning and pulled tight into a knot. <No! It's not your fault, Kevish! They don't understand. They are the ones that are wrong, not us. We are what we are, and nothing can change that.> Taking his hand and holding it tightly to my chest, I said, <I love you. Nothing is going to change that.>
He looked at me with his lovely eyes. Slowly, he nodded and held my hand to the tan crescent on his chest. <And I love you, Bashul. Nothing will ever change that.> He paused and said, <Come on. We can stay at my scoop.>
Nodding, I allowed Kevish to lead me towards his scoop. We had to turn around and go towards my scoop to do so, but that didn't matter.
The fact that Kevish's scoop had been ransacked did matter. Jamirin was leading a mob against us. His severed hand was back. He had obviously done a quick morph and demorph.
<There they are! The
gmarfs!>
<Get them!> Someone else shouted. I couldn't believe my mind. That shout had come from Lukkin! Lukkin, the Andalite who was always there to support me when I was in trouble.
<Filthy homosexuals!>
Kevish grabbed my hand again. <Run!>
And we ran.
There was a mob of at least fifty Andalites after us. Shouts and rude cries filled our minds.
<We have to lose them!> I panted as I galloped as fast as I could. My hooves were kicking up grass and dust as I ran.
The angry mob was following us, brandishing weapons like shredders and their tails. Occasionally a shot would fire off and just miss our hooves as we ran.
<There! The abandoned Space Port!> Kevish pointed, and we turned. Some of the mob followed, but not many.
We dashed beyond the threshold and down the corridor, our hooves clanking loudly on the metal floor. This time the mob lost sight of us, allowing us a moment's rest. So we stood there panting and gasping.
Kevish hugged me and started to cry tearlessly. <I'm so scared, Bashul!>
I held him, stroking the back of his head and cheek with my palm. <Me too, Kevish.>
There was no time to morph. I was never good at it, and Kevish couldn't concentrate. We were trapped.
<There they are! That's the one that cut off Jamirin's hand.> Gallia screamed as she dashed into view while pointing at Kevish.
I'll never forget what I did next. Rage just flew through me. My muscles coiled. In a flash, I dashed forward and fired my tail at Gallia. Executed a perfect
torf.
FWAPP!
She fell unconscious with a bruise shaped like my tailblade bashed into the back of her furry head.
Jamirin came around the corner at that moment. Kevish was frightened, and with a scream he fired his tail at the back of Jamirin's head. Trying to knock him unconscious like I had done to Gallia.
FWAPP!
The blow mostly missed. But Jamirin, surprised, made the most fatal mistake you can make when dealing with a tail in motion: He jerked his head sideways while Kevish was pulling his tail back to its original position. A movement almost as fast and fatal as the initial strike.
<Jamirin! No!> I shrieked.
Too late.
The side of his neck slammed into the whipping razor-sharp tailblade.
CRACK!!
Jamirin's head dropped away from his body in a spray of blood. He died instantly and his body slumped forward in a heap on top of Gallia's. Face locked forever in an expression of horror.
By then, Kevish and I were both hysterical and crying.
<What have we done!? What have we DONE!? WHAT HAVE WE
DONE!?> Kevish screamed.
<Assault and murder…> I murmured. I could hear more yelling in my head. More people were rallying against us.
Lukkin bolted around the corner and saw Kevish and I standing over the headless body Jamirin and the unconscious form of Gallia. He'd seen what we'd done.
We didn't give him time to think. We bolted down the corridor and around the corner. Hid behind some crates and held our breath while Lukkin ran past.
<We can't just stay here! They'll search the whole place!> Kevish whispered. <They'll kill us…>
<Or separate us forever.> I added.
<I can't stay here! I can't!> Kevish got up and bolted towards the door.
<Kevish!> I cried, making a grab for him. I missed.
Kevish didn't get far. Very quickly he was backing back into the room. The mob had found us. Kevish took my hand and looked at me with frightened green eyes as the mob began spilling into the room we were in.
<I'm scared…> I whispered.
<Me too…> Kevish turned and cupped my face with his hands as the mob surrounded us.
And here we stand, twenty shredders on full power aimed at us. All set on kill. All ready to shoot. All because Kevish and I are the different ones.
Even now, as I look into Kevish's eyes, I realize now the mistake that the mob is making.
They think killing us will be the end. But it won't be. If I can't be with Kevish in life, then I shall be with him in death. I don't fear the fate anymore. Now, even as I hear Kevish cry; as I hear Lukkin give the order to fire, I can't help but smile and pull Kevish close.
<Hold on to me, my love. Stay close and our souls will travel together.> I say privately.
Slowly, the realization dawns in his eyes, and now Kevish is smiling too as he holds me close enough that I can feel his breath on my face. Nothing matters now. Nothing but his embrace.
<I love you, Bashul…>
The nozzles on the shredders are glowing, ready to shoot. In less than a second, it will be all over.
<I love you, Kevish…>
TSEEEEWWW!!
Time slows until every second is like several minutes. Pain rips through me. Far away pain. The air becomes white-hot. Brilliant light from the Shredder fire engulfs us. I can feel my body starting to disintegrate. My life is flashing before my eyes.
TSEEEEWWW!!
Kevish.
Everything else is fading, but I still see him. His smile in the light.
TSEEEEWWW!!
