Animorphs: Origins

[paul1991]

My first attempt at fan fic.

Please be kind, I've only just started.

I started this project because I've seen so many complaints about how dated the animorphs are. I've tried to update the characters and the setting.

Link:
http://adaptiveimmunities.com:575/animorphs/
I have provided 2 formats. The "odt" is the one in which I wrote it, so the formatting will be what I intended.

I have finished rough drafts of the first 2 chapters. It took me a few days to get this down.
If anybody would like to volunteer their time as an editor, drop me a PM.

Please tell me what you think! I need to know if I'm on the right track here.



Notes:
-I have slightly reinvented the characters. I tried to keep them mostly the same, but I think being too rigid is what weighs down some other fan fic.
-I have changed the setting. It's now a city. I don't think they live on the coast, but I'm not sure yet.
-I threw out the opening from the original series. I felt it was too tired.

Problems:
-I am not great with dialog. I usually write unending monologues, so dialog is difficult for me.
-The language isn't 'normal'. I tend to use a slight off-kilter syntax.
-The punctuation with the quotes is terrible. I don't know the rules.
-I need to double check the times/dates. 
-The past/present has me all messed up. I keep switching between the 2.



EDIT:
Chapter 3 is up! I slightly edited the first 2 chapters.
I really wanted to finish the opening sequence before I started editing.

More notes:
-I have exaggerated the relationship between Rachael and Tobias. I figured that I would need for their relationship to be stronger for future plot points to work.
-I described the downtown. Feedback would be nice.
-I promise that I will fix the present/past issue next. It makes it hard to read and distracts from the story.
-I made Jake more wary of the war. I need to reread the 1st book to feel out the original characters.
-I am going to add in more subtle references to cell phones. Unfortunately, I don't really use mine in real life, so it's harder to realistically add them to the story.

[theyoungphoenix]

I like the plot. I think I might see where you're going with this. And I'm always willing to review for you. just let me know, and as a reader, I can see where the points that you pointed out were. Like I said, I can review for you. Really good idea too.

[paul1991]

Update: Added chapter 3.
I am going to introduce a change log soon to make it easier for you to keep track of changes.

This is more fun than I expected.
Please bear with me on the tense issues. I haven't even begun to sort it out yet.


I'm also going to whip up some sort of archiving system to make a daily snapshot of my progress. (like a wiki article)

[theyoungphoenix]

Okay, cool! Uhm... Okay, when you do quotations, it's supposed to look something like this (this is just one of the points I noticed):

?“Almost there!" Rachael called cheerily, “and can anybody tell me the number of times I have been in grave bodily harm?”
?“Uh, zero?" Tobias replied. I'm not sure if he was joking.

So, if you are using a question mark or exclamation mark, you don't have to use a comma after the quotations. This is really one of te only parts that I noticed. But other than that, it looks great!

[paul1991]

All right.

I deleted the intro. I just couldn't make it work.
I fixed all the inconsistent tenses.
I tried to make it flow better.
I made a note where I need to add some dialog.
I am going to try to write the monologues in chapter 2 as quotes in 1st person. I want to see if it flows better.
I need to fix the end of chapter 3. Jake's reaction just doesn't really work for me right now.


I've started on chapter 4, but am having some trouble. I might have to throw out what I've done.


Also, ATT updated the firmware of my router. Now, after 3 years of me asking them, it supports ivp6! Unfortunately, it seems to not like my server. The link above might start working sometime soon. As of the 10th, it's broken.

[paul1991]

Seems att changed my eternal IP. I was kind of fond of the old one.

Anyway, the link in the first post should work.

[paul1991]

I worked on chapter 4.
I've had parts of it done for over a month, but couldn't make it flow like I wanted.

I finally have it like I want, but I still need to do a ton of work on it.

My description of the ship isn't great, but I'm not sure I need to improve it.
We'll see.

[paul1991]

Updated chapter 1.
No revisions made to the other chapters.

I actually enjoy writing this, even if my audience is only 1 or 2 people.