#55: The Beginning II+Spoiler: The Eightfold Path (complete) Fanfic- REVISED EDITION

[toya]

in about ten minutes, i will be writing a full length novel of sorts,picking up where k. A. left off in book 54. It should be around 200 pages or so,take about an hour or so to read. i will try to make it in the tone of others, keep in mind im new, do not know how to post from my moblie...

[toya]

JAKE

Mistakes.
We all make them. Sometimes, if we're lucky, an eraser will do the trick,and we can rub it across the page, wipe away the dust, and all that's left of our careless mess is a hardly noticeable smudge. But some mistakes can't be erased. No matter what.
I was standing in an abandoned construction site the first time I really thought about all this. That day, I learned an invasion of brain-stealingslugs were trying to take over the world. I met an Andalite, morphed into a wide assortment of animals, and fought a long,private war for humanity.
By far, the toughest lesson I learned was that life doesn't come with erasers. I couldn't make something that had happened, not happen. Even imagination is pointless. There are no erasers. I was 14, and I wished then, and I wish now, that I could erase or imagine away what I did, what the war did, to our "humanity". Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you or who you've dated, are dating or haven't dated at all. It is not about money, grades, how cool you are or if people like you or not.
It's about who you love, and who you hurt. It's about trust, happiness and compassion. It's about sticking up for your friends and replacing inner hate with love. Most of all, it's about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about. Those were my last thoughts, so I thought, as the Rachel sped, on a collision course with the Blade ship, the last remaining symbol of the Yeerk Empire. Just as we crashed into it, I felt an overwhelming force grab me, similar to being sacked in football. I noticed I was still alive, and as I looked around I was greeted with a horrible sight. Dead. Everyone dead.

[toya]

 Note: plz im trying to tie this in as events that happened before ANIMORPHS:REDUX, Before Rachel goes back in time. Keep in mind im not trying to be a copycat, just consider this as events that happened to jake as she was going back(events in his times had not changed yet,this is all that happens leading up to his death.)


As I was being torn to pieces (the ship had frozen in time mid-implosion somehow) before I noticed it, I was on a cliff over looking the valley where earlier we had attempted to hide the Hork- Bajir from the Yeerks. I noticed also all of us was here. Well I KNOW someone's gonna ask somebody what's going on, but before I could open my mouth,a loud voice rang inside my head. It was the Elimist, preparing to send us on another debauchery of time travel. It took less then one second for him to leave all we needed to know in our minds, and seeing as how "Yes," I said,"we go back into the pool,kill Tom, and finish this. If I take Rachel's place, we should be able to fix things. Cassie,I think we should warn your yeerk friend. I believe she's in that pool."
My name is Jake, and for the sake of time that's all Ican say as I'm in the pool...
<Ugh,is this what being a yeerk is like?>Marco complained, as we slithered into a current. <Yes,>I said,< it isn't very good at all,is it? Still think your cute now?>
<I'M THE CUTEST YEERK EVER!> he roared and with that, we found ourselves near the bottom of the main area in the Pool Ship.
<You're good to go,> I said.
We had a different plan this time. Instead of having Tobias doing recon, today it was dismantling Tom's Blade ship, and killing him. We split up, with us headed to the deck.
 When we made it, we demorphed, and I said to him as we morphed our battle morphs, him with Ax's DNA, to morph Andalite, and I with my classic tiger, <Let's go.>

[toya]

 TOBIAS

We went into the deck entrace through the back way, taking into account we had no idea how long we going to be in morph. I got the sense we were in a rush, when down the corrider, we almost ran straight into the Yeerks right there. <Freaking Jesus, stop!> I yelled to Jake, his tiger body coming to an abrupt halt.< Yeah,I hear it too , wonder what it is this time>, he said, though to me it seemed he said it to himself.
Get your head in the game, Jake, I thought. <I'll use my stalk eyes to peer around and see what's what>, I remarked.
That's when I saw him . Tom.
Rachel's killer lay a good ten feet from where we were,and even though the plan called us all to bum rush him. I could see he had his back turned, so he couldn't see us.
<Jake, what's the plan?>, I said. Boy I really wish Cassie would hurry up, I thought to myself. It's all on you now, tree hugger.
<Demorph. Let's remorph and reset timers. She's gonna be a while...>
I tried thoughtspeaking to Cassie, informing her that we were in position, to tell her not to worry,but she didn't respond. It was ok, Tom was going down and wouldn't even be able to call for help. I remembered the diversion plan again. Drain the Yeerk pool, kill seventeen thousand Yeerks, kill Tom, and hope to God time is changed.
<Ready? Go !> Tom did not know what hit him as Jake pounched on him, his canines and entire jaw landing right on his leg. "My god, WHAT-", he yelled, bucking, but I ended it with a swift blow to the back of his head via tailblade. He fell like a ton of bricks,landing right on top of me. <Ok demorph,morph Tom, and I'll go fly. The others will come and incapacitate him.>
<Why?>, Iasked. <I thought we were going to have to kill him.> <We are,> Jake said,< by starving the yeerk out of his head.>

[goom]

four topics is unneeded. keep it to one, please.

[toya]

this is revised post,all this extra junk has been erased

[womenwithwings]

i would very much like feedback on this thing plz readers reply,ideas?  suggestions?

It's kind of hard to tell what's going on here. It would make it easier if you didn't change points of view so often. I'd stick to one point of view per chapter at most. That way there's time for us to get used to it, and you're not switching while things are happening.

~NOTE:~ i wrote this in caps to better convey the feeling mid fight as it happened if you hated it plz feel free to comment

It's always good to make readers feel like they're in the middle of the action as it happens, but I'm not sure the caps do that. What I would do is describe what's happening instead of summarizing, so we can picture it--when you say "there was a scuffle" or "fight turns deadly," what are the characters doing? Does "others come in" mean Esplin's bodyguards? (What happened to them?)

I like the way you write narration, like this part:

Mistakes.We all make  them.Sometimes,if we are lucky, an eraser will do the trick,and we can rub it across the page, wipe away the dust, and all that's left of our careless mess is a hardly noticeable smudge. But some mistakes can't be erased, no matter what.

By the way, in the books you can't acquire someone who's in morph. And why would Tobias do recon if he thinks it's useless?

[toya]

I agree, it was hit and miss writing. I did indeed screw up on several of the points you mentioned, most notaby the thing about aquiring someone already morphed. I don't speak english very well, and I was just rambling as I put it. The only part I planned out was the narration about mistakes(sweet irony).
I will revise that piece of writing to fit the criteria you specified.

The comment about the caps? Some one else said the same thing. It was my english teacher's idea. It will not be in the revised edit, as now it looks just plain stupid since everything you've said is solid criticism. thanks!

"Passion without focus is foolish-"  Edgar Allen Poe
Post Merged: November 20, 2010, 09:05:11 PMJAKE

The end came. After waiting a few mins after scouting the deck, we returned to find Tom gone. Cassie informed me that she would back us up, but would not be in the room. Guess she didn't want to see me rip Esplin's head off. The fight lasted ten seconds. We were battle morphed and ready, and as the Visser entered the deck we flat out jumped him.
He wasn't even in his normal Andalite form, he was a human eating a cinnabun. Odd, they can't really handle taste, funny it led to Esplin's downfall, I thought. What I didn't know was it would lead to mine too.
 Esplin, before I ripped the throat off of his host body, went for a conceiled Dracon. I never even felt it,and as I sit here in the Afterlife I wonder sometimes, what it all means. I was told I would die, but I had died before, so my mind was detached, unfocus, unwilliling to accept it all. The others, I don't know what happened to them.
That day, thanks in part to the Elimist, I learned three things. First a little kindness and confidence in oneself can make a great difference to others. Second, strength and courage aren't always measured in medals and victories. They are measured in the struggles we overcome. The strongest people are not always the ones who win, but the people who don't give up when they lose.
I only dream that someday-perhaps as just myself- I will be able to see my friends and loved oned again, if only for one more time.

" Parting is such sweet sorrow"-  William Shakespere
Post Merged: November 20, 2010, 09:37:59 PMSPOLIER

the aboved, revised fanfic is meant to be viewed as an alternate ending to #54. i wanted jake's death to be peaceful, as rachel's had been violent, so i cut out the bad parts and emphasied the human aspect, the soul, the feeling to the reader.

the tile is somewat misleading. #56 will be 200 posts long (i call them pages) and will focus more on action, with profiles on every animorph but Ax ( he's dead, died when the One assimilated him )

the basic story is this

rachel fades back into existance after jake had passed away. crayak tries to alter time to make the animorphs not get born. the animorphs search long and hard, finally locating the time matrix. it runs out of fuel, stranding them in time. a new powerful enemy arrives. the animorphs encounter the eight paths, gods of time and space, who put them to the test, fighting every battle they have ever won,  to earn a new time matrix with enchanced abilities
the new enemy,
Visser Zero takes advantage of thre animorphs absence... the battle to get home and stop an invasion of super-yeerks becomes the ultimate battle...

"it began with six. it will end with five" isnt happening here...this is wat i hope fans will accept as the de facto end of the series. but don't despair!
 coming soon : The Yeerk Chronicles, The andalite chronicles II, and maybe something with Taxxons as a main backdrop to the taxxon-yeerk war...