Author Topic: Dark Side Rising W-I-P  (Read 2409 times)

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Offline The Dark Knight

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Dark Side Rising W-I-P
« on: August 09, 2010, 04:05:42 PM »
FADE IN:



               EXT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

               It's raining as a car pulls up to a suburban apartment
               complex.

               The car, a 1999 Ford Escort, pulls into one of the few
               parking spots directly in front of the building. As the
               headlights turn off, the driver's side door opens.

               A 23 year old girl named KAYLA NEWMAN gets out of the car.
               Kayla wears glasses, a short sleeve shirt, and jeans. She's
               considered by many to be a real sweetie in terms of
               personality. She looks around, then closes the door, locking
               it. She walks to the back of the car and opens the trunk. She
               grabs a few plastic bags of groceries.

               Kayla walks with her groceries to the front of the apartment
               complex, and tries to open the door.

               The door opens and 31 year old JACKSON FRANKS, a man with
               short flaky hair, jeans, and a T-shirt, walks out. Jackson
               considers himself a lady's man, though he only favors one. In
               particular. He slowly takes one of the bags from her.

                                   JACKSON
                         Here. Let me help you with those.

               Kayla smiles and gives him a second bag.

                                   KAYLA
                         Thanks.  I was worried that I would
                         have to take them all the way
                         upstairs.

               Jackson smiles, taking the second bag from her.

                                   JACKSON
                         I wouldn't let that happen. Come
                         on, you lead I follow. I'll even
                         hold the door open.

               Jackson stands aside, holding the door open for Kayla to walk
               inside the apartment. Kayla walks inside and Jackson takes a
               quick look around outside before closing the door.

               On the other side of the street a silvery white wolf sits
               next to a bicycle that's in a bike rack.



               INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

               Jackson and Kayla walk towards Kayla's apartment. Kayla stops
               at the door and puts her bags down. She fumbles for her keys
               in her purse and finally takes them out. She unlocks the
               door.

                                   KAYLA
                         Sorry if my place is a mess.

                                   JACKSON
                         Don't even worry about it. I have
                         room mates. They're total slobs.

               Kayla smiles, opening the door. She then grabs her bags and
               walks in, followed by Jackson.



               INT. KAYLA'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

               Kayla walks in, and turns to Jackson, who's standing behind
               her. She grabs the bags from him.

                                   KAYLA
                         Well… thanks. Hey, if you want to
                         stay a while, make yourself at
                         home. I can make us some hot
                         chocolate.

                                   JACKSON
                         That'd be great, thanks.

               Jackson sits on a nearby couch while Kayla moves into the
               kitchen.

               While Jackson sits, he looks around at some pictures on a
               nearby coffee table. He picks one up that is of Kayla and
               apparently someone she knows. Perhaps a lover.  He sets down
               the picture.  He looks at his watch.

                                   JACKSON (CONT'D)
                         Would you like some help?

               No answer. He hears a small bit of movement inside the
               kitchen. He stands up and walks over to the kitchen.



               INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

               Jackson walks into the kitchen, discovering Kayla there with
               another man.

               The man, WILLIAM BROCK, 29, stands holding Kayla up off the
               ground by her neck. William is strong, sarcastic, and gets
               his opinion heard, whether others like it or not.

               Jackson looks from Kayla to the man, taking in the situation.
               He slowly lifts a cell phone to his ear, having dialed a
               number.

                                   JACKSON
                         We have problems.

               He slowly lowers the phone back to his pocket. He holds his
               hands out.

                                   JACKSON (CONT'D)
                         Before you do something crazy,
                         understand that she is innocent
                         here.

               William laughs. He turns to Jackson.

                                   WILLIAM
                         And I suppose you're going to let
                         me leave if I let her go. Am I
                         right, Vampire?

               Jackson sighs, shaking his head.

               Kayla slowly turns to look at Jackson.

                                   JACKSON
                         OK. First off, I'm not a Vampire, I
                         am a Dhampir. Second, yes. That was
                         the plan. But if you don't come
                         quietly…

                                   WILLIAM
                         What? You'll feed me to the wolves?

               Jackson laughs.

                                   JACKSON
                         That's actually funny, coming from
                         you.

               There's a scratching coming from one of the doors.

               Jackson takes note of this sound by turning his neck slightly
               to his right, when hearing it.

                                   JACKSON (CONT'D)
                         But if you don't cooperate, I'm
                         afraid we'll have to take you in
                         the only way we know how.

               William smirks.

                                   WILLIAM
                         Good luck.

               The front door is kicked open.

               William notices this and throws Kayla into Jackson. Then he
               transforms into a dark brown wolf, running off as a young
               woman, SAMANTHA ADDAMS, 28, runs into the kitchen. The sports
               Bra and running pants that she's wearing tease at a beauty
               that rivals her intelligence. She's not only athletic but
               knowledgable in 3 different martial arts techniques.



               EXT. APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

               An elderly woman walks towards the door when it suddenly
               opens, the dark brown wolf running out. The elderly woman
               moves quickly to the side in surprise

                                   OLD LADY
                         Oh!

               Suddenly the door opens again and the silvery wolf runs out,
               chasing the other wolf.

                                   OLD LADY (CONT'D)
                         Well, I do say!



               EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS

               William runs through the streets, trying to weave his way
               through the humans all around them.

               The silver wolf, SIREN MCFRENCH, 21, follows after him,
               running as fast as she can, as she also weaves her way around
               the humans. Siren prides herself on her know-how, and
               considers herself the gentle soul. She will not fight unless
               she has to.



               EXT. APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

               The Old Lady tries to open the door when it suddenly opens on
               her. Samantha runs out, noticing the Old Lady about to fall.
               She steadies her.

                                   SAMANTHA
                         Sorry! Did you see two wolves run
                         by?

               The Old Lady merely nods her head and points in the direction
               of the wolves.

               Sam nods and then runs off.

                                   SAMANTHA (CONT'D)
                         Thanks!

               The Old Lady stares on in disbelief.

                                   OLD LADY
                         Young people these days.

               She enters the apartment.  Seconds later, we see Jackson
               running out the door and towards his car.



               EXT. STREETS - CONTINUOUS

               William has now turned onto another street, with Siren
               chasing after him.

               William spots an out-door diner ahead, and begins to change
               back into human form. He's now completely naked.

               Siren keeps up her pace, but stays in her wolf form.

               Samantha runs as fast as she can, until a car comes up from
               behind.

                                   JACKSON
                         Get in!

               Samantha gets into the car and they speed off.



               EXT. DINER - CONTINUOUS

               William comes to the diner and stops.

               People that are eating turn to face the naked man as he
               enters the outdoor dining area. There are murmurs from many.

               William turns to face Siren as she comes up. She growls.
               William laughs.

                                   WILLIAM
                         What's the matter? Don't like
                         showing everyone your birthday
                         suit?

               Siren pounces at William and bites his arm, but William is
               able to throw her off towards a table.

               The customers get out of the way as Siren hits the table,
               yelping as it goes crashing to its side.

               When Siren stands up, she's no longer in wolf form, but in
               human form. She's holding up the table cloth to hide her
               naked body. Noticeable on her left shoulder are what appear
               to be scars. Remnants of a severe injury.

               William looks her over.

                                   WILLIAM (CONT'D)
                         I see you've healed… though perhaps
                         not the scars. They look good on
                         you.

                                   SIREN
                         You should know. You gave me them.

               Jackson's car stops and both Jackson and Samantha get out.
               Samantha is going to help, but Jackson stops her.

                                   JACKSON
                         Let's let her handle it.

               Siren walks over to William.

                                   WILLIAM
                         Why do you hunt me, Siren? You know
                         what I'm capable of.

                                   SIREN
                         I seek closure, Will. For the
                         things you've done to me. What
                         you've done to the others.

               The sounds of police sirens can be heard in the background.
               They both turn to face the direction the sounds are coming
               from.

                                   WILLIAM
                         You know that they still don't
                         understand our kind. They will
                         shoot both of us.

                                   SIREN
                         I know. But I do what I do to help
                         make this a better place for
                         everyone.

               But William doesn't reply. He's already back in wolf form. He
               runs off.

               Siren stands there, looking at where William used to be. She
               transforms into her wolf form. She then walks over to where
               Samantha and Jackson are.

               Jackson opens the back door and Siren hops in, laying down on
               the back seat. Jackson turns to Samantha.

                                   JACKSON
                         Come on. We better go.

               Jackson and Samantha get into the car and Jackson drives off.

               The police arrive at the diner as we watch Jackson's car
               drive off into the distance.

                                   SAMANTHA (V.O.)
                         Unfinished business. That's all it
                         ever was.



               INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS

               Samantha looks to the back seat to see Siren laying down,
               still in dog form, licking her paws.

                                   SAMANTHA (V.O.)
                         But will she ever close the wounds
                         that haunt her till this day?

               Siren looks up at Sam and for a moment they look at each
               other.



               EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS

               The car drives down the street.

                                                              FADE OUT:



               DARK SIDE RISING
Hiding in the shadows...A Dragon of pure Rage.

Darkness is my home, fire is my weapon, the corrupt are my victims.

Offline Toominator Z

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Re: Dark Side Rising W-I-P
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2010, 08:43:32 PM »
First off, INCREDIBLY well written. Jumps right into intriguing story and I actually like the bombardment of characters right off the bat. Some of the textbook comedy may be seen as a little cliche, but I enjoyed it. It's written like a classic. Also really like that the perceived "teams" at this point are crossbred. A Dhampir and two wolves (Though one is speculative. I liked the subtlety of that.) vs. a wolf. Race isn't the issue so the reader naturally questions: what is?

If I may offer personal preference with constructive criticism, I have two nitpicks. I didn't like that Samantha asked: "Did two wolves run by?" to someone seemingly oblivious to the existence of werewolves. Just thought asking if two _dogs_ ran by would make more sense. Course, the character could have just forgot. I also didn't like that Siren outright stated "You gave me them." Simply because it's quite clearly implied by the rest of the conversation and context. Didn't think it was necessary. These are both trivial nuances though, great introduction.

Offline The Dark Knight

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Re: Dark Side Rising W-I-P
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2010, 09:05:11 PM »
Thanks DBZ! :-p Yeah she's not really thinking at this moment. She's just going on pure instinct. I'm sure it'd have been a bit odder if she'd asked about two 'werewolves' had gone by.

And about the 'you gave me them' quote, I'll consider things. But on the whole, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Hiding in the shadows...A Dragon of pure Rage.

Darkness is my home, fire is my weapon, the corrupt are my victims.

Offline Terenia

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Re: Dark Side Rising W-I-P
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2010, 09:16:35 PM »
This is excellent, TDK. I really enjoyed reading it. I agree with DBZ's suggestions, specifically the one regarding Siren's dialogue. Other than that, it's great. :)


I look forward to reading more!

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Offline The Dark Knight

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Re: Dark Side Rising W-I-P
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2010, 09:22:21 PM »
Thanks for the comments EC. I guess I will delete that quote.
Hiding in the shadows...A Dragon of pure Rage.

Darkness is my home, fire is my weapon, the corrupt are my victims.