The Knight

[Blazing Angel]

The reason chapters take so long sometimes isn't due to writers block. I almost never have that issue. I simply completely forget about it

[NateSean]

Honestly though, a full chapter is worth the wait. Take however long you need to to write out a good couple of pages.

One paragraph is just teasing.

[Noelle]

But teasing is how you keep your readers reading!   


(I just have problems with writers block.) 

(And finding plot holes and then I just scrap the whole thing and them my readers are like IHATEU  D:< )

[Blazing Angel]

The home was pretty nice. The mattresses were soft, the food was alright, and everybody wore sweatpants. Over oatmeal I had a nice conversation with a guy who claimed to have seven yeerks inside inside his head.

One thing that really stood out to me was how many people recognized me. The war had taken a toll on more than just me. People were traumatized by their yeerk. Others went crazy due to the violent acts they had been forced to do. Others had been unhinged by the shock of the war. Almost all of them thanked me for my service. I signed seven autographs. For the first time I realized that the animorphs weren't the only ones who left the war changed.

At 8:30 a nurse took me to the psychiatrist's office. Every patient got at least a week with the doctor. He decided whether they were really having problems or not. If he didn't approve me, I would be sent home. That was something I didn't want. I realized something over breakfast. I was lonely. That one conversation with a man who lost his mind was more stimulating than any chess game I ever had.

I was starved of company for months. I needed people. Even if they were insane. I planned to play up the crazy for the good doctor. I could not leave.

[Noelle]

Wow, great chapter.  So sad.    (Though, just asking, does that mean Marco never visited him?)

[Blazing Angel]

Stop pointing out plot holes, their among a writers worst weaknesses, including critics, fanfictions, and book burnings.

[Noelle]

Sorry   (Though, really, you can just say he would be lonely only having one person talk to him, that is completely reasonable.)

[NateSean]

First off, nice longer chapter. I would think the hospital's biggest concern would be Jake's ability to morph. Like any other weapon, morphing would be seen as problematic. When I spent three days in the psychward, the first thing they did was take my shoes away. I wasn't allowed to have shoelaces without approval from my clinician.

Then there was an initial interview with the staff about what my triggers were, etc.

For Jake, I would assume the morphing ability would come up in conversation.

You did get the part about an evaluation correct. Malingering is one of the major problems hospitals have to deal with when admitting a patient who claims to have mental issues. Basically malingering is what happens when a person deliberately gets himself admitted just so he can have a bed to sleep in and three free meals a day. It's the staff clinician's job to determine if the patient is faking it or not and most can tell the difference.

Now, in the case of Jake, he has very obviously displayed signs of a mental breakdown. But if he didn't present a danger to himself or anyone else, the doctor would at best recommend him for outpatient therapy with a psychiatrist experienced in PTSD.

It will be interesting to see how you play this out.

But teasing is how you keep your readers reading!   

Not to hijack Jar Jar's thread, but I have to disagree with you here. Suspense can keep a reader interested, teasing can quickly bore and scare away your readers.

If you only post one or two paragraphs of the story then you'd better post pretty frequently. Otherwise your attention deprived readers (Sorry, you know who you are on this forum) will go looking for something faster paced and with more action.  A heady piece like this, where the action is taking place primarily in the mind of the protaganist, still needs meat and potatoes.

There are plenty of books like this out there. Girl, Interrupted comes to mind as the story of a stay in a mental hospital from the point of view of the patient, AKA the author. So it can and infact should be done with as much substance as possible to keep the reader checking for updates.

[Blazing Angel]

Ill try to update more frequently.

[Blazing Angel]

I opened a solid oak door and nearly had a heart attack when I looked inside. William Roger Tennant sat in a big leather chair. William Roger Tennant had been a controller for a long time, until we ruined his public image. He went into hiding after that, and we hadn;t given him a thought since.


"Why don't you sit down." He said peering over a pair of glasses. I didn't move. All I could do was stare at him completely struck dumb, fighting back the urge to morph into a tiger. He suddenly laughed. "I understand why your nervous. Our history isn't the best. Trust me now, I'm a free man. Now please sit down."


I take a seat on a large plush velvet couch as he looked me over with a gentle grin on his face. With anybody else it would have been fine, but from him it felt like he was looking for the best place to stab me with a ballpoint pen. He broke the silence. "Normally, I ask the questions. But I assume you have some for me." He sat back and stretched, looking atm e expectantly.

"What happened to you after we ruined your image?" He smiled and seemed to space out for a second in the memory. "The yeerks took me. My former master was executed for incompetance, and they forged a cover story about me joining the peace core. I was held captive until the invasion went public. They used my body to try to lure free people into being infested. When the pool was destroyed, I managed to make it out alive. After the war was won, I changed my name and started to work here."

I had a sudden feeling of guilt. I was partially responsible for putting this guy through hell. If we hadn't interfered he would have likely lived a perfectly happy life after his yeerk died. "Um, I think that's all I need to know." He smiled again, a little more sadly this time.  "I'm ready to start." I stretched out on the couch, and started to silently count the ceiling tiles.

"Why exactly are you here Jake?" He asked. I thought about the question. "I was going insane in my own thoughts. Weird nightmares. Obsessing over chess. Depression." He didn't write down any of this. "When did this start." I pondered that question for a litte longer. When did I start to sink into that pit? "I think it was after the excitement died down. After a massive surge of attention I was suddenly alone in a my own house. I never liked that attention, so i never made any effort to put myself back into society. Instead of getting crowds of people, I was completely alone."

He seemed to smirk at that. It dawned on me that I wasn't playing anything up. I was telling him the absolute truth.

[NateSean]

Like I said before, definitely worth the wait. Still a short chapter, but you've given me a bit more to chew on.

I don't want you to think that I'm only trying to find things wrong with the story. I do really like the concept and I think you have a great idea going. So just take any critique with a grain of salt and understand that I wouldn't even bother reading if I didn't think it was worth it to help you improve on it. That said, there is one thing you should keep an eye out for.

"Why exactly are you here Jake?" He asked. I thought about the question. "I was going insane in my own thoughts. Weird nightmares. Obsessing over chess. Depression." He didn't write down any of this. "When did this start." I pondered that question for a litte longer. When did I start to sink into that pit? "I think it was after the excitement died down. After a massive surge of attention I was suddenly alone in a my own house. I never liked that attention, so i never made any effort to put myself back into society. Instead of getting crowds of people, I was completely alone."

New dialogue should always start on a new paragraph. After Tennant speaks and Jake starts a new line of dialogue, there should be a new paragraph. Same when Tennat counters with "When did this start?"

[Blazing Angel]

Ill try that.