Author Topic: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say  (Read 133537 times)

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NateSean

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1590 on: April 16, 2011, 08:02:21 AM »
At a bar, Visser Three in human morph is sitting beside Jake. (who is presumably drinking ginger ale)

Jake: I never wanted the position of leader. But they all look to me like I'm going to have the answer anyway.

V3: The Empire has placed this enormous weight on my shoulders. As if scoring the first of many major victories against our commone enemy wasn't enough, now I have to be a miricle worker and hand them a Class 5 Species on a platter.

Jake: My best friend makes jokes all the time, my girlfriend challenges every action with inflated and sometimes all too convenient morality. My cousin is a keg of dynamite and her boyfriend is a guy I never would have paid attention to had he not become a part of our team. Oh, and somehow it was decided that Ax would be my cousing when he's in human morph. How did I draw the short straw for that one?

V3: My second in command on Earth has his priorities all in a punch. Any of one of my subordinates would gladly stuff me in an airlock of the opportunity arose. You expect me to believe Edriss could have sent her troops to humiliate me without my knowing it? I was betrayed on the inside and I know it. And does the Council find this at all puzzling? No, because apparently Edriss has the run of the empire. Hello, I got an Andalite body and I didn't even have to defy the empire to do it. Where's my promotion? Where are my loyal and intelligent shock troops?


Jake and Visser 3: Being in charge just sucks.

Jake and Visser make eye contact. They sigh.

Jake: Same time next week?
Visser Three: I'll be there. This one's on me.

V3 pays the tab and they leave.

Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1591 on: April 16, 2011, 01:50:13 PM »
lol now THATS stress
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Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1592 on: April 16, 2011, 03:47:04 PM »
     Arn 1: Alright...How about we add blades to this new species?
     Arn 2: Blades? Really? Don't you think people will get the wrong impression?
     Arn 1: Wrong impression? Impossible, my friend. To think that anyone would see these Hork-Bajir as threatening--or, hell, possible weapons for a parasitic race-- is just laughable. Ha-ha-ha, such a notion tickles me.
     Arn 1: I'm just saying...Some people might think that the blades could be used for something other than bark.
     Arn 2: Like what?
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Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1593 on: April 16, 2011, 04:22:27 PM »
not that funny but it gave me a chuckle.
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NateSean

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1594 on: April 16, 2011, 06:06:00 PM »
In the Voluntary Controller's sitting room. Chapman walks in.

Chapman: No, no, sit down. I uh, have some announcements to make. First off, the pool. Okay, it's for the Yeerks to regenerate, not for you to "go for a dip" in. Does anyone remember the Temrash incident? Good, that's exactly why we can't just have you jumping in when you feel like it. It'd be great if you could stop peeing in there too. Oh and the peeing. We have designated toilet facilities all around the pool area and all conveniently marked. So if you could please stop unzipping anywhere you feel like, it confuses the Taxxons. Great. Oh and the Taxxons. At no point should you throw popcorn, gummy bears and other snack items. The next time we won't bother restraining them. I think that's about it...no, wait. The Yeerk Empire would like to announce a brand new customer appreciation rating system.

*Chapman hands out questionarres*

Chapman: Yeah, so if you guys could fill those out, that'd be great. Give us a high marks. Last time the Hork-Bajir colony got the highest CSR rating and they became the new home of the Council. Believe me, Council Homeworld has it's perks. So please help us out there. That about covers it...oh, and no more ordering movies off of HBO as we are having a hard time explaining to the cable companies where exactly we are. Thank you.

Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1595 on: April 16, 2011, 06:15:32 PM »
     Ax: Alright, Prince Jake. I have decided to tell you about how the War began.
     Jake: We know...The thing with Seerow.
     Ax: (blushing...in an Andalite way) No...I lied. The war between the Yeerks and the Andalites really started after a local author released a document...The content of the series sparked debate between the two worlds, and essentially broke us up. The Yeerks, some Hork-Bajir, and all the Taxxons thought one way; all the Andalites--save two or three-- thought a different way. Because of these document, we've brought war upon th galaxy.
     Jake: Well...That makes sense.
     Marco: (nodding) Must have been a philosophical pamphlet, like the Prince.
     Ax: Actually, it was a novel.
     Jake: Oh...Like War and Peace?
     Ax: No. A saga telling the story of mighty warriors pitted against the most monstrous of creatures.
     Rachel: Sounds like my kind of book. What was it called?
     Ax: Twilight, by a woman named Stephanie Meyer.

Post Merged: April 16, 2011, 07:09:30 PM
     Marco: Jake, your mamma is so fat, she sat on a Hork-Bajir and crushed it!
     Jake: Your mother is so desperate to get rid of you that she voluntarily became the host to Visser One.
     Marco: Your mother hates you so much, she's willing to be Tobias' guardian!
     Tobias: Snaaaaaaaaap!
     Jake: Your mother is so dumb, she makes Jara Hamee look like Ax
     Marco: Your mother is so fat, she takes up most of Z-Space
 
     Ax: (aside to Cassie) What is the point of this?
     Cassie: It's an Earth thing, Ax. Two friends jokingly insult each other's mothers.
     Ax: Ah...And their mothers no nothing about this?
     Cassie: Probably not.
     Ax: All humans engage in this kind of discussion?
     Cassie: Not all...But some. Mostly people like Marco.
     Ax: Ah. Well, if I am to pass off as a typical human male, I must educate myself in all forms of human conversation.

     (Ax walks up to Jake and Marco)

     Ax: Prince Jake, your mother figure's mass is so large, that it exceeds that of any creature found anywhere in the deep on the Hork-Bajir planet.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2011, 07:09:30 PM by TobiasMasonPark »
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Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1596 on: April 16, 2011, 09:25:26 PM »
the problem is, that sounds exactly like something ax would do.
I am a Blazing Angel. Master of deviant traps and authentic barbecue. Brothers to Rukh the banner maker, Squall the Lionhearted and Underseen the generally sort of okay.


NateSean

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1597 on: April 17, 2011, 12:09:00 PM »
Ax is in the observatory, trying to contact the Andalite Homeworld.

Ax: Andalite Homeworld...Andalit e Homeworld.

*The screen fizzes and crackles, before an Andalite call center representative comes on the line*

ACC: Hello, thank you for calling Andalite Tail and Talk (AT &T) how may I direct your call?

Ax: Um..I'd like to talk to my fathe rplease.

ACC: Certainly. Can I interest you also in our long distance planet-to-planet communications package, which allows you up to-

Ax: Look, I realize you're just doing your job. But I really want to talk to my father, so can you can the spiel?

ACC: Sir, the attitude will not speed things up at all. I'm going to have to ask for a credit card number before I can complete this call.

Ax: *Sighs and looks up at Tobias* Can you help me out here?

Tobais: I'm trapped as a hawk, where do yo expect me to keep a credit card, up my ass?

Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1598 on: April 17, 2011, 01:28:20 PM »
ACC: Man......I hate this job so much.
I am a Blazing Angel. Master of deviant traps and authentic barbecue. Brothers to Rukh the banner maker, Squall the Lionhearted and Underseen the generally sort of okay.


Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1599 on: April 17, 2011, 06:30:54 PM »
     Jake: (grinning at the enemy) Ready, team?
     Everyone: Yea!
     Jake: IT'S MORPHING TIME!

     Jake: Ranger red!
     Marco: Ranger green!
     Tobias: Ranger black!
     Rachel: Ranger...OH HELL NO! JAKE, THERE IS NO WAY I'M GOING TO BE THE PINK RANGER!

     (After a few minutes)
     Jake: Alright...Let's try again--IT'S MORPHING TIME!

     Rachel: Ranger red!
     Marco: Ranger green!
     Tobias: Ranger black!
     Ax: Ranger blue!
     Cassie: Ranger Yellow!
     Jake: (sigh) Ranger pink...
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Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1600 on: April 17, 2011, 07:44:06 PM »
LOL man

Jake: My title will be the pink ranger, but I will NOT wear the pink spandex!
Cassie: Oh come on Jakie, for me? *bats eyelashes*
Jake:*starts babbling* ug ok....
I am a Blazing Angel. Master of deviant traps and authentic barbecue. Brothers to Rukh the banner maker, Squall the Lionhearted and Underseen the generally sort of okay.


warren_bearclaw

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1601 on: April 17, 2011, 09:29:09 PM »
**After Tom gets the cube**
Jake: Well?
Cassie: Stop treating me like I'm the enemy.
Jake: How could you give him the cube?! Why?
Cassie: I was trying to protect you!
Jake: Protect me? How?!
Ax: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Everyone: *stares*
Ax: Is this not a proper response for tense relational situations amongst humans?

Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1602 on: April 17, 2011, 09:33:49 PM »
     Maury: Alright, in terms of three year old Tobias...

     (Loren, Elfangor, Tobias' step-father, and the audience is waiting; holding their breath)

     Maury: Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul...you are the father.

     Elfangor: (swears aloud)
     Loren: (thick, texan accent [no offense to those from Texas]) Ha! I knew it! You da babby daddy.
     
 
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Offline Blazing Angel

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1603 on: April 17, 2011, 10:28:53 PM »
lol
I am a Blazing Angel. Master of deviant traps and authentic barbecue. Brothers to Rukh the banner maker, Squall the Lionhearted and Underseen the generally sort of okay.


Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #1604 on: April 18, 2011, 07:04:48 PM »
     Jake: Ax, why are you a turtle?
     Ax: I am not a turtle. I am Franklin.
     Marco: ...Okay...
     Ax: He is a very underated character. But I imagine he is quite powerful.
     Marco: Rachel...Why are you wearing a red shirt?
     Rachel: Can't you tell, Marco? I'm Whinnie the Pooh!
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