I have posted this in various places (facebook and a few other "writers" sites) but I never get any useful feedback. Maybe here will work better.
A brief introduction: I have been working on writing a series of books for some time. Below is the current introductory paragraph that I have adopted.
So it makes sense: the book is supposed to be a tale of events as told by a historian (also a character) who saw them first hand. Essentially he wrote a historical account of all that happened. The actual book is a "story" version of that historical account (think movie version of some historical event - or a bard recounting some historical event). The passage below is like a "foreward" written for the historical book by someone who read it years after the actual events occured. I don't know if that makes sense.
As a note: this is MY intellectual property. I work hard on it. Please do not steal or "borrow".
Either way: please read below and let me know what you think (about anything). Specifically, should I keep the last line or cut it? I have a friend who hates it. Says it pulls the gravity out of the prior line.
Enjoy (or don't):
He was a man who few people ever really noticed. A man who, to those who did not know him, seemed of little consequence, easy to ignore and easier to forget for he would seldom speak and even then did so softly. Perhaps such a legacy should not be surprising for a man surrounded, as he had been all his life, by weaker flames who wished so badly to burn more brightly. But he would have had it no other way for he was a creature born to witness. To hear, to see, and to record.
Many have said that his was a god-given mission but I know nothing of that. What I do know is that it is through his efforts, dear reader, that you receive a rare gift indeed: the gift of truth.
And so remember that man as his tale begins in a most unlikely place…
