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Offline Unknown User

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The Inspiration
« on: January 20, 2012, 01:05:31 AM »
The Inspiration

Synopsis

Our story takes place in the future. A young man makes a life changing discovery upon finding a distant past relatives "Animorphs" collection in his attic. In a world ruled by a harsh dictatorial government were the slightest mistake is considered treason, such a discovery could have a wide impact indeed. This is a tale of what freedom and liberty, as espoused by the "Animorphs" series, should mean to all of us, and how children really can make a change. This is a story of courage and hope. This is a story of the heart, to use a cliche. It is not my story, not really. It is more a story by, for, and of all human beings, but one I am most thrilled to have given the words too. It will not be a short story, but if you are patient with me, we can watch something breath-taking unfold.

-Unknown User

Chapter 1

"All cruelty springs from weakness."
                Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Evan Riley Jerked awake with a start and a gasp as a fist slammed into the center of his desk, the noise ripping through the classroom like the truth through lies. Evan thought that he could almost feel the blood draining from his face as he  wiped the sleep from his eyes and stared up at the harsh face of Lord Of Education who was responsible for the students of Room 105. A thousand questions raced through the boy's mind as the class stared at him open mouthed, disbelieving of his transgression. Could I have actually fallen asleep? Could I have been so stupid?
   "Mr. Riley, to your feet please" he heard the Lord of Education say, his tone almost cheery, as if he relished such moments. From what Evan had seen of the man, perhaps he DID relish meeting out punishment.
   "Yes my Lord" Evan stammered as he rose quickly to his feet, he felt his chair start to wobble and gasped, as his punishment would have been tripled had it fallen. Luckily, it did not.
   The Lord of Education walked around Evan's desk, circling him like a wolf or some other predator that lived in the wastes, his eyes never seeming to leave Evan's no matter where he was in relation to his student. "Evan," the man said with a carefree air, as if they were discussing the weather, "would you be so kind as to inform my class as to what year it is?"
   Evan felt his throat go dryer than it ever had before, worse even than the time he had been lost in the forests, and he swore the Lord of Education's voice had taken on an even deeper, more savage tone than was usual of it. The whole class seemed to be holding it's breath in anticipation of his answer. Even the walls of the room seemed to hum.
   "My Lord, it is the year 2213. May the council of Ages reign over it wisely" Evan answered, his eyebrow twitching nervously as he added the necessary honorific that every citizen was required to say when stating the year. The Highschool student felt sweat begin to bead at the back of his neck as he tried to anticipate his Educators next move.
  "Good! You see class, he was awake long enough to learn at least one thing throughout his stay here at in my classroom." His Educator said this with a smirk, as if it were the brightest joke ever uttered by the mouth of man. Evan watched as well as heard the class laugh nervously, all except for one other person, but he did not blame them. The laughter was only to avoid the punishment that would have resulted from their silence, for they hated this as much as he did, in fact several of his fellow students wore expressions similar to his own terror.
   "I just need one friend to help me through this, one and I can make it" Evan thought to himself. For just a moment he ignored his Instructor and focused on the only student who hadn't laughed; Adder Thompson III. The boy puzzled Evan more than anyone had in his life; he was a times a friend and at other times a stranger. Always quiet and never outspoken. With his wild blonde hair and perpetually bent glasses, the other boy seemed, at times, more a figment than a real human. He was the closest Evan had to a partner in room 105. For all his oddities, Evan took courage from Adder's apparent calm. "Maybe it won't be so bad," Evan thought "Adder is calm, and he KNOWS things sometimes."
     Suddenly a pain exploded in the side of Evan's skull as the Educator's ruler met the soft flesh of his scalp. Evan felt blood start to trickle down the back of his head and a new wave of terror raced through him. Only The supreme Being could save him if he got blood on the Lord of Education's Floor. Evan struggled to suppress a cry of pain and helplessness. The Educator lowered his ruler and began to pace again.
   "Tell me then, if you are smart enough to keep track of elementary pieces of data, What country do we live in? what is it comprised of and who rules it?" The man paused to think for a moment, as if another question was on his mind, but then he seemed to think better of it and shook his head. "Surely this is easy enough for one so....brilliant as you."
    Evan knew Exactly what his Lord of Education was trying to do, for he had seen this game played out with every other student in the room. All except Adder, who seemed a ghost even to the Educator.  Those who answered well and pleased the Lord of Education were often times given nothing more than a detention, but for those who failed...
   " My lord, We live in, and are citizens of, The Northern Elements, a land both Glorious and fierce. A nation, which as everyone knows, is ruled by The Council of Ages, May they Reign for countless Millennium." Evan swallowed hard, had he added the right ending phrase for the names of the country and the council? There were so many of them, a different one to be spoken depending on how one talked about the state or it's leaders, and as Evan had been taught from birth, the right one must be used every single time. Again he glanced over at Adder, and again the boy seemed a mystery to him.
     His Lord of Education paced in front of him now. "As citizens of our glorious Empire, may it last till the end of the earth, what does the council of ages, may it reign for countless Millennium, say about Education?" The Educator seemed even more thrilled than he had moments before, and Evan knew that he was about to spring his trap. The boy paled at the Educator's confidence, What did the man want him to say?
    "It, The Council, may it reign for countless Millennium, says that the primary duty of all persons under the age of 21 is that of Learning, and that those who do not learn as they should are guilty of treason, for it is a direct harm to the state, may it be strong even in the times of our fathers, for the citizens to be uneducated."
   The student realized his error as soon as he spoke the words, and The Lord of Education flushed with victory at Evan's admission, grabbing the boy's chin in an iron vice of a grip. Evan had to resist the urge to fight the man's grasp, and bit his tongue to keep from shouting his outrage.
   "Then by your own admission you have committed treason, and I, as Lord of Education, may do with you as I wish. Is this not so?"
    Evan felt his body go cold at the man's statement and looked around the room wildly for help from any of his fellows, but none returned his gaze. Only Adder dared look at him, and the blonde boy's eyes seemed as cold as the rest.
   "I...My Lord...surely you won't..." Evan knew not what to say, and felt that surely he must be dreaming, for his life could not end with him beaten and broken in room 105. It wasn't fair! It wasn't Right! "I'm a good and obedient Servant to the council" Evan thought and he felt something within himself collapse and tears began to brim in his eyes. He fought them with every fiber of his being; He was no child, he would face fate like a man.
   A third voice suddenly filled the room as an angry balding man spoke, his face filled with outrage at the injustice before him. "That will be quiet enough, Rodderic, you may be Lord of Education, but I am Master of Educational health for this facility, and I say you've gone far enough." The new arrival seemed to radiate an air of authority that affected even the Lord of Education.
    The Lord of Education Bowed low at the arrival of the Master of Educational Health. "Yes, Master, may your own health shine for a century, of course I would never dream of harming one of Room 105's brightest young men." The Educator took a few steps away from Evan and raised his hands to show he was harmless.
     The Master of Educational health rolled his eyes and snorted with a grim amusement. "Of course not." He handed a peice of paper to the Lord of Education and then gave the man another disgusted looking over. "I'll be taking him back to his residence now, he appears to be injured on the head. I suppose you had nothing to do with that either, eh?" Evan wondered at how the new arrival could see it from his vantage point, then he realized that blood had coated his ear and neck, moving down to the front of his shirt. Would he bleed to death?
     "It was within my rights" The educator began, "I.... " Indecision filled the man and then he bowed again, "As you wish, Master" The Lord of Education for room 105, said. "The rest of the class will please open their government educational materials, may it's wisdom make us shine." The class responded with a nearly audible sight of relief and the sound of opening books could be heard all around.
    Evan looked at the Master of Educational health with something like reverence, gathering his things and stuffing them into his backpack. The high schooler did not speak again, even as they entered the hallway, the door safely closed. He looked around for a moment at the ugly green tile and the dull grey lockers; it had never seemed beautiful and it likely never would, but it the hall seemed...clearer than usual.
   The Master of Education grunted and began to walk down the hall, rounding a corner and passing several offices filled with busy administrators. Evan caught a glimpse of one man eating his lunch, spotted another one napping, and balked at the unfairness of such a thing, but quickly resumed his pace.
   "You could have been severely hurt, young man." Evan heard the Master of Educational Health say in a simple matter of fact tone. "If I had not intervened, he might have beaten you, maybe even killed you, and he would have been perfectly in line to do so." The older man glanced down at Evan with a stern but kind expression as the pair stopped walking and stepped into the elevator which would carry them to the first floor.
   "I know sir, and I am most sorry for it. However, it was not entirely my fault! My mother had me cleaning the attic into the early-" Evan stopped speaking as he heard the older man's fist strike the side of the Elevator.
    "Damnit Evan! You could have been killed by Roderic! What would I have done then? Smiled and said that by the laws of the Council, may they always guide us, you deserved what you got?" Evan could feel the rage pouring off of his superior. The look on the man's face was one that Evan had never seen there before. "One," he thought, "that I hope never see again."
 The boy bowed his head in shame and finally he allowed the tears to come to his eyes. "I'm sorry, father" Evan ran his hands over his eyes to wipe away the tears, "Truly I am." Evan felt a sense of relief as the elevator stopped, and a slow smile came into his dads eyes.


« Last Edit: January 20, 2012, 02:59:55 AM by Unknown User »
Meh.


Offline Horsefan1023 (Seal)

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2012, 04:59:59 PM »
Oooh, I love it so far!  It's a great, original idea--I'd like to see more.  :D
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Offline Unknown User

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #2 on: January 25, 2012, 01:15:00 PM »
Okay, just to keep this updated, the second chapter is halfway done, I worked on it some more last night and wrote a good bit of it. I can only write in snatches, between my work hours, so I shall have the second half up by Friday at 11:59pm. I must say that chapter 2 is going to be quite amazing.
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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2012, 07:41:39 PM »
Okay, a new chapter of "The inspiration" is up. Before reading this one, I would strongly advise any readers to re-read chapter one, just to refresh yourself on all the important information that is contained within. Without doing so, you will not enjoy chapter two to it's fullest extent.

This chapter is shorter than the last, as I am working now and am very busy. Plus I needed a short chapter to re-immerse myself in the world. This chapter is mostly character building, just like the last one was mostly world building. The real fun starts in chapter three, the chapter that comes next.

The Inspiration

Chapter 2

"Discovery is seeing what everybody else has seen, and thinking what nobody else has thought."
Albert Szent-Gyorgyi

   What Evan had told his father had been no lame excuse, no lie to placate the anger of a wrathful man, though it wasn't Completely honest; Evan had finished cleaning the attic in the early evening. No, it was what the boy had found within that humid and dirty space that had kept him awake that night, a singular series of books tucked in a rather cramped little nook.
   "Evan my darling," The boy heard a voice calling, pulling him from the realms of sleep. The teen groaned, sat up in his bed, and stared blankly at the walls letting his body come alive to the familiar and comforting surroundings. His eyes wandered from the desk in the far left corner, to the closet filled with his clothes, and finally over the posters that decorated the walls of his room, each one containing a tiny governmental seal in the corner showing that the images and slogans they contained were acceptable for Citizens. Evan had looked at them ten thousand times before; A man kneeling and kissing a flag, a boy around his age holding up a medal given to him by a kindly looking Lord of governance. The posters were meant to shape him into a man. Sometimes they made Evan shudder.
   "EVAN!" The voice shouted again, taking on a sterner, more commanding tone. "If you don't get down here right this instant, I'll have you shipped off to a reformation camp were they will teach you to mind." Evan knew that she would never do such a thing, but he dragged himself reluctantly out of bed and down the stairs, running a hand through his hair before presenting himself to his mother. He knew he looked terrible, for he had just gotten over a flu, and the signs of it still lingered on him.
   "Yes mother?" Evan asked. He was eternally grateful to the Supreme being that the Government had not yet passed a law requiring him to use some sort of special phrase while talking to his parents, like it did when talking about the Council of Ages. "I'm sorry that I didn't come as soon as you called, I was napping."
   "Oh Evan," she sighed glancing at the clock on the kitchen wall. It was, as all clocks were, of the digital variety, and it glowed with a harsh green glare that was great at illumination but tended to hurt the eyes, even in the light of day. "It is three-thirty, you know how I feel about you sleeping the day away."
   As always happened at a sign of his mother's disappointment, a light note of guilt played in Evan's mind. It was his curse, he was a Good Kid. “Sorry, Mom” Evan mumbled, standing a little straighter under her gaze.
  “I need you to clean out the attic before the end of the night. Tomorrow is Charitable Day and I will not be the only family on the block that refuses to help the poor on the one day that the Council of Ages, may they lead with wisdom, allows.” She began stuffing things in her purse as she said all this. Evan assumed she was going to the Food Depot to purchase their weekly nutrition rations. Evan was glad he wasn't going. The poor spent most of their time outside the Food Depots and the sight of them made Evan sick.
   “No problem mom,” Evan said, though inside he vaguely cursed the builder of the attic with some horrible fate. He blushed at the thought and unthinkingly flashed the hand gesture for apology as he hugged his mom. “Be careful at the Food Depot.”
   “Get the attic cleaned,” she said in response as she walked across the kitchen and out onto the porch. Evan could hear her open and then close the door, and then heard her Transportation module start. He really did hope she stayed safe at the Food Depot. More than one innocent Citizen had been attacked by the starving and maddened poor.
                                                                    ****
   The boy glanced around his future conquest. The boxes were stacked three high, and for the most part the room was well kept and orderly. The attic was big, or so seemed to Evan, it might even qualify as gigantic. The good thing was, it wasn't all filled with boxes, Half of the attic was taken up by his fathers collection of old radios; One of the few things that the government allowed to be collected as a hobby. In one corner was a window.
   Evan had loved to come to the attic as a child. He remembered climbing up the stairs, each step requiring him to stretch his leg as far as it would go to make it to the next tread. He had watched the light and shadows dance about the room. It was a good place. Naps had been taken there, dreams had been dreamed. He had figured that he might even move into the attic with his Teddy bear, and spend his grown up years making smile stickers and candy.
   Evan moved in amongst the boxes, and immediately tripped over a pair of his mom's old shoes. A clatter filled the room as four boxes fell on top of him. “Arrrgh” he mumbled without anger. He wondered if any other boy had ever endured the indignity of having his own mother's shirt land atop his face. His cheeks flashed red at the thought of Adder seeing him like he was. He sighed through the shirt and tossed it in the direction of the doorway.
  The Cleansing of the attic seemed to take on a life of it's own after a while. Evan got sucked into the boxes and their treasures. He would glanced up occasionally, only to see that the shadows had deepened considerably. After a time, Evan noticed his stomach was growling. He stopped for five minutes to get a sand which, and was alarmed that three hours had passed in what seemed like one.
    Evan began to worry, mom's not home yet he thought to himself. He thought of calling her, but both his sand which and the attic called. He glanced back and forth between the stairway and the phone.
   It was 8 o'clock when his mother returned home. He heard her open the door and close it. He could tell it was her by the sound of her foot steps; they were lighter than his fathers. “Evan?” she shouted from the base of the stairs. “Are you finished up their yet?”
   “Nearly, mother” he shouted back, and it was true, he had one box left. One he had nearly missed in the first place because it had been stuffed, as if it were being hidden, in the very back of the attic. If he hadn't been snooping around his father's clocks, he never would have found it.
   “Well hurry it up, you're father is coming home, and you know we are required to preform the Evening Exercise before the sun sets.” She walked away from the stairs as she finished speaking, Evan could hear her government issued shoe's click on the regulation tile of the kitchen. Evan turned to the last box with haste. He wanted to be finished with it. He wanted to be sure his mother had not been hurt, or arrested, or questioned by men working for the council of ages. may they reign supreme for all time he thought to himself.
   The last box was smaller than the others, and lighter too. Evan dragged it closer to the window so he could better see it's contents. A terrible shriek came from the cardboard as he pulled it along towards the window. The fading sun cast shapes upon the cardboard, and he once again thought of Smile stickers and candy machines. The box was well taped, and a thin layer of dust coated it. Pulling his Government issued saftey knife from his pocket (safe for all boys, 10-18!) he cut through the layer of tape and pulled up the flaps of the box. It was a box of books. Children's books, by the looks of them.
   Evan felt a wave of disappointment flooding through him, He had spent all day in the attic, and had begun to believe that the last box would hold within it's confines something cool. but only if it's government approved he thought to himself. Then he laughed out loud. That was a thought that his Lord of Education would approve of. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad.
   Taking one of the books out of the box he traced the letters with a finger, studying the art of the cover. “Animorphs?” He asked out loud. The cover had a picture of a boy and Evan was immediately confused. The boy seemed to be becoming something. A lizard, perhaps? The book struck Evan as odd, something was missing. Something wasn't right. Evan ran his eyes over and over the cover, again and again. A nervous tension began to build in him, and for the life of him he didn't know why. The boy ran his hands through his hair, and pulled at the neck of his shirt. what is wrong with you? he thought at the book. why are you bad?
  The revelation hit him like a ton of bricks. There, in the corner, or rather, what wasn't there. The familiar seal of the government. The one that graced the surface of every piece of approved writing. The one that meant it was okay to have. The ones that were safe. With a mental shriek Evan dropped the book and took a step back from the box. People had been arrested. Tortured. Even killed for possessing banned books. There were articles in the news and on tv every day. The lad felt his mouth become as dry as cotton. Why was it in his house? Who did it belong too? He tapped his foot nervously.
  A short time later, as Evan watched the last of the sunlight slip away out the attic window, he felt his  breathing become calm again. Become steady. He walked over to where he had tossed the book and picked it up again. “Animorphs” he said out loud again. This time there was a slight undertone of curiosity in his voice.
   “Animorphs” a voice said filled with steel and anger. “Now put it back in the box Evan. We have to talk.” It was the strong, firm, commanding voice of his father. His father the government employee. Evan dropped the book and turned to face his doom.
Meh.


Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2012, 09:06:33 PM »

     Intriguing chapter, my shorm. However, this government ruled world the hero lives in makes me hope the future isn't so...monotonous.
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Offline The Spectre

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2012, 06:47:54 AM »
AWESOME!
Shorm!Shorm!Shorm! Shorm!

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Offline wildweathel

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2012, 01:52:19 PM »
Aight, I'm trying to give this a fair shake.  I have to complain about the formatting, though, because right now it's pretty much unreadable.

RAF's default font and ragged right margin are not kind to my eyes.  Ariel doesn't much help, either.  I love you folks, but this typeface sucks.  On top of that, the tight line spacing, long lines, and tiny indents throw me out of the text before I can even read it.

I've flipped it over to a Google document, and will give my opinion shortly.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1M6D-RSuRUFUxkqK6reChXHN17wbLRXOhakyPtnjS4Gg/edit



So, I like it.  There are lots of subtle errors of the sort which show that you have mostly the right instincts but that you haven't sat down and learned the rules.  You sprinkle Capital letters throughout the text like they're jimmies on a cupcake, and your punctuation's all over the place.

But, I'm complaining about presentation and mechanical issues because it's harder to find fault with your perspective or pacing.  Not impossible, mind - I can complain about anything if I want, even pro-fic.  I'm very happy to keep reading this.
« Last Edit: May 24, 2012, 02:07:35 PM by wildweathel »
Kony 2012
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Offline The Spectre

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2012, 06:28:44 PM »
I know you're busy but, when can we expect a new chapter?

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2012, 07:09:06 PM »
Hmmm. I have a long weekend starting tomorrow, but I'm not sure what I'm doing for the holiday. Look for it on Sunday, but it'll be finished for sure on Monday. :P
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Offline The Spectre

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #9 on: June 01, 2012, 03:56:08 PM »
Soooooo? :P  Any chance there's a new chapter under way?

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2012, 12:16:34 PM »
Yes, I've been doing a bit each night when I get home from work. I'm editing it tonight; taking out sentences I don't want and adding better ones in. Should be done by tonight or definitely tomorrow, depending on how soon I get tired of watching "Walking Dead".
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Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #11 on: June 03, 2012, 07:41:59 PM »

     0.o What is this...editing?
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Offline The Spectre

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2012, 11:52:07 AM »
Oh the pain! The agony! Can´t wait...must know...what...happe ns x_x

Offline The Spectre

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #13 on: June 09, 2012, 04:06:19 PM »
Update sonn pleasepleasepleasep lease,pleeeeeaaaaseeee?

Offline TobiasMasonPark

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Re: The Inspiration
« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2012, 09:27:07 PM »

     A brilliant mind cannot be rushed to do brilliant things.
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