Memoirs of a RAFian

[Cloak]

I suppose so. The next chapter may be up a little later than normal tomorrow. It will be up per usual tomorrow, if I can help it, though. Be sure to check back, and check my signature, because (lest anyone posts between now and that time) the next chapter will be in this post.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:
Into the Fray

"They're heading for the forum," Gaz said, with certainty.

"But how? How would they know where to find it after Cloak moved it after that whole paparazzi thing?" Aquilai inquired pensively. "How would they know this even the right direction?"

***

"I tell you this is the wrong way!" Yorick insisted testily.

"I know where I'm going, Yorick!" Queen snarled.

"No, you don't! You're guessing. I know the difference!" Yorick sniped.

"Oh, do be silent!" Queen spat.

"So," Aloth said, "when's the wedding?"

"Shut up!!" Queen and Yorick roared, punching Aloth hard, at the same time.

***

"I dunno," Blaze said, with a noncommittal shrug, "maybe one of the trolls was a paparazzo?"

Blaze suddenly regretted the regaining of their eyesight when he saw the looks the others gave him.

"What??" Blaze said, defensively. "It could happen."

"In any case, we should stop them," Cloak said, decisively.

"Question," Sakki said. "If we go down there to stop them, wouldn't that be basically advertising 'this is the way to RAF'?"

"If we don't do anything," Horse countered, "then they will get to the forum's doorstep, and they'd know in that way. Either way, they'll discover it."

"They may not go the right way after this point, though," Gaz pointed out. "They may veer off."

"Whether they do or don't, it will matter very little," Cloak said, his tail tip twitching in an agitated manner. "Because Queen will just try again. And again. And again. If she's anything, it's persistent. Best to nip this in the bud now."

"There's no water for me to bend down there," Aquilai observed. "I'll go on, and warn the others."

"Noted and agreed," Sakki said, rather rougher than she intended. "Let's do this."

Cloak stood, easily visible on the horizon. He stomped his foot and he punched out with his fists and arms parallel vertically. The ravine closed off, earth pinched together. The horde and their Banned masters looked up and saw, not only the silhouette of Cloak, but the silhouettes of Horse, Gaz, Sakki, Blaze, and Shadow.

"You!" Queen roared.

"You expecting, maybe, the Power Rangers?" Cloak said, flippantly.

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER NINETEEN:
Sigil Weakness

The RAFians leaped down, landing rather dramatically. They landed right in front of the horde, and stared down the Banned. Queen's anger and rage swiftly transmogrified into contemptuous smugness. She had her Horde, her Super-Trolls imbued with the Animal Sigils in addition to the sheer numbers of ordinary trolls (which weren't much to look at, to be honest).

"You are doomed," Queen said, her smugness oozing in her voice. "There is no way that you can beat my Super-Trolls."

"Same ol' bluster, huh?" Sakki said. "You really don't change, do you?"

Queen lost none of her smugness, but when she spoke again, anger had infiltrated her voice, "Attack!"

Okay, those Super-Trolls were more of a challenge than the RAFians had expected. But they handled themselves well, and were able to defend themselves. The Banned, still under the assumption that they were blind, were speechless.

Yorick was quickest to realize that they weren't, but Queen told him to shut up, that they were still blind. Though one had wonder if she was just saying this just to be contrary.

Horse, with a wave of a flipper, caused icicle daggers to fall on some of the Super-Trolls, striking the Animal Sigils on them quite unintentionally. Upon impact, the Animal Sigils vanished and caused the trolls to lose the gift that they provided, knocking them out in the process.

"The tattoos!" Horse announced. "Hit the tattoos!"

"Like the Z Putties," Cloak muttered to himself. No one noticed.

"What's this?!" Queen demanded, seeing what Horse did.

"The RAFian just depowered two of your 'Super'-Trolls," Yorick said, tonelessly, arms folded, leaning against the stone walls.

"I can see that!" Queen snapped.

"You asked." Yorick said, completely unintimidated.

"Oh, do shut up!!" Queen snarled.

In this brief exchange, the RAFians did away with the Animal Sigils and stood imperiously in a wide circle by the normal trolls and the three Banned. They weren't even winded.

"We beat your so-called 'Super-Trolls', Queen," Cloak said. "Now . . . how are we going to play this?"

[redtailedsaffa]

Whup, missed the chapter.

[Cloak]

Last chapter of this book.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER TWENTY:
Impracticality Personified

"I don't believe it," Broken was saying, shaking his head pityingly.

"It was like that, I tell you!" Sakki insisted angrily. Queen had decided to retreat, and the RAFians returned to the forum. Aquilai was explaining the situation to Broken, the only other RAFian present in the forum at that particular moment. Everyone else was out for other business. "If you don't want to beli--"

Broken held his hand up to stop Sakki from pursuing the thought. "You misunderstand me. I was marveling at Queen's utter stupidity."

"Oh."

"Stupid in what capacity, Broken?" Horse asked.

"Animal Sigils," Broken said.

"Animal Sigils?" Gaz queried.

"Animal Sigils." Broken confirmed.

"What 'bout them?" Blaze said, bluntly.

"You see," Broken said, in clear preface to what would apparently be a monologue, "the thing about Animal Sigils are that they are the utmost in impracticality. They are an easy enough spell to conjure, sure. Even a rank amateur in magic could accomplish what Queen did, if what you described is accurate. There is no guarantee those imbued with the Sigils would be obedient or predictable. It can be powerful, yes, the way a gun is powerful in the unwieldy hands of a toddler. There is no controlling the will of those burned with the Sigils."

"Queen seemed to be managing," Aquilai said.

"That doesn't mean that she was," Broken countered easily, as if he was waiting for this point to arise during his explanation. "Another reason for their impracticality is the ease of which they can be removed -- as you discovered quite quickly in your own -- and the fact that it takes a century's cool-down before they can be used again. We won't be seeing them again for a good long while."

"If they have such serious consequences," Sakki asked, "why even use them at all?"

"I think that's the point." Cloak said.

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

BOOK LXXXVIII:
DON'T LET IT SNOW
CHAPTER ONE:
Forum Cleaning

The RAFians sang as the cleaned the forum:

"Forum cleaning!
Forum cleaning!"

AniDragon sang:

"We deodorize and sanitize --"

AniDragon, Estelore, Kelly, and Myitt sang, in unison.

"And harmonize, too!"

The RAFians sang together.

"Forum cleaning!
Forum cleaning!
We're gonna make this forum
All shiny and new!
Forum cleaning!
Forum cleaning!"

Terenia sang:

"I'll sweep off this mat."

Duff sang:

"Forum cleaning!
Forum cleaning!"

Underseen sang:

"I'll vacuum this cat."

Bladeh shrieked, "GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU MADMAN!"

She didn't want her fur to get all poofy.

The RAFians sang:

"Forum cleaning!
Forum cleaning!"

FuBar sang:

"I found this dead rat."

Saffa sang:

"You'll find a lot of stuff
When you're forum cleaning!"

The RAFians sang:

"We've got a lot of junk that
We've just been dying to get rid of!
And there's so much garbage in this can
That it's about to blow the lid off!
Forum cleaning!
Forum cleaning!"

AniDragon sang:

"Our disinfecting prowess is second to none!"

Then she tilted her head, and appeared to be addressing the reader, "'Kay?" She wasn't though.

The RAFians sang:

"Forum cleaning.
Forum cleaning.
It's a sick, disgusting job . . .
Sick, disgusting job . . .
Sick, disgusting job . . .
Sick, disgusting job . . .
But it's gotta be done!!"

[redtailedsaffa]

Well, that ended on a cheerful note.

PDF:

[guitarhero01234]

Wow, not sure how I missed so many chapters. I guess that's what life does to you.

[Cloak]

It happens, GH. (Okay, granted it can't for me, as I'm the one writing 'em, but I digress.)

Oh, Saffa? I didn't bring this up for fear of sounding demanding and/or because I assumed you were busy with finals and whatnot, but I think you missed the PDF of the last book . . . Book 86 . . . unless I'm very much mistaken.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER TWO:
Inquisitory Ifrit

Unsually (though realistically, it could be understandable) all this singing by the RAFians carried on the wind to a rather secluded icy place. Snow abounded everywhere, temperatures were below freezing, and chilly gusts blew around almost half-heartedly. Surely, no sentient creature would call this inhospitable place home, right?

Nope. A being of ice that recalled the image of Icicle from DC comics lived, and thrived here, if nit somewhat bored. He had a large head with spiky icicle hair, a large cartoonish nose, round blue eyes with yellowed scelra, thin limbs, club-like feet, narrow waist, wide shoulders, narrow hands, and long, thin fingers ending in tapering claws.

It was an ice ifrit.

A bit of a contradiction, as ifrits are usually associated with fire and the infernal realms, and not ice and tundras.

The ice ifrit was standing outside its icy domicile, in an eerily reenactment of the Grinch. One could almost hear Boris Karloff saying, "All the RAFians, down in RAF, loved singing a lot,/But the ice ifrit, that lived just north of RAF, did not." Except this would not be true. When this ice ifrit heard the singing, he greeted it, not with hostility, but curiosity.

What was this sound? he found himself thinking. He had been so alone for so very long, he was beginning tot believe that the he was the last sentient creature on the planet. The sound he heard . . . it was so very cheerful, so very jubilant. He could scarcely remember when he heard such a joyous sound, a sound that wasn't blustery winds or the sound of his own voice, which he had gone out of habit with using.

Such a sound, a sound that he felt as if he forgotten, had not remembered the sanctity of. He marveled in it even as it was now gone. Gone far too soon for the ifrit's liking. He had to hear the sound again, even if it was different subtly. He had to hear the confirmation that he wasn't the only being left in this world.

He had to find this sound again. There wasn't any arguing against it (granted, there was no one else around to argue against it). He would have to pick himself up and go down to the direction of this sound, this sound which only lasted for a brief thirty seconds.

He hadn't any belongings to worry about securing, but even if he did, no one came around here anyway. He had to find the sound. He had to be sure that he didn't imagine it. He had to be sure. He had to.

[redtailedsaffa]

Please, God, no Let It Go parody.

[Cloak]

Eh, I already did that one in the Piper book.

[redtailedsaffa]

Thank goodness.

Here's the PDF of book 86, if I missed it.

[Cloak]

'Kay, thanks.

And, as sacrilegious as it may sound, I don't think that there will be any "Frozen" parodies in this book, as I've either already used a particular song, or already have it earmarked for a future book.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER THREE:
Cleaning Concussion

The cleaning was rapidly reaching its inevitable conclusion, but it proved that some RAFians couldn't help but show off how flashy and epic they could make such a menial chore.

Cloak, Horse and Aquilai were showing off by hydrokinetically givjng the Pootang a bath. Although, they had to be careful, as they used the Pootang's excess electrical energy as a sort of backup generator of sorts. The Pootang was not harmed in this, it was as beneficial to it as it was to the RAFians, as the excess electricity could build up causing the Pootang extreme discomfort, which would increase its emotional volatility and savage ferocity. They never anticipated that this very thing would actually pacify it to this degree, so that it spent most of the time, not raging, but snoozing! Yes, snoozing!

Naturally, Horse was elated at this as she was eaten far less often. So much so that she didn't mind giving the stinky, giant, feral Pikachu a bath. And it did not respond with anger so much as it was mild irritation. But it did not fight it, after all it felt good to be cleaned.

Meanwhile, Broken was using wandless magic and a "Scourgify Maxima" spell of his own invention to clean the more stubborn spots of the forum. He was walking around, almost lazily, casting this spell. It got the job done, though.

Underseen shapeshifted himself into one of those "Fantasia" brooms from the cartoon when Mickey was Yen Sid's pupil. He went through and swept up the forum, which was a rather remarkable feet considering have the time he was not touching the ground. He did fall once or twice, though.

However, Sakki was furious.

"YOU LAZY LUMP!!!" she screamed. It was enough to cause the very walls of the forum to vibrate. Still, it was good that she inhibited herself from using her full possible volume. But, that was, perhaps, because she could not be understood at that volume. "GET UP, YOU LAZY LUMP!!"

"Hey, gerroff!!" Rotiart protested like a juvenile. The piece of hay he had been chewing tumbled down, as his bare feet touched grass once more as Sakki had unceremoniously lifted him up roughly.

Sakki lowered her voice, but it was still quite audible to passersby, and her fury was still very palpable. "You lazy sack of -- you do realize everyone else is working?! And working hard, right?!*"

"You don't have the right to talk to me like this! You don't tell me what to do!" Rotiart countered with a rather feeble argument. "I make my own decisions, and I will do as I like!**"

"'Do as you like'? 'Do as you like'?! I have news for you, buddy-boy, this ain't a day camp. We have expectations of all our members and duties that have been attributed to all of them." Sakki snarled. "Don't like it? Ship out. Don't wanna ship out? Then get your hands dirty and work."


*Kinda echoing my feeling for a particular lazy worker at my job. He was even caught sleeping on the job!!!

**And this is similar, but not identical, to the tirade the aforementioned worker gave me when I called him out on his BS. He is about as likeable as Rotiart, though I created Rotiart before even meeting this loser. Tried to justify and validate his behavior by claiming that he's a "grown-ass man" that has "six kids". Just because I'm childless doesn't mean that he's better than me, like he clearly thinks. Wow, that turned into a rant. Sorry. But, yeah, I couldn't make his tirade fit for Rotiart because of that bit right there. Rotiart's like sixteen or seventeen.

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER FOUR:
Something Frigid This Way Comes

The ice ifrit began to scramble down towards the sound that intrigued him so. It was gone now, and the wind was so disobligingly confusing the ifrit where the sound could have come from. He continued forward, though. The snow was no barrier to his club-like feet, as he easily walked atop even the flimsiest snowdrifts with nary a worry or care.

He was just so ever focused on that sound. He had never been one to obsessive over stupid, petty things before, but this sound . . . that wonderful lilting tune . . . he had to know. He had to know its source, the source of the happiness, the cheerfulness that he heard in it. He never knew of such emotions, never such a possibility of feeling any more than isolation and feeling anything other than emotions one associates with isolation.

He had to find that . . . oh.

He had came to the boundary between his icy habitat and a slightly warmer climate.  He had never crossed this threshold, though he was aware of its existence. Here the snow gave way to gray stone which gave way in turn to green foliage.

Was it possible that the music came from that direction? He did not know. He did not if he could cross this threshold. He always assumed that there must have been some sort of mystical barrier or something. He never had a reason or inclination to leave his tundra.

Perhaps he was mistaken. Perhaps the music never came from that direct--

"You lazy lump! Get up, you lazy lump!"

He wasn't mistaken. It had been from that direction. He would have to cross the threshold from his realm of understanding into the unknown. Soon, curiosity outweighed prudence and he stepped over the threshold, discovering that there was no mystical wall or veil blocking his entry to the non-tundra terrain.

All this time, and there was really nothing barring him from leaving his tundra other than his own disinterest in the outside world. This moment of introspection was eventually subsumed by his curiosity, as it took over completely again.

Outside his tundra, everytime he moved a joint on his body, a puff of cold air was released. He was still at a fairly high altitude that it remain fairly unnoticeable. The ifrit did not notice the warmth at first, but was oblivious at the discomfort that awaited him ahead. . . .

[redtailedsaffa]

I'm pretty sure he doesn't just melt like that.

[Cloak]

If he did, then this would be a prohibitively short book. Anyway, new book ideas!! (GH, you're gonna get your wish.)

• Book DCCXLV: "Bio-Heroes" -- Ricky finds and wears a very strange watch, a H.E.R.O. watch.
• Book DCCXLVI: "Jealously" -- Ricky finds an archenemy.
• Book DCCXLVII: "Clash of the H.E.R.O.s" -- Ricky fights his archenemy.
• Book DCCXLVIII: "A Powerful Old Foe" -- A fearfully powerful old foe is resurrected as a Black Lantern.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER FIVE:
The Species Report

Underseen was presenting the species report before a small group of RAFians

"It's an honor and a privilege, a duty I perform,
With due sense of decorum and with pride.
With deference and great respect, very much the norm.
(Plus a hint of sycophancy on the side.)
To lay before my fellows all the facts about this realm,
To fill them in on all the species news."

But Cloak was getting impatient, "Yes, yes, Underseen, get on with it!"

"In order that Richard stands sturdy at the helm,
Aware of all the fauna's latest clues."

Parker snapped, "Underseen! The species report!"

Underseen spluttered, "Er - yes, yes, - the species report.

Gedds* are going ape, faeries remain above it all.
Sentient stars remember, though just what I can't recall.
Dragons are snapping up fresh offers from the banks.
Showed interest in my nest egg but I quickly said, 'No thanks!'
We haven't paid the bills and the shinigami have a hunch --
Not everyone invited will be coming back from lunch!"

He chuckled nervously, before pressing on.

"This is the species report!
Gives you the long and the short!
Every grunt, roar and snort!
Not a tale I distort!
On the species report.
The Andalites have got a beef
About this season's grass.
The Chee have been thwarted
In attempts to save their gas.
Goombas in the red,
Chasing Realm Walkers.
Saffa is in this season's color,
Seen in all the herds!
Moving down the rank and file,
To near the bottom rung,
Far too many humans are
Quite frankly in the dung!
This is the species report!
Gives you the long and the short!
Every grunt, roar and snort!
Not a tale I distort!
On the species report.
This is the species report!
Gives you the long and the short!
Every grunt, roar and snort!
Not a tale I --"

He blinked, looking at something just out of the periphery of the assembled group.

"What's that?"