Memoirs of a RAFian

[Cloak]

Maybe I'm mistaken, but a search said that it was Book L -- er, Book 50, Abby. It's "Maul". It's back on page 184 or so, I believe.

And Saffa, if you mean the clattering teeth in the story, they're those windup novelty toys. It's basically a reference to the "Batman Arkham" video game series.

[theyoungphoenix]

Oh cheese its that's way far back. I think I might be a bit further ahead of that, with Saffa-la sending me me PDFs but I don't remember.

[redtailedsaffa]

I'll check the last mail and send you from there. Still quite a lot though.

[Cloak]

Anyway, I'm currently planning my way through "PETA -- Get A Life!". Nearly halfway through.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER SIX:
Over the Hills, Through the Woods

They travelled a great distance, over two hills thus far. And nothing of real note happened. The clattering teeth led the entire way, Parker taking care to destroy every one. They proved that they could be dangerous to the innocent, unprepared layman, considering how that one jumped on Cloak like a piranha.

Presumptuous? Perhaps.

They came upon a forest, and Cloak was suspicious. But Cloak was always suspicious.

"Was . . ." Underseen asked, uncertainly. "Was this forest always here?"

"Yes," Cloak said, "but why lead us here?"

"What's the big deal about this place?" Parker said.

"It feels similar . . ." Cloak said, trailing off.

"As?"

"Maul's island?" Shadow supplied inquiringly.

"Somewhat," Cloak said. "But different, but this isn't the general M.O. of the Jok-- never mind. It's immaterial. Let's get going."

"But the trail has dried up." Underseen said, as they crossed the threshold into the forest.

"PROTAGONIST!" came a voice. Cloak was certainly put in mind of Mark Hamill's Joker's voice, only slightly thicker and deeper. The sound seemed to come from the trees itself, and Cloak had difficult time finding the source.

"There," Parker pointed to a strange device. It looked like a bullhorn with a voluminous helium bag attached to the back. There must have been a camera attached to it somewhere, as the pronouncement did not seem to be recorded. And his choice of words to address them seemed odd, as well.

"PROTAGONISTS! Congratulations on finding my little trail! It certainly took you long enough."

"What is it do you want, clown?" Parker demanded coldly.

"Oh, how you've wounded me, Protagonist!" he said with a Joker cackle. "Surely, you see the beauty, the magnificant spectacle of my fun?"

"You're evading the question, psychopath," Cloak said, coldly.

"Awww . . . you don't see the great fun? The grand game?"

"It's the Toyman all over again." Cloak groaned, facepalming.

"With one key difference," Underseen pointed out. "This time, the villain succeeded in killing people."

"Oh! You do understand the magnificent game, then, dear Protagonist!" came the voice. "So, let's begin it anew!"

The bag split open and a gas hissed out.

[redtailedsaffa]

Oh, lovely.

Here's the PDF for the last book:

[Cloak]

Thanks, Saffa. Dunno if I'll post another chapter today. I am still incredibly livid at that CNA at work who clearly thinks his job is SO much more important than housekeeping.

Okay, I was wrong. I may very possibly need to find a new job, if that prick manages to get his wormy way. Anyway . . . new book ideas.

• Book DCCIII: "The Kid or the Miser" -- A pop idol has a secret, he is the "son" of a RAFian foe.
• Book DCCIV: "Metallo Men Masters" -- The RAFians must face old foes.
• Book DCCV: "Mecha Men Menace" -- Military mechas are purloined.

I don't think I rehashed anything -- though continuing some . . . er, that may be a spoiler. Anyway, the titles are subject to change.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER SEVEN:
Monstrous Not-So-Micro Organisms

It wasn't Joker gas.

It was blue. It was a deliberate mislead, proven by the perp's hysterical cackle.

"Did I get you, my dear Protagonists?" he snickered before cackling again.

"I'm really starting to hate that laugh," Parker muttered.

"Agreed," the two Realm Walkers said in unison.

"Um," Underseen said, tapping Cloak's shoulder, "behind us."

There were several figures of a large size behind them. Cloak counted fourteen or fifteen that towered about ten feet tall, which meant they were taller than Cloak. They were transparent with waving tendrils, and each possessing a core of a different material, each resembling a single bloodshot eye the size of a basketball. They were overlarge microorganisms.

The cores (and physiological composition) consisted of silver (four tendrils), amber (four tendrils), bamboo (four tendrils), copper (two tendrils and cilia), granite (four tendrils and two spikes), iron (four tendrils), slate (four tendrils), jade (no tendrils or cilia at all), obsidian (four tendrils), coral (eight long flagellum), gold (four tendrils), bronze (two tendrils and cilia), marble (two tendrils and cilia), crystal (four tendrils), and platinum (four tendrils and two spikes). The way these cores floated in the cytoplasm was eerily similar to that of Yellow Devil (and its derivatives) from the various "Mega Man" series.

It was a rather interesting spectacle to see all of them, with both their uniqueness and their similarity. Yet, both Cloak and Parker gave them all scrutinizing looks. Shadow threw her uncle a perplexed look, because she had yet to suspect what he and Parker did.

"What do we do?" Underseen asked.

"Nothing," the RAFian Realm Walker said, passively.

"Right, let's get go-- wait, what?"

"It would be a waste, a folly." Cloak explained enigmatically.
 
"Uncle, you're overdoing the cryptic thing again." Shadow pointed out so shrewdly.

"My scans aren't showing anything her but us." Parker said. Then he jabbed his thumb over his shoulder at the device that the Joke Meister communicated with them through. "And Laughing Boy over there."

"'Laughing Boy'?" Joke Meister said, with obviously mock hurt. "Oh, dear, Protagonists, it's 'Joke Meister'."

The cackle followed.

"Maybe Broken can use a Silencing Charm on him," Cloak said. Then, addressing Underseen and Shadow, he said, "They're not real."

"What?" Underseen said.

"They have no weight, when they clearly appear to." Cloak said. "Their motions are cycling like a repeating video footage."

"Awww," Joke Meister said, "you ruined the j--"

CRACK!!

Parker had run through the device with his energy sword, replying, "Sorry. Sorry, but that guy was really starting to grind my last nerve."

[Cloak]

Still livid about that supercilious sack of . . . I will try to compose myself.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER EIGHT:
Exoskeletal Escapades

The giant microorganisms flickered once, twice, before vanishing completely.

"Holograms." Underseen said, nodding.

"Precisely," Cloak said, as they discovered a pathway nearby. "Holograms have no weight, they can't be Earthsighted, anymore than ghosts and creatures in flight can."

"How can we be sure this is the right way?" Shadow asked.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!" came a familiar cackle came echoing from the pathway.

"I withdraw my question," the younger Realm Walker said.

The trees began to arc over them in a most ominous way. Cloak was undaunted, focused on their goal at hand. Then they soon came across a device similar to the last one, only it looked like a bullhorn mounted on a blacked-out terrarium that was sealed completely. It was from this bullhorn that the cackle came from.

"PROTAGONISTS!" Joke Meister said gleefully. "You've got MOXIE!"

"What is moxie, anyway? What even is that?" Cloak said, wanely.

"Backbone, determination, and fortitude," Parker said, with an airy, bored demeanor. "Alternatively, initiative or skill."

"You're reading from Wiktionary, aren't you?"

Parker said nothing. He neither confirmed or denied it.

"How about another joke, dear Protagonists?" Joke Meister asked, with a low snicker.

The terrarium cracked open and scarlet gas uncoiled and unfurled from it with a hiss. Again, it wasn't Joker gas. It was almost as if he knew that it wouldn't work on them. Or he thought jerking them around like this was funny.

Probably the latter, judging by the frequent cackling of the Joke Meister.

The gas "solidified" -- if you could call it that -- into arthopod forms. From the gas, a giant wolf spider, a colossal leopard moth, an enormous dark-webbed ringlet butterfly, a gigantic hawkmoth, an immense praying mantis, a prodigious tick, a vast stag beetle, an overlarge lobster, a way-too-big antlion adult, a massive louse, and possibly more were formed.

"You disappoint me, Laughing Boy," Cloak said, deciding that to be a more fitting nomme de plume.

"'Joke Meister', Protagonist." There was the subtlest of hints of malice and warning in his voice now. Even his lauh seemed to have the dullest of edges to it now. The RAFians were hardly impressed.

"Like it matters," Cloak said, waspishly. "You think smoke monsters of gaseous emissions will frighten us? You disappoint me with your naivety."

As if to demonstrate, Shadow crossed her hands, palms toward her, and the flicked them out causing a blistering baby whirlwind to appear in front of her and travel forward to the giant, gaseous arthropods. As it moved forward, the bigger it got, creating quite a hole in the amassed arthropod army.

Then Cloak's eyes flashed, and he crossed his forearms. Then he flung his arms out, flicking his fingers ever so slightly. This created a torrent of mini-tornados that moved rather like Air Shooters (the weapon Air Man gives Mega Man after his destruction in "Mega Man 2"). This both dissipated the rest of the smoke arthropods and destroyed the Joke Meister's device.

"Show off," Shadow said, with mock huffiness.

[redtailedsaffa]

Damn, I hope your job situation is sorted out soon.

[Cloak]

Me too, Saffa.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER NINE:
Steamy Fishes, Kalamari, and Things

"Okay, so where do we go n--" Underseen began.

"PROTAGONISTS!!"

"You know, I'm just gonna stop asking." Underseen responded.

"Probably prudent," Parker said, stoically, as they followed the call to the next planted device.

"How'd he have time to plant all these devices?" Shadow asked. "How long was that trail here there? Much less where he synthesized these 'Fiendgas' things?"

"All good, relevant questions," Cloak said.

"'Fiendgas'?" Joke Meister said, with that irritatingly raucous cackle. "I LIKE it, Protagonist!"

"I am beginning to hate him." Underseen muttered.

"Oh, how you flatter me, Protagonist!" Joke Meister said, punctuating his statement with a sinister giggle. "So let me get the festivities started!"

And from the aquarium-like box an orange gas uncoiled and unfurled, forming shapes of cephalopods, skeleton fish, and things. Cloak could identify a couple of jellyfish, a giant scallop, a giant clam, a giant oyster, a giant seahorse, a giant sea dragon, a giant goldfish, a giant starfish, a giant carp, a giant ammonite, a giant nautilius, a giant female deep sea anglerfish, a giant pufferfish, a giant porcupine fish, a giant remora, a giant archer fish, a giant octopus, a giant skate, a manta ray, a giant mudskipper, a blobfish, a giant pirahna, a great white shark, a sawfish, a giant loach, a giant catfish, a giant bass, a giant hagfish, a giant moray eel, a giant discus fish, a sunfish, a giant sea slug, a hammerhead shark, a butterflyfish, a giant neon tetra, a giant flying fish, a giant angelfish, a giant electric eel, and a giant flounder. And those were only the ones that Cloak could identify -- oh, and a Dunkleosteus.

That cackle of Joker Meister sounded again . . . it was like auditory waterboarding. "Like my little joke?"

"Not particularly," Shadow said, dully.

The Joke Meister's entire demeanor flipped into a much more meancing one as if someone decided to toggle his switch.

"Watch yourself, Protagonist."

Cloak quickly shot a look at Parker, and he gave an agreeing nod. This Joke Meister guy might be more unhinged than they thought. It would be wise not to take him too lightly, especially because he proved that he had no qualms about killing.

"Shadow."

"On it."

They with concussive aerokinetic blasts very much like primary fire of Hurricane Tornado (or whatever it was called -- you know, the weapon X gets from Storm Eagle in the first "Mega Man X" game). This made short work fo these bestial smoke specters.

"Now what?" Shadow asked.

[Cloak]

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER TEN:
Eye of Super-Newt

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

"Need you ask?" Cloak said.

"Someone had to," Shadow said, with a shrug.

Naturally, they followed the laugh to the newest terrarium/aquarium-bullhorn-camera device. The RAFians (and Shadow) looked upon it with waning tolerance. They were starting to find all this rather tiresome.

"Aw, Protagonists! Why so serious?"

Cloak eyes narrowed, but said nothing.

"C'mon, you pod of sourpusses! This is fun!" Joke Meister conjoled maniacally.

"Speak for yourself," Underseen said, dryly.

"I think he is," Shadow observed.

"Oh, c'mon! Maybe you don't understand yet," Joke Meister said. "Yes, here."

The terrarium/aquarium thing cracked open, and violet gas poured out. The smokey gas twisted and shaped itself into various gigantic frogs, newts, salamanders, and other amphibians.

"The Joker," Cloak muttered voicelessly, "he ain't."

Cloak, despite himself, found himself repeatedly disappointed. There was absolutely no challenge to it. Underseen and Parker were barely doing anything, through no fault of their own. Shadow and Cloak were more than enough to deal with these "Fiendgases". Which they proved yet again by the two Elemental Masters by using the Tornado Hold technique (from Tengu Man). The violet Fiendgas was dissipated without the two even breaking a sweat.

Cloak felt that this particular strategy -- if you could call it that -- was like Joke Meister was mixing themes. He was clearly imitating Joker, but yet it seemed that he was now dipping into Scarecrow territory. Yet his long term planning was more like Bebop and Rocksteady.

Cloak couldn't help but wonder if Laughing Boy was even trying. The "joke" he was playing had long since lost its surprise, its shock, its suspense. It was not the running gag that Laughing Boy seem to think that it was. It was tired. It was predictable. . . .

Which meant Jombo would be wanting a complete ten seasons of a reality show based on it.

[theyoungphoenix]

Dang this guy is /really/ annoying.

[redtailedsaffa]

That last line.

[Cloak]

Well, Abby, he's supposed be irritating. But Joker, he ain't. (Not that Joker was irritating.)

And, Saffa, that's precisely the reaction I wanted for that line. Besides . . . isn't it the truth of reality tv?

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER ELEVEN:
Saurian Smoke

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

"Couldn't you just Earthsight where this loser is?" Parker said, having destroyed the previous device.

"If we could do that," Cloak said, testily, "don't you think we would have already done it? Earthsight isn't infallible, you know. We have a specific range, and there is a chance that he isn't standing on earth. He could be standing on hardwood floors or something."

Just then the communicator buzzed them. It was Aquilai. He reported to them that they completed the cure, and tried to give it to hospitals and such -- but they couldn't just take it. Security reasons. They would have to wait for proper channels.

"Wonderful," Cloak said, tonelessly. "Let's get going and find this --"

The next word Cloak said couldn't be translated into Dweller language.

"Uncle, language!" Shadow chided.

She was so much like her mother, Cloak's sister, when she spoke like that.

"What took you so long, Protagonists?" Joke Meister said, with a sinister guffaw.

"Oh, shut the Veil up," Cloak said.

"What?" Joke Meister said, his voice turned menacing. Cloak was completely unintimidated, a feeling shared with the others.

"You heard me, Laughing Boy," Cloak said, his teeth gnashing with every word.

"It's 'Joke Meister'."

"Yeah," the Realm Walker said, in perfect mimicry of the Nostalgia Critic, "I don't care."

"You'll regret this disrespect," the clown criminal said, maliciously.

The terrarium connected to the bullhorn cracked open as the violet "Fiendgas" snaked out, almost as if it were sentient. It formed into giant turtles, giant lizards, dinosaurs, and other reptilian creatures. Cloak's eyes narrowed.

He formed two spheres of swirling air in his hands, then threw them at the "Fiendgas", and Shadow followed suit. Then a cyclonic explosion of wind dissipated and destroyed the "Fiendgas".

Then Parker took a pot shot at the device. He was displeased with the ease of the action.

"These stupid devices are destroyed by a single blast of my fusion cannons." Parker said, blowing nonexistant smoke from his cannons. "At half power. Even that seems excessive."

"Don't sound so disappointed," Underseen said, voice dull.

[redtailedsaffa]

Well he's the master of delays if nothing else.

[Cloak]

You have no idea how right you are, Saffa.

New chapter.
 

CHAPTER TWELVE:
For the Birds

"Whelp," Underseen said, "I suppose that we should look for the next device."

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"That was easy," he replied.

"Have you got the wrong number!" the device said.

"Huh?" Shadow said, knitting her eyebrows together.

"Leave a message after the shriek," the Joke Meister said. There was a scream, and the terrarium cracked open and black "Fiendgas" uncoiled from within, seemingly writhing, shifting into avian, or proto-avian, shapes.

Cloak and Shadow easily dispelled the "Fiendgas", only this time without any flourish or technique. When Cloak saw this, he couldn't help but feel offended by it. The Joke Meister clearly thought these "Fiendgases" would be sufficient enough to encumber them. They were able to dispel them without trying!

"Easy, Uncle."

Had anyone else said that, Cloak would have jumped down there throats about it. Shadow knew just the right way to speak to make him smirk a little instead. Then a thought occurred to the Elements Master, and it was not a comforting one.

"He's on the move," he said, very seriously.

"We don't know that for sure," Parker said, pragmatically. "It could be his idea of a joke, pretending to be an answering machine."

"Think about what you just said, Parker," Cloak said. "No matter how insane you are, there's no joke in that."

"Laughing Boy isn't very smart, though," Shadow said. "All these devices haven't hindered us at all."

"He wouldn't be the first inept murderous villain we fought," Parker said, with a noncommittal shrug. "He could easily be a D-lister."

Cloak wasn't convinced.