Author Topic: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say  (Read 78782 times)

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Offline Duck, Duck, Goose

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #2085 on: May 29, 2016, 08:37:03 PM »

     If Animorphs was written in 2016.

     Animorphs 1: the Privilege.

     *Jake meets up with the Animorphs at Cassie's barn.*

     Marco: hey, Jake, what's up.

     Jake: what's that on your head?

     Marco: what, this? They call it a man bun. It's the new thing.

     Jake: that looks disgusting.

     Cassie: Jake, I've decided that we're going to be vegans from now on, because eating anything with a face is murder, and murder is bad, and you have to do what I say or I'll break up with you.

     Jake: are we even together?

     Cassie: you swiped right on my Tinder.

     Jake: so?

     Ax: #swiperight.

     Marco: you don't just swipe right, Jake. That's commitment.

     Jake: what? No. Tinder is for young sexy singles looking for some fun. This isn't OkCupid.

     Ax: #wastehertime2016.

     Tobias: (flies into the barn) So, I've decided that in addition to being a human inside of a hawk, descended from an Andalite that might be the descendent of a nearly omnipotent being who is, in actuality, a crystal hugging bird thing, I'm also a Native American.

     Ax: #thestruggle is real. #neverforget.

    Jake: Tobias...you can't decide to be a Native American. That's trivializing the struggles of a great as noble people just to get attention...

     Tobias: I'm also identifying as the colour blue.

     Ax: #early2000sthings

     Jake: you can't identify as a colour!

     Tobias: the door, Jake! Check your privilege at the door.

     Ax: #firstworldproblems. #whitepeopleissues.

    Cassie: guys. We haven't talked about the fact that I'm vegan for a whole ten minutes!

     Rachel: (comes in dressed as the American flag.I've decided that I'm voting for Trump in the upcoming election.

     Marco: You know that I'm part Hispanic. Why would you do that?

     Ax: #makeamericagreatagain.

     Rachel: Your people are simultaneously taking American jobs while also being incredibly lazy.

     Tobias: I'm also identifying as Mexican.

     David: random cameo. Ok, see ya.

     Ax: Prince Jake. I've recently discovered the wonders of Instagram. Here are many photos of delicious food.


     Jake: But there's no food in this picture...

     Ax: because I ate it. It is in my tummy. #I'mtotesadorbs.

     Tom: (walks in with a man bun) hey guys, what chu sayin?

     Jake: WHAT IS THAT THING ON YOIR HEAD?!

     Tom: that would be my Yeerk. And he has feelings. Imperialist, heteronotmative cis gendered white boy.

     Jake: but...the Yeerks are imperial--

     All: check your privilege, Jake!

     
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Offline Duck, Duck, Goose

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #2086 on: June 07, 2016, 08:44:00 AM »

     Animorphs: the Clip Show.

     Jake: guys, it's the series finale of our great adventure fighting the Yeerks.

     Marco: what a journey it's been. I'm almost gonna miss those little guys.

     Rachel: I'm gonna miss eating them. Yeerk had the potential of becoming a delicacy.
   
     Tobias: Hey. Do you guys remember that time Visser Three challenged us to a dance competition?

      *Cut to the dance competition.*

     Visser One: We, the judges consisting of Chapman, Tom, and special guest judge Simon Cowell for some reason, conclude that the winner of this dance competition goes to the Animorphs, with their finishing move which referenced MC Hammer's Hammer Time.

     Simon: I disagree entirely. It was dreadful.

     Visser Three: (shouting at his dance team) I knew we should have gone with a classic. But no. You assured me that the Soulja Boi was the dance to do.

     Yeerk: I mean, the song is like ten years old. That should make it a classic, right?

     Visser Three: Your life is a classic!

     Yeerk: ...what?

     *fwap. Yeerk's head roles.*

     *cut back to the barn.*

     Cassie: What really have us an edge was Marco and Ax's performance of the vase scene from Ghost.

     Jake: ha. That wasn't even a dance.

     Marco: remember that time we saved Icelandic singing sensation Bjork?

     *cut to rescuing Icelandic singing sensation Bjork.*

     Bjork: I'd like to thank you, Animorphs, and you, Swedish disco/pop idols, ABBA, for saving me from the Yeerks. If it weren't for you, the Yeerks would surely use my superstardom to infest all 100 of the people crazy enough to live in this hunk of rock.

     Marco: hehe, there are active volcanoes here.

     Jake: It was our pleasure, Bjork. This wonderful and not at all hellish country of yours can always depend on the Animorphs for saving.

     Bjork: Let me repay you with a love concert! Everyone--even famous English singing competition judge, Simon Cowell, for some reason--is invited. But not Visser Three.

     Simon Cowell: Still not a fan. Your music is dreadful.

     *cut back to the barn.*

     Jake: It was a fun show. But I couldn't tell you a thing about any of her songs.

     Cassie: Remember when I went to Australia and fought off an advanced alien race with boomerangs and an army of kangaroos?

     Rachel: actually...no, I don't.

     Jake: did you morph anything cool? Like, a venomous snake? Or a croc? Or one of their poisonous giant spiders?

     Cassie: No, I morphed a kangaroo a couple of times.

     Tobias: not even a platypus? Arguably one of Australia's most interesting creatures?

     Cassie: no, just a kangaroo.

     Marco: not even a koala bear? Or a dingo?

     Cassie: it wasn't a very good adventure.

     Ax: remember that one time I tried out for Amercqn Idol?

     *cut to American Idol Audition.*

     Ax: my heart will go oooooon and oooooooooon."

     Paula Abdul: It's going to be a no from me, sweetie. But you have so many other talents, hon. Like, being blue. And having pretty eyes.

     Randy Jackson: Sorry, dog. It's a no from me as well.

      Simon: that was dreadful. You have absolutely no business singing a song of any kind, especially not a classic by French-Canadien sensation Celine Dion. Who on earth told you that you can sing? You don't even have a mouth! How would we even record thought speak on a record?! Am I the only sane one here?

     *cut back to the barn.*

     Jake: hehe. None of those people are on the show anymore.

     Tobias: remember that one time we saved Christmas?

     *cut to the Animorphs saving Christmas.*

     Santa Claus: thank you, Animorphs, for morphing my reindeer, and helping me deliver presents to billion of Chrisitian and for some reason non-Christian families all over the world. 

     Ax: I learned that Christmas, while overly commercialized and having little to do with the namesake for the holiday anymore, is in the hearts of all, and is an expression of good-will toward men.

     Tobias: and presents.

     Santa: to repay you, I've decided to give you special weapons against the Yeerks, like that one time I did in the Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

     For Jake, a long sword. For Marco, an axe. For Rachel, a bazooka. For Tobias...uh, you go on raking the eyes of Hork-Bajir.

     Tobias: it's a classic.

     Visser Three: *from far away* your life is a classic!

     Santa: for Cassie, a container of Eco-friendly, deadly quantum virus.

     Cassie: that's exactly what I, an Eco-terrorist, have always wanted.

     Ax: is there anything in that black bag for me, Santa?

     Santa: of course, Aximili. I left the deadliest weapon for you. The entire works of Icelandic singing sensation Bjork.

     Jake: thanks, Santa. The Yeerks don't stand a chance against us now.

     Santa: Merry Christmas! Santa ex machina!

     *cut back to the barn.*

     Cassie: remember that time we broke into a secret government facility, and found an Andalite toilet? 

     Jake: actually...I don't.

     Cassie: sure you do. Weird he'd horses. The Yeerks were sing horses as controllers.

     Ax: that sounds pretty stupid, and barely involved the Yeerks at all.

     Cassie: how about that time I was possessed by a Hork-Bajir nothlit and we saved the Hork-Bajir planet kinda, sorta, maybe.

     Jake: I think I'd remember such an important and game changing adventure where we liberated a planet that the Yeerks have held for forty years. But since I don't, it must not have happened.

     Cassie: Are you saying that you guys don't remember any of the missions that I went on? The ones that actually made it into the books? 

     Chapman: don't break the fourth wall, Cassie, only Joss Whedon and Dan Harmon, creator of classic pop-culture referencing shows such as Community and Rick and Morty are allowed to do that.

     Cassie: Vice Principal Chapman...what are you doing here?

     Chapman: oh...uh...Simon Cowell's report or George Washington is like, super over-due.

     Simon: (hiding behind a hay bale) oh no, he's found me!
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Offline TheWolfEmperor

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #2087 on: September 25, 2016, 04:55:22 PM »
Visser Three: Finding the Andalite bandits is our top priority. I am certain your new host's abilities will aid you in tracking them down.

Sherlock: I hate to disappoint you but the Yeerk is quite under my control.

V3: What? How is this possible.

Sherlock: Pfft, please. As soon as you forced my head into the water I began reciting every single line of poetry my mother ever forced me to read. I flooded his mind with all of my violin concertos, as well as a few pieces from my less successful attempts at playing an instrument. By the time I returned to the other end of the pool, Temrash 221 had all but begged to be subjected to Kandrona starvation and I agreed to be silent in exchange for access to his memories. Seriously, your biggest mistake was thinking you could control a mind as advanced as my own.

V3: Very well. Temrash was week, but why come to me in person? You could have been free of the Yeerk, but instead you chose to risk your neck to gloat? How advanced is your mind now? HAHAHAHA *Interrupted by a massive explosion coming from the direction of the Pool entrance*

Sherlock: Ah, that took less time than I anticipated. While I was busy tracking you down I took photos on my iPhone and sent them to all of the major news agencies in the world. Your security system was quite easy to penetrate. Good luck with the trial.
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Things the Animorphs and other characters would never say
« Reply #2088 on: December 06, 2016, 05:57:31 PM »
So, yeah. In this game we post things that a particular character would never say. Be sure to say who that character is and where he/she is from

I'll start:

"I'm going to be smart today and not destroy things." - Alois Trancy I actually ripped this one off from DeviantArt. 3:

"Nah, I'd rather not go drive the road roller today. I'd rather study." - Rin Kagamine, Vocaloid

Offline Duck, Duck, Goose

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Re: Things the Animorphs (and other characters) would never say
« Reply #2089 on: August 10, 2017, 11:15:46 PM »

     *Takes place during the David trilogy*

     Visser Three: Finally. I've located the living quarters of one of the Andalite bandits. All I had to do was message a thirteen year old boy on the internet.

     *Visser Three enters the house.*

     Three: Hello?

     Chris Hansen: You've come a long way today. Mind if I ask what you're doing in the house of an underage boy?

     Visser Three: He uh...told me he had a blue cube...

     Chris Hansen: Why don't you take a seat right over there?

     Visser Three: I should really be going...

     Chris Hansen: It says here that you were looking for something for a long time. That this boy has something you desperately need. That you want him to give it to you.

     Visser Three: Oh, that's not...it's just talk. Just talk in the chat.

     Chris Hansen: And have you ever chatted with a young boy before?

     Visser Three: No, this is the first time...

     Chris Hansen: Have you ever heard of Dateline's to Catch a Predator?

     Visser Three: Oh jeez

     Chris Hansen: I'm Chris Hansen. We're doing a story on older men who want to be with underage people.

     *Cameramen walk out of their hiding places. Visser a Three covers his face.*

     Chris Hansen: Is there anything you would like to say to our viewers at home?

     Visser Three: Uh...don't do this, I guess...
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