Author Topic: Animorphs the hunted chronicles : chapter 1  (Read 969 times)

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Offline foxbatmorph90

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Animorphs the hunted chronicles : chapter 1
« on: February 14, 2010, 07:35:49 PM »
Running, running was all I could think of as a swarm of vile taxxons chase after me looking back I could see their mouth drooling of hunger, not caring what it eats, just as long as it eat something soon. In unconveince I, the something. Flying with all my might I look forward to see if there is any escape route out of this dank, horrid, smelly cave. Using my ecolocation ability  I just nearly dodge a piller of rock. I have to be more careful I told myself, I have got to shake these taxxons and get out of this cave, oh why didn't listen to Tally when she said it wasn't a good idea to follow the taxxons into the cave. Now I've lost her  in this labrynith of rock and have a those vile creatures trailing after me. I hope shes ok, I said to myself in my mind shes fine, she can take care of herself, shes has the strongest will I've ever seen. Wile I has dwelling over the past I heard a familiar noise speeding up behind me, realizing the noise belongs to the creatures I've been trying to escape from. Flying as fast as my little wings could I see a bright light in front of me I hurry and flap as hard as I could I flew straight toured the the brightness hoping it's the wide open field I flew through before I entered the cave. my hopes had true I could barely see green as i flew right off the cave and into the nearest big tree i could see using me ecolocation as i landed on s big branch in the huge leafy tree I heard a ruffling sound and looked behind me ready to fly away,instead of a a an attack that I was expecting, there was a soft feathery feeling against my body out of no where voice seems to pop inti my head, a voice so familiar to me i felt like crying right there< Danny is that you >. < yse it's me I'm so glad your here Tally > I said in voice thought. seeing fer spread her wings and wrap then around me I realese all tension and let the softness fill that gap. < I'll never go against your advice again > I said to her. < It's all right I'm just glad your ok > she said in motherly tone. < We probibly should get out of these morphs > she said < ok > i replied remembering my original  form tall, red hair, green eyes, pale skin, slim figure, then it happened I began to grow taller at the same time my skin webbed wing s were mushing together in a thick shrink  and flatten into  arm shape. As my body continued to morph into myself I kept consentration on that form, my beak began to      flatten into lips, my legs became the two long legs I have used all my life were back to normal and me chest, broadened to it's normal shape, and then all changes ended flexing my arms and then gripping the branch I was sitting on not intending to fall off of it. turning to the place where the bird-Tally was at human Tally with long red hair, and green eyes big smile wearing a bathing suit. holding onto the same branch, a few feet away and swing her legs back and forth. '' Hi "" she said in that sweet voice I've  heard most of my life.  "That was the scariest expirience I have ever had '' " let's not go in there ever again''. " I agree '' she said " now how to get out of this tree she said " it's still to early to morph again lets wait a while and then see what we can do " " ok''  I said back resting from the earlier chase.

Post Merged: February 14, 2010, 07:50:07 PM
If you have any comments please post them I would like some thoughts about it good or bad.
« Last Edit: February 14, 2010, 07:50:07 PM by foxbatmorph90 »
I go in peace to my
death. And I leave as my last legacy a single word
for all the free peoples of the galaxy.
<Hope . . .>

Offline itw2009

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Re: Animorphs the hunted chronicles : chapter 1
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2010, 04:59:33 PM »
=)

interesting. nice, catchy beginning, too.

my first suggestion is to make paragraphs your friend. (animorphs nearly abuses them, haha, but in your case... i think it's a good place to start.) it's not easy to read what some call a "wall" of text, and you'll find that action scenes appear to flow more quickly when shorter paragraphs are involved.

if you break this chapter down, i might come back to add some more comments. =D


(also, i did note the sticky, but it seems awkward to post a comment there- i somehow doubt it'd be read by the right people. xD; anyway. if this post MUST be moved, no worries; i'll take care of it. otherwise.....)
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Offline BoltxAnimorphs

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Re: Animorphs the hunted chronicles : chapter 1
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2010, 11:02:50 AM »
yeah i agree.i almost lost my place.
but over all it was FANTASIC!