Author Topic: Diary of a Mad Guitar Player  (Read 4182 times)

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Offline gh, King of Birbs

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #15 on: December 28, 2015, 02:47:09 AM »
Anyway, nice chapters, GH. As irreverent as ever in the last one.

I figured that I'd put something that my real life would do in there. :P

New chapter. Not quite as comedic in tone as previous chapters. Ah, well.



Chapter 5: Meet Your Master

gh walked briskly toward an outdoor cafe. Rain had already passed through the area since his previous trip outside the forum, leaving the streets shiny and slick. Surprisingly, winter weather hadn't caught up yet, but the colder temperature was certainly a presence, which was why gh had the hood of his winter coat pulled over his head.

A little ahead of schedule, gh found a seat under an awning to wait. The stranger had sent him out at midnight, so the streets were completely dead. Even Leatherhead had gone to sleep by this point, so gh chose to leave him back at the forum, not wishing to rouse him. He even left his trademark guitar back at his thread. Not the smartest move, but he didn't want to deal with the inevitable maintenance after bringing the instrument out into the cold.

Eventually, a small-framed man came out of the darkness and sat down confidently across from gh. Even in the poor light, it was clear that this person was well into his thirties, at the very least. His age showed clearly on his clean-shaven face, with shallow wrinkles developing around his lips.

“gh. Or should I call you by your real name? Hope I didn't keep you waiting,” the man said, putting on a pair of spectacles. “Nice to finally meet you in the flesh. You can call me Harrison.” He extended his hand across the table.

gh, however, was not in the mood for formalities. Ignoring Harrison's hand, he produced a small box from his pocket. “Cute entrance. You practice that before coming here?” gh pulled a cigarette from the box and lit it, placing the box on the table.

Harrison retracted his hand, placing it under his chin. “No need to be so brash. I only came for a friendly chat.”

“Cut the bull****, alright?” gh took a drag on his cigarette and blew the smoke into Harrison's face. “You threatened me. What was it that you said? 'If I don't come, there would be consequences?'”

Harrison twisted his face into an icy, emotionless smile. A politician's smile, as some would call it. “Maybe not my exact words. But it doesn't really matter, does it? We're here now. So let's talk.”

“Yeah, let's. First off, you mind telling me how you seem to know so much about me?”

Harrison shrugged. “It's the digital age, my friend. There's information on everybody on the Internet. You just have to dig deep enough.”

For the moment, this answer seemed to satisfy gh. Without a moment's respite, though, he moved on. “Fair enough. But what I'd really like to know is why you're targeting me. Lemme guess, it's a Knights of Humanity thing. Either that, or Bern Bridges is desperate enough to hire somebody to defame one of the RAFians.”

“I find it funny, gh, that you think you're calling the shots here.” Harrison leaned across the table, closing the distance between him and the RAFian. If this made gh uncomfortable, he certainly didn't show it. “Don't forget, I'm the one who holds the power here. I know more about you than you could imagine. And I can destroy your life. And you expect me to think that this doesn't bother you?”

“You know, it would. If it weren't for the fact that the other RAFians would be on you like flies on **** if you pulled anything. I were you, I'd be a little more concerned about my own health.” gh took another drag on his cigarette to emphasize this point.

Harrison wasn't impressed. “Listen, you little punk,” he snarled, rage apparent in his voice. “I've had it up to here with your little group of vigilantes. You've made me lose a lot of my investments. That's a lot of money down the drain thanks to you and your friends.” Harrison paused and took a deep breath, sitting back in his seat. When he spoke again, he had lost any traces of the anger that he had just displayed. “I'm going to make you an offer. I want this group gone. I want to tear it apart from the inside out. And that's where you come in.”

“Get to the point,” gh said.

“As you wish. To put it bluntly, I want you to kill a RAFian. And I want to watch you do it. At this time, three days from today, you'll bring one of them to these coordinates.” Harrison passed a folded-up sheet of paper across to gh. “I don't care which of your little friends it is. Just bring one of them to me and kill them. If you do this, I can guarantee that you'll never have any issues like that again. If you fail . . . Well, I'll leave that up to your imagination.” Harrison stood up, but before leaving, looked gh dead in the eyes. “Three days. Don't. Forget.” And with that, he walked away into the night.

***

gh waited until he was sure that Harrison was gone before he broke into a coughing fit. “****ing cigarettes,” he muttered. He then spoke into the communicator he had concealed in his coat. “You catch all that?”

“Loud and clear,” Ash replied. “Sounds like this Harrison guy has no idea what he's dealing with.”

“I wouldn't be so sure. I have a feeling that he's got a trick or two up his sleeve. We should probably be careful.”

“Definitely. And gh?”

“Yeah?”

“I talked to Cloak today. He mentioned that your cigarettes mysteriously vanished."

"Damn it."
Spoiler: RAF Awards (click to show/hide)

Offline Saffa

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #16 on: December 28, 2015, 04:33:47 AM »
Are we still on topic though? :P

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Offline Cloak

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #17 on: December 28, 2015, 08:17:54 AM »
I like this tone to the story.

Although, I do have to admit it is kind of weird to see some the characters I created (Knight of Humanity, Bern Bridges) used in someone else's story, but giddily flattering at the same time. Know what I mean? :)

And I sense some similar elements to the the first book of Memoirs, as well. Still, well done, GH!


Book 159: "Attack of the Killer Produce"
Chapter 18: "It Works!"
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RAFians Referenced Specifically: Oceanspray, Parker, and myself.

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #18 on: December 28, 2015, 09:07:11 AM »
Oh don't stop there, the Knights will be appearing in some form in the backstory I have planned as well. I like the layers that the group as a concept can add to a story.

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Offline Cloak

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #19 on: December 28, 2015, 12:35:01 PM »
Well, I did base them off the Friends of Humanity from "X-Men". And a bit from the Forever Knights from the "Ben 10" franchise, complete with how their leaders are called Kings. Also, the Ku Klux Klan was an inspiration for these xenophobic losers, which was apt I thought, considering that the KKK are racist losers.


Book 159: "Attack of the Killer Produce"
Chapter 18: "It Works!"
(October 20, 2017)

RAFians Referenced Specifically: Oceanspray, Parker, and myself.

Offline gh, King of Birbs

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #20 on: December 30, 2015, 02:34:30 AM »
Are we still on topic though? :P

Actually, I've been meaning to bring it back to the topic of RAF Awards. I realized that I've been moving further and further away since Chapter 2. :P Originally, this was going to be a series of stories about a bunch of RAFians, but as things went on, I realized that I actually started to become more interested in where my story ended up going. I admit, it does make the title a little uninformative of the actual content, but as this chapter will show, I'm planning on having a few chapters unrelated to the main plot that I'll (hopefully) tie up at the end.

Anyway, now that I've gotten that out of the way, new chapter.



Chapter 6: The Stick of Fate

Of course, not all of RAF had to deal with stalkers. While gh was working out what exactly to do with his situation, the rest of the RAFians were going about their own business; much of which, of course, dealt with the RAF Awards. A few days had already passed since the announcement, and things were just beginning to die down. “Beginning” being the key word, as the forum was still buzzing with activity. Even outside of the voting, there was quite a bit more activity than normal.

This seemed to bring out the more mischievous side of Demos. He had been playing pranks on the RAFians, and effectively scaring away the newcomers. Most of the pranks were of a rather benign nature, such as slipping a fake (at least, he was pretty sure it was fake) maggot into somebody's breakfast cereal.

“Demos,” Saffa said. She and Broken had finally decided to confront the demon. “What exactly are you doing?”

“Nothing! Nothing at all!” Demos replied in a way that implied that he was, in fact, doing something.

Broken raised an eyebrow. “Really? Because it looks to me like you're trying to replace somebody's eye drops with soy sauce.”

“Aw, come on! You're not going to let me have just a little fun here?”

“I don't really see how that could be considered fun in any capacity.”

Saffa sighed. There was only one real way this could have gone. In typical RAF fashion, Demos began to break into song.

Now, you are ****ed! **** out of luck!
Tomorrow, you'll wake with your beds full of muck!
I will do my jokes, you'll wish you never spoke,
I'll even replace all your Pepsi with Coke!

Saffa interrupted Demos, more than fed up with his over-the-top theatrics.

Wait! Wait!
Wait, Demos.
We challenge you to a rock-off,
Give us one chance to rock your socks off.

Demos stared for a moment, perplexed. Out of nowhere, he let out a string of profanities. Shortly after, he resumed his song:

Ugh, the demon code prevents me
From declining a rock-off challenge.
What are your terms? What's the catch?

Saffa considered for a moment before replying:

If we win, then you apologize to everyone that you pranked . . .
And also, you will have to clean our threads!

Demos seemed to accept these terms. “And what if I win?”

“Then you can take Broken to hell . . .”

“WHAT!?” Broken was obviously not happy with this.

Saffa quietly said to Broken, “Trust me, it's the only way.”

“What are you talking about-”

Saffa turned to address Demos again. “To do all your paperwork for a week or . . . whatever.”

“Fine!” Demos bellowed. “Let the rock-off BEGIN!”

Suddenly, the three were in a Roman-style Colosseum. None of them were quite sure how they got there, but they decided to go with it if it meant getting done with the song as soon as possible.

Demos started:

I'm a demon, I can do what I want!
I can put olives in your croissant!
There's never been a rock-off that I've ever lost.
I can't wait to take Broken to hell,
I might even make him wear a bell!
He'll do my work for me, he might even cry, as well!

“STOP!” Broken screamed. He had heard quite enough.

“Come on, Broken!” Saffa said. “Let's fight his music with our music.”

“There's just no way that we can win. That was a masterpiece!”

“Seriously?”

“He rocks too hard because he's not a mortal man!”

Saffa slapped Broken across the face. “Damn it, Broken, he's gonna make you do all his work!” she said while he was still staring at her hand.

“No. . .”

“. . . Unless we bust a massive monster mammoth jam!”

This time, it was Underseen's turn to sigh. “Can we just get done with this?”

And with that, they began to sing, alternating lines:

Now it's time to blow this sucker down . . .
Come on, Broken, now it's time to blow doors down.
I hear you, Saffa, now it's time to blow doors down.
Light up the stage 'cause it's time for a showdown.
Not that lame crap that you'd hear at a hoedown.
Now we've got to blow this demon down . . .
He's gonna kill me if we don't blow doors down!
C'mon, Broken, it's time to blow doors down!
Oh, we'll piledrive you, it's time for a smackdown!

They sang these final lines in unison:

Hey Anti-Christ-er, Beelzeboss,
We know your weakness, drop the soy sauce.
We rock the forum and blow your mind,
We will defeat you for all RAFkind!

You hold the scepter,
We hold the key!
You are the demon,
BUT WE HAVE TEA!

We have the tea!

“You guys are ****ing lame!” Demos yelled after what seemed like the hundredth repetition of the final line. “And what does tea have to do with anything.”

“NO!” Broken yelled.

Suddenly, Broken sat bolt upright, roused from his sleep. “Wow,” he said to himself, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, “that was a strange dream.”



I don't care if this made any sense, I just wanted to have an excuse to have an adaptation of a Tenacious D song. Without all of the sexual stuff, of course, because that would have made this chapter even weirder than it already was.
Spoiler: RAF Awards (click to show/hide)

Offline Saffa

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #21 on: December 30, 2015, 04:33:26 AM »
YES! TEA!

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Offline gh, King of Birbs

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #22 on: December 30, 2015, 05:04:45 AM »
Fun fact: my dad and stepmom are leaving on a trip to Alabama tomorrow (ok, technically today), and when I went to the store to get food for staying here alone, tea was the first thing that I made sure to get.

. . . OK, that fact wasn't exactly fun, but whatever.
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Offline Cloak

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #23 on: December 30, 2015, 05:32:52 AM »
Are we still on topic though? :P

Actually, I've been meaning to bring it back to the topic of RAF Awards. I realized that I've been moving further and further away since Chapter 2. :P Originally, this was going to be a series of stories about a bunch of RAFians, but as things went on, I realized that I actually started to become more interested in where my story ended up going. I admit, it does make the title a little uninformative of the actual content, but as this chapter will show, I'm planning on having a few chapters unrelated to the main plot that I'll (hopefully) tie up at the end.

Eh, you could always change the title to "Diary of a Mad Guitar Player" or something. *shrug* I think you can do that by changing the name in the original post.

And that song . . . I guess the song in Bonds Beyond Time Abridged was a parody. I had always assumed it was original.


Book 159: "Attack of the Killer Produce"
Chapter 18: "It Works!"
(October 20, 2017)

RAFians Referenced Specifically: Oceanspray, Parker, and myself.

Offline gh, King of Birbs

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #24 on: December 30, 2015, 06:17:33 AM »
Damn, I forgot about BBT. Did you know that the song in the opening was a song by Mastodon? Friggin awesome.
Spoiler: RAF Awards (click to show/hide)

Offline Cloak

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #25 on: December 30, 2015, 06:22:38 AM »
GH, you must know by now that musical knowledge is limited to Weird Al and animated movie songs. :P ;)


Book 159: "Attack of the Killer Produce"
Chapter 18: "It Works!"
(October 20, 2017)

RAFians Referenced Specifically: Oceanspray, Parker, and myself.

Offline gh, King of Birbs

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Re: Stories From RAF Awards
« Reply #26 on: December 31, 2015, 08:28:56 AM »
True. Just wanted to mention that since Mastodon is one of my favorite bands. :P Plus, that song (Cut You Up With a Linoleum Knife) was made for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie. That counts!

Probably gonna have a new chapter sometime today.
« Last Edit: December 31, 2015, 08:38:30 AM by gh »
Spoiler: RAF Awards (click to show/hide)

Offline Cloak

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Re: Diary of a Mad Guitar Player
« Reply #27 on: December 31, 2015, 08:41:56 AM »
And I see you changed the title. ;)


Book 159: "Attack of the Killer Produce"
Chapter 18: "It Works!"
(October 20, 2017)

RAFians Referenced Specifically: Oceanspray, Parker, and myself.

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Re: Diary of a Mad Guitar Player
« Reply #28 on: December 31, 2015, 08:44:38 AM »
I may have done that. ;)
Spoiler: RAF Awards (click to show/hide)

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Re: Diary of a Mad Guitar Player
« Reply #29 on: December 31, 2015, 10:33:05 AM »
I see the play on the Memoirs title. :P

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