So, with the RAF Awards being voted on, I was struck with inspiration to do a RAF Awards/Christmas themed fanfic to Cloaky's Memoirs (or as he'd prefer to call it, a companion book or sister series). A lot of it's going to be absurd, strange comedy, so if you're not into that, then this fic may not be for you. Also, there's going to be some strong language.
Chapter 1: RAF?
Night enveloped the forum as the sun dipped below the horizon. As the last hints of daylight faded into darkness, the RAFians filed into the auditorium. The end of the year was closing in, and the nominations for the RAF Awards were going to be announced.
Eventually, the crowd settled down, just as Ash stepped up to the podium. She gave the microphone a couple taps and cleared her throat. “First of all, thank you all for attending,” she started, with a small grin across her face. “As I'm sure you know, the nominations for the RAF Awards have been sent in, and the other staff members and I have been very busy working on compiling them.”
“Why does she sound so much like principal Chapman?” Dpsb muttered, rousing a snicker from a few RAFians.
“Anyway,” Ash continued, pretending not to notice the minor disturbance, “that's why we've called for this conference. The nominations are all sorted through, and we're ready to announce them. But first . . .” She paused and looked aside for a moment before continuing. “gh wanted to do a short introduction.” She looked to her left again and became visibly frustrated. “gh! That's your cue!”
“Sorry!” gh said, sleepily walking up to a microphone stand from off-stage. He wasn't holding his normal instrument (or, as he called it, his “battle axe,”), but instead carried a V-shaped guitar. What caught everyone's attention, though, was that his hair was an absolute mess, and there were four red lines across his face, each of them about the size of his fingers.
“You fell asleep!?” Ash remarked, glaring at gh.
“Uh, maybe. Just a little,” he said, scratching his chin. “Don't worry, I got this.” As Ash left the stage in a huff, gh turned his attention to the assembly of RAFians, who were now growing restless. “I, uh, made a song for you guys.” He turned his head away from the mic, coughed a couple times, then continued. “Sorry, didn't have my coffee yet. Anyway, hope you enjoy it.”
Suddenly, jets of flame erupted behind gh as he ripped into a triplet-heavy riff on his guitar. As the lights dissipated, a massive wall of amplifiers appeared behind the guitarist. Nobody was quite sure how he had hidden the amplifiers, or where he had even acquired the money to buy them. Or when the auditorium was outfitted with pyrotechnics, for that matter. After a few moments of playing on that riff, gh stepped up to the microphone again. He alternated between a raspy scream and operatic crooning while singing:
RAF!!! Is a place of being . . .
Oh, RAF!!! Is a place of being less alone,
So, WHAT'S ALL THE FIGHTING ABOUT!?
**** IT, RAF!!! We're really not misleading. . . .
Due to his aggressive playing style, gh had managed to cut the thumb of his picking hand. Saffa rushed in with a bandage.
OH, RAF!!! OH, GOD, I'M BLEEDING!
OH, GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME!
Due to gh's inability to stifle his laughter, it could safely be assumed that the accident was staged.
I know what I stand for . . .
I stand for RAF!
I'll wait for Mr. Guy
So far, no posts to reply.
I'm really not a bad guy,
But RAF, makes me want to DIE!!!
Crouched down on one knee, gh rested the guitar on his other knee as he banged his head along with the music. The audience looked at him, perplexed not only by his questionable antics, but also by his lyrics, which made RAF out to be a less than ideal place. gh wasn't finished, though, as he stood back up and delivered his last verse.
I'm just joking!
COME ON, I'M JOKING!
All the RAFians are here!
Now just sit!
I'll wait for someone to come
To chat, hey, Saffa's got rum!
My mind is completely numb,
Also, can someone stitch my thumb?
All in the name of RAF . . .
All in the name of RAF . . .
gh calmly stepped away from the mic stand at the end of his song. Half of the attendees stared wide-eyed at him as he took his seat, while the other half were looking at each other for some sort of explanation as to what happened. gh considered the song to be a success.
*Source song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL9Aohgd79I