Animorphs: The Survivor

[musicman88]

It's the story you all voted for, and I hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 1

My name is Jessie; at least that’s what everyone calls me.  My full name is Jessica, but I like Jessie better.  It’s shorter and easier to say.
   
I’m sure you’ve heard of me, but you might not remember exactly who I am.  Don’t worry about it; sometimes even the other Animorphs forget I’m there as well.  I’m pretty shy and quiet most of the time so I can’t really blame them I guess.
   
I was one of the last of the “Auxiliary” Animorphs to get the morphing power, and that was only really because James came up to me and asked me personally.  I sort of had a little crush on him (who wouldn’t, right?) so I said yes to his offer to join without really thinking about it. 

I knew that he’d never feel the same way about me though.  I wasn’t the prettiest girl in the hospital or anywhere else for that matter by far.  I guess you could’ve called me chubby but I always thought of myself as fat.  I’m about 5’8’’ and weigh around 170 lbs.  I have a decently thick set of glasses that made me look really nerdy and to top it all off I had started to get some acne all popping up over my face.  Like I said, not the prettiest girl by far.
   
As for my life up until this point I can say that I never really knew my parents.  They abandoned me for whatever reason when I was only a baby.  I went through a whole slew of orphanages and foster homes for the next thirteen years or so; some of them being better than others.  I was never really abused or anything like that, but I was really glad when I left a few of the places.  And I only got to stay at the good homes for a few months or so before something made me move out.  But nevertheless I tried to keep a positive attitude most of the time.

Then one day I began to feel a sharp pain in my stomach area.  I had no idea my life was about to change.
   
The foster family I was staying with at the time was pretty poor, so they couldn’t afford to send me to a doctor.  I continued to bear the pain until it eventually got so bad that I couldn’t even walk anymore.  I felt bad about making them do it, but they eventually sent me to a doctor shortly before they dumped me back out into the public childcare system.  The state of California paid for most of my tests in the hospital, but even the state could only afford the minimal testing required.  Even so, it didn’t take much to find out what was wrong with me.
   
I had cancer.  And it was terminal.
   
The doctors believed that it had started somewhere in my pancreas and had spread from there.  By the time the pain started and I went to the hospital it had already spread to most of my internal organs.  There was nothing they could do to save me short of a total organ transplant.  People wait on lists for organs for decades sometimes, so there was no real hope that I would survive that much longer.
   
So I went back into the public childcare system and basically just waited to die.  I had gotten some medicine from the hospital to relive the pain a bit, but other than that there was nothing else they could do.  I thought I was destined to die a slow and painful death until I heard about a program from one of the counselors at the shelter I was currently staying at.
   
They told me that there was a chance, albeit a small chance, to apply for and receive aid from the state’s newest program for permanently injured and terminally ill children.  I sent in the application not really thinking that I’d get anything from it, but to my complete surprise I was accepted as one of the twenty kids in the state to receive full aid.  I was beyond thrilled and I thought that I might finally be able to be cured, but being so young I didn’t realize how bad a shape I was in.  Once I heard the detail of what the plan was going to do I began to face facts and accept reality.
The aid wasn’t going to help cure me, but it was going to help send me to a specialized children’s hospital where I could receive some decent treatment for my cancer.  Even though I realized that I wasn’t going to be cured getting sent to a good hospital sounded great too.  So the next day I was immediately transferred to the Santa Barbara’s Children’s Hospital and began to settle in with my new roommates and friends.
   
I kept quiet most of the time because that’s what I always did, but even so I made a few friends and most of the others seemed really nice. The treatment I was getting here was far better than just the painkiller pills I got before too.  You would’ve never noticed that I was sick unless I told you that something was wrong with me.  All that along with the fact that I had a loving and caring “family” around me now made me realize that I was one of the luckiest girls on the face of the planet. 
I had never stayed in one place for more than a few months so I never really had time to get to know everyone around me.  But being in the same place for a few years now has allowed me to get attached to everyone here.  A few come and go every now and then, but for the most part we’re one big happy family.
   
And right now we were waiting for a piece of our family to return.  We had been in the middle of our own funeral ceremony for Ray when Tobias dropped in.  He told everyone that Jake needed to see James and his lieutenants as soon as possible.  We finished our ceremony quickly, much to our dismay, and then James, Collette, Craig, and Erica morphed into their respective bird morphs and took off.
   
That was more than a few hours ago and by now we were all starting to get worried.  Most visits usually only took an hour or two since the Hork-Bajir valley wasn’t that far away really, but this visit was approaching the five hour mark.  By now the sun had gone down and it was almost pitch black outside. 
   
Everyone started to get worried after about three hours or so went by and after the fourth hour we all started to gather next to the window to wait for them.  Julio was the only one lucky enough to have an owl morph so he volunteered to go out and perch on the roof to tell us if he saw them coming.  For close to an hour he’d been sitting out in the cold night air with nothing to report, but eventually he surprised everyone by yelling, <I see them!  They’re coming!>
   
Someone quickly rushed over to the window to open it as Julio quickly flew back in to demorph.  Just about the time he finished a flock of red-tailed hawks flew in one by one through the window and settled gently on the floor where they began to demorph.

[musicman88]

Chapter 2

James was the first one to demorph and everybody wasted no time in asking him questions.  He just held up his hands and waited until the others demorphed and we were quiet before he started to speak.    

“I know you must be wondering what took us so long,” he began, “but Jake had lots of people he needed to talk to.  You see, Jake believes that he’s come up with his final plan; a plan that would finally destroy the Yeerks once and for all.”    

A small mumbling from the group was enough to get James to stop and wait until everyone was quiet again.    

“If this plan works,” he continued, “the Yeerk occupation of Earth will be over and the human race will finally be free.  That being said, it won’t be an easy thing to accomplish.  The Animorphs have been trying to do just that for more than three years and only now in completely desperate times do they think that they could pull it off.”    

“What do we do?” shouted someone in the back of the group.    

James just gave a sigh before he continued.  “Jake’s plan isn’t anything simple.  To take down an entire army when you only have a handful of people to do it is never simple.  His plan requires a lot of things to go right while any one of them could go horribly wrong.  He didn’t tell me all the details, but from what he told me I could see that he needed everyone to do their part and to do it well.  If even one of us fails then the whole mission could be jeopardized.  And if that happens, with the places everyone’s supposed to be in, there’s a good chance that no one will survive and the Yeerks will win.”    

“Get to it already!” someone else shouted, “what are we supposed to do?”  After waiting for almost five hours for them to get back we were all more than a bit antsy.  But James just gave another sigh, looked back at his lieutenants for support, and then began again.    

“We have a job to do that’s just as important as any other job out there.  If we don’t get our job done properly then the rest of the Animorphs will be as good as dead.”    

He gave a small pause and I swear I thought that someone was going to yell something else.  But everyone stayed quiet as James continued.  “We’re going to be the distraction.”    

Instantly there were moans and groans from all of us, including me.    

“A distraction?” someone yelled,

“That’s it?”    

“We could do better than that!”
   
“We’ve proved ourselves battle worthy!”
   
“Let us take on Visser One!”
   
But James wasn’t fazed at all.  He kept the same almost blank look on his face that he had ever since he demorphed.  He waited until everyone had shouted what they wanted to shout before he began to speak again.  “I haven’t even told you the best part yet,” he said sarcastically and almost emotionlessly, "just wait until you hear the details."      

Everyone instantly got quiet as James began again. "We're going to team up with General Doubleday and lead a false attack again the Yeerk pool ship.   We're supposed to meet him early tomorrow morning so we can go over our plan and how to react in a whole bunch of situations.  Then, General Doubleday will gather up all his men and we'll begin to form our formation, to be discussed when we get there.  Once we're in formation we'll essentially begin to "march" toward the Yeerk pool ship in our battle morphs with the army all around us.  The hope is that they Yeerks will see us as enough of a threat so that they take the pool ship back up into orbit to protect it from us. That's our main objective; to get the pool ship to go back into orbit."    

There was a dead silence in the room once James finished telling everyone the plan.  I knew what I thought of it, and I was pretty sure that everyone else thought the same, but no one said anything for a long time.    But finally someone was brave enough to speak up.  And no one was surprised that it was Liam. 

"That's the stupidest idea ever!" he said loudly.  "How the hell does Jake think that this is going to work?  The Yeerks are going to see us and send a single ship to fry us all.  You've all seen what one of those things can do to a building let alone a group of people!  A few shots and we'll all be dead.  And as for getting the pool ship to leave you can forget about it.  There's no way they'll feel threatened by us walking out in the open like that.  They'll just think that we're target practice.  This is suicide!  We'll be walking on a death march!"    

Leave it to Liam to be loud, blunt, and right.  He summed everything up perfectly and afterwards he opened up a torrent of other responses from just about everyone other than James and his lieutenants.  I even threw in an "Is Jake crazy?" as well.  But James stood unfazed and just waited for the shouts and arguing to calm down.  He had probably expected our response and I'd be shocked if he didn't feel the same way when he first heard Jake's plan for us.  But after the shouting died down a bit it was obvious that he still had more to say.    

"I know what it sounds like," James continued in his leaderly voice that I loved so much, "and I want all of you to know that I feel the same way about it as you do.  You were probably wondering what was taking us so long, huh?  Well, part of it was because Jake was busy talking to other people, but it took more time for me to understand his decision than anything else.  If we get attacked from the ground then we'll have tanks and rockets and all that other stuff to protect us, but I know as well as all of you do that they're most likely going to attack from the sky.  And the truth is that there's nothing we can do to stop them."    

"But we all knew this would be dangerous when we signed up," he continued after a short break.  "Jake told us what we might be in for and we all accepted it when we got the power to morph, like it or not.  And you can see for yourself right outside the window what the war has turned into over the last few weeks.  You've seen just how useless our normal weapons are against the Yeerk fighters.  You've seen just how hopeless most of the people are and you can also see why they’ve lost all their hope.  But now we just might have a way to end it; all of it.  If Jake's plan works then it'll all be over.  The Yeerks will be defeated and all the humans they've enslaved will go free.  Isn't that worth taking the risk?  Isn't that worth dying for?"    

I had to admit that James certainly had a point; he always seemed to.  We’d been only fighting in this war for a few weeks, but Jake and all the original Animorphs had been fighting it for years.  I could only imagine what it felt like to them to finally see an end in sight because it even felt really good to me.  But, there was still the whole issue of our dangerous diversion to be considered…
   
There was a whole bunch of mumbling after James finished his speech.  Some of it was good, and some of it was bad, but it was clear that James was getting us all closer to joining him.  But there was still one thing on my mind and on everybody’s mind really.  And leave it to Liam to bring it up.
   
“Isn’t there any other way we could create a diversion?” he said quietly.  Well, quietly for Liam anyway.
   
“That was my first thought too,” James replied, “but neither Jake nor I could think of anything better.  To stop them from attacking us from the sky we’d need to be really close to something of importance to them; like say their pool ship.  But getting close to something like that would be more dangerous than just simulating an attack on it.  You can see the death zone they’ve created around it out the window, so nothing on the ground or in the air will make it close enough.  The only other option left would be underground.  And after what happened to the Yeerk pool involving the subway before all the subway tracks would be heavily guarded.  We could always make our own tunnel but that’d take forever and we wouldn’t have the machinery or morphs to do it.”

There was an eerie silence that fell over the room after James said that.  I think that everyone finally realized that we needed to do this but no one really wanted to.  Almost as if James could read our minds he continued on.
   
“I know what the plan sounds like and I’m fully aware of all the risks.  That’s why I’m not going to force any one of you to come along.”
   
Everybody’s head went from trying to avoid eye contact with James to instantly staring at him after that comment.
   
“It’s a very dangerous mission and if you don’t want to go for whatever reason then you don’t have to.  But think about this for a second.  We’re supposed to be the diversion.  The idea is that Visser One is supposed to see all of the Animorphs marching towards the pool ship and think that all of us are trying to mount one last desperate attempt to win the war.  He’s not supposed to suspect that the original Animorphs are actually on the pool ship when it takes off and not marching with us.  Now, I don’t think he ever got a correct head count the last time we all met up, but if us four are the only ones there he’s going to get suspicious.  And if he doesn’t take the pool ship back into orbit then we failed our mission and almost everyone is sure to die.  If enough of you don’t volunteer to come then the entire mission might be doomed from the start.”
   
He took a break to look around at all of us who were back to staring at the floor.  Then, he asked the most important question I’ve ever heard.  “So, who’s coming with us?”
   
There was silence.  Other than a few machines beeping and the people next to me breathing there was no sound.  I knew what I needed to do, but I also knew what I wanted to do.  It was a tough choice to make and I definitely wasn’t going to be the first one to speak up.
   
We all stood there in silence for what seemed like an eternity.  Everyone knew they had to go along but no one was willing to say anything.  When I looked over to James I could see that his emotionless face had turned into something else.  I’m not sure we have an emotion to describe it, but it was a mix of fear, anger, and most of all disappointment.  He looked as if he was about to walk away with his lieutenants and go sit in some isolated corner or something.  But just as he was about to turn away we all heard a shuffling noise behind us.  We all turned to look and were shocked by what we saw.  It was Pedro.
   
I’d never seen him move at all in all the years he’s been here, but to mine and everyone else’s surprise he had managed to lift his arm up, albeit only a foot or so.  But it was more than enough.
   
I turned back to James to see a great big smile on his face.  “Thanks Pedro.” was all he said and was all he really needed to say.  “Anyone else?”
   
There was a short silence before words finally broke through.  “I…I…I..I……I’m…I’m in!” Timmy said with a whole lot of effort put in.  And then the floodgates opened up.
   
One by one just about everybody raised their hands up and told James that they were in.  His smile turned into an “I knew it” grin as just about everyone said that they were in.  I say just about everyone because by the end Judy and I still hadn’t raised our hands. 
   
I know that I really wanted to, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  It wasn’t because I was THAT incredibly shy or anything, it was just the fact that, well, our mission still sounded like a suicide mission to me.  Like Pickett’s charge at the battle of Gettysburg.  We had a small chance of succeeding and a very large chance of dying. 

I shouldn’t have been all that scared about dying really since I had been dealing with it for the past few years.  The doctors that originally tested me and gave me my prognosis said that I only had a few months to live, but here I stood a few years later.  But now I was starting to feel a few of my symptoms start to kick back in even with all the medicine I was taking.  I knew that death wasn’t all that far away from me, but it was harder to face it now than I thought it would be.  Thinking about having to face it was one thing, but actually having to face it was completely different.
   
But I was thinking too negatively.  What if Jake’s plan worked flawlessly and he was able to protect us from any Yeerk fighters firing on us?  Death wasn’t guaranteed.  We could all easily survive this without even having to raise a finger in combat.  We just had to march and get the pool ship to go back into orbit.  This could turn out to be one of the most boring things we’d ever done.
   
I wanted to raise my hand and I was just about to before James said, “Alright, that’s what I was hoping to hear.  For those of you who haven’t decided on what to do yet you’ll have until tomorrow morning to do so.  But right now we need to give everyone their medicine and get to sleep.  We’re going to have a long day tomorrow.”
   
And with that the group started to break up and go their separate ways leaving me standing still in my original spot.  But I quickly gathered myself up and went to get the medicine I needed to get.  I had gotten what I really wanted; more time to decide.  And I was going to use it as best I could.

[musicman88]

Chapter 3

Ever since the nurses left we’ve had to get our own medication.  The last one to leave left us a big sheet of paper with everybody’s name, all their medication, where to find it, and what it looked like in hopes that we’d be able to administer it to ourselves.  But we had one rule about medication that we set up almost instantly; no one was supposed to get their own. 

You may think that’s a silly rule, but it’s not.  A lot of the medication we have to take, mostly the painkillers, can be addictive.  And the last thing we need is for someone to start taking more and more of them.  If someone was high on something when we went into battle they would be as good as dead.  We all knew that, but sometimes things can happen. A lot of us have seen what drugs can do to someone first hand.

I had just arrived at the hospital when I met Billy.  He had become addicted to his medicine and the nurses had just found out about it after he tried to steal some from right under their noses.  In a desperate attempt to break his addiction they switched him to a different and weaker pain killer.  It was a bad idea.  While going through withdrawal he began to get crazy.  He would tear up whatever he could get his hands on be it a magazine, his bed, or other people he came across.  He began talking to himself while sitting alone in the corner and before long he was moved to another part of the hospital.  He never came back.  And that had always been my reminder to not overdose on any of my own drugs. 

But anyway, I had to get the medicine for my roommate, Tricia.  She has Marfan syndrome and she required a lot of different medicine, so it took me a bit to get it all together.  But that gave me some time to think about what I was going to do tomorrow. 

I was still torn after I had gotten all her medicine together, but I did come up with an idea.  I’d ask James.  If anyone could get me to go it’d be him.  I really wanted to go with the rest of them, but I just couldn’t convince myself to do it.  So after Trisha and I exchanged our medicine and I finished taking mine I got up the courage to walk over to James.

He was just finishing giving Pedro his medicine when I shyly walked over and asked, “Um, James, could I talk to you about something?”

He sounded really surprised when he said, “Um, yeah!  Sure.  Just give me a second to finish up here.”

Once he finished cleaning up after giving Pedro his medicine James turned around and said, “So, what’s up?”

“Um, could we talk somewhere a bit more private?” I said meekly.  I didn’t really want to bring more people into this than I had to, and staying out here was surely going to do that.

“Um, yeah,” he responded sounding a bit nervous, “okay.  Let’s go to the cleaning closet.  Would that be private enough?”

“Yeah, that’ll do,” I said in response.  So he gave me a small smile, turned around, and slowly began to lead me to the cleaning closet.

When we got there he opened up the door and let me go in first.  He kept the door open long enough for me to find the light switch before he closed it and took a seat on an overturned bucket.  I sat down on the edge of some boxes as he said, “This is about our mission tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “I guess you noticed that I didn’t raise my hand.”

He nodded his head while saying, “Yeah, I noticed.  But it’s okay if you don’t want to go.  I don’t want to force you to do something you don’t want to.”

There was a moment of silence between us before I said, “But I do want to go.  It’s just that I can’t convince myself to do it.  I know that I should go and everyone else is going too.  I saw that Judy came up to you already and probably said that she was coming along too, so I don’t want to be the only one left here.  I feel like we’re sort of one big family and that we’ve all got to face this together.  But I still can’t shake the fact that our mission sounds incredibly stupid and dangerous.  I’m not sure what everyone else thinks, but I’m almost certain that they’ll send a single Yeerk fighter in to vaporize us all without ever even thinking about moving the pool ship.  I just don’t know how to get over that part.”

James just looked at me for a second and thought.  I knew it wasn’t an easy question, but I wasn’t quite expecting his response.  “Jessie,” he began, “there really is no way of getting over that part.  The only thing you can do is try not to think about it.”
“I can’t just not think about it,” I almost yelled back, “It’s there!  It’s reality!  How am I not supposed to think about it!” 
I had said that with way more emotion than I intended to.  But being put under the pressure and stress I was under now had a way of making your emotions come out more than usual.

“I’m sorry,” I said to James in a quieter tone, “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”

He just nodded his head and went back to staring at the floor while trying to think.  But he quickly raised his head and said, “You know, this reminds me of the situation Jake and I were in when he first told me the news.  I discussed it with Collette, Craig, and Erica for a bit before I finally had to take some time for myself to think about it.  I made my way out to a small clearing in the woods and sat down on a fallen log.  I’m not sure how long it was, but eventually I heard someone walk into my clearing and sit down next to me on the same log.  It was Jake.”

“He and I talked for a bit,” James continued, “you know, just about whatever was on our minds, and my argument was very similar to yours.  I knew that I should do what Jake was asking because he needed us in his plan, but I couldn’t overcome the fact that, to be blunt, it wasn’t very good.  But in the course of talking to Jake he promised me one thing; that he’d do everything in his power to stop the Yeerks from firing on us.  I didn’t know how he was going to do it, but I believed him.  He’s been leading a small group of people that have been fighting the Yeerks for years now, so I think that he’d know a thing or two about getting them off someone’s tail.  And, along with that, he’s only ever lost one person under his command during the entire war and that was just recently.  In fact, you could probably argue that Ray wasn’t even really under his command.  Jake isn’t the kind of person who would send someone off on a suicide mission if he knew there was no hope of them surviving.  And that was enough to convince not only myself to go, but to ask everyone else if they were willing to go as well.  I know his plan sounds bad, and in all actuality it might turn out that way, but I think that Jake has something planned to help us not get shot at.  He’s come up with hundreds of plans before, so why wouldn’t he come up with something to help us now?”

There was a silence in the room when he finished.  He was right.  Jake wasn’t the type of person to send someone on a true suicide mission.  Even with the short time I’ve known him, our training and a through battle or two, he seemed to know what to do and how to do it every time something came up.  And not only that, he almost always thought of a better way of doing it than I did.  Jake was an incredibly smart person and he knew how to handle his troops.  He wouldn’t tell us to go do something if he wasn’t 100% sure he knew how to get us out if it, no matter how desperate things have become.

“You’re right,” I said after thinking it over for a bit, “Jake wouldn’t do that.”

I took another pause before saying, “Okay then, I guess I’m in too.”

His expression changed to a sort of worried look before he said, “Are you sure?  If you really don’t want to do this then you don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I said in response.  “If you trust in Jake then there’s no reason I shouldn’t trust in him too.”

“Alright,” he said in a saddened tone, “If that’s what you want.”

I was about to get up and get out of the closet, but James’ tone made me stop for a second.  “Is something wrong James?” I asked curiously.  “It almost sounds like you don’t want me to go.”

He gave a sigh before he said, “No, that’s not it.  If you want to go then you should be able to go.  It’s just that…”

“What?” I asked before he really had a chance to finish.

“It’s just that…” he began again, “well, um…  It’s just that I… um…  MAN, this is harder than I thought it would be.  It’s just that I don’t really want you to get hurt because I… um… kind of… well, I kind of like you.  I mean, not just like you, but I really like you.”
I wasn’t sure what to think at that moment.  Was he being serious?  Did he really like me; as in love me?  Was that what he was trying to say?

“Are you trying to say that, you, you like me?” I said back, not realizing how stupid I really sounded.  “As in, really like me?”

He just nodded his head slowly as he softly said, “Yeah, that’s what I was trying to say.”

I was quite literally in shock.  James likes me?  How?  Why? I know that I’ve had a crush on him for quite a while, but I never expected anything like that from him.  He had so many other girls to choose from, why would he pick me out of all of them?

“If you don’t feel the same way about me then that’s fine,” he said snapping me out of my little daydream, “but I just wanted, no, I needed to tell you that before we left.  Because, I mean, I don’t want to think about it, but what if one of us or maybe even both of us don’t come back?  I… I don’t know.  I’m sorry I brought it up.”

He almost got up to leave, but I still had a question of my own.  “Why me?” I asked softly, still a bit in shock.

He sat back down and said, “To tell you the truth, honestly, I don’t know.  It’s just this feeling I have around you.  Whenever I see you I just…  Ugh, I don’t know!  I really don’t!  I just know that I like to be around you.  Whenever I see you I just… Wow, I’m screwing this up more than I thought was possible.  I know that on the outside it seems like we’re two completely different people, but the more I think about it the more I can see that we’re the same.  I mean, I guess I kind of envy your quiet life.  You don’t have to make life-threatening decisions and be the one who leads everybody into danger.  You know, I never really wanted to be the leader.  If I could just sit back and let someone else do it then I would’ve, but the truth is that I’m the only one who would do it.  If I didn’t lead everyone than who would?”

He gave a small pause before he continued.  “I’m sorry; I got way off topic there.  Look, what I want to say is that if you don’t like me back than it’s fine.  I know I just kind of came out of left field with this, but it’s been bugging me for some time now.  I’m sorry.  I guess I’ll just go now.”

As he got up to leave for real this time I said, “Wait!  James, I like you too.”

He turned around and gave me a smile.  “Really?” he asked, “you’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”

“No!” I said back in response, “I really do like you.  I began to like you soon after I moved in.  It’s just that you’re strong, powerful, and willing to stand up for people when they need to be stood up for.  After you stopped Andy from saying that I was only going to be a bed warmer for the next person to come in after me I, I, I began to really look up to you.  And after a while I just grew to like you.  It doesn’t matter to me if you want to be like that or not, it just matters that you can be.  But I never thought that you’d like me back.  I mean, there are so many other better girls to pick than me.  For the longest time I thought you were interested in Collette.”

He gave a small laugh at that remark and said, “Collette?  She’s a nice girl and all, but she can be a bit crazy at times.  My life’s already crazy enough; I don’t need anymore craziness in it.”

I just smiled at him and he smiled back.  But eventually he said, “Come on, I bet the others are wondering what we’re doing in here.” 

He opened the door for me and I began to walk out, but I had a spur of the moment idea.  Before I could convince myself that it wasn’t all that great of an idea, I acted.  While I was walking out of the room and passing James, who was holding the door open for me, I quickly gave him a kiss.  I pulled away to see a shocked expression on his now completely red face and I could guess that mine almost looked the same way.  Without even saying anything to each other we both quickly turned and started to walk back to join the others.

[Nateosaurus]

Awesomeness! I admit, I dont usually read ani fanfics, but this one is really cool.

[musicman88]

Chapter 4

It wasn’t long before James told everyone that it was time to go to sleep.  But the real moaning and groaning started when he told us what time we’d be waking up at.  Ever since we became part of the Animorphs we’ve gotten use to strange sleeping schedules and running on less sleep, but it didn’t mean that we had to like it.

So, along with everyone else, I got dressed into my PJ’s and quickly crawled into bed.  I tried to go to sleep, I really did, but I knew that after an hour or so of laying there and staring at the ceiling it just wasn’t going to happen.  I had too much on my mind.

Even though James had convinced me to go along with Jake’s plan, I still couldn’t get what might end up happening to us out of my head.  I played back scenario after scenario, some a lot worse than others, until I thought that there were no more, but then I always came up with something new.

And that was only part of it.  If I wasn’t thinking about tomorrow then I was thinking about James.  He had just told me that he loved me, so how was I not supposed to think about him?  My thoughts about James ranged everywhere from us holding each other after we saw the Yeerk Pool Ship go back into orbit to what our kids might look like, and even some other stuff that I don’t want to mention…

Anyway, when I heard the loud alarm go off next to my bed both Tricia and I groggily reached over to smack it at almost the same time.

“Sleep well?” Tricia asked me with a huge yawn.

“Not really,” I said back with a yawn of my own.  “You?”

“Same,” she said as she threw off her blanket and began to get up.

It looked like everybody including James felt the same way as we all assembled for our morning meeting.  But he was somehow able to hide it better than the others.

The meeting was brief since we would be getting most of our information when we got to the army base.  We basically just when over what flying formation we were supposed to be in before James gave the order for everyone to begin to morph.

Everyone had acquired Tobias as their first morph just so that they could have some wings, but a problem popped up with that really quickly.  You see, hawks don’t exactly travel in flocks.  It might work if we only had five or six people like the original Animorphs had, but there’s no way we were going to be able to fly anywhere with all the people we had.  We’d have to be spaced out farther than thought-speak could go to stay relatively anonymous.  And even then, when someone saw a bunch of hawks go by in a short time span they’d think that something was wrong.  And if they were a controller they might know what was going on.  And it didn’t help that the Yeerks were trigger happy when it came to red-tailed hawks, all thanks to Tobias of course.

So, to fix that problem Tobias brought us all a pidgin he’d caught to acquire.  That way no one would be suspicious when they saw a flock of pidgins fly overhead.  There was just one problem; I wasn’t there when Tobias brought the pidgin.  I was in a completely different part of the hospital getting some treatment for the entire day.  So, needless to say, I didn’t have a pidgin morph.  Tobias said that he’d bring another one back for me to acquire another day, but he never got around to it.  But it didn’t turn out to be that big of a problem really.  James usually morphed a hawk so he could keep watch on everyone and on the surroundings as well, so when all of us were out flying it looked like a pair of hawks was chasing an unsuspecting flock of pidgins, something that normal hawk couples actually do.  No one but a very experienced Ornithologist or Falconer would’ve noticed that we were two male hawks, and even then it would’ve been a miracle if they did. 

So once all of us were finished morphing James lead the way out through the window with a flock of pidgins following him and me taking up the rear.  And so off we began our flight towards the army base just as the sun was starting to rise in the sky.  We were all hoping for the best, but we were expecting the worst.

[musicman88]

Chapter 5

It didn’t take us long to get to the meeting place since it really wasn’t all that far away.  Our hospital was on the edge of town (which is why it was spared by the Yeerks) and the place where we were supposed to meet up with General Doubleday was only a few miles out of town and hidden, at least from on the ground, by a small mountain. 

We didn’t want to meet at the army base for a few reasons.  For one thing it was a bit farther away and some of us wouldn’t exactly have an easy time walking that far in morph (Collette and her crocodile come to mind).  Another reason was so that General Doubleday could get more tanks and trucks and whatnot. 

He only had so much room at the army base (which really wasn’t all that big to begin with) so if he shipped out some vehicles he’d have room to take in some more.  The invasion was beginning to branch out, but the Yeerks were taking their time infesting all the people they had already captured.  They were in no rush to conquer the rest of the planet since they didn’t have any reason to think that we could resist them given more time.  Everybody had seen what the best military in the world could do against the Yeerks, almost nothing.  That meant that our army, however weak they seemed to be against the Yeerks, was still sort of functioning and was still sending in troops and equipment to the “epicenter” of the invasion.  And we needed every tank, truck, and soldier we could get.

So after flying for a few minutes James and I saw our meeting place.  I’m not sure what I was expecting exactly, but it just looked like a lot of military equipment parked next to a few small tents with one bigger one in the middle.  There was nothing all that suspicious about it since there were dozens of these things scattered all around the city, but I guess I was expecting something more from ours.

Anyway, as we began to reach the tent James told us all to continue circling above as he dove into the tent to tell everyone inside to get ready for the flock of birds shooting in through the door.  Just landing next to it and demorphing like that wasn’t going to be a safe plan for a number of reasons.  First off, some of us that weren’t healed by the morphing power still had some trouble getting around, so it would be best to morph right where they intended to stay.  But that wasn’t really the main reason.  The main reason was to hide our identity. 

It wasn’t that we wanted to protect who we really were so much as it was to protect who we weren’t.  We weren’t sure if the Yeerks were watching us now or not, but we had to play it safe.  We needed them to think that ALL the animorphs were marching in the group so they wouldn’t get suspicious.  If they saw us all demorph but didn’t see one of the original Animorphs with us, whose names and faces were well known by every single Yeerk by now, then they’d know that something was up.  As for our own identities, well, this was going to be it for us.  Either we succeed and save the human race, or we all go down in a blaze of glory.  Either way, it wouldn’t matter if the Yeerks knew who we were.

So, after circling for a little bit we heard the all clear from James.  I watched as the flock of pidgins slowly swooped down and began to fly into the tent.  And I wasn’t that far behind.

We all sort of landed in the same place, kind of.  Well, at least everyone knew we were coming in I guess…

Anyway, those of us who didn’t have any problems getting around, including me, began to demorph as soon as we touched down.  The others just stayed morphed as pidgins for the time being.  Once we had fully demorphed we picked up whoever was still a pidgin and let them ride on our shoulders as James lead us to where we were supposed to go. 

The room wasn’t all that big, but it had more than enough chairs for us to sit in.  We all grabbed a seat as the people who were still pidgins grabbed one as well and started to demorph.  James had ended up sitting next to Pedro to keep him upright, but I was able to get the seat right behind him.  Between staring at the back of his head and looking around the room I didn’t even notice our briefer come in.  He looked young.  Very young.  It was almost as if he could be one of us.  But I guess the military needed every person they could get right now.  Anyway, he quickly began to talk as a projector threw up images on the screen behind him.

He started with our battle formation.  It was going to be a quartz-like hexagon with James at the front tip and General Doubleday on the rear tip.  The outside layer would be totally made up of tanks, hummers, and all sorts of other heavy machinery.  Then the next layer in would be a layer of heavily armed soldiers along with the biggest morphs we had.  Then there’d be another layer of supply trucks with ammo and such in the next ring while the center harbored us with smaller morphs and some lighter and more nimble infantry.

After discussing that, he began to go into the courses of action for different ground-bases attacks.  I’m not sure why the military spent so much time on ground-based attacks really.  They must have known just as well as we did that the Yeerks would almost certainly attack us from the air, but I guess that the military was just good at predicting ground-based attacks.  I tried to stay awake and focused during all the different scenarios, but it was just downright impossible.  After the fortieth attack plan I began to zone out a bit.  I wasn’t sure if I ever fell asleep or not, but when I caught myself and came back to attention I could see that most of the others weren’t paying attention either.  A few were just zoning out while a few (including even Craig) were downright sleeping.  But after hearing that the ground maneuvers were taken care of almost everyone awoke to hear the next topic, aerial attacks.

We were a bit disappointed when we heard our options though.  There were basically two different things we could do.  One was to scatter and one was to hide under the tanks and trucks.  And that was basically it.  Our two leaders would determine what was best for us to do based on the situation and then we’d do it.  And other than giving us our hiding positions in the case of the “hide under stuff” option that was all he had to say about that.

Just as he was finishing up we heard a slight rumbling outside.  “Ah, good,” our briefer said, “that must be General Doubleday.  Right on time.”  And after a few minutes went by General Doubleday finally marched into the room and up to the podium.  We were all a bit confused about what he was doing there, but he began to talk real quickly.

His first order of business was to tell us that James was our primary leader and he would only take over if James was unable to lead us for whatever reason.  We were free to do whatever we wanted as long as we didn’t put the rest of the army in any severe danger.  And after that he began to give us our speech.

It was a lot like the one James had given us this morning.  The whole “I know you don’t want to do this, but we have to” thing was very present as well as the “this is dangerous” and “we might not be coming back” things.  He laid a bit heavy on the “might not be coming back” part, but either way we gave him some applause when he finished.  He told us to meet him outside when we were ready so that he could start to put everyone in formation before he marched back out the door. 

James looked around at his sleepy army once everyone left and said, “So, you guys know what to do?”  The only responses he got back were a few blank stares and a yawn or two.  “Yeah, me neither,” he continued, “but are you ready to kick some Yeerk butt?!”  There was enough of a response to that to satisfy James so he continued on.  “Alright, let’s go then.  Help anyone who needs help making it outside.”  He took a small pause before continuing.  “This is it.  This is what we entered this war for.  In a few hours it could all be over.  So let’s get out there and do it!”

We weren’t exactly as enthusiastic about it as we should’ve been, but I could definitely begin to feel the adrenaline flowing when we all stepped outside to see the large array of military vehicles ready to roll at a moments notice.  It was then that it really hit me.  This was really it.  We were going to either come home free or we’d all end up dead, and I sure hoped it was the first one.

We all didn't just rush outside of course.  That would've gone against everything we were trying to protect by flying into the tent in the first place.  And by now, with an entire army on the march, we were pretty sure that the Yeerks were watching us.  We all began our morphs inside the tent.  The ones who had the biggest morphs had to get out of the tent before they were finished or else they wouldn't fit, but most of us were able to finish our smaller morphs so we didn't have to stumble our way outside.

We hadn't had time to get any specific morphs so Pedro quickly brought up a slight problem.  The Yeerks had come to know a few morphs very well, namely a wolf, gorilla, tiger, bear, and a hawk along with an Andalite.  The problem was that we didn't have any of those morphs.  And we needed them if we were going to fool the Yeerks into thinking we were all here.  But James said that Jake had already thought of that but said there was no time to acquire the same morphs.  Even though we didn't have the original Animorph's normal morphs the Yeerks might still think that they were here, just with different morphs.  It was sort of a long shot, but it was the best we could do with such short notice.

So anyway, once we all morphed we started to get into our positions.  Since I had a small morph I was near the inside.  My morph was a lynx, a Canadian Lynx to be exact, and I loved it more than anything.  It was big enough, fast, agile, powerful, and had enough endurance to do almost anything.  But I loved morphing into my lynx most because of its senses.  Its hearing was excellent, its eyesight was pretty good, its sense of smell was excellent, and its footing was almost always perfect.

I was one of the first to get into position, so I had to wait awhile for everyone else to get into theirs.  That gave me some time to run around and through a few of the trucks and tanks pretending like it was a gigantic obstacle course.  I guess it was just to relieve some tension I had, but it was just fun being a lynx.  And anytime I had some free time as a lynx I always began to play around like the big kitty I was.  I was having so much fun that I didn't even notice everyone else had gotten into place.  It took James' voice to get me back to reality.

<You ready to go Jessie?> I heard him say to me in thought-speak.  I instantly stopped what I was doing and took a look at everyone else only to see them staring at me.    

<Yeah, I'm ready,> I said back.  <Sorry about that.>    

I quickly got back into place before I heard both James and General Doubleday yell, "Move out!"

[musicman88]

Chapter 6

I never knew such an important mission could be so boring.  I mean, we had been walking along at a snail’s pace for at least forty five minutes by now with absolutely nothing going on.  I could’ve been playing around in my lynx morph this whole time, but instead I had to slowly trot along with all the other Animorphs and behind a noisy and smelly truck.  Almost all of the fear and anxiety was gone now and in its place was sheer boredom.  Little did I know that things were about to get very interesting in a few short moments.

We had just reached the edge of the city before it happened.  Without any warning the pool ship began to light up.  It was like someone had just turned the key to start it up.  And then, all of a sudden, it began to rise.

It was a mammoth sight.  I would’ve never imagined that something so big could fly, and so effortlessly at that.  It looked like someone was just slowly lifting it up by a string.  It took up a good portion of the sky when it was in the air as well.  It even blocked out the sun making it seem as if it were almost night time where we were standing.

Everybody, including the harshly disciplined soldiers, stopped to gaze at the massive black ship floating in the air.  But when we all came out of our shock and awe we all let out a loud cheer.  We had done it!  Somehow we had managed to get the blade ship in the air and we hadn’t been fired on and killed!  I felt like a fool for not trusting Jake now.  He had done exactly what he’d said he would.  No one had fired on us and we had already accomplished what he wanted us to accomplish.  We couldn’t help but feeling overjoyed.
But after a short time for celebrating General Doubleday came over his loudspeaker and said, “Attention!  We still have a mission to perform.  Get back into order and continue marching.”

I was a bit confused at what he was getting at, but James quickly clarified it.  <Do what he says guys>, he said to us privately, <we need to make the attack believable or else the entire mission might still be in jeopardy.  Our secondary target is the new Yeerk pool they’re constructing.  Continue on as if it was our original target.>

I heard some mumbles and grumbles, but everyone continued to follow the army while they watched the pool ship slowly rise into the air.  But we didn’t have to wait long before our happy feeling quickly turned back into fear.

The pool ship had ascended to a couple thousand feet or so (it was really hard to tell from the ground) before it appeared to start and make its way over towards us.  All of the Animorphs were really confused, but General Doubleday seemed to know exactly what to do.  He quickly got on the loudspeaker and said, “Deploy SAMs.  Every available soldier pickup a weapon and ammo at a supply truck.”  And then, all hell began to break loose.

From out of nowhere a small squadron of jet fighters quickly flew over our heads and launched some missiles at the Pool Ship.  Of course they hit the Pool Ship’s force field and exploded harmlessly.  And at the same time all the soldiers around me began to scatter and move around like a swarm of bees.  And before I knew it I heard some of them firing large bazookas up toward the pool ship as well.  And those who couldn’t get a hold of any bazookas were firing their automatic rifles up towards the ship.

The whole battlefield had turned extremely loud and confusing.  And to top things off I didn’t know what to do myself.  James hadn’t said anything as of yet.

<What do we do James?> I said out loud, not really sure if it was public or private.

He took his time responding, and when he did it sounded like he really wasn’t sure himself.  <Alright>, he said to all of us, <let’s get out of their way.  We can’t do anything now.  Everybody meet me at the front of the formation.  And be careful not to get in anyone’s way; especially when they’re firing a missile.>

So I did what he asked and started to snake my way through the frantically scrambling soldiers.  But before any of us could make it very far we heard something that made us stop dead in our tracks.

The best way to describe it is that it looked and sounded like a lightning bolt.  A bright flash lit up everything and the sound it made was almost exactly like thunder.  But that alone wasn’t the only thing that made us all freeze, even if for only a split second.  It’s was the blood curdling scream we all heard afterwards.

I knew that scream.  It was Tricia’s.  It didn’t last for very long, but it’s intensity made up for it.

I had no idea what could’ve happened.  She had a rhino morph, so there wasn’t much that could’ve hurt her.  Unless…

It was all starting to come together.  The bright flash.  The loud noise.  Tricia’s scream.  The Yeerks were firing at us!

I wasn’t sure if I was the first person to figure it out or not, but I tried to warn everyone.  Just as I was about to say something though there was another blinding flash and an ear-numbing noise.  It had to be right next to me because I was dazed by it.  My eyes were seeing all sorts of colors and all I could hear was a dull ringing in my ears.

By the time I regained my composure I could hear James shouting orders at everyone.  I didn’t wait for him to tell me what to do though.  As soon as I could I got back up on my feet and began to run as fast as I could to the nearest truck.  I quickly dove under it while another lightning bolt struck not too far away.

There were shouts and screams in my head, but I really wasn’t paying attention to them.  Right now I wanted to get a view of what was going on.  So I crawled underneath the truck until I was near the front.  I couldn’t see much, but I could at least see James.  He was standing on the roof of one of the supply trucks still yelling orders to people.  He looked just like Mufasa from The Lion King standing there, mane blowing in the wind.  But that wasn’t safe.  He’d be shot in no time.

<James>, I yelled out to him as soon as I could, <get some cover.>

<I will just as soon as…> he yelled back.  Those were the last words I ever heard him say.

My eyes took their time coming back after staring straight into that flash, but once I could sort of see again I was horrified.  James was gone.  All traces of him were obliterated.  Vaporized.  And as for the truck he had been standing on, well, now it was just a small puddle of red hot metal.

<JAMES!> I yelled out, <NO!>  But it was too late.  The Yeerks had already gotten him.

I don’t even remember what emotions were running through my head at that moment.  All I can remember was wanting to get away.  To get away from this battle, to get away from the dying screams of my friends, and just to get away from my life and the whole Yeerk invasion.  So, without even thinking, I jumped out of my hiding place and began to run.  I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I was half expecting them to shoot me right when I stepped out from under the truck, but that didn’t happen.  I wasn’t sure if that’s what I was hoping they would do or not, but now that I was out in the open my lynx’s survival instincts took control of my body.  My human mind wasn’t in much of a state to do anything really.

We had made it into town slightly, so now there were some buildings that I could hide between.  I made a beeline for the alleyway and got there easily.  But even though I felt safer in the alley, the lynx still didn’t feel totally safe.  It wanted a thicket.  It wanted a cave.  It wanted something to feel as protected as possible.  And the closest thing to one of those things here was a house.

I began looking for an open window, but everywhere I turned I could only find closed ones.  I was beginning to get desperate.  So when I saw a semi-big window I decided that it was going to be now or never.  I got up as much speed as I could and leaped directly at the window.  But just as I was about to hit the window with my head and shoulders I saw and heard another bright flash.

The next thing I remember was waking up in tremendous pain.  I tried to move, but that only made the pain worse.  It hurt all over my body, but the pain at my head was no where near the pain at my midsection.  I was slowly and painfully able to turn my head to get a look at the rest of my body, and what I saw would be burned into my mind for the rest of my life.

Whatever tail I might have had was just gone.  Completely gone.  My back legs, paws, and pelvis had been completely stripped of everything but the bone and a few strands of connective tissue as they were all bright white.  It wasn’t until midway between my pelvis and the bottom of my ribcage that I had any significant fat or muscle to speak of.  The amount of fat and muscle slowly grew the farther up my body you went until right about where my ribcage ended.  That’s where I could start to see something that resembled some skin.  And I don’t think I had any fur left anywhere on my body including my face and front paws.

In short, I was a mess.  A pain-riddled mess.  But somehow, to this day I still really don’t know how, I was alive.  They Yeerks had missed by just enough to keep most of my vital internal organs functioning.  And on top of that the heat from the blast had closed most of the exposed veins and arteries so my blood loss was minimal.  But even though I was still alive I could feel myself fading fast.  I needed to morph, now.

So that’s what I began to do, and I did it quick.  Slowly but surely the pain started to dull and eventually fade away.  The Yeerks must have thought that they’d hit me good enough to kill me or else they would’ve burned the whole apartment down trying to get at me, but they were wrong.  I had survived, unlike most of the others.

“The others!” I quickly yelled out into the empty apartment I was in.  What about them?  What was going on?  Did any of them make it?  I had to know.

Once I was human enough I quickly ran over the broken shards of glass (with bare feet mind you) and made it to the stairwell.  I ran up the stairs until I was panting for breath (okay, I wasn’t the most in-shape person in the world) and I decided that the seventh floor would give me a good enough view.

I did my best action movie door breakdown to get into an empty apartment and I quickly ran to the window.  I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.

From my vantage point I could see a few scattered animal pieces lying around, but none of my friends that I could see that were still alive.  But then my focus turned to the army themselves.  They had an eerie red light draped over them which I could see was coming straight from the Pool Ship.  And they looked like they were all in pain.

There were men crawling on their hands and knees all throughout the circle trying to make it out, but it was obvious none of them were going to make it.  People were popping out of tanks and jumping out of trucks just so they could try and escape as well.  It only took me a little bit to figure out what was going on.  The Yeerks had turned the same beam they’d used on me and the other Animorphs into a wider, but less powerful beam.  They were slowly cooking the entire army to death!

I couldn’t watch.  The scene was too horrible.  I quickly closed the curtains back up and began to make my way to the other side of the apartment building. 

I found an open door leading into one of the apartments on the other side and I quickly made my way to the window.  I opened it up and began to morph into my hawk.

I wanted to get away.  I didn’t want any part in this war anymore.  I wanted to get away from the bloodshed.  I wanted to get away from the death.  I wanted to get away from all the painful memories that I couldn’t handle right now. Everything that I had known and loved was gone now, and now nothing else mattered to me.  I didn’t want to think about anything that had happened in the past ten minutes or so, and the best place to lose yourself in would be a morph. 

Since I was now on the seventh floor a lynx wouldn’t have been a smart morph, so I decided to go with my only other morph; my hawk.  And plus, the Yeerks would be on the lookout for an escaping lynx.  Not that it would’ve bothered me then if they killed me anyway though.  At that point in time it might have been what I truly wanted.  But either the fear of dying or common sense decided to kick in and save me. 

Once I was fully a hawk I spread my wings out and began to fly away from everything that I didn’t want to realize was true.

[musicman88]

Chapter 7

I flew.  That was all I really cared about now.  I had long since lost myself in my hawk brain and I just flew.  But I knew I couldn’t go on like that forever.  Eventually some of my human thoughts began to slowly make their way back into my consciousness.  And once the first few started to break in the rest came like a tidal wave.

Gone.  Everything was gone.  Anyone and everything I had ever really cared for was gone.  What was I going to do?  Where was I going to live?  I couldn’t go back to the orphanages, I just couldn’t.  Would one of the original Animorphs take me in? Were they still alive?  Did they defeat the Yeerks?  Did they succeed in their mission?  Was the world safe?

I didn’t know.  I didn’t know the answer to any of my questions and it was beginning to frustrate me.  I wanted to know.  I needed to know.  I needed something stable in my life right now so I could hold on to it, but there was nothing there.  It was just empty space. It was like I was continually falling deeper and deeper into a hole with nothing in sight to grab on to.

Eventually though I had enough.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  All of my emotions finally caught up with me and now they were begging to be released.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted nothing more than to lie down in the middle of nowhere and cry until I passed out from exhaustion.

So I swooped down to the ground and made an awkward landing in a small clearing.  And then I began to morph.  Well, I tried to morph anyway.

At first I just thought that I just couldn’t focus enough to morph because of everything else floating around in my head.  But as I tried over and over again I began to realize that there must be something wrong.  My head was killing me because I was concentrating so much, but I still couldn’t seem to morph.  It was only when I looked up at the sun that I realized what had happened.

The sun was on its way down.  Now normally that wouldn’t have meant very much, but I remember seeing a clock while I was morphing into my battle morph and it read 11:30ish.  The absolute longest I could’ve been in my lynx morph was two hours, so that would’ve been at around 1:30 that I morphed into a hawk.  And now, it had to be around 8:00.  I hadn’t just broken the two hour limit, I had smashed it.  Now I was a nothlit.

Surprisingly, the thing that bothered me the most was the fact that now I couldn’t cry.  You see, becoming a nothlit had been on my agenda ever since I found out that morphing wouldn’t cure my cancer.  And just in the last week my cancer had begun to spread and grow even more.  It was obvious that I didn’t have much time left, so I began to consider my options.  I’m not sure what I would’ve done after James told me he loved me, but beforehand I was dead-set on becoming a nothlit.  But the only problem was that I wasn’t expecting to be a hawk; I wanted to be a lynx.

I knew it’d be tough and I knew it’d require a lot of work on my part, but it was the only option that I really liked.  I had been doing my research and all that, and I began to look forward to the idea.  I loved being a lynx, so I couldn’t wait to truly become one.  I didn’t give much thought to all the downsides at the time, but I was sure that when the war was over I was going to do it.

And now I had my wish.  The war was over, it didn’t really matter to me which side won now, and I was a nothlit.  Only, I wasn’t prepared or expecting it.

I gave out a large sigh, the only thing I could really do now to relieve what little emotion I could, and began to think about what to do now.

I was hungry, tired, and the sun was going down.  I could try and catch some food, but I was nowhere near ready to do anything like that.  I knew that I would have to catch my own food when I became a nothlit, but thinking about doing it and actually doing it were two very different things.  And even if I could it was getting dark anyway.  I didn’t have much time to hunt and I was probably in someone else’s territory anyway, so I decided to go against eating for tonight.

I knew I needed help to become a true hawk, and the first person I thought of that could help me was Tobias.  But I had no idea where he was, if he was still alive, or even where I was.  And besides, it was getting dark.  And flying at night as a hawk is no easy task; I knew that from experience. So I decided to go look for him tomorrow when the sun was out.

That only left me with one option.  I was tired, both physically and especially emotionally, and I knew of an easy way I could remedy that.  I fluttered up into a nearby tree, found a good place to perch, and began my attempt to fall asleep. 

[Mr. Guy36]

Wow! Wasn't expecting that at all. This is looking really good so far, and I'm anxiously awaiting the next installments.

[musicman88]

Chapter 8

Sleep came surprisingly easy.  I guess that's what happens when you haven't slept well for the past few days.  Anyway, when I woke up I was greeted with a small shock until my brain could remember what happened exactly.  And after I reminded myself about all of that my brain began to tell me something else; I was hungry.    

This wasn't just some snacking hunger either.  It felt like I hadn't eaten in an entire day.  And to be honest, I hadn't.  I was extremely tempted to catch something, but my human mind was still in the way, though only by a little bit now.    

I stretched out my wings and began to think about what to do now.  My original plan was to go look for Tobias, but he could literally be anywhere if he was still alive.  And if he was still alive and somehow I found him all he'd have to eat would be something he caught.  I wasn't ready to eat anything that still had it's head attached quite yet, so I decided that seeing Tobias first wouldn't be the best idea.    As I tried to remember who would be best to go and try to find it suddenly hit me.  I'd go see Cassie.  She had a wildlife clinic or something next to her house that her dad ran, or so she told me anyway, so she'd have to have some sort of food to give all the animals.  And besides, if the war was over and the Animorphs had won then I knew where to find her.  She'd be back home taking care of all the animals.  And I knew where her house was more or less.  We had passed it on one of our training missions a few weeks ago and Cassie was quick to point it out.      

But what if the Animorphs had lost?  What if there was no more Cassie or Tobias or anybody?  I didn't really want to think about it, but with my luck lately it was a very real possibility.  I'd just have to deal with it later if that was really the situation, but right now I just wanted to be optimistic for the first time in days.    

So I had my target.  All I needed to do was to find out where I was now.  I waited for a breeze to blow on by before I caught it and took off.      

I was in luck.  I must have flown around in a big circle yesterday.  When I had gotten high enough I could just barely see the city off in the distance with the gigantic pool ship sitting back down on the ground.   

I wasn't sure what to make of the pool ship exactly.  Had the Yeerks won?  Were all the Animorphs dead?  Were things just like they were before our final attack?  Or had the Animorphs succeeded and just parked the pool ship back down?  I wasn't sure.  I would need a closer look.    

A closer look didn't really help all that much.  I could see a bunch of people walking around as well as some Hork-Bajir and Taxxons, but I couldn't tell whether they were controllers or just regular people.  And I really didn't have much time to observe them and watch either.  Cassie's house was in the other direction, and I was getting really hungry.  I didn't want my hawk brain to overtake my human brain and do something that I might regret later on.    

At first I was having trouble remembering how to get to Cassie's house, but once I saw the line of news vans and a few helicopters circling around I had a pretty good idea that they'd lead me to her.  They were all in the direction of her house more or less, so I decided to follow them.      

As I finally caught a glimpse of Cassie's barn and saw the crowd of people on the outside it told me a lot.  It told me that the Animorphs had won.  The Yeerks had been defeated and the human race was saved from being enslaved.  And it also told me that there was at least one other survivor, Cassie.  Otherwise why would there be so many news people at her front door?    But it didn't just tell me good things, it also told me something that I had been hoping wasn't true.  If Cassie had survived then I would guess that Jake had survived as well, or at least been alive for most of the attack.  Otherwise the Animorphs never would've been able to pull off his plan since he was the only one with all the details.  He was the centerpiece, and without him everything would fall apart.  And if he was still alive when the Auxiliary Animorphs were getting vaporized than that must mean one of two things.  Either he stood by and just watched us all get fried or he had meant for us to get fried in the first place.  Either way it filled me with hatred and disgust.  We had all trusted him.  We trusted him enough to put all of our lives in his hands.  And he betrayed our trust and just threw away our lives like they didn't even matter to him.  He promised to protect us and yet he had done nothing.  Did he think our lives were really that meaningless?  I know he denied it every time someone asked, but did he think our lives didn't mean as much because we were disabled?  He had lied to us about wanting to protect us, so I didn't know what to believe about him anymore.    

But I had more important things to worry about now than Jake.  I wasn't getting any less hungry by flying around.  So I began flying full steam towards Cassie's barn.    

Once I got closer I noticed that the big mob of reporters weren't just waiting outside her house, they were watching Cassie talk.  They must have been holding some sort of press conference or something because when I got closer I could see Cassie standing on her deck with a hundred microphones jutting out from a makeshift podium in front of her.  She was flanked on either side by what I could only assume where her parents, having never seen either of them.    

They were busy now, but they'd eventually have to stop talking.  I'd just have to wait until then.  But my hunger was almost overwhelming by now.  I needed something to eat soon or else I would have to try and catch something by myself if I even could.  I figured that since Cassie's barn housed the animal hospital or whatever it was that they must have some spare food there.  Maybe someone left something out that I could eat before Cassie gave me a full meal.  I figured it was worth a shot.    But with all the cameras and people around I'd have to be careful.  I didn't want them thinking that I was Tobias when they saw me.  That would only lead to a lot of confusion that I didn't want to create.  But everyone was so focused in on Cassie that I didn't think they'd notice a hawk flying into her barn.  Nevertheless, I dove down below the tree tops before the tree line ended and made an extremely low approach to Cassie's barn.  I had realized that the hayloft was open from the air, so once I had gotten close enough to the barn I quickly swooped up into it while flaring my wings to kill some speed.    Once I had found a safe place to land inside the barn I stopped and listened for anybody rushing in to look for me, but all I heard was Cassie talking about something and the faint roar of the helicopters above.  I had made it in unnoticed just like I had hoped.    

Once my eyes had adjusted to the light inside I quickly began to survey the scene.  There were only a few animals in a few of the cages, and most of them were in really bad shape, but there were plenty of cages for more animals.  It really looked like the barn had been abandoned recently, and I knew for a fact that it was.  There was stuff left open everywhere and everything just looked like one big mess.  I thought for sure that there'd be some food that I could eat lying around somewhere, so I began my search.    I turned up all sorts of food, but none that I could eat.  I found everything from hay to dry dog food, but none of it appealed to the hawk.  I saw a refrigerator in there as well that probably had something I could eat, but I couldn't figure out a way to get it open; and believe me, I tried.  There were also a few cabinets that might have had something edible inside, but I couldn't get them open either.  Being a hawk had it's limitations as well.  After combing the place and finding nothing, I finally decided that I'd have to wait for Cassie or one of her parents.  I heard her talking this whole time with her parents chiming in every once in a while, but I really wasn't listening.  So I decided to fly back up to the rafters and listen to what she had to say before she came in and gave me some food.    

But almost as soon as I began to listen I heard her say, "That's all the questions I'm willing to answer now.  I'm beyond tired and I really would like to get some sleep.  They'll be plenty of time to ask any questions you still might have later.  But as for now, I would really appreciate it if you all left us alone for the rest of the day so we could rest."  I heard a few groans from the reporters as well as some final questions they tried to get in, but Cassie wasn't going to answer them. 

I thought that I could hear the door to her house open, close, and lock through all of the commotion.     I was a bit worried now about what she had said.  If she was going to sleep then I'd never get any food.  And if Cassie didn't give me any food then I'd have no choice but to go after some prey myself, and I really wasn't ready to do that yet.  But since the house was so close to the barn I could just barely hear Cassie talking to her parents inside.  And what she said made me breathe a sigh of relief.    

"I'm going to go check on the animals one last time before I go to bed," I could hear her say.    

"They're fine," I heard her dad say back which really began to worry me, "I made sure that they all had food and water before the reporters showed up."    

"I just want to be sure," Cassie said back, making me breathe yet another sigh of relief.  "It'll just take a second and then I'll be off to bed."    

"Whatever Cassie," I heard her mom say back, "I'm too tired to argue right now."    

"Right," her dad agreed.    

So I heard her open and close the door to her house as a few stray reporters fired off a few last questions.  I didn’t hear her say anything until she quickly popped into the barn and closed the door tightly behind her.

<Cassie!> I called out to her, not realizing how shocking it must have been to her, <I need your help!> 

She instantly began looking around for the person who was talking to her, so I decided to help her and show myself.  I swooped down from the rafters and landed right next to Cassie on a nearby table. 

She looked at me kind of funny before saying, “Tob…Tobias?” in a confused sort of way.

<What?> I responded, <no.  I’m not Tobias.  I’m Jessie.>  She looked even more confused after I introduced myself so I decided to clear things up a bit.  <You know, Jessie.  One of the Auxiliary Animorphs.>

She still seemed a bit confused, but eventually something finally clicked in her head.  “You’re alive,” she said quietly at first, “I can’t believe it.  Someone survived!”  It looked like she was about to run over and hug me, but with my fragile bird body I probably couldn’t handle it.  I quickly took a few steps back onto the table when she lunged at me.

But she quickly caught herself before saying, “I’m sorry, it’s just that we all thought all of you were dead.  You have no idea how hard it was on everybody to learn what happened to you.  Do you know if there’s anyone else that’s still alive as well?”

<I don’t think anyone else survived,> I said back.  <I either heard or saw most of them get vaporized.  And I only survived because the Yeerks thought I was already dead.>

“I’m sorry,” Cassie said, “I’m so sorry.  We’re all so sorry.”

<I don’t need your sympathy,> I said back rather harshly.  I’m not sure if it was the hunger talking or just all my other emotions playing into it, but I didn’t mean to say it so coldly.

“I’m sorry,” Cassie said yet again, “It’s just that when Jake told us all…”

<Psh, Jake,> I interrupted.

“What?” Cassie asked, “What about Jake?  Don’t tell me that you…”  She didn’t need to finish.  I knew that she knew what I thought.  “It’s not his fault!” Cassie said back, “he tried to do everything he could!”

<Yeah>, I responded back with the same cold tone I had before, <he certainly did everything.  He put us in a suicidal situation, which we all agreed to because he promised to protect us, and then when the time came he did absolutely nothing to save us.  He lied to us.  He betrayed our trust.  And, in my honest opinion, he sent us to be sacrificed like we didn’t even matter so that he could get a few more minutes of distraction time.>

Cassie didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t blame her.  It looked like she was trying to choke down some of her own anger that was probably aimed towards me.  I didn’t really care what she thought about me though.  I only wanted to get some food from her. 

She eventually just let out a big sigh and said, “Look, you might think that now, but just give everything time to show itself.  Anyway, I’m too tired to argue right now.  Is there something you wanted or did you just come here to bash Jake?”

<No>, I said back, <I really do need your help.  You see, when I was escaping from the whole scene of death and destruction I used my hawk morph to get away.  Well, I kind of stayed in morph a bit too long, like five hours longer than I should’ve, and now, well, I’m a hawk.>

“Oh,” Cassie said in shock, “I’m sor…”  She caught herself before she finished remembering what I said before.  But I continued nevertheless.

<It’s not so bad>, I said back to a now shocked Cassie, <there are worse things to be I guess.  Anyway, I’ve been a hawk since yesterday and, well, I haven’t come to terms with catching my own food yet.  My human brain just won’t let me do it yet.  So I’ve been hungry and I was hoping that you had something for me to eat and would let me stay here and everything; at least until I was comfortable enough with being a hawk.>

“Y…yeah, sure,” Cassie said back to me, still seeming a bit shocked from the whole I was now a hawk thing, “I’ll do whatever I can to help.”  She quickly went over to the refrigerator and pulled out a plastic Tupperware container filled with something and stuck it in a nearby microwave.  “I think that some warm ground beef should be good enough.  It’s no substitute for the real thing though.  At least that’s what Tobias tells me.”

After a few more seconds the microwave beeped and she pulled out the container.  She took off the lid and placed the entire container next to me.  “Go ahead and eat all you want.  We could always get more.”  I didn’t waste any time.

It felt weird to eat like a hawk.  I didn’t have any fingers, couldn’t use any knives or forks, and everything tasted weird.  But I was hungry enough that I didn’t care what it tasted like; it was food.  On a normal day I probably would’ve passed on the luke-warm ground beef if I had other options, but today it was one of the only things that my human and hawk mind could agree on eating.

“Hey Jessie,” Cassie asked while I was busy eating, “I want to ask you a semi-personal question if you don’t mind.”

<Shoot>, I said, not really caring about anything other than the food in front of me.

“Don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but do you have any family or close friends that are still alive?”

I wasn’t sure what she was getting at, but I decided to give her a truthful answer.  She had given me some food after all.

<No>, I said back, <not that I know of or that are still alive anyway.  I grew up in a bunch of different orphanages and the only true friends I had are all dead now.>

“I see,” Cassie responded, “then it might not be such a good idea to tell the world that you survived.”

I looked up questioningly at her for just a split second before I continued to eat.

“It’s just that once they know you’re alive you’ll be greeted by, well; you saw what was out there, didn’t you?”

<Yeah>, I said back quickly.

“Well,” Cassie continued, “unless you want all of that following you around all the time and asking you extremely personal questions then I think you should just go out and be a normal, inconspicuous hawk.  It would just be easier for you that way."

<Yeah>, I said back, eating a few last pieces of meat, <you’re right.>  And as an afterthought I said, <Man, I’ve eaten too much…>

I’d eaten about half the container, and it wasn’t exactly the smallest container I’d ever seen.  My stomach hurt once again, but it was for the exact opposite reason.  Cassie gave a tired laugh as she went to go check up on the other animals.  I just lied down and let my stomach digest the overwhelming amount of food I had just ingested.

After a few minutes Cassie had finished checking on the other animals and came back over to me.  “You know,” she said as she put the container back into the refrigerator, “you really should find Tobias.  If there’s anyone who knows how to transform yourself from a human to a hawk it’d be him.”

<That was my original plan>, I said back to Cassie, <but he wouldn’t have had any food that I was willing to eat.  And besides, I have no idea where to find him.>

“You and the rest of the world,” Cassie said back.  “He was there for the first few interviews we did, but then all of a sudden he just flew off.”

<What?>  I said in confusion, <why?>

Cassie stopped for a second and then said, “Wait, you don’t know what happened, do you?”

<No>, I said back, <I didn’t even know if you were alive when I began to search for you.>

“Well,” Cassie sad back in a substantially sadder tone, “I’ll tell you the whole story if you don’t hear it from someone else by tomorrow, but one of the main points is that Rachel died.”

<I’m sorry>, I said to Cassie, remembering that Rachel was Cassie’s best friend.  But I initially didn’t link it to Tobias.  It took a bit before I said, <Oh, now I get it.> 

Rachel was Tobias’ girlfriend, and from what he told us they were pretty close.  I tried to compare it to losing James, but I immediately decided that it wasn’t fair.  I had only known that James loved me back for less than a day.  But Rachel and Tobias had been together for over three years.  There was no comparison.  I could understand what he was going though.

“I don’t need your sympathy,” Cassie echoed, but with a slightly less cold tone than I had.  If she was trying to make a joke then it was to dry for my taste.  But either way I continued.

<Do you have any idea where he could be?> I asked Cassie, <even just a guess?>

“If I had to guess,” Cassie began, “I would say that your best shot at finding him would be to check around the Hork-Bajir valley and around his new meadow there.  The Hork-Bajir valley is kind of hard to find, but once you see it you should see Tobias’ meadow right next to it.”

She gave me some rough instructions on how to get there before she said, “You can come back and rest when you need to.  I’ll try and keep some food out for you, but my parents will probably put it back in the refrigerator if they see it lying out.  And I’d rather not tell them about you since they aren’t the best people for keeping secrets, so no promises.  Just wait here for a bit for all the reporters to clear out before you do anything.  I don’t want them thinking that I’ve been talking to Tobias this whole time.  That would just complicate things even more.”

She gave me one last look before she quickly made her way out of the barn and back to her house.  I did what she said and waited a few minutes before going to check if the coast was clear.  I didn’t hear any helicopters anymore and most of the people were on their way to their news vans so I decided that I was safe enough.  I caught a breeze and let it carry me away in the direction of the Hork-Bajir valley.

[musicman88]

Chapter 9

Cassie was right.  The Hork-Bajir valley was hard to find.  I spent nearly all day circling around the same area looking for it.  But just as I was about to give up and go back to Cassie’s thought I saw something.  It was just a quick flash of something brown, but my hawk brain told me that it was something out of the ordinary.  And it just happened to be in a small valley that I hadn’t really noticed until now.  I decided to swoop on down and take a look.

And boy was I in luck.  Once I got down below the treetops there was this whole other world.  There were tons of Hork-Bajir all over the place.  Some were up in the trees cutting bark while others were walking around on the ground or swinging through the trees.  It was almost as if I had appeared right in the middle of a Hork-Bajir city or something.

I was going to stop and ask someone if they’d seen Tobias, but everyone looked so busy.  I didn’t know what was going on, so I didn’t want to interrupt anyone.  But fortunately I didn’t have to interrupt anyone.  They found me before I could find them.

I was flying along through the valley when I heard one of the Hork-Bajir close to me give out a call.  I didn’t think much of it at the time, but when others started to repeat it I got kind of worried.  Had I done something wrong?  Should I leave?  It didn’t take me long to find out the answers.

I continued flying along, despite all their calls, when suddenly a Hork-Bajir popped up right beside me and began to follow me while swinging through the trees. With minimal effort I heard it say, “Hello Tobias.”

I quickly turned to look at it before I quickly focused my attention back to the upcoming trees and said, <I’m not Tobias actually, I’m Jessie.>

“Oh,” the Hork-Bajir said, “I’m sorry.”  It quickly stopped swinging from tree to tree and stopped right where it was.

I figured that it was going to leave, so I quickly made a U-turn and said, <Wait, I need your help.  I’m actually looking for Tobias.  Have you seen him?>

Once I reached the tree that the Hork-Bajir stopped on I perched on a branch next to it so we could talk easier.

“First of all,” the Hork-Bajir began, “who are you and what do you want with Tobias?”

<My name is Jessie>, I said again, not wanting to argue with someone who had information that I needed.  <I was one of the Auxiliary Animorphs. The reason I’m looking for Tobias is because I need his help with something.>

The Hork-Bajir made some sort of weird facial expression before saying, “Hello Jessie, my name is Toby.  I’m the leader of the Hork-Bajir colony of Earth.”

<So you’re Toby>, I said back, <it’s nice to meet you.>

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Toby responded, “and I’m sorry to hear about what happened to the rest of the Auxiliary Animorphs.  I didn’t think that anyone had survived.”

I didn’t have anything to say to that, so I got right back to my point.  <So,> I said after a small pause, <do you know where I could find Tobias?>

“First,” Toby began, “I want you to tell me why you need to see him.”
   
There was no point in arguing, so I began to tell Toby a short summary of what happened to me in the past day or two.  Once I had finished Toby said, “I see.  Tobias would be the best person to help you for sure, but I haven’t seen him all day or for most of yesterday for that matter.  And he didn’t tell me where he was going either, so he could be anywhere.”
   
I felt a bit disappointed by her response.  I thought for sure that she had some information.  <Then why did you make me tell you my whole story then?> I asked.

“I’m sorry about doing that,” Toby said back in a slightly sadder tone, “it’s just that Tobias is going through a rough time now that Rachel is dead.  I don’t want anyone bothering him for stupid reasons.  He already has enough to deal with.” 

She had a point, but I was looking for him because of something serious.  I needed his help with, well, everything.

<Do you have any idea where I might be able to find him?> I asked, not wanting to give up yet, <any idea at all?>

“I would probably check his meadow,” Toby said back to me. “He still has to eat and sleep, and that’s where he’d feel the most comfortable doing it.  If you follow the valley east until it begins to open up it should be almost impossible to miss.”

<That’s what Cassie said too,> I replied.  <Is there anywhere else I could try just in case he’s not there?>

“Well,” Toby responded, taking a minute to think, “I guess that he might be at his old meadow.  The one he had before all the Animorphs had to move into the Hork-Bajir valley.  Maybe he wanted to go back there to relive his memories of Rachel or something.  But other than that I really wouldn’t have any idea where he might be.”

<Where is his old meadow?> I asked, intrigued by her answer.

“I’m not sure,” Toby said back, “I was never there.  You’ll have to ask one of the Animorphs.”

<Well, okay then,> I said back, <thanks for your help.>

Just before I was about to open my wings and begin to fly away I heard her say, “I’ll tell Tobias you’re looking for him if I see him.”

<Okay,> I said back, <thanks.>  And with that I opened up my wings and began to fly away kind of disappointed. 

I was hoping that Toby could help me find Tobias, but she hadn’t really helped all that much.  And if she didn’t know where Tobias was then no one would know where Tobias was.  I’d just have to find him on my own.

Even though it was beginning to get dark I decided to check out his meadow anyway.  It was close by and now was the best time to find him there.  He’d be done flying around and would be perched in a tree working on going to sleep.  If he really was at his meadow then I’d find him now.  If not, well, I’d have to ask Cassie about his old one.

I knew I would have a hard flight back to Cassie’s barn because of the darkness, but if I could find Tobias then it’d be worth it.  I caught a breeze just above the treetops which began to carry me down the valley.

[musicman88]

Chapter 10

Both Cassie and Toby were right.  It was pretty easy to find.  And right when I found it I began to search.

It was a nice meadow full of plenty of grass and flowers and all sorts of other stuff little animals would like to eat.  My hawk mind was a bit jealous actually.  But I didn’t have much time to enjoy the scenery; I had come here for a reason.

I must have searched every single tree at least twice before the sun finally set, but I hadn’t seen any sign of a hawk.  I tried to keep on searching, but without any sunlight it was very hard to see let alone to continue flying.  So after awhile I decided to give up and make my way back over to Cassie’s barn.

It was a long, hard, and tiring flight back.  My hawk body wasn’t designed to flap so much.  By the time I finally caught sight of Cassie’s barn I was almost ready to collapse.

I flew on in through the hayloft once again and was relieved to see Cassie in there alone working on one of the animals.

“There you are,” she said while struggling with fox, “I was starting to get worried.”

<It was harder than I thought to find the Hork-Bajir valley>, I said in between pants and gasps, <and I didn’t get to Tobias’ meadow until it was almost dark.>

“So,” Cassie began again after she put the fox back in it’s cage, “did you find him?”
<No>, I said quickly.  <He wasn’t at his meadow and even Toby didn’t know where he was.>

Cassie looked a bit worried when she said, “Then I really don’t know where else he could be.”
<Toby suggested that I look for him at his old meadow if he wasn’t at his new one>, I said back, <but she didn’t know where it was.  She told me to ask you.>

“I guess you could look there,” Cassie said back, although her tone implied that she didn’t think it’d work.  “It couldn’t hurt, right?”
She gave me directions from her barn to Tobias’ meadow before she said, “You hungry?  I can cook up some more food for you.”

<Yeah>, I replied, <that’d be great.  But could you warm it up a bit more this time?  It felt kind of cold and, well, dead last time.>

“Sure thing,” Cassie said as she went over to the refrigerator and pulled out the same container as before.  She stuck it in the microwave before turning around and saying, “Do you have any preference where you want to sleep?  If you’re happy with perching on a rafter than you can do that, but if you want I could make you something a bit more comfortable.  Something like a bed.”
   
<Nah>, I replied as the microwave began to beep, <I’m fine just perching on the rafter.  It’s what I’ll have to do in the wild anyway.>

Cassie just said, “Okay, whatever you want,” as she took the container out of the microwave and placed it on a nearby table.  It didn’t take me long to swoop on down and begin to chow down.
   
Once I had finished a decent portion of the food I flew back up into the rafters.  Cassie put a cover on the meat and tossed it back into the refrigerator as she turned out the lights and wished me a good night.
   
I woke up the next morning just as the first rays of sunlight were beginning to shine.  I slowly stretched out my wings and decided to take a little wake-up flight. 

After a few laps around Cassie’s property I saw Cassie exit her house and begin the short walk to the barn.  I quickly swooped on down and made it back to the barn just in time to meet her on her way in.
   
<Morning Cassie>, I said as she closed the door behind her.

“Morning?” she said back, “what morning?  I was about to go to sleep.  This whole mess has really screwed up my sleeping schedule.  I was up all night answering the same questions old from different reporters over the phone.  I just wanted to make sure that you had something to eat before I went to sleep.”
   
<Thanks Cassie>, I said while fluttering down from the rafters and on to the table.  It was my sign that I was ready to eat, but Cassie had something in mind.

“How about we try something a little different for breakfast today?” she said to me.

<Different?> I asked cautiously, <like what?>

“Since you’re truly a hawk now,” Cassie began, “you probably want to live like one, right?”
   
<Yeah>, I responded, <that’s the plan.>

“Well,” Cassie continued, “You probably don’t want to spend the rest of your life coming here for food and shelter, right?  I mean, your hawk brain probably doesn’t like it too much, right?  It wants to be free to have it’s own meadow, to have it’s own tree to perch in, and to catch it’s own food, right?”
   
<Yeah>, I said back, <I guess.>

“I don’t want to rush you into anything you don’t want to do,” Cassie replied, “but I think that it’s time you start getting accustomed to doing things that a real hawk would do.  Because the longer you wait to do it the harder it’ll be to break all the habits you’re learning now.”

<I guess so>, was all I really had to say.
   
Then Cassie began in a slightly different tone.  “It’s just that I remember what happened to Tobias once he finally came to terms with being a hawk.  He had been doing what you’re doing for a week or two before then.  And the first time he caught and ate his own prey he pretty much lost it.  He… He tried to kill himself it was so tough on him.  But fortunately he quickly learned to come to terms with being a true hawk and he was that much happier for it.”
   
She gave a small pause before she continued.  “I don’t want that to happen to you too.  That’s why I suggest that you try and come to terms with being a hawk as quick as you can.  And the easiest thing to start with is eating something you might catch yourself in the wild.”
   
She had a point.  The longer I relied on Cassie the harder it would be for me to go off on my own.  And I didn’t want to rely on Cassie for the rest of my life.  I had been suppressing an awful lot of hawk urges and instincts over the past few days, and I didn’t want to have to do that for the rest of my life.  But nevertheless I wasn’t sure I was ready to try eating something that was alive…
   
<I’m not sure about this Cassie>, I said back.  <I mean, I don’t know if I’m ready yet.>

“I’m not expecting you to go out and catch your prey right now,” Cassie said back in a soft and comforting tone, “I’m just suggesting that we start you on the path towards eating something other than ground beef.  We can start slow.”
   
She went over to the cabinet and pulled out a container.  She opened it up and pulled a dead rat out.  “Now,” she began again, “what would it take for you to eat something like this?”
   
I was a bit surprised at Cassie’s actions.  She must have been planning this since the beginning.  Otherwise why would someone keep dead rats in their cabinets?
   
I was never one to be scared of rats or bugs or anything like that, so the dead rat that Cassie was dangling by the tail didn’t bother me so much.  In fact, the hawk in me seemed to like it.  He wanted it.  It was food.  His kind of food.  And since it was early in the morning and I was beginning to get real hungry my human mind wasn’t protesting as much as it had before.  But I still couldn’t eat it like it was.
   
<Could you>, I started, <could you maybe cut off the head?  That’s got to be the worst part of the whole thing.>

“Sure,” Cassie said back, “I had a feeling you’d say that.  Let’s go outside and do it though; I don’t want to make a mess in here.”
   
So she took the rat, a knife, and a cutting board and made her way out of the back of her barn.  I wasn’t far behind.
   
I didn’t watch her actually cut the head off, but I saw the mess it made.  She then held it back up to me and said, “Better?”
   
It wasn’t.  Not by much anyway.  Sure it’s head was gone, but now there was just a headless rat covered in blood instead of a normal rat.  Not very appetizing.  Well, at least not to my human brain anyway.  It still looked too much like a rat.
   
<Could you also cut off the tail?> I said to Cassie, <and possibly the legs?  And then could you give it a rinse to wash off all the blood?>

“Sure,” she said as she placed the rat back down on the cutting board.  And after a few more chops and a quick rinse under the hose it was done.
   
It kind of looked, well, like a big fuzzy hot dog now.  My human mind still didn’t want to eat it, but my hawk mind had been getting real hungry with all of the food preparation taking place.  I figured that it was now or never.
   
“There you go,” Cassie said as she put it down in front of me, “I don’t think there’s much else I can do.”
   
<Thanks Cassie>, I said.  I meant to say it more sincerely, but looking down at my fuzzy hot dog made it come out a bit funny.  But nevertheless I slowly bent down and tentatively took a small bite.
   
It wasn’t that bad actually.  It was a lot better than I’d thought it’d be.  At first my human mind had control and I wasn’t having a whole lot of success, but once I let my hawk mind do what my hawk mind does best it became a whole lot easier.  The hawk knew what it wanted.  The hawk knew what it liked.  The hawk knew what to eat and how to eat it.  And before I knew it I was full.
   
While I was eating Cassie had cleaned up everything while watching me eat.  As I let what remained of the rat fall down to the ground I could hear her say, “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
   
<Actually>, I replied, <it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.>
   
“For dinner we could try a complete rat if you feel ready,” Cassie said.
   
<We’ll see>, I said back, still not completely sold on the idea.  <But right now I still have to go and find Tobias.  This would be the best time to find him because he’s probably hunting.  That means he’d be sitting in his tree instead of flying around somewhere.  If he’s at his new meadow or maybe even his old meadow then I’m bound to find him.>

“Alright,” Cassie said, “good luck.  But if you don’t find him you can always come back here.  I’ll be waiting.”
   
<Okay>, I said as I opened my wings and began to flap for some altitude.
   

[musicman88]

Chapter 11

I decided to stop by Tobias’ old meadow first.  It wasn’t really on the way to his old one, but it was a heck of a lot closer.  I figured it couldn’t hurt to at least check it out.

It was pretty easy to find since he wasn’t trying to hide it like his new one.  All I really had to do was find the nicest meadow in the area and it probably would be his.  He had a knack for picking out nice meadows and his old one was one of the nicest.  My hawk mind was jealous.

I had to keep my distance though since I figured another hawk had already claimed it as their own territory long ago.  I didn’t want to start any trouble, especially with someone much more experienced at being a hawk than me, so I stayed back a bit.  But my hawk eyes were more than powerful enough to see what I need to see.

I searched the skies and every tree around the meadow, but I saw no sign of any hawk, let alone Tobias.  I was about to give up when I heard a familiar voice.

<Who are you?> I heard echo around in my head.

<Tobias?!?> I said in surprise, <is that you?  I’ve been looking everywhere for you!  I need your help.>

<Who are you?> he repeated in the same questioning yet empty tone.

I frantically began searching around for him.  If he was able to see me then I should be able to see him.  I searched the skies and all the trees I could, but just as before there was no sign of him. 

I realized that I had let Tobias’ question go without a response for too long, so I finally decided to answer him.  <My name is Jessie.  You know, from the Auxiliary Animorphs.>

There was a moment of silence before he said in his normal empty tone, <So, someone did survive.>

All this time I had continued to search for him, but I couldn’t see him anywhere.  Where could he be?

<Yeah>, I said back while still searching, <but I was the only one.  And now I need your help.>

<Nobody needs my help>, Tobias replied coldly, <I’m no help to anyone.>

<I need your help>, I replied, <and I’ve been looking everywhere for you for the past two days.>  I took a small pause before finally getting frustrated enough to say, <So where are you?  I can’t see you anywhere.>

I only had to wait a few seconds before I saw a brown blur speed past no more than a foot away from my beak.  It shocked me at first, but once I regained my composure I looked down to see an identical hawk begin to make his way back up to my height.  He used his momentum to carry himself up effortlessly and by the time he flared his wings a bit he was flying right along side me.

<What could you possibly need my help with?> he asked, still talking in his empty tone.

I told him everything from when we started to march towards the pool ship until I first heard his voice again.  When I finally finished we were both silent for a long time.  But eventually he broke the silence.

<So you lost everybody you knew in the distraction>, he began, <and only survived yourself because they thought you were dead.  And then you get yourself stuck as a nothlit?>

<Yeah>, I said back, <that pretty much sums it up.>

<And I thought I was the one who got the worst of everything>, he continued.  <I’m sor…>

He caught himself before he could say it, but I knew what he meant.  He just didn’t want to say it because he didn’t want to hear it back from me.

<It’s okay>, I said back, <I've come to deal with it.>  That was a lie, but I wanted to make Tobias feel better.  I actually thought that he ended up the worst after everything had settled, but I guess he didn't feel that way anymore.  I still wanted to say something to him even though he didn't want to hear it.  So, on an impulse, I said, <I’ll let you be sorry for everything that happened to me if you let me be sorry about Rachel.>

For a second I thought that I had stepped over the line.  He said nothing back for a long time.  I actually thought that he might abandon me and go back to doing whatever he was doing simply because I mentioned Rachel.  But after a few moments of tense flying I heard him say, <Deal>.  I would’ve smiled if I could’ve.

[musicman88]

Chapter 12: Final Chapter

Note: Sorry this is so long and some of the other chapters are so short.  That's what happens when you don't really plan out a fic I guess.  Anyway, this one's done.  I hope you enjoyed reading it!




I learned a lot over the next few days.  My training began almost immediately with the whole “you’ve got to watch out above you” speech.  That’s where Tobias had been hiding the whole time.

After that we began to talk about different flying techniques: how to ride thermals properly, how to use the breeze to your advantage, how to fly not only like an average hawk but better, and other stuff like that.

It took a long time to get through only the basics of all that, so by the end both Tobias and I were starting to get hungry.  And I knew what that meant.

There was no more going back to Cassie now that I had found Tobias.  My hawk brain didn’t want to and my human brain didn’t have to.  I got myself stuck as a hawk, and now I was ready to begin living like one.  But that meant doing things that I was trying to avoid; hunting, killing, and eating my own food.

I think Tobias expected a bit too much out of me when he told me just to hunt for my own food.  To me it wasn’t that easy.  I knew that I should let my hawk brain take total control, but my human brain just wasn’t ready to let that happen.  It was always second guessing my hawk instincts and almost all the time it was wrong.  Needless to say that after a few horrendously failed attempts at catching my own food Tobias had to do it for me.

When he came back carrying a small mouse in his talons I knew what I had to do.  There would be no fuzzy hotdogs anymore.  I’d have to eat the whole thing.  And to make matters worse this mouse was significantly smaller than anything Cassie gave me to eat, so I couldn’t just eat the good parts and throw the rest away.  I’d have to eat everything I could.

When Tobias “handed” me the mouse I was a bit hesitant to do anything with it.  But eventually I got it into a position where one of my talons was over the head and the other one was over the tail so I really couldn’t see either.  Only then could I begin to eat.

It was hard.  It was a lot harder to eat then the rat Cassie had given me.  It was just so small and had so little good meat that I had to end up eating things that I never thought I’d ever eat.  But eventually I came to the point where I could eat no more.  I wasn’t quite full, but I wasn’t exactly hungry either.

Tobias was amused at my eating attempt.  It was the first time all day I heard him break out of his empty sounding voice and almost laugh. 

After I let what remained of the mouse drop to the ground Tobias went over a laundry list of things that I either did wrong or needed to improve on.  Hearing him say some of the things he said made me want to hurl, but I listened anyway.  Whether I liked it or not this was going to be my life from now on and I needed to know everything I could.

We went over a few more minor things before the sun started to make its way down.  Tobias suggested that I stay in his meadow tonight and I wasn’t going to disagree.  He made me realize just how dangerous it could be to spend the night somewhere strange and new.  If a really hungry owl was looking for an easy target and I wasn’t hidden well enough then it was game over for me.  And I couldn’t even morph out of my injuries if the owl didn’t get a good enough shot to kill me.  So I spent the night with Tobias in his own meadow.   The hawk in me really didn’t like sharing a meadow with another hawk; it wanted its own meadow.  But there’d be plenty of time to get my own meadow when I was ready.

The next few days consisted of me learning everything I could from Tobias.  It was great to have someone like him around to help.  I was nowhere near ready to do this on my own no matter what I thought.  If it wasn’t for Tobias then I’d either be dead or still living in Cassie’s barn.  Either way it wouldn’t have been pretty.

I was starting to become pretty good at being a hawk after the first week or so.  I had learned to fly quite nicely and had even snuck up on Tobias a few times myself.  I had learned to live with and maybe even enjoy eating small rodents and the like.  I still wasn’t so good at catching them, but Tobias always helped when he could.  Although I welcomed his help it was beginning to bother me.  I didn’t want to have to rely on someone else.  I was the exact same hawk that Tobias was, so I should be able to do everything that he did.  But I knew that I still had a lot to learn, so for now I welcomed his help.

Things were going good for me.  I had gotten enough experience by this point so I figured I’d try to go for my own meadow soon.  But there were a few things that stopped me.  The first one was Rachel’s funeral.

We had learned about it from Toby.  It’s where we got most of our news of the outside world.  Andalites had found her body floating out in space and they had brought her back to Earth so she could have a proper funeral. 

I wasn’t sure what to expect from Tobias, but after some thought he said that he wanted to go.  I didn’t want to question him or argue with him. And besides, I wanted to go too.  I didn’t know Rachel all that well, but she was still part of the Animorphs.  And from what I heard from Cassie she’d done more than her part in helping the Animorphs win the war.  It was the least I could do for her.

So when the day of the funeral came Tobias and I made our way over.  At first we just kept a good distance away so as to not attract any attention to ourselves, but we started to get closer when the ceremony began.  I ended up perching in a tree not far from the edge of the field where the ceremony was taking place while Tobias continued to circle up above.

When the ceremony was over I looked up to see where Tobias was, but I didn’t see him in the sky.  It was only when I looked back at the ceremony that I saw him.  He had landed on Rachel’s urn and was somehow able to get enough lift to carry it with him as he flew away.  A few people tried to stop him, but I don’t think there was any way that he was going to be stopped.

With some major flapping he was able to get the urn over the treetops.  I was about to say something to him, but he said something to me first.  Wait a while before following me, he said as he flew off into the distance.  I didn’t question him, I just did what he told me to. 

Shortly after that everyone started to go home.  I waited until most of the people had already left before taking off myself and following the route Tobias took.

Not that far from the ceremony, sitting right in the middle of a field really close to the main road, I saw the urn Tobias had carried off.  He had placed it in an easily findable place so if anyone came looking for it they could find it.  Whatever he was planning to do with it probably hadn’t worked.  He must have gotten tired of carrying it while coming to his senses. 

When I got back I saw him morphed into his human form and crying.  I just landed next to him to let him know I was there for him.  It wasn’t until much later that I learned what he had done.  He had left the urn on the ground because it was too heavy, but he had opened it up and taken a talon full of Rachel’s ashes.  Then, as he made his way back to our meadow, he released them into the air.  He said it was so Rachel could keep on flying by his side forever.  It was a very sweet thing for him to do in my opinion.

Anyway, that wasn’t the only thing that kept me from getting my own meadow.  The second and by far the most important thing was the fact that the Hork-Bajir were being relocated.

Besides me, Toby was the only other person Tobias really talked to.  If we both had some free time we would usually make our way over to the Hork-Bajir valley and just hang out.  It’s how we got our news about the outside world and also just killed some time.  So when the decision was made by the United States Congress to move the Hork-Bajir to Yellowstone both Tobias and I were a bit shocked.  We could’ve gone on living here by ourselves, but neither of us wanted to do that.  Toby and the other Hork-Bajir had become friends to me and they’ve been friends with Tobias ever since he helped rescue them.  They helped us both keep our minds off of what happened in the past few weeks whenever we visited them, so we wanted to stay with them.  That’s why we both quickly decided to follow them to Yellowstone.

The trip was kind of tough.  Originally the government wanted to bring in tons of trucks and ship the Hork-Bajir that way, but eventually Toby and by now Cassie got them to forget about that.  They were perfectly happy making their own way there and that’s what they did.  Only those who couldn’t make the journey (very young kids and a few of the critically sick) had to ride in trucks. 
The government made a whole scene out of it though so Tobias and I couldn’t just follow along with them.  The Hork-Bajir made stops in every major city between California and Wyoming; some were even hundreds of miles off course.  Tobias and I followed about a day or so behind the Hork-Bajir.  It wasn’t that hard.  We just followed the trees with stripped tree bark and the cities that were tearing down elaborate welcome signs.

After about a week or two of flying however we finally made it to our new home.  And the first thing all of us realized was that it was cold.  Really cold.  None of us had ever really experienced this level of cold since we were all accustomed to living in sunny California our whole lives.  It was hard getting use to it at first, but Tobias and I had natural protection from the cold.  We just had to learn how to use it effectively.  And learn we did.  The first week or so of living there we had shared a meadow just so we could stay close and keep each other warm during the even colder nights, but after that we both seemed to get use to it.  And it wasn’t long before I became ambitious and tried to go after a meadow of my own.

It was late winter so there were some decent meadows to choose from (Tobias had gotten the best one like usual).  But all the really good ones were still inhabited by other hawks.  Food got scarce in the winter, so if a hawk was still alive at this time then that must mean they had a really good meadow.  And I knew that if I wanted to stay here all season I needed one of those.
Tobias helped me scout out a decent one with a weaker looking hawk guarding it.  I wasn’t exactly the smallest hawk around, but there were definitely bigger ones.  I needed someone that I thought I could intimidate, and after searching around a bit we found just the right spot. 

The meadow was very nice indeed.  It was upstream just a bit from Tobias’ so all sorts of animals would stop by and take a drink in the summer.  And since the stream didn’t completely freeze in the winter there were still some animals who came by every now and then.  The hawk that currently had it was a decent size, but Tobias helped psyche me up before hand.  When I was ready I swooped on down and began my assault.

It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be really.  A bit of wing flaring to make myself look bigger and a bit of screeching was all really took.  He knew it would be in his best interest if he gave the meadow to me, so that’s what he did.  I watched him fly off with such a sense of pride in myself that I can’t explain it.  I had done it.  I had finally gotten my own meadow.  I was finally going to be a true hawk.

After I had my own meadow I settled into being a real hawk.  Winter was just about over and spring was starting to make it’s way back in.  And since I had a good meadow now there was always plenty of food.  I still wasn’t all that great at catching it, but there was always plenty there.

The summer flew by faster than I thought and before I knew it winter was back.  And let me tell you it wasn’t easy this time.  Tobias and I arrived here late in the winter the previous year so we managed to get by, but now we had to endure the entire winter.  Food became scarce, and coupled with my problems with catching food I was usually hungry.  Tobias always offered to help me out when I needed it, but I hated getting help from him.  We were both the exact same hawk, so why should he be catching more food than me?  I guess it just frustrated me a bit.  I only took his help a few times and that was only when I really needed it.
But eventually the winter faded away and was replaced by spring once again.  And I was in for a serious surprise this time; I got myself a mate.

I wasn’t planning on it that’s for sure.  It just sort of happened.  I was just flying around one spring day when my hawk mind began to take over.  And before I knew it I had courted and mated with a young female hawk.  It felt incredibly awkward afterwards, but I was too busy after that to worry about it.  I had to build a nest, take care of the eggs, and find food for all my chicks once they hatched.  Being a parent is a full time job.

It was only after they all left the nest that I had time to think about it a bit.  It was incredibly weird to be the male in the relationship and even weirder to be mating with a hawk and having hawk children, but it just felt right to my hawk brain.  And even my human brain felt a sense of pride whenever I saw one of my “kids” flying around anywhere.  Despite everything that was wrong with it though I did it all over again with the same female hawk the next year; this time on my own free will.

The next year or so went by smoothly as well.  I had a good life and I was happy living it out to the fullest.  But sometimes things show up out of the blue, and this time it was Jake.  I wasn’t there when he arrived because I was out taking a flight, but Tobias told me all about it when I got back.

Jake said that Ax had been captured by someone in outer space somewhere. The Andalites couldn’t go and look for him because the ship that captured him had gone into restricted Andalite space.  So since the Andalites couldn’t do anything about it Jake was forming a mission to go after him.

There was a long pause after he finished explaining everything to me before he finally said, <Jessie, I’m going.  And I’m not sure when or even if I’m coming back.>

There was another long pause after that as I thought about what he said.  I knew that Ax was Tobias’ best friend and he had even visited us a few times over the years.  But they weren’t just friends though.  The bonds that they made fighting along side each other for all those years had made them something even closer.  And I knew that Tobias would do anything for him if he could.  But I also looked around at everything he had here.  He’d be throwing away his peaceful life along with some of his friends; namely all the Hork-Bajir along with me. 

But I knew him well enough to know that he needed to make his own choice, and he already had.  <I understand>, I said back to Tobias after a long pause.  If I knew those would be my last words I ever said to him I would’ve thought of something better to say, but when I woke up the next morning he was gone.

Just like the band Cinderella said, “You don’t know what you’ve got, till it’s gone.”  And that was definitely true for Tobias.  We had become close over the past few years.  It was like he was my big brother or something.  He always knew the answer to all of my questions, hawk related or not.  He taught me almost everything I knew about being a hawk.  If it wasn’t for him I would’ve been dead long ago or maybe still living at Cassie’s barn eating hamburger meat out of a Tupperware container.  He took care of me when I needed it and sometimes even when I didn’t need it.  He was just always there for me.  Whether another hawk was trying to take over my territory or when we both just sat and cried about our past he was there.  I was my own independent hawk by now, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t need Tobias around anymore.

It’s been over a year now and I haven’t heard of any word from Tobias or any of the others.  I can’t say that I didn’t expect it to go this way, but I still have to hold out a bit of hope.  That’s why I finally decided to share my story with everyone.  Not only was it because I wanted people to see a side of Tobias that they might not normally see, but I wanted to leave him a message just in case he ever came back.

Tobias wasn’t exactly a juvenile when I acquired him and I’m starting to feel it now.  Nothing’s seriously wrong with me yet, but I can slowly begin to feel death creep back upon me.  It’s a feeling that I’ve had to live with most of my life so it’s nothing new, but there was one thing I wanted to tell Tobias but never had the chance.  If he ever comes back while I’m still alive I’ll be sure to tell him, but just in case I’m gone I want him to know something.

Thanks Tobias.  Thanks for everything.  You didn’t have to help me.  You could’ve easily just kept quiet when I flew by your old meadow.  And even if you were just curious as to who I was you could’ve kept yourself hidden from me after I told you.  But you didn’t.  You helped me tremendously when I needed it the most and I never thanked you for it. And if you never do come back for whatever reason then I’ll be sure to tell you the exact same thing when I meet you wherever it is we’ll meet again; you can be sure of that.  Thank you.

[Mr. Guy36]

Wow. That was great. I've read a lot of your stuff now, and am really impressed by your writing. Please, continue to write so I can continue to read.